# I'm getting married in 4 days! Advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 18, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902 "2010-05-18T16:48:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/21 "2010-05-18T21:15:49Z")
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Say “I love you” any time you feel it. Be the person your spouse thinks you are (because that person is probably pretty damned awesome). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/22 "2010-05-18T21:20:40Z")
> [@C3](#): > > \ > Anyway, my advice for marriage (and life in general, actually) is that you should treat the people you love with just as much or even more politeness than you would have toward a stranger. This is so true. We’ve all seen (or been) that couple who cuts each other down in front of other people - that’s rude and it adds nothing good to the married experience. My husband and I say please and thank you to each other, and while we try to be understanding when the other person is having a bad day and acting less loving than usual, we also try not to do that too often. You get what you give - if you give loving care to your spouse, you should get that in return. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/23 "2010-05-18T22:42:47Z")
I’ll second (third? fourth?) the recommendation for food. At my friends wedding her dinner consisted of two bags of fritos from the vending machine. My wedding was very small and I spent still ate more off of other people’s plates than my own. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/24 "2010-05-18T23:33:44Z")
A granola bar before you begin. A nice card delivered to your bride before the ceremony is great (my wife did it for me, and I treasure it). Don’t lock your knees while waiting. Once married - speedbumps and potholes are part of any road in life. Move on and forget them. Then tell her you love her again. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/25 "2010-05-18T23:36:43Z")
Bwana Bob: > [@](#): > > but I tell you it’s not always easy. We (men) are genetically wired to cut-to-the-chase. Don’t I know it! Fifteen years of on-the-job training, and occasionally I still get it wrong. But certainly no one mentioned it to me at all, going in. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/26 "2010-05-19T00:02:04Z")
Here’s my marriage advice. Many people will tell you not to let the sun go down on your anger. I disagree with that. If you have an argument at night, you wind up getting angrier because you’re tired. Forget about it and go to sleep. In the morning you will feel like an idiot for having gotten mad about whatever stupid thing it was. (Or, you will realize that you have a real issue to work on and will be better able to discuss it rationally.) These days when I get mad, I try to sit on it for a while until I’m calm and can look at it rationally. Usually I figure out that it was much more about my bad mood than anything else, and I’m relieved that I haven’t made a fool of myself by picking a fight over nothing. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/27 "2010-05-19T02:17:26Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Here’s my marriage advice. Many people will tell you not to let the sun go down on your anger. I disagree with that. If you have an argument at night, you wind up getting angrier because you’re tired. Forget about it and go to sleep. In the morning you will feel like an idiot for having gotten mad about whatever stupid thing it was. (Or, you will realize that you have a real issue to work on and will be better able to discuss it rationally.) > > These days when I get mad, I try to sit on it for a while until I’m calm and can look at it rationally. Usually I figure out that it was much more about my bad mood than anything else, and I’m relieved that I haven’t made a fool of myself by picking a fight over nothing. I think this is great advice. Not every issue needs to be raised. There are a lot of battles that don’t need to be fought. Bring up the big ones when you’re calm and can have a reasonable conversation. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/28 "2010-05-19T02:53:55Z")
Remember: the easiest way to get a woman to do something is to let her think it was all her idea. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/29 "2010-05-19T06:29:58Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Here’s my marriage advice. Many people will tell you not to let the sun go down on your anger. I disagree with that. If you have an argument at night, you wind up getting angrier because you’re tired. Forget about it and go to sleep. In the morning you will feel like an idiot for having gotten mad about whatever stupid thing it was. (Or, you will realize that you have a real issue to work on and will be better able to discuss it rationally.) > > These days when I get mad, I try to sit on it for a while until I’m calm and can look at it rationally. Usually I figure out that it was much more about my bad mood than anything else, and I’m relieved that I haven’t made a fool of myself by picking a fight over nothing. Good advice from dangermom. I don’t have anything to add; my own experience leads me to be leery of marriage, but it apparently works for some people. Congratulations, and good luck. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/30 "2010-05-19T07:31:16Z")
Be sure to get the dowry in cash - and feel free to ask your future father-in-law about it the day before the wedding so he has time to go the the bank. BTW, congratulations! Getting hitched here in Las Vegas? ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/31 "2010-05-19T07:44:24Z")
