# I'm going to shove that cell phone up your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199 "2005-06-21T15:04:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/41 "2005-06-21T19:16:15Z")
Steering back on course. About six months ago my car was having reliability issues and I caved in to my mom’s insistence I get a cell. I’ve used it precisely 4 times and either the battery was dead (yes, I charge it regularly) or reception was so bad I might as well not have bothered. Was I left stranded by the side of the road because of this? Did someone die because I couldn’t call 911? Did we not have milk for cereal the next morning? No. The worst that happened was that I had to walk from the parking lot to the building to use the phone in there. Of course, I’m weird about phones. I grew up so far out in the middle of nowhere, we didn’t have a phone. It meant we had to plan ahead or make do or do without. All of those things are good. They taught me to be organized, prudent, and self-reliant, among others. Thank you for the reminder to cancel my cell, **QuickSilver**. I am just not somebody who needs one. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/42 "2005-06-21T19:28:34Z")
In the hopes that this helps everyone calm down: The “A.D.D. retard” I so calously refered to in my OP is actually a guy who I work with, who really has trouble on focusing on one single subject long enough to see it to its logical conclusion. He’s constantly on to the next subject without settling the previous one. It may not be A.D.D. but it sure seems that way. Plus, this grabbing for his hip every time the phone vibrates or beeps seems like compulsive behaviour. I know O.C. disorders are not the same as mental retardation but I was trying to paint a funny mental image in my post not give a precise clinical psychological analysis of the subject. Is there really no more room for literary license? My appologies if I’ve offended any ADD’s, OC’s or retards. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/43 "2005-06-21T19:34:10Z")
> [@Ashes](#): > > Steering back on course. > > Thank you for the reminder to cancel my cell, **QuickSilver**. I am just not somebody who needs one. I suspect you’re not the problem child on this issue. I’m not advocating anyone cancel or crush their cell phone. I’m just asking that people get over the obsessive fucking fascination with what should be a basic and mundane tool of modern day convenience. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/44 "2005-06-21T19:40:34Z")
Back on track for you **QuickSilver**. To the grocery shopper: YOU pick the cut of the steak. The person on the other end of your call can’t see them. Same goes for the tomatos. To the person I’m talking to: I’m so glad that you think the incoming call is so much more important then the conversation we are having. I swear the next time this happens I’m going to just walk away. (The same holds true of call waiting. I’m tired of being considered less important then whomever happens to call in after me.) Yes, cellphone behavior is a manners issue. I still wish restaurants had the option of declaring themselves cellphone free. Let me, the consumer, decide if I want a phone conversation-free dinner. Let the restaurant/store/church/theatre install jammers, with appropriate notices. And **Bippy the Beardless**. > [@](#): > > I have no intention of being on call without being paid for it So you are getting paid to be on call and to be reachable by cellphone. You also want to be able to go out and do things WHILE you are being paid to be on call and reachable. Does the person sitting next to you in the theatre or the restaurant get paid for listening to you be on call and reachable? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/45 "2005-06-21T19:42:49Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Some people do need to be contactable at all times even if they are not the President, but those people are polite enough to set their phone to vibrate mode. (Just using this statement as an illustration, not picking on **Bippy** specifically) Funny how it’s commonly assumed that if one has a cell phone, one has it turned on 24/7 and has given out the number to everybody one knows, with free rein to call at anytime. Mr. S and I both have cell phones. He keeps his on at work in case I need to reach him (he moves around), and I am finally getting into the habit of turning mine on when I leave the house. My mother and a few close friends have our numbers, but they all know that we rarely have our phones on; they have the numbers so that we can say “Call me on my cell phone” without having to dig out the number. Our cell phones have more outgoing calls than incoming ones. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/46 "2005-06-21T19:49:57Z")
Oh god, I’m working at the funeral home today and I’m sitting in my dad’s office, down the hall from the lobby. This guest is sitting in there just yak-yak-yaking on his cellphone, and I can follow his conversation all the way in here. Jesus, conduct your business elsewhere, jackass. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/47 "2005-06-21T19:51:28Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > (Just using this statement as an illustration, not picking on **Bippy** specifically) > > Funny how it’s commonly assumed that if one has a cell phone, one has it turned on 24/7 and has given out the number to everybody one knows, with free rein to call at anytime. Mr. S and I both have cell phones. He keeps his on at work in case I need to reach him (he moves around), and I am finally getting into the habit of turning mine on when I leave the house. My mother and a few close friends have our numbers, but they all know that we rarely have our phones on; they have the numbers so that we can say “Call me on my cell phone” without having to dig out the number. Our cell phones have more outgoing calls than incoming ones. I know what you mean, and as someone who was required by his government to be on call 24/7 for specific weeks it grates that people without an excuse use “need to be connected all the time” as an excuse. b.t.w. no one knew my on call cell phone number except those who needed to know, definately no friends or family. I’m sure doctors on call have similar problems being associated with those who are just plane rude. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/48 "2005-06-21T20:03:11Z")
