# I'm goin on a beer run, what can I get ya? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 17, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315 "2001-03-17T01:04:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/81 "2001-03-20T13:57:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*:: lies face down on arm of couch,turns head and looks at Uncle Bill:: > > Like this? > > Bet you can’t make me scream incoherently…😉 \*\* You’re on! Loser buys the pizza! Hey, you look GREAT like that! One of personal favorites, I must say. When you’re done screaming incoherently (oops, almost left out the “s”, Freudian slip) then **I’ll** sit on the arm of the couch. Trust me, you’ll like it. And **Girlbysea** this was about twelve years ago, but that was a seriuos meat market! That and Oceana on Thursday(?) night. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/82 "2001-03-20T14:48:45Z")
This is sort of embarrassing, but I know you’re the kinda guy that won’t mind… I’m fresh out of Tampax. Can you pick me up a box? Also, buy a coupla lottery tickets, wouldja? I’m feeling lucky. Here, get $5 worth for yourself, too. I mean lottery tickets, not tampons. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/83 "2001-03-20T15:57:17Z")
Really with the things I buy, the cashier doesn’t even blink when I get tampons. She too busy trying to figure out what kind of kinky thing I will use them for! And honey, you don’t need Lottery tickets to get lucky! [sub](on an aside, how can women run out of tampons? I NEVER run out of toilet paper, razor blades, shampoo, q-tips.)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/84 "2001-03-20T17:36:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*[sub](on an aside, how can women run out of tampons? I NEVER run out of toilet paper, razor blades, shampoo, q-tips.)[/sub] \*\* 1. You use toilet paper every day of the month. Not so with tampons. 2. I’m convinced that the people that came up with the boxes for them put a hidden cavity in it somewhere so we’re SURE we reach in to get some and know we’ll have enough, but then the next time we go to get some, the number is halved. 3. Hi Opal! Now, since you’re going out on a run again, can you bring me that Santa Maria Rum (that is what it was called, wasn’t it?), some candles and some chocolate syrup? How much do I owe you again? ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/85 "2001-03-20T17:39:22Z")
UncleBill… Gosh, those were the good ole days 😉 Thank God!! We got to enjoy those day’s before all of the RULES started 🙂 Now… Sweetie, would you mind picking up a pizza, some Bud Light, oh hell, I’ll just give you my grocery list… And UncleBill… Thank you ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/86 "2001-03-20T17:50:48Z")
And sure, it’s all on the way. By the way, **TP** , your tab comes to, (scribble, scribble, scribble) Two and half weeks! and **Gbs** , I’ll get the pizza and beer, but I will only pick up the groceries if they are to be used a la Mickey Rourke. ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/87 "2001-03-20T17:58:21Z")
When is payment due? For this, I can clear my calendar at a moment’s notice… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/88 "2001-03-20T19:57:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\* > > [sub](on an aside, how can women run out of tampons? I NEVER run out of toilet paper, razor blades, shampoo, q-tips.)[/sub] \*\* What True Pisces said. Plus, whenever the old period finally winds down (I know, I know, some of you are thinking, what, Cranky is sometimes OFF her period?!?!) My only thought is, Thank God that’s over. I’m too relieved to think about the fact that I’m down to my last fuse. So when the Aunt Flo shows up again, whether that’s 28 days later (on the pill) or 37 days later (no pill) or 13 months later (when I was nursing) I look in the blue box and say oh hell, I’m outta tampons. I wonder though, maybe I could jerry-rig something using Q-tips, toilet paper, razors, and shampoo? There sure are a lot of those lying around. ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/89 "2001-03-20T20:25:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\*I wonder though, maybe I could jerry-rig something using Q-tips, toilet paper, razors, and shampoo? There sure are a lot of those lying around. \*\* Razors? **RAZORS?!!!** Cranky, dear, remind me NEVER to come by your place if I’m ever running out myself! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/90 "2001-03-21T01:37:41Z")
