# I'm Gay. Do You Care? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920 "2009-09-21T08:51:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/1 "2009-09-21T08:51:21Z")
National Coming Out Day is October 11, 2009. Just wondering if anybody actually cares anymore if someone tells you they are Gay. Feel free to expound; obviously, if you are heterosexually married, this might not be great news to hear from your spouse, or perhaps if your son or daughter or father or mother or brother or sister springs this on you…you get the gist. In general, do you care if someone tells you they are Gay? And what would be the exception, if any? ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/2 "2009-09-21T08:53:20Z")
Unless you’re my husband, it’s not really of great interest to me, tbh. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/3 "2009-09-21T08:54:49Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > In general, do you care if someone tells you they are Gay? > And what would be the exception, if any? “Care” as in “bothers me,” I assume you mean. In that case, no. The exception would be guys I find attractive, although it’s pretty silly since I wouldn’t do anything about the attraction anyway. If my married brother dropped such a bomb, I might faint for the first time in my life. If the other brother discovered he’s gay, I’d be quite surprised but it wouldn’t bother me (it would drive Mom up the walls). People who would be bothered if I was gay? Well, the tightarses I know wouldn’t so much be bothered as say something like “ah, so that is why she’s weird!” (I’m an engineer, we’re not normal). My mother even tried to hook me up with other unmarried women over 30 (she’s convinced every unmarried woman over 30 is a lesbian) for a while. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/4 "2009-09-21T09:04:27Z")
I had a couple of friends who came out, and the transformation was amazing, a huge weight had been lifted from their shoulders. I had another friend who was closeted right up to his suicide, so that wasn’t so good at all. I care, in so far as I encourage it of anyone in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Ed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Just\_Ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Ed)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/5 "2009-09-21T09:07:20Z")
Nope. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/6 "2009-09-21T09:12:53Z")
No, and I’ve never understood why so many people do. I’m straight, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/7 "2009-09-21T09:26:38Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > I’m Gay. Do You Care? No. Full stop. End of story. [Full tongue-in-cheek mode] > [@](#): > > And what would be the exception, if any? Well… Unless you’re an attractive female, in which case I may be a bit disappointed 😃 > [@Nava](#): > > People who would be bothered if I was gay? Well, the tightarses I know wouldn’t so much be bothered as say something like “ah, so that is why she’s weird!” (I’m an engineer, we’re not normal). … Like in this case 😉 And yes, being an engineer is an adequate explanation of weirdness (sez the Software Engineer) [/TiC] - Straight guy, in case **that** wasn’t clear! ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/8 "2009-09-21T09:37:34Z")
nope, don’t care at all. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/9 "2009-09-21T09:46:04Z")
I’d only be bothered if a friend of mine told me he were gay and attracted to me. That’d make things awkward. I dislike awkwardness. Nothing against gays. Friendships are just difficult when one party wants more. Otherwise, if someone wants to come out to me, that’s cool. If they need support or something, I’ll do my best, but otherwise I’ll just get on with my day. Straight male here, possibly bi but wouldn’t act on it. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/10 "2009-09-21T09:56:47Z")
Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/11 "2009-09-21T09:56:48Z")
If I find out an aqaintance is gay, I do have some mental shifting to do, and I sometimes wonder if I struck the right tone with that person in the past. For instance, if I find out that a guy I used to do some harmless everyday flirting with, is gay, I would feel a little stupid and socially awkward, and I would feel I have to adjust my behavior a bit, into a different kind of flirting. (It’s the same when I found out a person whom I thought was gay, turns out to be straight). Or I make a mental note to substitute the word husband or wife with “partner” when I talk to that person about our private lives. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/12 "2009-09-21T10:02:09Z")
As someone who came out at 30 (after being married to a man, gasp), I was able to experience at first hand whether people cared or not. It was quite revealing, particularly with ‘friends’ who I’d previously regarded as very liberal. Most friends were surprised, naturally, but supportive and in the end didn’t ‘care’. But three friends really struggled with it. The common factor with these three is that they were all women (as am I), all very man-focussed (you know the kind, the ones that will meet you for a drink and then drop you the second a good looking man appears), and all big fag-hags (love gay men, just not so keen on gay women, so it appears). I think they just couldn’t ‘get-it’, because they couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t fancy men. They also suffered from the ridiculous prejudice that lesbians are all ugly, unfeminine man-haters who will hit on you at the first opportunity. It greatly surprised me as these people would probably regard themselves as very liberal. I guess some prejudices run deep. I pity them. And no longer regard them as friends. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/13 "2009-09-21T10:04:20Z")
Not even in the least. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/14 "2009-09-21T10:18:18Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > I had a couple of friends who came out, and the transformation was amazing, a huge weight had been lifted from their shoulders. I had another friend who was closeted right up to his suicide, so that wasn’t so good at all. > > I care, in so far as I encourage it of anyone in that situation. Actually yes. If a friend came out and it was a big deal for them, then I would be supportive of them coming out and do what I could to help them through that process. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/15 "2009-09-21T11:09:09Z")
No, of course I don’t care, you are just an imaginary person on the internet. More seriously, I know tons of gays and lesbians on the internet, but few to none in real life. I tend to believe that it wouldn’t/shouldn’t make a difference\*, but I’m not entirely sure how I would handle it if someone were to make a sudden announcement that he or she was in need of “coming out”. \*My church is anti-same sex marriage and opposed to practicing homosexuals being ordained as ministers, but that doesn’t mean we support the ostracism/persecution of homosexuals. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/16 "2009-09-21T11:10:30Z")
Not really. Only case I’d really care would be if it were my children or maybe a close friend, and in that case just to know to be supportive. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/17 "2009-09-21T11:13:19Z")
Why should I ? It’s you ass. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/18 "2009-09-21T11:18:31Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Actually yes. If a friend came out and it was a big deal for them, then I would be supportive of them coming out and do what I could to help them through that process. What you said. It doesn’t bother me whether coworkers, random strangers, etc., are gay or straight, but if the person in question was a friend who had been struggling with their identity and coming out was important to them, then I would be supportive of them. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/19 "2009-09-21T12:21:48Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/20 "2009-09-21T12:39:38Z")
Well it kind of bothered _ **me** _ when my ex came out to me about 2 months _ **after we got married** _. I had known he had done some experimenting with same sex partners, but when he started to self identify as “gay” after that, it was a bit traumatic, and even more so that he had a lot of self loathing issues, and alcoholism, and occasionally would go (I think) to get beat up or roughly used or something when we fought. (We would fight, he would disappear for 12 -24 hours, come home beat up with black eyes, bruises, a split lip and blood in his underwear. And I wasn’t allowed to ask) After that experience, I don’t think anyone’s sexuality would impact me in the slightest. In fact, when a closeted aquaintence came out to me a few weeks ago, I upset him by not really reacting. Oh, you prefer men and you have never told anyone before. Ok, so anyway, have you heard this band… you should check them out. When I did realize that this was A VERY BIG DEAL for him I appologized, but honestly to me its like what kind of eggs do you prefer? Actually, finding you prefer scrambled eggs if I’m cooking your breakfast will impact me more than if you like men or women. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920.md?page=2)