# I'm Gay. Do You Care? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2009, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920 "2009-09-21T08:51:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/41 "2009-09-21T15:05:10Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Unless you’re my wife or girlfriend, I don’t see how it makes any difference. My boss is gay, and in practice that just means he buys better Christmas gifts. Wow, you have a wife AND a girlfriend? Do they know about each other? :):)🙂 Married, straight male. I wouldn’t care. ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/42 "2009-09-21T15:08:26Z")
To repeat what most people said, I don’t care unless it’s my boyfriend. I’m pretty sure I am safe there. About half the people I consider to be my oldest, closest friends are gay or lesbian, so if I cared I would have half the number of friends. Luckily I never cared so it wasn’t an issue when everyone came out in high school and college. Us straight kids in the group pretty much celebrated it each time cause we all knew or at least had suspicions and we were glad our friends were comfortable enough to come out. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/43 "2009-09-21T15:11:20Z")
As long as you don’t want to fuck me, I don’t care about your sex life. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/44 "2009-09-21T15:18:29Z")
The only ways it would really _matter_ to me would be if the person was trying to ask me out or something (“Um…I’d be the happiest man in the world if that did it for me?” I’d try to be a little more smooth than that)…or if some Nazis were coming and they needed an attic to hide in (for the record, the standing answer is “yes, I’ll hide you” with a “and if they try to take you, I guess we go to Valhalla together”). ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/45 "2009-09-21T15:21:19Z")
No, I don’t care, but it can be useful information. And in some places I’ve lived (or live, for that matter), I find it quite a compliment, in that you don’t think I will immediately consign you to hellfire for telling me. Once a guy in Georgia came out to me and a couple of friends, and our reaction was “We pretty much knew that. Fine with us.” All was well. This was _not_ the reaction he would have gotten from a disturbing number of other people I knew. This board is unfortunately not really representative, overall, on acceptance of gays. Trust me. I may live in an odd bit of the place, but I’m in Idaho. There’s a looooong way to go here. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/46 "2009-09-21T15:21:21Z")
I’m convinced my aunt is a lesbian. I wish she would come out, to be honest. ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/47 "2009-09-21T15:23:31Z")
No, don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/48 "2009-09-21T15:23:50Z")
I’d care if you were a family member. It would bother me (and surprise me) if you were my husband. Otherwise, I’d want to be supportive (and to be honest, if you were my kid/sibling I’d want to know whether I could expect grandkids/nieces/nephews or whether I should just stop thinking about it now – though obviously that’s not directly related to whether you’re gay, the declaration would probably precipitate some sort of inquiry about it). Otherwise, no, unless I’m trying to match you up with a friend of the opposite sex, then I would kind of like to know so as not to waste my time 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/49 "2009-09-21T15:26:02Z")
I may be surprised at the announcement, as I have absolutely no gaydar to speak of at all, but “care” as in, does it make a difference in how I will relate to you? No. I have more of a problem with attitudes like **Eureka** ’s than people being gay. Attitudes are chosen. ---
**Author:** ![prettydorky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@prettydorky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prettydorky)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/50 "2009-09-21T15:30:23Z")
> [@Sebastienne](#): > > Of course I’d care if someone-- even just a friendly acquaintance --came out to me. For one thing, it would mean they felt the need to be at all closeted in the first place, and that’s much harder to live with than you might think. I certainly wouldn’t respond to a disclosure of, essentially, “so, you didn’t know this about me, but I’m a self-identifying member of a widely discriminated against minority and I don’t want to be hiding that aspect of my life from you too” with cold indifference. I agree with this. I remember a high school friend came out to his mom, who said she had “known all along”; this was a hard pill to swallow. One one hand it meant she accepted him, which was a relief, but on the other hand all that agony and doubt and existential hoopla were for naught; as were the practiced speech and shaking hands. So I’d care inasmuch as I would want the loved one to be supported in the way they wanted to be. Otherwise, your life will be a little harder but hopefully happier, so good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/51 "2009-09-21T15:40:38Z")
