# I'm going to be a daddy... Maybe... if I so desire... I'M SO CONFUSED! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 17, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265 "2004-12-17T03:24:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/41 "2005-08-14T06:39:48Z")
Face it, **Sampiro** , you’re surrounded by loons. They may be sideways lovable loons that stumble close to quasi-functionality, but they’re _still loons_. Sperm donor for your _sister’s_ baby…? No. It wouldn’t make a difference if she happened to be, say, sane. Just…NO! Florence King didn’t exaggerate all this stuff, did she? Though an offspring of the ineffable Florence and Sampiro though… ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/42 "2005-08-14T06:44:43Z")
Lucky Batard, I’m straight and want kids. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/43 "2005-08-14T06:49:51Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Lucky Batard, I’m straight and want kids. Umm, lucky Ba **s** tard, I’m straight and want kids. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/44 "2005-08-14T07:36:18Z")
**Sampiro** , kudos to you for giving this matter (and your friends) the consideration and deliberation they deserve. Would it be helpful for the Happy Future Parents to come up here and get legally married? And _then_, um, acquire the baby? I’m just glad I eventually figured out that the references were to Fiddler on the Roof, which I have never seen, yet seem to have the music in my brain… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/45 "2005-08-14T07:54:45Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Would it be helpful for the Happy Future Parents to come up here and get legally married? And _then_, um, acquire the baby? Not really. The marriage wouldn’t be recognized once they returned to America (nor would it be recognized if they married in Massachusetts). ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/46 "2005-08-14T09:04:23Z")
I’m kind of interested in how Child Maintenance works in this kind of scenario … anyone know? I’m just thinking that if a man provided his sperm, and could therefore be proven to be the biological father of the child, couldn’t the mother theoretically sue him for child support? Maybe I just have no faith in other humans, but it just sounded all kinds of risky to me, from a financial perspective. Sorry for the derail, but the question doesn’t seem worthy of a thread all to itself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/47 "2005-08-14T11:52:49Z")
AFAIK (from other straight dope threads, no less) if the conception involved penises entering vaginas, then daddy-o is on the hook. However, if the aforementioned Sampirojuice passed through the glassware of a licensed professional, then no legal liability exists. Not sure what happens when you get pregnant off a toilet seat though. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/48 "2005-08-14T12:12:48Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > Not sure what happens when you get pregnant off a toilet seat though. Then the plumber has to pay. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/49 "2005-08-14T12:28:51Z")
No helpful advice here, but I just wanted to say that it was cool that you told your mother about this. Her reaction was… almost as surprising as your sister’s offer… ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/50 "2005-08-14T13:04:18Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > […] the aforementioned Sampirojuice passed through the glassware of a licensed professional […] Now available from Crate and Barrel! Sampiro, the exact same question was asked of my gay friend, and the recipient was to be his lesbian sister’s partner. He, too, was flattered but declined – didn’t want the whole “father of my nephew/I’m my own grandpaw” scene. Not 100% like your circumstance, seeing as how there were other family members involved, but his concern over what would happen in the case of an accident or split-up were very similar. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/51 "2005-08-14T13:16:45Z")
Wow. Isn’t fundie sister afraid that if she gets a baby from a lesbian, it’ll grow up to be gay? I mean, I know the fundies usually think that homosexualitiy is a choice rather than genetic, but they usually don’t think that to the point where they’d take a chance that it wasn’t genetic and they’d be stuck raising a damned-for-life ho-mock-shu-el. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/52 "2005-08-14T13:34:47Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Lucky Batard Someone else who wants a bun in the oven! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/53 "2005-08-14T13:36:20Z")
A friend asked me to inseminate her. I was tremendously flattered, but I said no because I did not want to create a child that I would not raising myself. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/54 "2005-08-14T13:56:09Z")
FWIW, I think you made the right decision. There are too many legal and emotional issues tied up in this. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/55 "2005-08-14T13:56:22Z")
