# I'm FINE, dammit! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 17, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623 "2004-10-17T03:48:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/21 "2004-10-17T10:57:00Z")
I don’t get that kind of stuff happening when I’m fine, but if I am unhappy nothing pisses me off more then ‘cheer up’ ‘smile’ or ‘smile. It might never happen!’ ---
**Author:** ![spizzum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@spizzum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spizzum)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/22 "2004-10-17T10:59:39Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > But if that many total strangers are commenting on your dour and forbidding demeanor, chances are the problem is with you. They aren’t intimately concerned with your happiness and well-being. Why in the world should they be? Their comments are probably pointed feedback, i.e. they feel offended by _you_. The fools wandered into your store, money singeing their pockets, expecting–I dunno–at least professional neutrality while they spend their little guts out, even if you can’t muster friendliness or enthusiasm. Ok, when did I ever say i was unfriendly or hostile? How is it my problem that a shit-eating grin is not my default expression? I will smile at you when I am addressing you, when I’m wishing you a good day, or if you say something amusing. Not having a smile on my face as I stand around doing absolutely nothing, or am concentrating on some project, when you happen to walk by and catch me with a neutral expression does not equal me having a “dour and forbidding demeanor”! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/23 "2004-10-17T11:38:05Z")
> [@spizzum](#): > > I am not tired. I am not bored. I am not upset. I am not sick. I am not in a bad mood, or having a bad day. **This is how I normally look**. > > To those of you who are genuinely concerned about my well being: thanks, but all you’ve done is insulted me. > > To the man who walked into the store, looked at me, and disgustedly said, “Boy, don’t _you_ look enthusiastic!”: > 😃 FUCK YOU!!! 😃 Did that seem enthusiastic enough? > To those of you who walk up to me and demand that I SMILE, then get pissed off when I don’t: > I would like to take this opportunity to tell you to go fuck yourselves. I figure it’s only fair. You tell me what to do with my body, and I tell you what to do with yours. > > That is all. I’ll go back to lurking, now. Either find a career that does not require personal interaction, or learn to maintain a pleasant demeanor. Quite franky, you sound juvenile. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/24 "2004-10-17T12:13:47Z")
Get out of bed the wrong side this morning did we? Smiling’s contagious, but frowning’s outrageous! ::SPANG:: ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/25 "2004-10-17T12:52:42Z")
Repeat after me: This is just my default neutral facial expression. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/26 "2004-10-17T14:08:16Z")
I dunno, guys. Just like everyone else, I don’t smile when I’m in neutral mode. Yet no one has ever walked up to me and said, “You always look so glum. Smile!” Perhaps people see you as moody and snappish. I don’t think the problem is with them. I think the problem is with you. How well you interact with your co-workers (not just the customers) is something that is heavily looked upon when you are being considered for a promotion. No one wants a supervisor who looks like he or she is constantly brooding. People who look approachable and who are excellent people managers are the ones who get the promotions. That said, would it really kill you all to lighten up? Sure, you may just “be there to do a job,” but I’ve made some really good friends over the years with people who were my co-workers. Customers can tell if you work in a good environment or not, no matter how pleasant you are to them. And I’m likely to spend more money in a place where I know the workers are actually _happy_ to be there. So get over it and make an attempt to be a tad cheerful. The world is not going to leave you alone about this. Your demeanor is making people feel not-good. I totally agree with **Muffin** ’s argument: > [@Muffin](#): > > Either find a career that does not require personal interaction, or learn to maintain a pleasant demeanor. Quite franky, you sound juvenile. Adam ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/27 "2004-10-17T15:31:27Z")
Vice-President Cheney, is that you? ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/28 "2004-10-17T15:55:07Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Remember, it takes over 90 thousand muscles to frown, but only 2.04 to smile! Now, we all know the correct respons to this is: Oh, I’m sorry friend, you’re wrong. It takes 17 muscles to smile, but only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/29 "2004-10-17T16:22:28Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Get out of bed the wrong side this morning did we? I like to ask people if they got up on the wrong side of _town_ this morning. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/30 "2004-10-17T16:25:18Z")
> [@TVeblen](#): > > every personal synapse-fart drive me barking, snarling mad too. I just have to say that I read this as “fart barking”. 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/31 "2004-10-17T21:01:44Z")
