# I'm going to buy mittens for my weekend crew

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-buy-mittens-for-my-weekend-crew/577219>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [April 5, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-buy-mittens-for-my-weekend-crew/577219 "2011-04-05T01:13:18Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\
**Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-buy-mittens-for-my-weekend-crew/577219/21 "2011-04-05T19:44:43Z")

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> [@Moonlitherial](#):
>
> I use a tool I like to call the “Mallet of Understanding”
> 
> Instructions: Strike offender on the head repeatedly until they understand.
> 
> Similar of course to the “Book of Knowledge”
> 
> Instructions: Bang dumbass on the head with the book until the knowledge seeps in.
> 
> Repeat as necessary is implied with both tools.

I now have in my office a bit that was reclaimed from an ancient cubicle wall. It’s a steel pipe, around 1/4" steel rolled into a 1.5" diameter hollow rod around 5’ long.

According to HR, I am legally allowed to poke users with it. (caution, my HR department may be making rulings based on humor rather than actual case law.)

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-buy-mittens-for-my-weekend-crew/577219/22 "2011-04-05T20:04:49Z")

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> [@Zeriel](#):
>
> …According to HR, I am legally allowed to poke users with it…

“Poke” is a word that carries a very wide range of interpretation, some of which are not likely intended by someone of demure propriety, such as yourself.

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**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\
**Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-buy-mittens-for-my-weekend-crew/577219/23 "2011-04-06T02:43:47Z")

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> [@Zeriel](#):
>
> I now have in my office a bit that was reclaimed from an ancient cubicle wall. It’s a steel pipe, around 1/4" steel rolled into a 1.5" diameter hollow rod around 5’ long.
> 
> According to HR, I am legally allowed to poke users with it. (caution, my HR department may be making rulings based on humor rather than actual case law.)

Back in '09, when I was working tech support at a college, we had the most terrible malware infection going around. It was the same thing, being spread via FB, Twitter and MSN and it was _so damn obvious_. And they all had netbooks as well, which makes it even worse. At least two to three hundred students per week would stop by and DEMAND! that we rid them of this technomagical nuisance.

At the end of the third week, my boss hung up a notice stating:

1. Any further infected netbooks delivered to the helpdesk whose owner contracted the infection while looking at porn on the school’s wireless, will be quietly taken to the back and put into the “Skeet shooting targets” bin.
2. Our screwdriver toolbox has now been renamed. Henceforth, it shall be known as the User Correctional Appliances Depository.

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