# I'm going to blow up the Moon. What are you doing this summer? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 23, 2006, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939 "2006-05-23T19:02:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/61 "2006-05-24T12:36:08Z")
**Regallag The Axe** Just remember, if you interfere with the supply of bier, wurt, wieners, frankfurters, etc they will rise up against you. **What Exit** Disney has long been a battle ground between the forces of creativity and individualism and the forces of big business and conformity. Uncle Walt was used by both groups. The explorers have spent several days total in the depths. There have been problems with giant squids. However, there have also been discoveries of strange and massive ruins. These cities appear to be non-Euclidian and bear a frightening resemblance to the supposedly fictional works of H P Lovecraft. Back To The OP I plan to repair my unicycle and learn to ride it. I will also continue my work into the use of balloon animals to alter human consciousness. Just today I aqcuired a metal tube which I plan to convert into an automatically telescoping Minbari fighting pike. I need to clean my apartment. The odds of the mildew and one of my many unfinished projects combining into a new life form are getting rather high. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/62 "2006-05-24T12:55:06Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > **What Exit** Disney has long been a battle ground between the forces of creativity and individualism and the forces of big business and conformity. Uncle Walt was used by both groups. However, with one of the many evil incarnates {Eisner} pushed out and Steve Jobs {the Anti-Gates} now a major power at Disney, the Corp might be prepared to lean more towards the forces of creativity and individualism. Meanwhile my wife is addicted to Disney World the same way I am addicted to Dope (straight of course). She crazes Disney if we go more than 18 months without a visit. This time we get to visit Cape Canaveral at least. Yeah for me. (I figure I can pick up some spare parts for my own ballistic missile. Need to keep up with the Smiths & Jones you know.) Jim ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/63 "2006-05-24T13:16:26Z")
Ok, I gave this all a lot of thought last night. You know, with all of our talents why don’t we find a common project to all work on? Incorporate elements of all of the plans and then maybe we can really accomplish something. How about something along the lines of we’ll take over Venezuela and use their resources to construct a ballistic missile to fire at the moon. We’ll leave just enough room inside to stuff Keanu Reeves. The explosion on the moon will be so perfectly planned that it leaves an enormous crater that resembles Carrot Top, and the rock that’s expelled from the explosion can then be angled to fall to Earth leaving both concentric rings and crushing most of Disney World. Can someone contact \*\*Inigo \*\* and get the damned paperwork started? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/64 "2006-05-24T13:24:48Z")
> [@Mr. Wiseguy](#): > > I’ve got no huge plans for the summer…do any of you super-villian types need a good henchman? I take orders well, and will stall the hero with my kung-fu as you make good your escape. All I ask in return is dibs on Alaska. > > Give me a shot, you won’t be disappointed. These days, I’m mostly a hobbyist in matters od SuperVillainry, although if you are intent on pledging your allegiance to my nefarious whim, I would like to direct your attention [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365891). You should find everything you need to know (and more) reegarding henching, evil-doing and all-round duplicity in therein. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/65 "2006-05-24T13:25:59Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > [Ahem…](http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/) > > I have been asked to address you on behalf of The Galactic Corps of Evil Beings with regard to your, admittedly nefarious, plot to annihilate The Moon. As you may or may not know, section 81, paragraph c.2 under the “Forbidden Evil Activities” clause of The Revised and Unabridged Edition of **The Doctrine of Now And Forever** specifically prohibits _“…the destruction of any planet’s sole natural satellite without first having a fully operational and beinged space station of similar size and mass in its precise counterlocation in hyperspace, AND the capability and intent to emplace said space station in the exact orbit and position as the body to be obliterated.”_ Unless of course you have a permit countersigned by at least two members each of The Justice League and The Galactic Corps of Evil Beings. Adhesion to The Doctrine is guaranteed by a comprehensive blackmail program and yes, your file with The Corps is quite complete. > > Now I don’t want to go into details and polish your name needlessly in the eyes of your evil peers, but there is that incident involving a certain lost stray kitten a bottle of cream and a flattened piece of ceramicware. Nor would I be inclined to comment, except under extreme duress, about another incident involving a burning buildng, at least nine geriatric humans, and a declined reward. And I’m sure you wouldn’t care for any details regarding any such events to become widely known. > > So please, whether or not you have taken the time to register your activities with The Corps, do see to it that you follow procedure. **Inigo** , I mailed the paperwork _weeks_ ago. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/66 "2006-05-24T13:35:05Z")