**SHAKES:** \*You know how when some people tell you a joke that totally isn’t funny? Well, I guess what most people do is give the polite (fake) chuckle or smile. Me, I don’t, if you tell me a joke that I don’t find amusing the ONLY reaction you’ll get out of me (if any) is a :rolleyes:. The thing I hate about this is, when people tell me jokes like this and they don’t see me laugh or do anything; they immediately assume I’m some sort of dumbass that doesn’t get the joke. So to annoy me even further than they already have, they try to explain the UNfunny joke to me. \* This is why you should do the polite fake chuckle or smile bit—it gets the unfunny dimwits out of your hair faster. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/32 "2004-10-18T20:50:02Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Remember, it takes over 90 thousand muscles to frown, but only 2.04 to smile! “Supposedly it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown; ergo, you should smile. Happiness, it seems, is the lazy person’s emotion.” Not sure who said that, but it seems to fit this thread. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/33 "2004-10-18T21:13:41Z")
If the public can see you, and if it matters that they can see you, your facial expression matters. Even if your default, relaxed, no outward energy-expended expression is just like mine (knit eyebrows, 1,000 yard stare and slight downturn at the corners of the mouth. Looks like a scowl and is thus unapproachable, uninviting and ultimately will be construed as hostile. Not anybody’s fault, that. Just a fact. If you are being told in however roundabout way that you look like shit, then you need to understand that you’re blank expression makes you look like shit. That’s not your customers’ fault, it’s yours for not getting the hint and making a change. So if it matters that you’re getting seen, paying attention to your facial & body language is as important as remembering your zipper, shaving, combing your hair. It doesn’t count if you perk up when the customer approaches. If your first impression is dour, then you’re dour. Deal with it before you become the subject of someone’s pit thread. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/34 "2004-10-18T22:28:05Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > **SHAKES:** \*You know how when some people tell you a joke that totally isn’t funny? Well, I guess what most people do is give the polite (fake) chuckle or smile. Me, I don’t, if you tell me a joke that I don’t find amusing the ONLY reaction you’ll get out of me (if any) is a :rolleyes:. > The thing I hate about this is, when people tell me jokes like this and they don’t see me laugh or do anything; they immediately assume I’m some sort of dumbass that doesn’t get the joke. So to annoy me even further than they already have, they try to explain the UNfunny joke to me. \* > > This is why you should do the polite fake chuckle or smile bit—it gets the unfunny dimwits out of your hair faster. In addition to the benefit of it being faster, it’s also less rude. Unless a joke was truly tasteless, the fake chuckle is the way to go. Of course, if it’s a _friend’s_ unfunny joke and not some mere stranger or acquantaince, he will be ribbed mercilessly. ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/35 "2004-10-19T00:00:04Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > I like to ask people if they got up on the wrong side of _town_ this morning. 🙂 If that were true, then they probably _would_ be smiling, right? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/36 "2004-10-19T06:06:56Z")
> [@spizzum](#): > > Thanks for your concern, but you’re missing my whole point. I’m not talking about my _demeanor,_ I’m talking about my _expression_. My normal, relaxed, not-having-any-strong-emotions-at-the-moment expression. I’m talking about the fact that people assume there is something wrong with me if I’m not grinning like an idiot 100% of the time. YES!!! THANK YOU!!! I too have one of those “miserable looking” faces, and I hate it! Ever since I was little, people have always seen me and told me I look miserable, pissed off, depressed, etc. In high school, people would come up to me and say, “Don’t fucking give me dirty looks, bitch!” If you’ve seen some of the pictures from last year’s Dopaween, everyone said I looked miserable. But I wasn’t-it’s just my normal expression. (Besides, as far as pictures go, I HATE smiling for pictures, because then it looks phony) ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/37 "2004-10-19T13:26:46Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Hey, cheer up! 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 > Remember, a smile is just a frown turned upside-down. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 > > Have a nice day! But what if **spizzum** can’t do a handstand? Never thought of that one, hmmm? How insensitive, **Czar**! **spizzum** , don’t try this unless you’re willing to look for a new job. Snarkiness never works well in retail. But if it gets too trying, wait for someone to bring up the way you look, tell them that’s just how you look naturally, then thank them for helping lower your self-esteem by pointing out your flaw. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/38 "2004-10-19T13:53:23Z")
> [@spizzum](#): > > To those of you who walk up to me and demand that I SMILE, then get pissed off when I don’t: “But I _am_ smiling.” I understand, and that’s why I don’t work retail. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/39 "2004-10-19T14:56:09Z")
Fake it 'till you make it. Just try softening your expression some. Not a fake small, but just softer look. As you do so, people will react to you more nicely, which in turn might improve your demeanor. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623/40 "2004-10-19T15:30:13Z")
The alternative is to practice being relaxed with buggy eyes. If you bug your eyes out all the time, it should sufficiently creep people out enough that they won’t say \*anything \*to you! Now, if you can do that _with_ a smile, you may never need to suffer human interaction again! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-fine-dammit/269623.md?page=3)