# I'm Falling Apart **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2007, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488 "2007-11-15T04:18:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/1 "2007-11-15T04:18:10Z")
I mean that literally. I use that word properly here and not as a substitute for figuratively, as some cretins do. I think it started on sunday. I awoke from an eighteen hour nap to find that my left pinky toe had come off. I was a bit worried, to say the least. But, I bravely sewed the thing back on using a fine Singer needle and some carpet thread. I hoped the trouble would end there. The trouble did not end there. The next day, I slept only twelve hours. But I woke to find my entire left foot had come off at the ankle. The joint had crumbled like old halvah. Besides that, my right elbow was loose. This called for extreme measures. I reattached my wandering bits with Goop™ and duct tape. I hoped this would be the end of things. It wasn’t of course. As I sit here, I am more thread and adhesive than man. I’ve lost my left knee. I know it’s somewhere in the apartment, but I just cannot find it. I fear going to sleep now- not just because I can’t wake up any less than fourteen hours later- but because I am in terror of finding what will fall off next. (I’ve taken the precaution of wrapping my man parts in three kinds of tape just to be safe). I don’t know what to do. The Cohesixil given to me by Rite Aid and paid for by your tax dollars does not seem to be helping. This is made worse by the fact I keep missing doses. I’ve just lost the right side of my nose- just now as I’m typing. I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll use Elmers. It’s smell is the most tolerable. I’d like to write some humorous ending here. But, there isn’t one. I don’t think I’m dying. I think I’ll have to go on living as some kind of patchwork man, which is worse. Work is impossible. I have no energy, sleep through days, frighten children, and have you ever tried to make a balloon animal while your fingers are falling off? I need help. It’s a shame Dr House is fictional. Then again, maybe this kind of problem is more in the line of Dr Who. I’ve got to hobble to Walgreens and buy more tape now. Hopefully, I’ll be able to return and write more. Hopefully, I’ll recover one day. Hopefully, I’ll have hope again soon. ---
**Author:** ![Yag\_Rannavach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/858c86/32.png) [@Yag\_Rannavach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yag_Rannavach)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/2 "2007-11-15T04:20:22Z")
If your ass falls off make sure and put it between your screen door and your main door… ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/3 "2007-11-15T12:43:40Z")
Oh for heavens sake man, pull yourself together ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/4 "2007-11-15T13:42:13Z")
The same thing happened to me last spring (more or less). Turns out it was a Vitamin C deficiency. Who knew? Anyways, are you eating enough fruit and veg? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/5 "2007-11-15T13:48:30Z")
Well, do you want a piece of my mind? No? How about a nice shoulder, then? ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/6 "2007-11-15T14:24:04Z")
Good thing you’re a **Doc** , or the medical bills would be outrageous!!! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/7 "2007-11-15T14:28:48Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] Oh for heavens sake man, pull yourself together [/QUOTE] Beat me to it. “Leprosy, bits keep dropping off all over me, Now my girlfriend sucks me off literally…” ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/8 "2007-11-15T14:31:30Z")
Next goes the memory… You’d forget your head if’n it wasn’t attached. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/9 "2007-11-15T15:17:27Z")
[QUOTE=Yag Rannavach] If your ass falls off make sure and put it between your screen door and your main door… [/QUOTE] Or if you decide to leave it on the floor, at least make sure you cover it. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/10 "2007-11-15T15:21:02Z")
Well I would suggest a lawsuit but it appears you don’t have a leg to stand on. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/11 "2007-11-15T15:58:41Z")
Pretty soon you’ll be knee deep in everything. Sorry I can’t lend you a hand, I’m just afraid you’d wear your heart on your sleeve. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/12 "2007-11-15T16:11:36Z")
What’s that old song by “The Searchers” “I’m in pieces, bits and pieces” ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/13 "2007-11-15T17:32:14Z")
Or the Beatles, Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be… ---
**Author:** ![JohnM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/848f3c/32.png) [@JohnM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnM)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/14 "2007-11-15T18:48:25Z")
Given our geographic proximity, the most important question I have for the OP is whether he is experiencing any unusual dietary urges recently, most especially a hankering for fresh brains? ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/15 "2007-11-15T19:17:07Z")
I don’t know what to say **Doc**. Hang in there if you can. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/16 "2007-11-15T19:22:07Z")
[QUOTE=JohnM] Given our geographic proximity, the most important question I have for the OP is whether he is experiencing any unusual dietary urges recently, most especially a hankering for fresh brains? [/QUOTE] I only wish I was turning into a zombie. I know how to treat that. But, despite the fact that it’s attached only by safety pins, the pulse in my wrist is strong and regular. Update- I awoke at ten this morning feeling a little better. Some of my wayward parts have reattached themselves. I hope I am on the road to recovery. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/17 "2007-11-15T19:23:18Z")
Gee whiz, get out of the road! Yer gonna lose all the parts if you play in the street like that. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/18 "2007-11-15T19:37:44Z")
My advice is to go to Discworld and hire yourself an Igor if this ever happens again. You parts may not get reattached in quite the right places, but at least they’ll be with you. I’d lend an ear, but I can’t get mine off. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/19 "2007-11-15T19:39:22Z")
Hve you considered wrapping yourself up like a mummy? With gauze over the face, of course. That way if you lost a bit while you were out and about, there’d be less chance of losing it without noticing. ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488/20 "2007-11-15T19:42:21Z")
Are you splinching when you apperate? You need to concentrate. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-falling-apart/426488.md?page=2)