# I'm going to shove that cell phone up your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199 "2005-06-21T15:04:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/1 "2005-06-21T15:04:07Z")
Look. It’s just a fucking phone. I don’t know if it appeals to your inner child who’s never gotten over the novelty of a walkie talkie. I don’t know if the mere magic of a wireless communication device is clouding your easily befuddled mind. I don’t even care that you can take a photo of your ass with the damn thing and send it to your buddies as a joke is a source of endless amusement to you. It’s a FUCKING PHONE. A device which, at it’s best, is still an Alexander fucking Graham bloody Bell TELEPHONE!!! Get over the fucking novelty of it all. When I’m speaking to you, don’t keep reaching for your hip and pulling it out to check who’s messaging you every 30 seconds. It’s distracting and we all know that nothing you do is THAT important. If it were that fucking important, you’d have a secretary to take your messages. And you still would not be _that_ important. Unless lives depend on you and your ability to respond to a call, I need you to focus on what I’m saying. Yes, “Ring-Dingy” recorded by your child’s voice is very precious as a caller ID ring. But not during a business meeting, which is already longer than it needs to be. Focus you A.D.D. retard, so we can all get out of here and get on with our day. You! Ya, the one with the blackberry type thing that never leaves your hands. Nobody is impressed that you’re that wired. You look more like a dog with a wireless fence collar than a savvy connected player. Knock that shit off. I know it’s just your S.O. asking if you’d remembered to pick up the dry cleaning. Is there a moment in your day that you can entertain an uninterrupted thought longer than 60 seconds? Mainlining digital noise monkeys!!! (Oooo! Band name!!!) ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/2 "2005-06-21T15:13:34Z")
**QuickSilver** , you are my new best friend! (Even if you don’t like my pants. 😉 ) I avoided getting a cell phone for a long time, precisely because I didn’t want to be one of those twits, or to look like one of those twits, or to be perceived as _trying_ to look like those twits. Since getting a cell phone, I’ve found it to be a rather useful thing to have - but it’s a tool, a convenience, nothing more. Cell phones stopped being status symbols when people on food stamps started getting them. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/3 "2005-06-21T15:16:54Z")
I give the rant an 8. I would have rated it higher but the use of this unPC phrase, “Focus you A.D.D. retard” knocked some points off. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/4 "2005-06-21T15:19:27Z")
Are you _kidding_? Do you have any idea how much they’re _paying_ for that kind of… hang on, I’ve got to take this… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/5 "2005-06-21T15:22:39Z")
And what’s with people _talking to each other_ as they walk together down the street. Fuckers. Can’t they tell it annoys me? ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/6 "2005-06-21T15:25:32Z")
Yes, I have a cellphone. No, I don’t have 100 different ring tones and none of them are musical or funny. My phone just goes beep-beep-beep. No, I don’t have any cool screensavers on my phone. In fact, it’s not even in color. It just shows the time. No, I can’t take pictures with mine. No I can’t go on the web. No it’s not ‘wafer’ thin. No I can’t play tetris supreme on mine. No flashing antenna. You know why? Because it’s a friggin phone. I know your’s is the most expensive thing you own and you like to ‘bling’ it up and have the latest greatest one with the built in satellite dish and hi-def surround sound system. But please, keep your toys at home. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/7 "2005-06-21T15:31:53Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > And what’s with people _talking to each other_ as they walk together down the street. Fuckers. Can’t they tell it annoys me? No one around here does this anymore. They’re on the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/8 "2005-06-21T15:35:55Z")
**QuickSilver** : Do it! Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it!!! Oh, and check back in with us here so we know exactly how _far_ up his ass you managed to get it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/9 "2005-06-21T15:36:04Z")
> [@Amp](#): > > I give the rant an 8. I would have rated it higher but the use of this unPC phrase, “Focus you A.D.D. retard” knocked some points off. I knock even more points off so that now the score is in negative numbers. That insensitive phrase is a direct insult to a family member and I resent it. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/10 "2005-06-21T15:43:07Z")
Quicksilver, just make sure that it’s not on “vibrate” mode. You might get the opposite effect! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/11 "2005-06-21T15:50:19Z")
Only the President of the United States needs a cell phone. No one else is important enough. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/12 "2005-06-21T15:51:03Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I knock even more points off so that now the score is in negative numbers. That insensitive phrase is a direct insult to a family member and I resent it. Oh, lighten up. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/13 "2005-06-21T16:04:21Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > Only the President of the United States needs a cell phone. No one else is important enough. You better hang on to your’s as well. The president may need to reach you for an important consultation. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/14 "2005-06-21T16:19:45Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > Only the President of the United States needs a cell phone. No one else is important enough. So we have them for luxuries. What’s wrong with that? Everything ranted about in the OP can be solved by simply demonstrating manners, not limiting the use of the devices to the important few. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/15 "2005-06-21T16:24:43Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Oh, lighten up. Fuck you. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/16 "2005-06-21T16:27:33Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I knock even more points off so that now the score is in negative numbers. That insensitive phrase is a direct insult to a family member and I resent it. Welcome to the pit. If you were that offended by that comment, you may want to grab some tissues if your going to stay here. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/17 "2005-06-21T16:27:39Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > Fuck you. Only if you buy me dinner first, babycakes. ---
**Author:** ![Notorious\_Nik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Notorious\_Nik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorious_Nik)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/18 "2005-06-21T16:43:24Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I knock even more points off so that now the score is in negative numbers. That insensitive phrase is a direct insult to a family member and I resent it. I’ve got another direct insult for you. Get the fuck over it. He wasn’t personaly insulting anyone in your family. He was making a general statement. If you get so damn offended by something you read on a message board, you really shouldn’t be reading much at all. Lighten up, grow up and for god sake shut the fuck up. Oh yeah, almost forgot the OP. I also hate cell phones. I hate that I have to own one now because they are so damn convienent. But I’ve got a rule with mine that I try to always adhere to. When I’m in public, the phone is on vibrate. If I take the call, I usually tell them that I’ll call them back when I’m somewhere less public. If I’m in the bank or the movie theater, the damn thing stays off. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/19 "2005-06-21T16:52:34Z")
Don’t get me started on cell phones and movie theaters. I love my cell phone but if I pay $8 to go see a movie, not to mention the cost of pocorn and pop, you better damn well believe that phone is going off. Why in the hell do people go out to the movies, pay all that money to see said movie but then sit there and talk on the phone while the movie is playing? WTF?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/20 "2005-06-21T17:05:52Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > You! Ya, the one with the blackberry type thing that never leaves your hands. Nobody is impressed that you’re that wired. [nitpick] I thought that the attraction of the Blackberry and similar items is that they are wire_less_. [/nitpick] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199.md?page=2)