# I'm gonig to destroy the Earth. Which method should I choose? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 18, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693 "2006-12-18T21:30:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/21 "2006-12-19T03:03:03Z")
**"Destroying the Earth"** **The Effect:** Before your audience’s eyes, you destroy the Earth! **You will need:** –A handkerchief –Two paper clips –A rubber band –The Earth This trick takes a bit of preparation. First, cut the rubber band and tie one paper clip to each end. Attach one paper clip to the inside of your shirt cuff (long sleeves are necessary for this trick!) and hold the other paper clip discreetly between your thumb and forefinger. Now you are ready to destroy the Earth! During casual conversation, announce to your friends that you have the power to destroy the Earth. Show them the Earth, and invite them to examine it closely. Then cover the Earth with a handkerchief. \*As you do this, secretly lift one edge of the Earth and attach the other paper clip to it. \* (Practice this in front of the mirror first.) Pull the handkerchief away, and at the same time let go of the paper clip. The rubber band will snap backward, pulling the Earth up your sleeve and out of your audience’s view! Done quickly enough, it will appear as though the Earth has really been magically “destroyed” in front of their very eyes! ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/22 "2006-12-19T03:17:18Z")
[QUOTE=blinkingblinking] what is a gonig? [/QUOTE] A typo for Going of course. Geesh, RU nu 2 teh internets oar sumthang? ---
**Author:** ![blinkingblinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@blinkingblinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blinkingblinking)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/23 "2006-12-19T05:20:44Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] A typo for Going of course. Geesh, RU nu 2 teh internets oar sumthang? [/QUOTE] Are you new to this message board? Most people check spelling on this board. I thought ‘gonig’ might be some strange weapon for destroying the earth or a mutant gonad (which may be able to destroy the earth). ---
**Author:** ![TimeWinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@TimeWinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimeWinder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/24 "2006-12-19T07:11:07Z")
Sandpaper. Be sure to start with the coarse grit, or it will take forever. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/25 "2006-12-19T07:39:46Z")
[Don’t be a piker.](http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/8.05/rhic.html) ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/26 "2006-12-19T07:52:46Z")
I’d increase the Earth’s spin by 10% everyday with some sort of modified gravity wave thingy. It’s always best if they see it coming but can’t do anything about it. How evil of me. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/27 "2006-12-19T08:14:41Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] It needs to be done with some pizazz [/QUOTE] OMG, it would \*totally \*RULE if you destroyed the earth with pizzas! You’re the coolest evil overlord _ever_! 😃 C’mon, I can’t be the only person who mis-read that, surely? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/28 "2006-12-19T08:20:59Z")
Give the humans weapons of mass destruction. They will destroy it themselves, the sods. Muahaha. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/29 "2006-12-19T08:50:29Z")
Giant (I mean like the size of Jupiter) robots dressed like the Harlem Globetrotters. They show up, grab the Earth do all kinds of crazy tricks with it, and then slam dunk it into a black hole. Or, a giant Babe Ruth robot to bat it out of the solar system (pointing to the point in the cosmos where it’s going to hit the Earth, first, of course). Finally, a giant John Holmes robot that fucks the Earth into tiny pieces. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/30 "2006-12-19T09:56:00Z")
Activate underwater volcanoes, letting all the lava out of the centre of the earth, then the world will deflate, and the seas will cover all the land except my secret base at the top of Everest. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/31 "2006-12-19T10:11:52Z")
Always keep an eye out for[the exotic longshot.](http://www.geocities.com/rojodos/docs/9000000000.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/32 "2006-12-19T12:04:11Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Giant (I mean like the size of Jupiter) robots dressed like the Harlem Globetrotters. They show up, grab the Earth do all kinds of crazy tricks with it, and then slam dunk it into a black hole. [/quote] Ooh! Now _that_ would be dazzling! Except for two things: 1. What would they bounce the Earth on? 2. In space, no one can hear you whistle Sweet Georgia Brown. P.S. I am Gonig. Weren’t you paying attention? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/33 "2006-12-19T12:30:08Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] You could always just schedule an intergalactic bypass to be built. You’ve got to build bypasses you know. [/QUOTE] Nuts. Beaten to the punch. :::::Shakes fist:::::: Curse you, Antinor! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/34 "2006-12-19T13:41:42Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] A typo for Going of course. Geesh, RU nu 2 teh internets oar sumthang? [/QUOTE] BAD! BAD! BAD **What Exit?** No makee l33tspeak on the carpet! BAD! 😛 😃 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/35 "2006-12-19T14:06:23Z")
[QUOTE=blinkingblinking] Are you new to this message board? Most people check spelling on this board. I thought ‘gonig’ might be some strange weapon for destroying the earth or a mutant gonad (which may be able to destroy the earth). [/QUOTE] I like the mutant gonad idea. It would just keep growing and expanding and consuming everything in its path, until finally the earth was consumed. [QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] BAD! BAD! BAD **What Exit?** No makee l33tspeak on the carpet! BAD! 😛 😃 [/QUOTE] _{:As a six year old in trouble}_ Sorry, I won’t do it again. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/36 "2006-12-19T14:19:50Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Ooh! Now _that_ would be dazzling! Except for two things: 1. What would they bounce the Earth on? 2. In space, no one can hear you whistle Sweet Georgia Brown. [/QUOTE] GodRef: “Pfweeet! Walking!” The earth gets a free throw. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/37 "2006-12-19T15:04:10Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Meh. What do you expect from Microsoft? [/QUOTE] Well…I coulda sworn that it worked in the demo version. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/38 "2006-12-19T15:05:40Z")
If all you want to do is wipe out Humanity, then simply give everybody free & unlimited Internet access. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/39 "2006-12-19T15:54:02Z")
A 1920s Style Death Ray…a HUGE one. I can’t believe nobody else thought of this ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693/40 "2006-12-19T16:21:30Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] A 1920s Style Death Ray…a HUGE one. I can’t believe nobody else thought of this [/QUOTE] Of course, we thought of this, it just would not work. As we all know from the thread dealing with the details specs on the “1920s Style Death Ray” is that they do not have the ability to scale up to a sufficient level to accomplish our goal here. Perhaps you have some new insight? Now of course if we rebuilt [Wardenclyffe Tower](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wardenclyffe_Tower) and scaled that up, we might be able to achieve your goals. Jim 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonig-to-destroy-the-earth-which-method-should-i-choose/384693.md?page=3)