# I'm going to be a daddy... Maybe... if I so desire... I'M SO CONFUSED! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 17, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265 "2004-12-17T03:24:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/61 "2005-08-15T14:42:48Z")
I… don’t think that your children are waking up. They must have been _reaaallly_ tired. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/62 "2005-08-15T16:04:30Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Wow. Isn’t fundie sister afraid that if she gets a baby from a lesbian, it’ll grow up to be gay? I mean, I know the fundies usually think that homosexualitiy is a choice rather than genetic, but they usually don’t think that to the point where they’d take a chance that it wasn’t genetic and they’d be stuck raising a damned-for-life ho-mock-shu-el. I’m guessing she’s assuming that **Sampiro’s** hetero DNA will cancel out the lesbian DNA, because God knows that **Sampiro** and his sister want a straight baby. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/63 "2005-08-15T16:13:28Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > lucky Ba **s** tard, I’m straight and want kids. luck bastard. I’m straight, and I want…a hot lesbian couple to invite me into a nursecarmen sandwich that will result in intercourse… ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/64 "2005-08-15T17:21:13Z")
> [@](#): > > “Well I’ll tell you something. God works in mysterious ways. How about this- me and [my husband] need an heir. We tried a few times to have one naturally but never worked, and was just as well cause we worked 80 hours a week for 20 years anyway. Now I’m 47 years old and if I had a baby the damned thing would be born with a tail and three eyeballs. We’ve talked about adoption, even looked into getting a Chinese baby or something, but I would really love for it to be my own flesh and blood. Well, here’s what I’m thinking, and I am dead serious- why don’t you ask those lesbians can’t you breed 'em both, and they keep one and I keep one? I’ll pay for the expenses and I’ll raise it as my own child and it’ll have my genes and it works out all around. And it’ll be in the contract if the lesbians every break up we get the other one.” **Sampiro** , I gotta tell you, every time I think you can’t surprise me any more with what your sister says/does, you manage to come along and prove me wrong yet again. It’s writing like this, my friend, is why you really, **really** need to find a publisher. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/65 "2005-08-15T20:10:34Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Actually a friend of mine who is a lawyer told me that in Alabama and Georgia (the two states that this concerns), I would have no legal responsibility (or for that matter, rights concerning) any child conceived through artificial conception and without my name on the birth certificate. The decision whether to respond to this was a tough one for me. I’m not licensed in either of these states, and have no professional knowledge of their laws. So please don’t treat this as legal advice, or rely on it in any way without further checking with a lawyer licensed in these states. In fact, if the lawyer friend who said this IS licensed in both these states, I defer to him/her, and you need not read any further. But this advice as to the law in these states, as reported by you without any qualifications, surprised me. My understanding was that most states didn’t immunize **all** sperm donors from paternity claims. Rather, the laws usually require that some prerequisites be met. Sometimes a physician must be involved. (in other words, no at-home turkey baster inseminations). Other statutes contemplate inseminations of married women with the consent of the husband, and are silent as to other situations, implying that inseminations where there is no husband, or where he doesn’t consent, leave the donor on the hook. See, for example, Alabama’s law: > [@apparent alabama statute from website](#): > > Section 26-17-21 > Artificial insemination. > (a) If, under the supervision of a licensed physician and with the consent of her husband, a wife is inseminated artificially with semen donated by a man not her husband, the husband is treated in law as if he were the natural father of a child thereby conceived. The husband’s consent must be in writing and signed by him and his wife. The physician shall certify their signatures and the dates of the insemination, and file the husband’s consent with the State Department of Health, where it shall be kept confidential and in a sealed file. However, the physician’s failure to do so does not affect the father and child relationship. All papers and records pertaining to the insemination, whether part of the permanent record of a court or of a file held by the supervising physician or elsewhere, are subject to inspection only upon an order of the court for good cause shown. The supervising physician shall not be liable to any person, including the wife, the husband, or a child resulting from an artificial insemination procedure, for the release of any information pertaining to the artificial insemination which occurs through accident, error, omission, inadvertence or the intentional conduct, without malice, of the physician or his agents, servants, or employees. > > (b) The donor of semen provided to a licensed physician for use in artificial insemination of a married woman other than the donor’s wife is treated in law as if he were not the natural father of a child thereby conceived. > > (Acts 1984, No. 84-244, p. 375, §21.) Absent this, the applicable law seems to be that natural father is the legal father for paternity/support purposes. What I saw of Georgia law (I didn’t look as carefully) seem to be similar. Again, I’m not a lawyer in either of these states. I also didn’t research this with the degree of care that I would if I were licensed in these states. You’re not my client. Don’t rely on this. This is general information designed to encourage you to look into this issue more fully with a licensed attorney in the applicable states (if you haven’t done that already), because it seemed to me to be **possible** that you had misunderstood what you’d been told, or perhaps the person who made the statement you’re relying upon may have had some assumptions about the type of insemination that’s under discussion that may not, in fact, be applicable. (Of course, if your decision not to agree to any of the insemination requests stands, then no need to look into this further.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/66 "2005-08-15T20:26:05Z")
