# I'm friggin' clueless. Ladies, please help. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 17, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769 "2001-05-17T23:32:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/41 "2001-05-23T20:49:22Z")
Tomcat - I was hoping the author would stand up! I want to thank you; I was taking notes when I read that post and I think it was partially responsible for my current happy social life šŸ™‚ Ag - I donā€™t think you should pass up on service personnel necessarily. However, I recommend that you arrange a meeting rather than ask for a phone number next time. Remember that she works with the public (in a high geek percentile area, right?) and there are some weird people out there - she really shouldnā€™t be giving out her number to a customer unless sheā€™s gotten to know him really well. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/42 "2001-05-23T22:05:29Z")
ā€¦that for those of us in the medical profession, itā€™s a double-edged sword: often we have to touch in order to diagnose and this can be misnterpreted by the vulnerable patient. I sometimes wonder if we ā€œpoliceā€ ourselves adequately, because in my small hospital, I am often left alone with female patients to do EKGā€™s, breathing treatments, chest percussion, etc. When I first began in the field of respiratory therapy, I asked that a nurse stand by in the case of an EKG on a female, but _now_ the nurses just roll their eyes at me if I ask when they are busy. I _still_ however, ask for a witness if the patient is underage or temporarily mentally unstable. For the rest, I just takes my chances. Additionally, we being in the public eye, are encouraged to treat our customers in a friendly manner, and this can become a problem if there is an SO in the room and he/she misinterprets your intentions. A very fine line, I sometimes call my female patients ā€œDearā€ (especially if elderly), but I have learned to gauge what the response might be and know when it is ā€œnotā€ appropriate. I also frown upon the use of first names with patients with whom one is not familiar. I found Tomcatā€™s post to be very informative to _my_ situation, because there _have_ been times when I have found myself unusually attracted to a female patient. Luckily, I am now better armed to watch for the ā€œsignsā€. Thanks again, Tom! And this, I believe will be my 300th post. Please allow myself a little pat on the back, as it were, and I hope that at least _some_ of them havenā€™t been _too_ stupid. Thanks Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/43 "2001-05-23T22:44:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Quasimodem \* > **Now letā€™s hope this info got to Sengkelat!** Not to worry. Iā€™m still mostly clueless, but I learned to be a little less passive. ā€œI have no idea if this woman is interested in meā€¦but if I make a move, then Iā€™ll know for sure.ā€ Itā€™s gotten me generally good results, and eventually a wife, too, so all further information on technique is unimportant to me. But I sure could have used that information in my twenties. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/44 "2001-05-23T23:20:02Z")
Just another clueless dude checking in. I remember some years back going to a department store (Penneys? Dillards?) with a female friend. I got a feeling that the salesgirl was flirting with me, but I wasnā€™t sure, so I just dismissed it as the product of my hopeful imagination. But it still bugged me, so while we were walking through the parking lot I asked my friend, ā€œWas she flirting with me, or am I imagining things?ā€ She responded, ā€œYES! It was DISGUSTING!ā€ So, there you have it. Flirting must reach the ā€œdisgustingā€ stage before it even begins to penetrate my thick skull. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/45 "2001-05-23T23:26:41Z")
True Story: I was once so clueless in a particular instance that my first hint that this woman was interested in me was when she said: ā€œIā€™m going to give you a blow job now, is that ok?ā€ Needless to say, it was. ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/46 "2001-05-24T02:03:29Z")
I feel your pain, **Ag**. I am clueless as well. I generally donā€™t see it until I am about to be hit by an entire lumberyard, much less a 2x4. šŸ™‚ Oh, wellā€¦ at least I donā€™t go around getting my heart (or someone elseā€™s) broken all the time, right? The one thing I havenā€™t seen anyone mention is the possibility of giving her YOUR phone number. That way she is not revealing her personal number, and you have indicated your interest. If she never calls, no big deal. If she calls, jackpot! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/47 "2001-05-24T04:31:10Z")
Iā€™m nobodyā€™s poet, but hell, Iā€™ve been clueless myself, so I wrote this a couple of years ago. I just wrote it. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesnā€™t. It was a kind of outlet for meā€¦ I Noticed You ā€¦ ā€¦as you made your way down the aisle, and you stopped at my row to look out my window to see the sunrise over Frankfurt, and you bent over to see the terra cotta roofs as we broke through the clouds. I heard your sharp intake of breath as you marvelled at the beauty of what you saw, just as I do every time I go ā€œhomeā€. I wanted to speak to you, but the cold impersonal situation of the flying tube we were in and everything I have ever read about not making any kind of contact with your fellow passenger kept me from doing that, and I believe we are both the poorer for me ( or you ) not having spoken. You see, I wanted to give you ā€œspaceā€. There is so little of it to be had on this voyage, and I did not want to intrude on yours, or I felt that you did not want yours intruded upon. So I let you look and smile and I was silent. Had it been mine to offer, I would have given you the entire row to enjoy the early morning German sunshine. The other thing. I am male and you are female. All of the above might have been completely inappropriate or taken the wrong way by whoever. But no matter, it would have been nice to have shaken your hand, told you my name and made some kind of contact as we sped through the sky to our final destination. But I just watched and enjoyed your happiness. Q ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/48 "2001-05-24T05:10:07Z")
