# I'm going to shove that cell phone up your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199 "2005-06-21T15:04:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/81 "2005-06-22T08:28:51Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Er… Nah. Too easy… 😉 I was gonna comment on this, but I don’t remember why. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/82 "2005-06-22T14:04:16Z")
> [@Farmwoman](#): > > My apologies to any mutes I may have offended Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/83 "2005-06-22T14:37:55Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > Why would this offend you so much? It’s a _mobile phone_. The whole idea behind them is to take them around with you and use them when you are away. I can understand that perhaps _you_ do not use yours in this way, but I can assure you that most cellphone users do. I wouldn’t have given this question a second thought. Because IMHO I should be the one to choose whether I give someone access to my cell phone number, and I think it’s rude for someone to assume that they should be allowed to have it. Furthermore, I had just given them a way to contact me – call my home number and leave a message if I’m not there\*\* (and yes, they have a signed HIPAA form on file to that effect). Third, being a medical office, it should have occurred to them that I might not want to discuss my medical situation when I’m out and about in public. When I told them I had a phone, but would not be using it while I was gone, they seemed rather flummoxed. Does no one understand the concept of private time or disconnectivity anymore? (I guess not, what with all the stories of people taking calls while on the toilet.) > [@](#): > > Moreover, the assumption that you have one would come from the fact that cellphone penetration in the US (according to Wikipedia) is approximately 66%. If you did not, then you would be in the minority. So if 33% of the population doesn’t have one, it still seems a bit of a jump to assume that any single individual has one. I’d still be inclined to ask whether they had a phone than to assume they had one and ask for their number. * * * \*\*Reminds me of the time I was dealing with a business-machines company that wanted to give me a quote on a new computer setup. I had all but signed the deal with another company, but decided to give these guys a chance. I sent them the specs and told them to see what they could do – but I explicitly told them that I did NOT want to receive phone calls from them, as I had just started an important, complex project and wanted minimal interruptions (and I didn’t consider this extra quote very important). I gave them my e-mail and snail-mail addresses and my fax number. They called me THREE TIMES over the next several days with piddly questions. On the last call I blew up and told them I would not be buying from them, and why – because they clearly did not listen to their customers, otherwise I would not have gotten three phone calls when I had requested NONE. “But if I didn’t call you back with the information you wanted, what kind of salesperson would I be?” she whined. I hung up. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/84 "2005-06-22T15:08:46Z")
> [@Notorius Nik](#): > > I’ve got another direct insult for you. Get the fuck over it. He wasn’t personaly insulting anyone in your family. He was making a general statement. If you get so damn offended by something you read on a message board, you really shouldn’t be reading much at all. Lighten up, grow up and for god sake shut the fuck up. And if the OP used “Focus you fat chick, so we can all get out of here …” or “Focus you loud ghetto hoochie, so we can all get out of here …” , and there was a similar uproar, would you publically say “Get the fuck over it?” ADDers complaining about stereotypes and misperceptions of how their minds work should just shut up and deal. As for the offenderati that jump down someone’s throat the moment someone refers to body size or race, though … well, we’ll just pull up a chair and watch the OP get pummeled. Uh huh. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/85 "2005-06-22T15:40:53Z")
OK, lessee… 1. Rant about rude behaviour? Check. 2. Sub-rant started about minor aspect on wording of OP? Check. 3. Multiple posts about how each person is an exception to OP, as if somehow OP was written about them personally? Check. 4. Continuing sub-rant by retards? Check. Carry on… ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/86 "2005-06-22T16:13:06Z")
I have ADD, and I wasn’t offended by the ADD crack; I thought it was funny. Just sayin’. **Scarlett67** , there are people at my gym who actually _do_ bring their cell phones on to the floor, and either leave them on the floor in a corner (which strikes me as a bad idea), or worse yet, they just sit on the equipment while chatting on the phone. The whole phenomenon of people who can’t stand to be “out of touch” for one minute just baffles me. Is it insecurity? I don’t know… ---
**Author:** ![Notorious\_Nik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Notorious\_Nik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorious_Nik)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/87 "2005-06-22T16:29:06Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > And if the OP used “Focus you fat chick, so we can all get out of here …” or “Focus you loud ghetto hoochie, so we can all get out of here …” , and there was a similar uproar, would you publically say “Get the fuck over it?” > > ADDers complaining about stereotypes and misperceptions of how their minds work should just shut up and deal. As for the offenderati that jump down someone’s throat the moment someone refers to body size or race, though … well, we’ll just pull up a chair and watch the OP get pummeled. Uh huh. :rolleyes: Ugh. This thread just got rolling again, I won’t continue the hijack. If you’ve got a problem with what I said, let’s discuss it elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/88 "2005-06-22T16:34:00Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Ah, working for the government, huh? You got it in one! They used to just let us pay the cost of the call. But now they’ve come up with a long list of what non-business calls are allowable (almost none, and dealing with emergencies and family urgencies only) plus they tack on a 66% charge above the standard cost per minute for each call, which I have to compute and add up and re-imburse! The redeeming feature is that since I work in a prison, I’m not allowed to bring even my Dept. of Corrections issued cellphone into any of the DOC prisons. Nor is anyone else! No cell phone disturbances! They do let me carry my pager in tho. The pager I have to carry. The cell is for MY convenience. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/89 "2005-06-22T16:53:23Z")
> [@Yamirskoonir](#): > > **In praise of cell phones:** > In high school, I had a pager. Back when payphone calls were 0.25, I would often receive voice mail pages from family members who needed to leave important information (like what time I would be picked up from practice, etc.). Then the cost of a payphone call shot to .035, and all of a sudden, for every legitimately important voice mail page I received, I also received at least two voice mails with this exact message: “Hey, it’s so-and-so, call me back at MEM-ORON.” FOR THE LOVE LOVE OF OG! WHY DID YOU NOT PAGE ME WITH THE NUMBER TO CALL YOU AT, INSTEAD OF LEAVING A VOICE MAIL?! I AM NOW OUT OF CHANGE FROM CHECKING THE VOICE MAIL AND CANNOT CALL YOU BACK!!! > > _:: pant, pant, pant::_ > > I’ve never had that problem with cell phones! > > Also: A cell phone is what enabled me to bail out a best friend who was in serious trouble at 2:00 a.m. on a Saturday night. My cell phone doubles as my alarm clock in the morning! Lastly (bear with me, almost done praising), I don’t use a landline except for the one provided to me in my work office to conduct work-related business. I found that I simply have no use for landlines, as I’m never home at the moments when I need to talk to people and payphones generally suck. I have “only” 200 minutes a month and I have never gone over. > > **Now back to your regularly scheduled rant:** > Conversely, the next time that fucking bitch of a “friend” BEGS me to go to a movie with her, and then proceeds to answer the five calls she receives on her phone throughout (I don’t care if it’s your mother checking to see if you’ve been raped/kidnapped/assaulted, she knew you were going to be at a movie for the next 2 hours, 17 minutes and 32 seconds and has NO FUCKING REASON to check up on you when you’re 22 years old, so grow the fuck up and turn off the damn phone), I’m going to rip it out of her hands and hurl it as far as I can down the aisle (not into the seats, but down the stairs of AMC’s tiered-style seating). May it shatter into many pieces on the metal handrail. Hi there. Would you like to accompany me to the AMC every time I go? You’d sure come in handy. 😃 You wanna know what’s worse than a cell phone going off during a movie? (Not that it isn’t horribly irritating.) A cell phone going off during a play. Or in a classroom. Or a church or funeral service. That last one is the worst offender. I am, however, with you on the pay phone issue. They’re unreliable and invariably covered in germs or worse. And you can’t play dorky little bowling games on them either. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/90 "2005-06-22T17:14:46Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > And if the OP used “Focus you fat chick, so we can all get out of here …” or “Focus you loud ghetto hoochie, so we can all get out of here …” , and there was a similar uproar, would you publically say “Get the fuck over it?” Um … well, actually, yes, I would. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/91 "2005-06-22T17:17:29Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > OK, lessee… > > 1. Rant about rude behaviour? Check. > 2. Sub-rant started about minor aspect on wording of OP? Check. > 3. Multiple posts about how each person is an exception to OP, as if somehow OP was written about them personally? Check. > 4. Continuing sub-rant by retards? Check. > > Carry on… 1. Latest overused cliche which wasn’t all that funny in the first place? Check, and mate. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/92 "2005-06-22T17:24:09Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > You wanna know what’s worse than a cell phone going off during a movie? (Not that it isn’t horribly irritating.) > A cell phone going off during a play. Or in a classroom. Or a church or funeral service. That last one is the worst offender. Friend of mine goes to a Zen meditation center. During the session, an idiot’s cell phone goes off. Said idiot answers phone, has a prolonged conversation, and gets offended when the woman conducting the session asks him to go to aother area to finish the conversation. \*WTF??!?? \* ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/93 "2005-06-22T18:15:26Z")
I saw a car a couple days ago. It had 4 girls in it- _all_ talking on their cellphones! :eek: I mean- can’t anyone talk face-to-face anymore? ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/94 "2005-06-22T18:16:15Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > I’m waiting for someone to ask me the same question. At which point I will say “No. Go use a payphone.” If they can find on these days. I drove around for 10 minutes looking for one once. After that, i decided to get a cell phone. As for all the pompous asses who are offended by call waiting: Are you really **that** important? Too important for the other person to check the call from their SO to see if it’s of utter importance or something mundane and click back to you in 10 seconds? Too important to see if a neighbor is calling to tell them that their dog got out of the back yard is running in traffic or just checking to see if dinner is on? For Pete’s sake, if you can’t spare 10-15 seconds in a conversation then perhaps you should evaluate you relative importance to the world. ---