So the new plan is not to destroy the moon, but to kill Keanu Reeves, scult Carrot Top onto the lunar surface, and give earth a ring? You change that sculpture of Carrot Top to “CHA” and we’ve got a plan I can get behind. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/67 "2006-05-24T13:35:17Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > **Inigo** , I mailed the paperwork _weeks_ ago. Seriously. :rolleyes: _Mailed_ it? You sent seven banana boxes full of paperwork to a secret volcano lair on the 4th moon of Sirius 3 via mail _weeks_ ago? Even at the speed of light (yeah I know, it’s just a law and we all break it but still…) it would take no less than a Very Long Time to reach the proper authorities, and then you need to allow 6 to 8 weeks for review and…oh never mind, I’ve got the rubber stamps right here. You got an extra copy of the paperwork? I’ll get started. Oh…are we going with the Venezuela bit and the moon sculpture as well? :sheesh: I’ll never get that honey amber brewed at this rate. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/68 "2006-05-24T13:39:38Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > (yeah I know, it’s just a law and we all break it but still…) I believe it was Von Neumann who said “Any immoral law of physics must be disobeyed.” ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/69 "2006-05-24T13:40:34Z")
> [@Jurph](#): > > “Launch-capable warhead”? That’s crazy jibber-jabber man. You mean a “booster capable of launching a warhead,” right? No, actually, I mean precisely what I said. I did not construct some dual-stage monstrocity. The warhead and booster are a single, integrated unit. It was easier to do it this way, and since it’s a one-way trip, there’s really no sense in making a pretense of recyclability. Honestly. > [@](#): > > What are you using for the first-stage oxidizer? 89 Octane Unleaded from Mobil (by the way you should buy a locking gas cap). > [@](#): > > And where’d you get the warhead? I have my sources. > [@](#): > > One moment you’re talking about all this slush hydrogen, and then you skipped straight to “(3) PROFIT!”. I need _details_: range-payload curves, booster mass ratios, plume radiant intensities, radar cross section data. I light the fuse, we all crouch down behind my shed, then the Moon is vaporized. How much detail do you need, man? > [@](#): > > Isn’t this the part of your plan where you gloat because there’s nothing we can do about it? Not at all. This is about self-actualization. > [@](#): > > And on a _totally unrelated note_, this summer I’m working for the Missile Defense Agency as a rocket scientist for hire, teaching our government to shoot down unwanted ballistic missiles. I’m spending my free time painting my wife’s computer case hot-rod black and buffing it to a deep mirror finish, which should be good for an honorary 100MHz. If you could stick with the _theoretical_ chapters until mid-Jun I sure would appreciate it. It will make you look good, too, if you can say “Speaking of which, today we begin discussion of the _practical_ application of shooting down unwanted ballistic missiles…” ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/70 "2006-05-24T13:46:00Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > :rolleyes: > > _Mailed_ it? You sent seven banana boxes full of paperwork to a secret volcano lair on the 4th moon of Sirius 3 via mail _weeks_ ago? Even at the speed of light (yeah I know, it’s just a law and we all break it but still…) it would take no less than a Very Long Time to reach the proper authorities, and then you need to allow 6 to 8 weeks for review and…oh never mind, I’ve got the rubber stamps right here. You got an extra copy of the paperwork? I’ll get started. > > Oh…are we going with the Venezuela bit and the moon sculpture as well? :sheesh: I’ll never get that honey amber brewed at this rate. Listen, man: you get the paperwork through and this thing will practically run on _autopilot_. We’ve got plenty of time to brew. At least till early June, and then it’s anyone’s guess, really. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/71 "2006-05-24T16:05:35Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > “J’Accuse”? > “J’Accuse” of precisely _what_, pray tell? :dubious: When I clicked on your link, I got this: > [@](#): > > I attempted to hotlink > this image from > [spiderbob.com](http://spiderbob.com) > > All I got in return was this > reminder that I am a > bandwidth thief! I thought it was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/72 "2006-05-24T16:36:53Z")