Another clueless guy checking in here. I can never tell if a woman is intrested or not in me. I need to be hit over the head to see it ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/49 "2001-05-24T05:18:33Z")
ā€¦ the womenā€™s lib thing has got so many of guys so confused that we donā€™t know if we should shit or go blind when it comes to interacting with a female to whom we are attracted, so most of us donā€™t do anything at all. Quasi ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/50 "2001-05-24T06:24:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > **b) Shave. Get a haircut. Yes, do it. Women like clean men.** Er, what does being shorn have to do with being clean? And what if getting a shave and a haircut contradicts a), being yourself? I tell ya, this entire ā€œinteract with other peopleā€ thing is far too confusing and frustrating. Iā€™m moving to the moon. (Iā€™m pretty sure Iā€™m clueless when it comes to women flirting with me, but I donā€™t know because none of them ever flirt with me.) ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/51 "2001-05-24T12:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > > **b) Shave. Get a haircut. Yes, do it. Women like clean men.** > > Er, what does being shorn have to do with being clean? And what if getting a shave and a haircut contradicts a), being yourself? > \*\* Sorry, that should have read ā€œclean-cut men.ā€ (whoa- I mis-typed that as ā€˜clean-butā€™, glad I caught it! šŸ™‚ ) And it is still true. If it interferes with a), then you are probably hanging out with some specific group that accepts that style, and the women associated with said group probably donā€™t care as much. HOWEVER, most women I have known and talked with all toe the line on this one. Clean shaven (this includes tidy goateeā€™s, etc.) and at least presentable hair make good first-impressions. All women know that you are going to look like a bear emerging from hibernation most of the time, but when they first meet you, it helps, first impressions and all. Sorry, but it does. Maybe not even helps in an active way, but passively. It removes the question. Being well shorn doesnā€™t scream ā€œHey! Look at me! I am a clean-cut guy!ā€ but not shaving and having nice hair DOES scream ā€œHey! Look at me! I didnā€™t put any effort in my appearance today! 4-day stubble and bed-head baby!ā€ And if you donā€™t believe me, try both. My money will be on the clean option. -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/52 "2001-05-24T12:56:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > > **b) Shave. Get a haircut. Yes, do it. Women like clean men.** > > Er, what does being shorn have to do with being clean? And what if getting a shave and a haircut contradicts a), being yourself? > > I tell ya, this entire ā€œinteract with other peopleā€ thing is far too confusing and frustrating. Iā€™m moving to the moon. > > (Iā€™m pretty sure Iā€™m clueless when it comes to women flirting with me, but I donā€™t know because none of them ever flirt with me.) \*\* Thatā€™s it. Call in the lawyers. ā€¦subclause c, section 1a. Shaving and getting shorn shall not be necessary in the case of a violation of selfness. Failure to do so however, shall institute a state ofā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Lowellster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Lowellster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowellster)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/53 "2001-05-24T18:35:51Z")
Okay, I am definitely not an expert on the subject. Hereā€™s my suggestion for a customer service type situation where youā€™re pretty confident that she is flirting, someone please point out the flaws in it: You: Would it be okay if I ask you a personal question? Her: Sure. (Of course she will agree to this. The purpose of the question is only to prevent taking her by surprise, and to be polite.) You: I was wondering, are you always this nice or are you flirting with me? Two possible paths from here: Her #1: Ha ha. Iā€™m always this nice. You: Thatā€™s what I figured, but I wanted to be sure. Have a nice day. Or: Her #2: Ha ha. Iā€™m flirting with you. (Maybe ā€œWhat do you think?ā€, if sheā€™s not ready to admit it quite yet. As long as itā€™s not Her #1, youā€™re doing well.) You: I was hoping youā€™d say that! Could I give you a [call\*/e-mail/poke in the shorts] sometime? [\* - Always ask if you can give her a call. If she says yes, then point out that you will need her number. Somehow this is easier for her to agree to than if you go straight for the number. Donā€™t ask me why, Iā€™m just reporting it.] Upon re-reading this, I notice that it represents honesty which usually bites me in the ass, so maybe it wouldnā€™t work. What do the teeming millions think? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.White](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Mr.White](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.White)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/54 "2001-05-24T23:47:03Z")
**obfusciatrist** said > [@](#): > > I was once so clueless in a particular instance that my first hint that this woman was interested in me was when she said: ā€œIā€™m going to give you a blow job now, is that ok?ā€ > > Needless to say, it was. I am _impressed_. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/55 "2001-05-25T00:39:05Z")
I agree, if more women would use this method of making their interest known, men would be less confused (and _much_ happier). ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2001, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769/56 "2001-05-25T05:47:25Z")
My friend Mjollnir was a bouncer at a nightclub. Heā€™s a big beefy blonde beautiful boy. Heā€™s also clueless. I got him a t-shirt thay says ā€œIf youā€™re going to hit on me, use a baseball batā€. A girl brought one in, and they lived happily ever afterā€¦ šŸ˜‰ Ginger [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-friggin-clueless-ladies-please-help/65769.md?page=2)