# I'm going to hide some trivial info in my marriage **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2013, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545 "2013-08-18T06:39:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/41 "2013-08-19T13:37:15Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Read much? :dubious: Three way? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/42 "2013-08-19T14:47:42Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Read much? :dubious: Maybe I’ve been up too long! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/43 "2013-08-19T15:00:37Z")
With anyone else I’d have assumed he meant tea set trivet… but here all bets are off. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/44 "2013-08-19T15:53:09Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Maybe I’ve been up too long! Hey! Leave your erections out of this! ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/45 "2013-08-19T16:18:06Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Your mother in law talks to you in the shower? Not only that, the way he describes the “long, hot” shower, it makes it seem that he doesn’t have hot water at his place. . ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/46 "2013-08-20T00:27:03Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > Not only that, the way he describes the “long, hot” shower, it makes it seem that he doesn’t have hot water at his place. Yeah I don’t have sufficiently hot water at my place. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/47 "2013-08-20T00:48:57Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Your mother in law talks to you in the shower? She was talking to my wife. I learnt about the conversation after it happened. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/48 "2013-08-20T02:12:37Z")
You mean after it happent? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/49 "2013-08-20T03:07:35Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Yeah I don’t have sufficiently hot water at my place. Because…? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/50 "2013-08-20T03:22:02Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Because…? A woman often uses the shower. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/51 "2013-08-21T01:11:21Z")
The water isn’t sufficiently hot because the water temperature isn’t turned up enough. I want it to be really really hot so that I almost am in pain. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/52 "2013-08-21T02:39:35Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I want it to be really really hot so that I almost am in pain. I think we’re all with you there. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/53 "2013-08-21T02:46:48Z")
Why don’t you turn up the temperature setting on your hot water service? That’s the least of your problems. You’re married to this woman, and things that are important to marriage are honesty, trust and compromise. None of those are evident in your post. You won’t admit to a slight change of heart in a minor dispute over a teaset because you think it will make it harder to win arguments in the future. Maybe your mindset should be that it’s not worth digging in your heels over the minor stuff; save it for the things that really matter. Be honest with your wife about your changing opinion, trust that she won’t exploit this in future, and try to find a middle ground that suits you both. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/54 "2013-08-21T05:18:34Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > Why don’t you turn up the temperature setting on your hot water service? The gas for the hot water is already expensive enough without me using it. If it was turned up hot enough then other people would need to add cold water to it which would make them use more gas than normal. > [@](#): > > That’s the least of your problems. Well I did say it was trivial. > [@](#): > > You’re married to this woman, and things that are important to marriage are honesty, I just withheld the latest truth… I didn’t explicitly lie about this. > [@](#): > > trust and compromise. None of those are evident in your post. You won’t admit to a slight change of heart in a minor dispute over a teaset because you think it will make it harder to win arguments in the future. Maybe your mindset should be that it’s not worth digging in your heels over the minor stuff; save it for the things that really matter. The future possibility of hoarding and clutter is kind of a major issue for me - if I can get her to cooperate. > [@](#): > > Be honest with your wife about your changing opinion, trust that she won’t exploit this in future, and try to find a middle ground that suits you both. I find a middle ground a lot - BTW I try to be quite financially generous to her as a way of compromising - I don’t mind paying money in exchange for other kinds of favors. BTW you said I should be honest but what about those issues like “do I look fat in these pants?” when she is objectively obese? I say things like I think she looks “alright” and occasionally I say she looks “attractive”… (attractive is a subjective term). On the other hand she talks in objective terms (e.g. “you have the best penis in the world”) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/55 "2013-08-21T07:45:25Z")
Eliahna: I created a related thread: > **[How much honesty should there be in a marriage?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=700045)** > > Should there be total honesty in a marriage? Or should you hide some things… e.g. if you used a bit of porn, or have an attraction towards a friend or celebrity… or find some aspect of your partner’s appearance not so attractive… How much honesty should there be in a marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/56 "2013-08-21T15:17:05Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m going to hide some trivial info in my marriage It’s never too late to start. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/57 "2013-08-21T16:15:49Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > With anyone else I’d have assumed he meant tea set trivet… but here all bets are off. The cups are vaginas, by my reckoning. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/58 "2013-08-21T17:38:09Z")
I think this was a very useful thread, the moral of it is: Don’t buy tea sets on eBay. ‘Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.’ - The Duchess- _Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland_ ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545/59 "2013-08-22T01:11:58Z")
I also found it useful, having a giggle at names on the Kabalarians site. Hitler: You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-hide-some-trivial-info-in-my-marriage/666545.md?page=2)