kill yourself ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/32 "2010-05-19T08:03:27Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > I’ll second (third? fourth?) the recommendation for food. At my friends wedding her dinner consisted of two bags of fritos from the vending machine. > > My wedding was very small and I spent still ate more off of other people’s plates than my own. Everything - nerves, being busy, not really liking the food served, and in my case a wedding dress that had been tailored to cut off all circulation below the diaphragm - kept us from eating at our reception, so by the time we got to the romantic country inn we were staying at, we were STARVED. When we checked in, the clerk noticed our shiny wedding bands and said “are you newlyweds?” We admitted that we were, and he watched us with a fond, paternal gaze as we ascended the staircase to our cozy room… …only to appear within 5 minutes to say, “I know it’s late, but is there somewhere around here that might be open to grab a bit to eat?” (As it was nearly midnight, we wound up at Burger King.) Since this was Ohio in the early 1980s, when quite a few twenty-somethings stayed virgins until marriage, that clerk probably thought there was something really, really wrong with us. 😃 …oh yeah, so that’s another vote for making sure you have something available to eat AFTER the festivities die down. ---
**Author:** ![Khendrask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@Khendrask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khendrask)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/33 "2010-05-19T11:12:39Z")
DO NOT try to mend the hem of your trousers the morning of, while wearing them. I did that, and managed to sew myself to the bedspread. DO lay out everything you need the night before, in one spot. Keys, ring, wallet, papers, reservation numbers, cash, all of it. DO have a decent breakfast the morning of. Don’t drink before the ceremony (and keep it moderate after). Hide the limo or your car… Do Not Let Your Friends Near It. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/34 "2010-05-19T11:40:34Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > Marriage advice? Here’s the biggest piece for me: > > When women are upset about something, they DON’T want solutions to their problems - at least, not immediately. What they want is sympathy. Men think that offering solutions is a way of showing they care, because the problem is making the woman sad, and the man doesn’t want her to be sad. WRONG. The immediate problem is that she’s sad, and wants to see that you sympathize with her. If your mind is focusing on the problem she’s complaining about, you’re not thinking of her feelings - you’re doing a problem-solving exercise. Just listen, make comforting noises, and let her know you’re on her side. Once she’s over the emotional side of her problem, THEN address the problem with a solution. > > You can’t imagine how important this rule is when living with a woman. Re-quoting for even more emphasis. I’m a smart, practical, solutions-oriented, problem-solving woman. I don’t need you to solve my problems. I can do that myself. Really. I know how. And I probably know the situation better than you do. I’m just venting, bitching, letting off steam, stewing, figuring out in my own mind whether to use a meat cleaver or a simple letter opener. After all, sometimes it’s all about the finesse… When I’m in that frame of mind, anything you propose as a solution will be WRONG. Why? Because I’m not looking for a solution. What do I want to hear? “No way, she did THAT?” “I can’t believe that” “Seriously?” “Wow, that’s awful” “Whoa” “Terrible, what are you thinking you’re going to do about it?” “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know” Sympathy, empathy, head nodding, attentiveness, and some humor. That’s all good. I’m going to calm down, figure out a rational solution and deal with it. And sometimes that will mean doing nothing at all because that’s the best course of action at the time. And that’s ok. Just let me get it out of my system and then I’ll refocus on the next task at hand and go on about my day. Most of all in marriage, you’re in it for the long-term. An argument over the dishwasher loading pattern is simply 10 minutes out of the rest of your lives. Keep it in perspective. When you’re 95 years old and you look back, is it really going to be meaningful in the grand scheme of things? And remember, “This, too, shall pass.” Get over the little stuff quickly and move on to the important things. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/35 "2010-05-19T12:49:14Z")
> [@fifty-six](#): > > kill yourself Wow- what great advice. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/36 "2010-05-19T15:32:08Z")
Congratulations and best wishes for a happy and healthy life together. My suggestion: If you’re going to spend the wedding night in a nearby hotel, check in before the ceremony. My husband reserved a room at a hotel near the airport so we could fly out in the morning for our honeymoon. He reserved the room to a credit card, but the reception ran long and by the time we got there (shortly after midnight) the hotel had given away our room! And there were no other rooms there or anywhere else near the airport. It was a big football weekend. We eventually found a room at a No-Tell Motel with no towels and dead bugs in the bathroom, but by then all we wanted to do was sleep for a couple of hours. We laugh about it now, of course. So actually physically check in ahead of time. Really. That’s all I got. Good luck to you both. ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/37 "2010-05-19T17:44:50Z")
For the day of: enjoy it! You’re (hopefully) only going to do it once, so have fun. For the rest of it: talk to each other, listen to each other, and take care of each other. Congratulations, and may your lives be full of peace and joy! ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/38 "2010-05-20T08:53:32Z")
Welcome to the Great Roller Coaster!!! Keep your sense of humor and hang on! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/39 "2010-05-20T09:10:40Z")
Have a great time. Don’t drink too much at the reception. Relax and look forward to increased intimacy and better sex. (Studies show that married couples enjoy greater sexual satisfaction). No, I don’t have a cite. If you don’t believe me, look it up your damn self. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902/40 "2010-05-20T20:51:07Z")
You’re only _really_ married once she doesn’t turn up the TV volume for cover noise before going to the bathroom. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-getting-married-in-4-days-advice/539902.md?page=3)