# I'm entitled to my dating criteria, so back off! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 4, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591 "2003-09-04T20:25:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591/81 "2003-09-08T22:34:20Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m not trying to smear you with bigotry, and certainly do not think you are an anti-semite. My point is that a person’s experiences are not necessarily valid in drawing correct conclusions. Most people would readily recognize this if an anti-semite used personal experience to draw general conclusions, so I used this as an example to consider in the analogous dancing/bed situation. So are one’s personal experiences never valid in drawing correct conclusions. In the mlate 80s, I had a cocaine-addicted boyfriend who was a complete nightmare. Now that is a statistical sample of one, but I don’t think you could say my aversion to ever dating a chemical-friendly guy again is invalid. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591/82 "2003-09-09T13:22:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > So are one’s personal experiences never valid in drawing correct conclusions. In the mlate 80s, I had a cocaine-addicted boyfriend who was a complete nightmare. Now that is a statistical sample of one, but I don’t think you could say my aversion to ever dating a chemical-friendly guy again is invalid. There is a great difference between “not necessarily valid” and “never valid”, and I deliberately chose the first term. I would doubt if your aversion to ever dating a chemical-friendly guy again is completely based on your statistical sample of one. Most likely you have observed or heard of the effects of cocaine addiction on other people as well, and these strongly support your experience. I wouldn’t say that personal experience should ever be discarded out of hand. Or accepted unquestioningly. It is a factor to be considered. Sometimes it’s valid. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it is partially valid, or valid in certain circumstances. And so on. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591/83 "2003-09-09T23:01:41Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **gobear** _ > > But I fail to see why I should apologize for something. I. didn’t. do. I did not make any Sweeping Generalizations, and a crowd of Dopers saying otherwise won’t change that fact. When I err, I apologize (see above), but there is no way I’m going to apologize for someone else’s mistake in misreading what I wrote. IMHO, you would have been better served - _right at the start of this_ - to have said, “I apologize to **JustPlainBrian** for the inferred slight, and I apologize if my comments were taken to be offensive by anyone - it was not intended.” I know it’s difficult, when you’re attacked, to not vigorously defend yourself - been there, done that. But I’ve learned - in a not so fun way - that sometimes the best recourse is to defer. As a wise man once told me (last night, specifically) - **“Message sent is message received.”** If that’s what they heard, then you didn’t do a good enough job of making your meaning clear, regardless of your intent. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591/84 "2003-09-09T23:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*Or let’s put this discussion in basic terms. I posted the equivalent of, “I’m not attracted to X.” Most of the posters in this pile-on, however, accused me of saying, “All X are unattractive.” And when I dispute this, I get personal insults and hate spewed at me. I know it’s the Pit, but still. . . > > I really do not think my comments warranted the behavior I’ve seen here. \*\* Hell, even _I_ think this pile-on has gone on long enough, too. Thing was, when I did make my original post, sure it was snarky (I did read into it that it was a back-handed slam to my husband, so of course I was miffed), but I didn’t certainly intend to make you feel like your opinion/preference was wrong–I personally think it’s shallow, but that’s _my opinion_. As I said earlier, you did apologize to my husband, and if it’s good enough for him, it’s good enough for me. Why is this still being dragged out? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591/85 "2003-09-10T19:24:08Z")
[Claude Rains] But everyone’s having such a good time… [/Claude Rains] Esprix [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-entitled-to-my-dating-criteria-so-back-off/199591.md?page=4)