… (I’m 59). We have two such relationships in our family, and I love them all very much. Wouldn’t make any difference, though. I’m older and wiser these days. Well, _older_ anyway!😉 Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Transistor\_Rhythm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@Transistor\_Rhythm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Transistor_Rhythm)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/52 "2009-09-21T16:14:49Z")
I don’t care at all, but I have personally had two friends disappear in the past year because they both came out (one man, one woman) and then subsequently disappeared into “the lifestyle,” where their sexual identity became their only identity. Suddenly I was dumped for the cool new gay and lesbian friends, and they spend all their time at homosexual-oriented events. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/53 "2009-09-21T16:36:39Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > If I find out an aqaintance is gay, I do have some mental shifting to do, and I sometimes wonder if I struck the right tone with that person in the past. For instance, if I find out that a guy I used to do some harmless everyday flirting with, is gay, I would feel a little stupid and socially awkward, and I would feel I have to adjust my behavior a bit, into a different kind of flirting. (It’s the same when I found out a person whom I thought was gay, turns out to be straight). > Or I make a mental note to substitute the word husband or wife with “partner” when I talk to that person about our private lives. > > Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. Yep. The only difference it would make to me would be a bit of a mental shift. I actually had a conversation over the weekend, talking about a gay couple I know, that went: So the guy is… Wait. I can’t use that shortcut, can I. ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/54 "2009-09-21T17:51:13Z")
Someone announces to me “I’m [vegetarian] [an alcoholic] [Christian] [gay]” I am not particularly keen on hearing about it. If you are any of the above, that is perfectly fine with me. If you feel some need to tell me about it I am a bit more ambivalent. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/55 "2009-09-21T17:54:26Z")
It would only bother me if ther person coming out were married to a person of the opposite gender. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/56 "2009-09-21T17:57:59Z")
Wait. What? You’re **gay**? :eek: Oh, man. I’ve been in your house and everything. I drank your beer and ate your food! Now I feel all oogy. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/57 "2009-09-21T18:02:20Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > As long as you don’t want to fuck me, I don’t care about your sex life. Yep, that’s it. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/58 "2009-09-21T18:03:11Z")
I don’t care in the least. The only awkwardness with the one friend who formally came out to me, was that I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond. “So what?” didn’t seem to be quite the thing. We actually had a very good conversation about why he’d think I’d care, much less mind. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/59 "2009-09-21T18:10:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Wait. What? You’re **gay**? :eek: > > Oh, man. I’ve been in your house and everything. I drank your beer and ate your food! Now I feel all oogy. Me too! Hey, we should go to his house at the same time next time! The OP - nope, don’t care much, except to know how to address significant others (I don’t want to be asking you how your wife is when you actually have a husband, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920/60 "2009-09-21T18:12:58Z")
Nope, wouldn’t care at all, other than maybe thinking it’s kind of cool (because I can’t imagine how hard it would be to keep that to yourself, and I’d imagine it’s pretty liberating to get it out in the open). My old junior high/early high school boyfriend turned out to be gay–in retrospect, I wasn’t surprised at all, given that he never showed any interest in any kind of romantic stuff (which was fine with me since I wasn’t interested either), he enjoyed designing clothes, and he just generally had a rather effeminate air to him. I wasn’t at all surprised when he tracked me down on Facebook a couple of months ago and I saw his page–all about him and his longtime boyfriend, gay events they attended. etc. My only reaction was, “Cool, I’m glad he’s happy.” The only other person who ever actually came out to me was my nephew–I think he was in his late teens at the time, living with a hyper-religious single mother. The spouse and I took him out to dinner, and the conversation came around to the topic in a very circular fashion. He kind of made it hypothetical: “What if I was gay…?” We had a long and very nice conversation–I think we were the first people who actually made him feel like it was all right to be gay, that there was nothing wrong with him. I always felt good about that conversation–like maybe I made a little bit of a difference and helped him out when he didn’t really have anybody else to turn to. (I think his mother threw him out of the house when she found out a year or so later, but I’m pretty sure they’ve since reconciled). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gay-do-you-care/510920.md?page=4)