# I'm Employee of the Month. Methinks They Need Better Criteria. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562 "2004-12-07T16:18:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/1 "2004-12-07T16:18:01Z")
Of course, it’s a week into the month, and I’ve already lost seven days’ use of the primo parking spot, but I’m okay with that. I’ve got a shiny plaque with my name on it and a company-wide e-mail with a dancing bear. I’m slightly bummed because I was told there’s supposed to be a cash bonus, but I didn’t get that. But hey, I thought I was gonna get fired (every manager in the company in one room, and they call _me_ in?), and instead they gave me a plaque. That’s pretty cool. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/2 "2004-12-07T16:26:14Z")
If I was you I would quit. I would tell them that you don’t want to work anywhere that has best employees like you. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/3 "2004-12-07T16:27:31Z")
Congrats! My brother was made “employee of the month” by the company he works for, and also “temp of the month” by his ageny. He got £20 and a mobile phone. I don’t know how he managed it. (He sleeps through his alarm unless someone hears it and goes and wakes him up.) ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/4 "2004-12-07T16:39:07Z")
Correction, it’s not a dancing bear, it’s a snowman throwing a snowball. 🙂 (And somebody told me that the bonus will probably show up in my paycheck this week–wooooo!) ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/5 "2004-12-07T16:49:38Z")
Better criteria? Clearly, they have recognized the need to reward geek-girl hotties of the highest caliber. … did I just say “Hottie”? I really need to lay off the MTV… ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/6 "2004-12-07T16:56:20Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > … did I just say “Hottie”? > > I really need to lay off the MTV. S’okay, I really don’t mind. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/7 "2004-12-07T17:04:12Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > S’okay, I really don’t mind. 🙂 Well, yeah, I know, but I just thought I could do better, vocabulary-wise. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/8 "2004-12-07T17:08:13Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Well, yeah, I know, but I just thought I could do better, vocabulary-wise. 😉 Oh. Well, then, I encourage you to come up with flowery euphemisms for me being a hottie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/9 "2004-12-07T17:30:47Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > Oh. Well, then, I encourage you to come up with flowery euphemisms for me being a hottie. 🙂 Hmmm… Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s Day? Thou hast no mosquitoes and less chance of rain. No, not quite… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/10 "2004-12-07T17:47:21Z")
I’ve won three times at three different companies! Not lately, though. $50 one time, $100 another, and I still have the coffee cup from Service Merchandise. Funny thing - most every retail place I worked for has gone out of business. Hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/11 "2004-12-07T17:51:46Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Thou hast no mosquitoes and less chance of rain. _sniffle_ That may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me … ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-employee-of-the-month-methinks-they-need-better-criteria/278562/12 "2004-12-07T18:13:07Z")
> [@Draelin](#): > > _sniffle_ That may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me … Well, then. My work here is done. 😉