> [@Tastes of Chocolate](#): > > And **Bippy the Beardless**. So you are getting paid to be on call and to be reachable by cellphone. You also want to be able to go out and do things WHILE you are being paid to be on call and reachable. Does the person sitting next to you in the theatre or the restaurant get paid for listening to you be on call and reachable? Sorry I wasn’t clear. I had my phone on vibrate in any social setting. I would quitely leave any place I might cause disturbance and take the call at the soonest possible time that I was not causing a disturbance. It was easy even when I wasrequired to answer any call within 5 minutes to do it without disturbing anyone. I am on the side of those who hate obnoxious cell phoners, just opposed to using signal blocking devices as a way to stop the problem. I’d much rather see fines imposed or people getting thrown out of restaurants/theaters etc. Since I was working for the government at the time, the person sitting next to me if a UK citizen was paying to have me on call and reachable, and I was providing a service which could possibly save the life of someone he knew. Anyway, the only call outs I did get were in the middle of the night and woke me up in my hotel room. I just appreciate that I was not confined to being within earshot of a land line for the periods I was on 24/7. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/49 "2005-06-21T20:37:26Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > My appologies if I’ve offended any ADD’s, OC’s or retards. 😛 I’m ODD. You’ve now offended me! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/50 "2005-06-21T20:50:05Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > My wife is NOT retarded you slimy cocksucker. Go straight to hell and fuck you while you are going. Considering the endless debates we’ve had on the perceived slights from the word “cocksucker” (which, by the by, interests me about as much as the perceived slight over retards and ADD suffers) I found this mildly ironic and slightly amusing. You all may now carry on with your fuck you flamewar. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/51 "2005-06-21T21:46:58Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Considering the endless debates we’ve had on the perceived slights from the word “cocksucker” (which, by the by, interests me about as much as the perceived slight over retards and ADD suffers) I found this mildly ironic and slightly amusing. You all may now carry on with your fuck you flamewar. No thanks, I’m bored now. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/52 "2005-06-21T21:51:07Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > No thanks, I’m bored now. Er… Nah. Too easy… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/53 "2005-06-21T22:10:33Z")
I was at a [Kinsey Sicks](http://www.kinseysicks.com/) concert where the performers actually announced that if a cell phone rang during the performance, they would come into the audience and shove it up the owner’s ass. They didn’t follow through when one did ring, but they did give the guy a pretty dirty look, and he shut it up damn fast. He looked pretty scared, too. ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/54 "2005-06-21T22:10:39Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > I’m sure doctors on call have similar problems being associated with those who are just plane rude. You’d be surprised how many of them are still on beepers. My boss doesn’t even own a cell phone. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/55 "2005-06-21T22:12:35Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I was just poking him with another stick. If she really was mentally handicapped, I wouldn’t say that. It’s also called trolling. Don’t do it again, **Trunk**. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for maybe being oblivious, but your subsequent comments cleared up the ambiguity: you’re acting like a jerk. Yes, this is a warning. TVeblen ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/56 "2005-06-21T22:16:16Z")
> [@TwoTrouts](#): > > Last week, as I entered the locker room in my business attire, a teenager stops me. “Dude, can I borrow your cell phone?” > I smile and say, “I don’t have one.” > Teenager takes a step back in shock and looks at me like I am some kind of mutant! I’m waiting for someone to ask me the same question. At which point I will say “No. Go use a payphone.” I mean, you wouldn’t go knock on someone’s door and ask to use their private phone line (for anything less than an emergency). Why the fuck should I let you use my private phone just because it goes in my pocket and not on my desk? And, yes, I agree with it all. I ran into some friends from high school a few years ago, and we went to get some dinner and catch up. One guy took 6 _fucking_ calls during a 1 hour dinner. None of them important. Luckily, the other friend remains a worthwhile human being. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/57 "2005-06-21T22:23:13Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > My appologies if I’ve offended any ADD’s, OC’s or retards. 😛 Well, I have a close friend with IBD. I am not offended, however. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/58 "2005-06-21T22:35:56Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Why the fuck should I let you use my private phone just because it goes in my pocket and not on my desk? A few weeks back I called my doctor’s office for some information, but the person who had it wasn’t in just then; could they have her call me back? Well, yes, but I was leaving (for the gym) in about 15 minutes; but she could leave a message on the machine if I wasn’t home. “Well, can she call you on your cell phone?” WTF? First, why did they assume I had one? Second (as I told them), I do have one, but I rarely have it on (and certainly not on my person while I’m working out). Third, I am not going to discuss my medical situation on a cell phone in public when someone from the doctor’s office calls me at some random time. I said I had a cell phone but would not be using it while I was out, and reiterated that it was fine to leave a message. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/59 "2005-06-21T22:37:04Z")
Any nurses or doctors here who can regale us with real stories of real cell phones being rammed up real asses? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/60 "2005-06-21T23:00:13Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > Any nurses or doctors here who can regale us with real stories of real cell phones being rammed up real asses? I tried to do a google search. I should’ve known better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199.md?page=4)