After we’re done with the couch…there’s always the kitchen table, the shower, the back yard… But if you’re as good as you claim … You’ll have to carry me cuz I’ll be too weak to walk 😉 Or we could try the public places game or “How quietly can you have wild jungle sex”. It’s up to you Uncle Bill… or can I be dominant? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/91 "2001-03-21T01:59:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*After we’re done with the couch…there’s always the kitchen table, the shower, the back yard… > > But if you’re as good as you claim … > You’ll have to carry me cuz I’ll be too weak to walk 😉 > > Or we could try the public places game or “How quietly can you have wild jungle sex”. > > It’s up to you Uncle Bill… > > or can I be dominant? \*\* **hardygrrl** , Claim? Would you like references?!? If you are as good as I’m imagining, my knees may very well be weak also! As for the public place game, is under a fir tree just south of the Mall in Washington DC, right after the fireworks on the 4th of July public enough? We started out taking a pee, then things got randy! I have NO clue how quiet we were! But that was not “wild jungle sex”, so I guess I haven’t played that game. When is tit-off, oops, I mean tip-off? And you want to be dominant? Go CowGirl! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/92 "2001-03-21T03:20:00Z")
Baby baby… You’re taliking to the grrl who has “marked” a stockroom at her former retail job, a conference room at her current job and one of the women’s bathroom stalls at the Phoenix airport… And I’ll show you dominant! ::handcuffs Uncle Bill to bed by wrists. Pulls out of goody bag a bottle of strawberry motion lotion,a large feather,a riding crop and piece of velvet. Grabs glass of ice off nightstand:: Ok marine…your orders are to not,I repeat not orgasm until I tell you to. We’ll see what you’re made of now… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/93 "2001-03-21T03:31:48Z")
Just don’t spill the Stawberry Motion Lotion on the Large Feather or Velvet… It kill’s the sensual joy and elation that shivers down my spine and gives me goose bumps when those are run over nmy… whatever. And you want me to not orgasm, with this HOT bod handcuffing me to the bed?!? OK, then, honey, fasten your seatbelt, you are in for the ride of your life! Take a good look at what I’m made of, it’s all there! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/94 "2001-03-21T03:59:29Z")
:::gently rubs motion lotion just around the senstive nerve rich areas and blows gently:: ::strokes Uncle bill with tip of feather in circular patterns from head to toe…follows with velvet:: Now for the special trick! ::wraps fake pearl necklace around hand,squirts a little baby oil on it and takes things into hand:: Why do I have this sudden urge to play " Uncle Bill’s a dimestore pony that I just put $20 worth of quarters into"? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/95 "2001-03-21T04:27:30Z")
Because you can see that the “dimestore pony” is a Stallion with a WILD look in his eyes. And the oily fake pearl necklace? VERY nice touch! **hardygrrl** I **DO** like your special trick! It is getting me warmed up for the Big Event! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/96 "2001-03-21T12:42:11Z")
Lucky for you my nails are short. Hopefully the room’s soundproofed…if thing go my way I do get pretty loud. ::straddles Uncle Bill and slowly eases herself onto him:: What do you like better? This? ::standard up and down grind:: Or this? ::does slow belly dancer hip circles:: Oh yeah…That’s the spot… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/97 "2001-03-21T12:50:32Z")
Apparently the slow belly dancer hip circles make for good spot hitting, and it **surely** feels great to me! Now lean a little forward, yup, right there. Mmmmm, you are **GOOD!** ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/98 "2001-03-21T12:59:56Z")
::leans forward just enough to brush Uncle Bill’s face with her breasts:: Since your tongue seems to be idle…here’s something for it… ::speeding up the hip circles slightly:: And if you’ve got a free hand…I’m sure you can figure out where to use those nimble fingers 😉 ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2001, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/99 "2001-03-21T19:20:42Z")
… to see if we’re still having virtual sex. ::checks watch:: Hey, seven hours! Let’s switch! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315/100 "2001-03-22T01:49:16Z")
sorry…damn firewall doesn’t let me access the board from work so where were we… I’m still on top doing hip circles… You’re putting your tongue and fingers to good use… But if you really want to switch… ::: eases off of Uncle Bill,panting and sweating. Undoes handcuffs and goes on all fours. Looks over shoulder at Uncle Bill::: You’re in control now…so what are you going to do to me? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-goin-on-a-beer-run-what-can-i-get-ya/58315.md?page=6)