Dammit. Why’d you have to go and decide to blow up the moon? I was just in the middle of buying the first capsules for my new Lunar Base of which I was to dominate the Soviet Union from space [sub]treaties be damned![/sub]. You really ought to coordinate this with the rest of us first. Now I’ll have to do it from like Mars or something. Tripler I mean, do you realize how long it takes to build a LGM-113 Minuteman capable of interlunar flight?!? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/73 "2006-05-24T16:58:45Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Dammit. Why’d you have to go and decide to blow up the moon? I was just in the middle of buying the first capsules for my new Lunar Base of which I was to dominate the Soviet Union from space [sub]treaties be damned![/sub]. > > You really ought to coordinate this with the rest of us first. Now I’ll have to do it from like Mars or something. > > Tripler > I mean, do you realize how long it takes to build a LGM-113 Minuteman capable of interlunar flight?!? :mad: Perhaps I shouldn’t mention this, but Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup] will be along shortly to service all your lunar needs. Constructed of the finest oriented-strand board, styrofoam, and California stucco, Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup] will be the centrepiece of our new trans-lunar development, orbiting serenely within its diadem of rings. Why lumber yourself with gigatones of regolith when you can have Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup]? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/74 "2006-05-24T18:01:03Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Do you have to keep impressing me like that? Any more, and I’m going to have to invent a youthening ray. Not for you. For me. 🙂 Xièxie nĭ, xin gan. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/75 "2006-05-24T18:06:42Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Xièxie nĭ, xin gan. 😉 And that would be Mandarin, there. Not Cantonese. Geez, try to impress someone, always end up looking like an idiot… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/76 "2006-05-24T18:13:10Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Dammit. Why’d you have to go and decide to blow up the moon? I was just in the middle of buying the first capsules for my new Lunar Base of which I was to dominate the Soviet Union from space [sub]treaties be damned![/sub]. > > \< snip \> > > I mean, do you realize how long it takes to build a LGM-113 Minuteman capable of interlunar flight?!? :mad: _Too_ long, apparently, since the Soviet Union’s been gone for quite a while. You need to learn to _hustle_ ! ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/77 "2006-05-24T18:18:22Z")
> [@Der Trihs](#): > > _Too_ long, apparently, since the Soviet Union’s been gone for quite a while. > > You need to learn to _hustle_ ! Yeah, well it looks like the moon won’t be there anyway. Personally, I blame the Communists for this f\*ckup! Tripler Damned rat-bastard Pinko Commie sunzabitches! ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/78 "2006-05-24T18:23:59Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Where were we? Oh yes. The 19th is awkward. Well, how about the following weekend? Make sure you get the kittens out of the laser cannon and I think we could have a mutually-satisfying conference. > > BTW, does your place have a direct line-of-sight to Shanghai? No reason, no reason. Well, I was planning on redoing my tiki lounge on that weekend, but there’s always time for that. And, this really is your lucky summer. Ever since I launched my mega-sized orbiting Death Mirror, pretty much everything’s in line-of-sight. I, as always, am ready to serve your giga-scaled landscape-carving needs. > [@DocCathode](#): > > So the new plan is not to destroy the moon, but to kill Keanu Reeves, scult Carrot Top onto the lunar surface, and give earth a ring? > > You change that sculpture of Carrot Top to “CHA” and we’ve got a plan I can get behind. I was planning on selling advertising space on Carrot Top’s t-shirt to the highest bidder, such as, say, Old Navy or Starbucks, but I can probably be convinced to go with a CHA. Hopefully some nigh-invulnerable blue hero won’t try to stop me, seeing as my pineapple-headed henchman is out of town at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/79 "2006-05-24T18:24:52Z")
Funny, yesterday I finally rented “The Time Machine” the new one from just a couple of years ago, what a stinkeroo! But, it did have the moon blowing up, some it gets a star for that. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939/80 "2006-05-24T18:28:55Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Perhaps I shouldn’t mention this, but Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup] will be along shortly to service all your lunar needs. Constructed of the finest oriented-strand board, styrofoam, and California stucco, Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup] will be the centrepiece of our new trans-lunar development, orbiting serenely within its diadem of rings. > > Why lumber yourself with gigatones of regolith when you can have Moon 2.0[sup]TM[/sup]? Drat it all. I just purchased a replacment ChiaMoon from AcmeLabs that those two little lab mice recommended. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-blow-up-the-moon-what-are-you-doing-this-summer/357939.md?page=5)