I have officially burned the new lyrics of Fiddler to my brain for the next listening. You guys totally just messed with one of my favorite shows, and I will always thank you for that. It helps me forget that Rosie “vibrato? I got a whole room of those!” O’Donnell is now playing Golde. **Sampiro** , my best friend/former roommate and I had the deal that if we both hit 35 and weren’t in long-term relationships or married (only in my case, until they make gay marriage legal in New York), we’d do the whole sperm donor thing and share a baby. But he wanted to be involved as a dad, and I’d have been doing it as a single mom. Now that I’m married, we won’t be doing this, obviously, but if he were ever to ask me to have a child for him and his partner, I’d have to think long and hard about it - and I have a feeling I’d have to say no as well. Emotionally, I would have a hard time separating that child from any of my other children. You’re a good guy. Good on you for giving it such deep thoughts. And your _sister…_ Umm…I’ve been reading her antics to my husband every time I come across them (his favorite is sending the hurricanes because of Gay Pride), and she’s like the cliffhanger of a favorite TV show to him now - he can’t wait to hear what she says next. E. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/56 "2005-08-14T15:53:16Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > AFAIK (from other straight dope threads, no less) if the conception involved penises entering vaginas, then daddy-o is on the hook. However, if the aforementioned Sampirojuice passed through the glassware of a licensed professional, then no legal liability exists. 1. Yes. 2) It depends. If the father is the traditional anonymous sperm donor, this is true. If the father is a more direct participant in the process, maybe not. Depends on state law. IAAL, but this is not my area. I have not checked the relevant state laws. I’m not your lawyer, and you aren’t my client. This is general information and not reliable legal advice. Anyone actually considering being a sperm donor for a friend should check with a lawyer licensed in the appropriate jurisdiction(s). **Sampiro’s** stories are great and should be read by everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/57 "2005-08-14T17:26:37Z")
Actually a friend of mine who is a lawyer told me that in Alabama and Georgia (the two states that this concerns), I would have no legal responsibility (or for that matter, rights concerning) any child conceived through artificial conception and without my name on the birth certificate. To me it would just be bizarre being at most “Uncle Jon” to my own kid(s, or tribe). I don’t particularly want kids (to steal a line from _Arsenic and Old Lace_ “insanity doesn’t run through my family, it gallops”- I can only imagine having a little replicant of my bipolar mother and knowing that I unleashed him/her on the world) but if I did I’d want to be “Daddy” and not some vague authority figure who sends you birthday gifts and looks like you. (Alabama already has enough “uncle-fathers”.) Now if (and this is an IF in Hollywood sign letters) I somebody pair-bond and do the whole “choosing window treatments at Ikea” and awkward meter scheme in a commitment ceremony thing ("I’m trying to make ‘_you complete me_’ rhyme with _joint accounts and power of attorney_) _THEN_ I might consider the “give a kid a home who might otherwise wind up in perpetual foster care” thing. I’ll probably get pitted for this, but I actually get irritated by gay couples who pay fortunes to have “natural” children by surrogate mothers/fathers when there 1- no laws to protect whichever parent’s name isn’t on the adoption certificate in the event of death or break-up 2- in some states, there are laws on the books that specifically discredit any legal contracts to take the place of any legally created relationship between the partners and 3- there are so many already formed and born kids who desperately need a home (often primo kid stock who just happen to be “non-white” or “white non-infant” and as such aren’t as easily adoptable). Of course I also tend to sympathize with Katharine Hepburn, who when asked why she never whelped responded “I always knew if I had a child then the time would come when I’d have to choose between its best interest would conflict with my happiness and I’d have had to kill it.” ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/58 "2005-08-14T18:16:55Z")
Given your family history and your feelings on the matter, I too think you made the right decision. Parenthood is something you have to feel in your soul, and if it isn’t there and you haven’t got the committment to do whatever it takes to be a good parent, then a second thought is in order (the flame line forms to the right, please). OTOH, I think you’d make a hell of a parent, given the insight you have into yourself, your family and The Human Condition. If you feel the call someday, the kid you adopt (if that’s your choice) will be very lucky. A bit off the wall, but lucky all the same. What you have to bring to the table as a parent is unique to you, and should remain unique to you rather than conforming to whatever “standard” is getting passed around this month’s PTA meeting. As with many situations, I have found that I have more to offer than I knew; I didn’t see it until I got into a given situation that I had to resolve, on my own and without the benefit of the aforementioned PTA list. Above all, being a parent means a very different mindset that you willingly adopt, lovingly apply and graciously accept from your children. I think you have the wisdom and foresight to know if you can or can’t adopt that mindset, and hopefully you know that many of us won’t look askance at your decision either way. Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/59 "2005-08-15T02:51:35Z")
**Sampiro** , can I have your children too? Arkansas isn’t too far away, you know. And I’ll grow a uterus, I promise. Eventually. It’s on my to-do list. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/60 "2005-08-15T04:44:40Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > **Sampiro** , can I have your children too? Certainly you may. They’re currently in the car, but I’ll send them over when they wake. (They’ve been sleeping ever since I left them in there while meeting with my Spiritual Advice Specialist & Tonsorial Engineer Madame Carmella Jo for a few hours this afternoon. (I know they’re okay cause I cracked the window somewhere [I have to if I want that satellite radio chord to go out].) On a related note, I find this [Onion article](http://theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4132) just insanely and probably inappropriately hilarious. (I have so known this woman.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265.md?page=4)