**Author:** ![RobuSensei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/919ad9/32.png) [@RobuSensei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobuSensei)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/95 "2005-06-22T18:29:22Z")
> [@Boo Boo Foo](#): > > I don’t know how great the penetration of “Short Message Texts” are at the moment in North America, but down here in Australia and in countries the world over which use variations of the GSM Network Technology, SMS’s are amazingly ubiquitous. You don’t know the meaning of the word _“fear”_ until you’ve ridden in a car going 90-100 kph, and the driver (who self-admittedly drives “like yakuza”) is simultaneously tapping out a phone-e-mail. (500 (English) character limit, here in Japan.) And now, with a recent national law banning cell phone use in cars w/o hands-free units, instead of holding the phone at the top of the steering wheel, where one can maybe sorta react to something in front of the car, drivers now hold their phones below dashboard level… Seriously, phone e-mails (the Japanese equivalent of SMS or text messaging) are ubiquitous here in Japan. I’ve seen people tapping out messages while riding their bicycles, hitting an unnoticed obstacle and falling down hard, all the while never losing their grip on their phone, and continuing to tap out their message! (“Aa! Bikkuri shita, ochita! Itai…”) ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Norse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/big_norse/32/9954_2.png) [@Big\_Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Norse)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/96 "2005-06-22T18:33:11Z")
> [@infamousmom](#): > > I think there’s a special circle of hell reserved for people who love their ring tones so much that they have to let the crank-ass little ditty play _all the way through_… in the middle of the public library. And an even lower circle for those who like to spend their time on the train testing out ALL of the possible ring tones on the damn thing at full volume over and over and over and over… ---
**Author:** ![Notorious\_Nik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/858c86/32.png) [@Notorious\_Nik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorious_Nik)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/97 "2005-06-22T18:35:15Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > As for all the pompous asses who are offended by call waiting: Are you really **that** important? Too important for the other person to check the call from their SO to see if it’s of utter importance or something mundane and click back to you in 10 seconds? Too important to see if a neighbor is calling to tell them that their dog got out of the back yard is running in traffic or just checking to see if dinner is on? For Pete’s sake, if you can’t spare 10-15 seconds in a conversation then perhaps you should evaluate you relative importance to the world. You know, I was going to refute this but I got to thinking. If I was talking to a person face to face and someone interrupts with a situation you just described, I would probably be okay with it. I suppose the difference is that on the phone, you don’t know how long the delay will be and what it is for. Now on the other hand, if someone interrupted my conversation to start another one, I’d be a little pissed. So yeah, I guess I have to agree with you on this one, **kidchameleon**. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/98 "2005-06-22T20:32:25Z")
> [@Notorius Nik](#): > > You know, I was going to refute this but I got to thinking. If I was talking to a person face to face and someone interrupts with a situation you just described, I would probably be okay with it. I suppose the difference is that on the phone, you don’t know how long the delay will be and what it is for. Now on the other hand, if someone interrupted my conversation to start another one, I’d be a little pissed. So yeah, I guess I have to agree with you on this one, **kidchameleon**. Gee, thanks. :o Now if the person doesn’t get back to you, either to resume the conversation or let you know how long they’re going to be within 10-15 seconds, then they’re being rude. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/99 "2005-06-22T21:16:03Z")
> [@RobuSensei](#): > > You don’t know the meaning of the word _“fear”_ until you’ve ridden in a car going 90-100 kph, and the driver (who self-admittedly drives “like yakuza”) is simultaneously tapping out a phone-e-mail. My 57-year-old mother – not known as having good driving reflexes in the best of situations – got a new cellphone a month or two ago, and I have had to ask her _repeatedly_ not to call/talk to me while driving. After 3 or 4 requests along those lines, I got a jumbled text message from her one day which she later apologized for with: “Sorry, I was merging onto the highway while I was replying.” :eek: :mad: I came this close to going ballistic on her. I think I finally got her to understand that, bad as talking while driving is, texting while driving is _worse_. I swear to og, it’s like dealing with a teenager sometimes… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199/100 "2005-06-22T21:31:27Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > As for all the pompous asses who are offended by call waiting: Are you really **that** important? Too important for the other person to check the call from their SO to see if it’s of utter importance or something mundane and click back to you in 10 seconds? Too important to see if a neighbor is calling to tell them that their dog got out of the back yard is running in traffic or just checking to see if dinner is on? For Pete’s sake, if you can’t spare 10-15 seconds in a conversation then perhaps you should evaluate you relative importance to the world. What is comes down to, for me, is am I really **that** unimportant? Is every phone call that might come in more important then me? In a business context, is the next customer to call in more important then the one you have on the line now (me)? 75% of my phone conversations with my manager (he is in another state) are interupted with a “Can you hold on a minute?” followed by a minute + of listening to hold music. I don’t just call to shoot the shit. I call with questions that impact my job and how I do it. I vote for going back to a good old busy signal. It was a nifty little system, complete with a special tone that would let the second incoming phone call know that the person they were calling was busy, so try back again in a couple of minutes. And yes, I mean this as caller 1, caller 2 and the call recipient. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-going-to-shove-that-cell-phone-up-your-ass/309199.md?page=6)