# I'm glad that gay/lesbian spouses are becoming husband/wife **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 18, 2014, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948 "2014-11-18T10:19:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/21 "2014-11-19T12:43:02Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > But why would gays and lesbians want to use terms associated with straights? > > Wouldnt you want something… I dont know… maybe with a more queerish twist to it? A guy calling another man his husband just sounds boring to me. Sorry, you really do need to meet a wider variety of people. Most gays and lesbians are just as boring as any straight people. It is hard to spot them in everyday situations. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/22 "2014-11-19T12:52:20Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Most gays and lesbians are just as boring as any straight people. I was just coming in to post that ;). Now that equality is finally creeping up on us Americans it can finally be said - rumors of gay fabulousness have been vastly overstated. Many are as boring as dirt :D. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/23 "2014-11-19T13:07:00Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > And can you imagine a gay man walking up to group of married women talking about their husbands and saying “yea my husband is also like that”. I’ve heard it. So? ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/24 "2014-11-19T16:47:12Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > And can you imagine a gay man walking up to group of married women talking about their husbands and saying “yea my husband is also like that”. No need to imagine it. I have a number of gay friends and one of them has a husband that is very like mine. We’re always saying stuff like that to each other. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/25 "2014-11-19T17:06:01Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > But why would gays and lesbians want to use terms associated with straights? > > Wouldnt you want something… I dont know… maybe with a more queerish twist to it? A guy calling another man his husband just sounds boring to me. Well, I’m sure that everyone should strive to keep you entertained at all times. (Anyone find it as hilarious as I do that now it’s just so BORING to be gay and married?) ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/26 "2014-11-20T01:37:33Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > In my opinion, we still do not have a good term for unmarried long-term committed persons. Sure we do. We have two actually… “Girlfriend/Boyfriend” or “Significant Other” No “SO” (dumb, very dumb) and no “partners” for sure. I knew a woman who was in a long-term relationship with another woman, but they were also business partners. So when she first told me about how her partner did something amusing, I (and many others) chalked it up to something funny happening at work. About a year later, she became rather annoyed that she had to come out again to a group of people that she thought had known her orientation for a long time. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/27 "2014-11-20T02:06:28Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Naw, I think “I now pronounce you husband and husband” just sounds weird. > > And can you imagine a gay man walking up to group of married women talking about their husbands and saying “yea my husband is also like that”. Perhaps your problem is your screen name. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/28 "2014-11-20T05:47:59Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I was just coming in to post that ;). Now that equality is finally creeping up on us Americans it can finally be said - rumors of gay fabulousness have been vastly overstated. Many are as boring as dirt :D. Well I did grow up watching Paul Lynn. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/29 "2014-11-20T05:51:12Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Naw, I think “I now pronounce you husband and husband” just sounds weird. I think the correct term is husband[sup]2[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/30 "2014-11-20T23:01:09Z")
I’ve been talking about my sister’s wife for years. I introduce her as my sister-in-law. They have the best marriage I’ve ever seen. The other day at the store I rang up a $10. purchase. A woman came up and siad “My wife spent less than $50? Amazing.” It did not faze me in the least. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/31 "2014-11-21T00:38:02Z")
I don’t hear the words “Husband” and “Wife” very often at all. I suspect it is because most of the couples I know didn’t have a wedding, but in any case “partner” is far more common. I wouldn’t have said that “wedding” is a gay thing, but around where I live, it’s not particularly a ‘straight’ thing either. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/32 "2014-11-21T02:20:19Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Naw, I think “I now pronounce you husband and husband” just sounds weird. “I now pronounce you wife and wife” sounds fine. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/33 "2014-11-21T05:18:10Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I’ve always used “lover.” I never heard straight people use this; I guess, they don’t think about it that way? > > Of course, “lover” doesn’t work in cases like the classic example in Spanish: > > _Ella es mi esposa, pero ella es mi amante._ > > “She is my wife, but _she_ is my lover.” Yes well, you could also translate the second as mistress, which would be quite derogatory in current English usage, and you don’t even need to recourse to Spanish to come up with the English sentence. I still don’t get used to this boyfriend-girlfriend being used to indicate someone you’ve lived with for years (or the people who do the same in Spanish). And why a term used by people who don’t wanna get married should be the one used by others who do wanna (or even, have) is beyond me. Would you expect people in a heterosexual marriage to refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend? If you wouldn’t, then it makes no sense for people in a homosexual marriage either. ---
**Author:** ![btthegreat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@btthegreat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/btthegreat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/34 "2014-11-21T05:52:26Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > But why would gays and lesbians want to use terms associated with straights? > > Wouldnt you want something… I dont know… maybe with a more queerish twist to it? A guy calling another man his husband just sounds boring to me. Because we want those terms to be associated with PEOPLE, including us. We do not live our lives to distance ourselves from humanity because most of it happens to be straight. We are part of humanity. A guy calling another man his husband does not sound boring to me. It sounds pretty damn glorious, if you are in love and want to spend the rest of your life showing that love to a deserving man. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/35 "2014-11-21T07:53:16Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I still don’t get used to this boyfriend-girlfriend being used to indicate someone you’ve lived with for years (or the people who do the same in Spanish). And why a term used by people who don’t wanna get married should be the one used by others who do wanna (or even, have) is beyond me. If you’re not married, the person you’re with is not your husband or wife. End of story. If you are married, regardless of whether you’re gay or straight, that person is your husband or wife. End of story. I’ll never understand the backlash against boyfriend/girlfriend for adults in relationships where they’re unmarried. It’s a perfectly good word. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/36 "2014-11-21T08:12:18Z")
Yeah. _Significant Other_ is, among other things, rather unwieldy. Been dealing with it for 27 years now. ---
**Author:** ![Recusant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Recusant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Recusant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/37 "2014-11-21T08:55:47Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I’ll never understand the backlash against boyfriend/girlfriend for adults in relationships where they’re unmarried. It’s a perfectly good word. I think the idea is (or at least the root of the idea is) that a girl/boy-friend relationship is a lower-level one. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/38 "2014-11-21T17:24:10Z")
> [@Recusant](#): > > I think the idea is (or at least the root of the idea is) that a girl/boy-friend relationship is a lower-level one. I can kind of get that, but there is no good word for a relationship above it. So why fight it? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/39 "2014-11-21T17:29:09Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I can kind of get that, but there is no good word for a relationship above it. So why fight it? It’s feels weird to say that my 85 year old uncle has a girlfriend who is 80. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948/40 "2014-11-21T18:33:07Z")
We’re fiftyish, have kids together and have lived together for fifteen years. “Partners” has been working for us, but we want to creep out the kids more now that they’re teens. Do we go back to coyly calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend or should we go for broke and say we’re “lovahs”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-glad-that-gay-lesbian-spouses-are-becoming-husband-wife/704948.md?page=3)