Thanks Random. My attorney friend did indeed cite me the relevant code (he actually had to research insemination law in depth when clerking on a case in which a woman who had borne a child conceived artificially {from sperm other than her husband’s} wanted sole custody of the child in the divorce), but since I decided I didn’t want to do this anyway I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the technicalities. I wonder if today, when artificial insemination is de rigeur and all matter of odd possibilities from “snowflake babies” to gay adoption to cloning are beginning to be possible, if the legal codes and legislation are keeping up with the reproductive technologies and social changes in most states. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/67 "2005-08-15T20:39:31Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > “Well I’ll tell you something. God works in mysterious ways. How about this- me and [my husband] need an heir. We tried a few times to have one naturally but never worked, and was just as well cause we worked 80 hours a week for 20 years anyway. Now I’m 47 years old and if I had a baby the damned thing would be born with a tail and three eyeballs. We’ve talked about adoption, even looked into getting a Chinese baby or something, but I would really love for it to be my own flesh and blood. Well, here’s what I’m thinking, and I am dead serious- why don’t you ask those lesbians can’t you breed 'em both, and they keep one and I keep one? I’ll pay for the expenses and I’ll raise it as my own child and it’ll have my genes and it works out all around. And it’ll be in the contract if the lesbians every break up we get the other one.” I try really hard to read through threads completely before I answer - but Holy Crap! I read your other thread about the Great Falling-Out around the 4th of July or whatever, and thus eagerly anticipated hearing what your sister had to say…but never in a thousand years would I have thought she’d come out with this gem. I’m sitting here eating chocolate and reading this like I would a romance novel, with complete and utter enjoyment of the simple pleasures. This is a great thread, and I’m so glad you resurrected it! ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/68 "2005-08-15T20:57:29Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Thanks Random. > > * * * > > I wonder if today, when artificial insemination is de rigeur and all matter of odd possibilities from “snowflake babies” to gay adoption to cloning are beginning to be possible, if the legal codes and legislation are keeping up with the reproductive technologies and social changes in most states. Glad to help. As for your final comment, my sense is that the law in most states is \*\*not \*\*keeping up with technological and social changes in this area. There’s too much opposition, much of it religiously based, to basic threshhold issues like gays or single women having kids, which prevents most state legislatures from modernizing their laws. That said, a public policy argument could be made that allowing biological fathers to avoid child support by claiming that no sex took place, and the insemination was via at-hom artificial means, is a bad idea. First, it encourages false claims, in that it’d be a great way to get around a positive genetic test that otherwise would be irrebuttable. Second, it leaves the kid without a legal father, thus increasing the change that the state will be on the hook for his support. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/69 "2005-08-15T21:41:12Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I try really hard to read through threads completely before I answer - but Holy Crap! I read your other thread about the Great Falling-Out around the 4th of July or whatever, and thus eagerly anticipated hearing what your sister had to say…but never in a thousand years would I have thought she’d come out with this gem. I’m sitting here eating chocolate and reading this like I would a romance novel, with complete and utter enjoyment of the simple pleasures. This is a great thread, and I’m so glad you resurrected it! She actually cited as a precedent Andrew Jackson. Andrew and Rachel were childless, while her sister was incredibly fertile and had more kids than she and her husband could afford. When she had twins, Andrew and Rachel rode to their cabin, picked the twin they wanted, took it back to the Hermitage and gave it to a slave to wet-nurse. (Our father was a Jackson enthusiast for Og-knows-whatever reason and we went to the Hermitage several times as kids and somehow this tale stuck with her.) She’s mentioned several times that she envies the informality of those days. I love my sister very much, warts and all, but personally I think she needs to stick with dogs. I remember when we were kids (she’s almost 9 years older than I am so she was an adolescent and I was a little boy) we’d play with dolls and rather than saying “go to mama… here’s daddy” it would be "come to Miss Kathy… okay… here’s Mr. Jon… "- even then there was no desire to play paternal roles. Of course when her husband had a stroke a few years ago and was touch and go for a moment and she was absolutely devastated (he is mostly recovered, save for being a lot less decisive than he used to be) it jumpstarted her wish for a child because she realized how alone she’d be if he died. I was terrified whenever she said “I’d give anything to have him healthy again” that she’d donate her entire estate to some greasy televangelist when he got well (but thankfully she didn’t). ---
**Author:** ![pace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c2a13f/32.png) [@pace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pace)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/70 "2005-08-16T04:36:54Z")
well here’s another, “on the other hand,” … you might have low sperm motility and thereby little to no chance of fertilization of eggs with your sperm. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/71 "2005-08-16T04:45:45Z")
From your mouth to Og’s ear… ;j ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/72 "2005-08-16T10:32:58Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > I’m pretty sure my final word on the subject will be a respectful and appreciative no, but this is… heavy. Has any other male Doper ever been asked this “favor”? I’ve been. Not by lesbians, but by a close childless friend who was firmly decided to have a child, was single and preferred that the child would have a known father (since the other option was artificial insemination with an unknown donor). Essentially all options were open : I could recognize him or not, participate in his upbringng or not, etc…Being childless myself and advancing in age, I hesitated for a long time, and eventually backed off for several reasons too complicated to explain to people not knowing us. It turned out her attempts with artificial insemination failed, and she renounced. (so in all likehood it would have failed too with my sperm). Which is somehow fortunate (for me) because I eventually came to the conclusion that I should have said yes, so I probably would have had regrets had she succeded. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265/73 "2005-08-16T10:43:24Z")
Oh! And I understand your confusion. I was equally confused, and stayed so for months, considering like you the other other other other hand… I hope you’ll choose wisely and will be satisfied with your decision. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-be-a-daddy-maybe-if-i-so-desire-im-so-confused/280265.md?page=3)