# I'm Gonna Sue! A Jello Rant! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665 "2001-02-01T02:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/21 "2001-11-09T01:50:33Z")
Duck Duck Goose wrote: > [@](#): > > As any cat will tell you, “Shaken is not the same as stirred.” Of course, Agent 007 will tell you the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/22 "2001-11-09T01:57:17Z")
T’other night I was stirring my jell-o and I splashed it and it got all over my little love note from Gunslinger and now I’m all sad and love-letter-less. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/23 "2001-11-09T04:25:04Z")
There is so much to say to this highly amusing thread!! First of all, I love the story-telling on these boards, and **Fenris** , you did an awesome job! In conjunction with **TVeblen’s** comment on the Scylla Day: aren’t you glad it didn’t ruin your favorite boxer shorts? Cuz then you would’ve got hurt, ya know, “down there”? And **Tracer** beat me to the punch on the 007 reference to **Duck Duck Goose’s** “shaken not stirred” comment. ☹ Ok, that covers it, lol. Damn funny stuff **Fen** ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/24 "2001-11-09T04:31:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Devil May Care \* > **And Tracer beat me to the punch on the 007 reference to Duck Duck Goose’s “shaken not stirred” comment. ☹** Truly, this is one of the funniest things I have ever read on this board. Beat you to the punch? Look at the dates in this thread. A blind quadrapalegic three toed sloth could have beaten you to the punch. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/25 "2001-11-09T04:37:01Z")
> [@](#): > > From falling the driveway… Is that like winterizing it or something? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/26 "2001-11-09T04:41:29Z")
Good Lord, Ender, you’re right. Geez, tracer, it took you _nine months_ to come up with that quip? I hope it wasn’t a difficult delivery or anything. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/27 "2001-11-09T04:47:58Z")
Jell-O is more dangerous than you think Fenris [HOW JELL-O® KILLED THE DINOSAURS](http://www.frankwu.com/Jell-O.html) [http://www.stanford.edu/dept/facultysenate/archive/1999\_2000/reports/106339/106431.html](http://www.stanford.edu/dept/facultysenate/archive/1999_2000/reports/106339/106431.html) Guided by his postulate that “anything will lase if you hit it hard enough”, he and Ted Hänsch strove to create the first “edible laser” made from Jell-O dessert. Working with two flavors per day, they marched through all 12 flavors of Knox brand Jell-O. Unfortunately, none of the gelatin desserts showed lasing action, and Art retreated back to his office where he ate each of the failures! Eventually, he and Ted spiked the Jell-O with sodium fluorescein, a known laser dye, and immediately saw lasing action. The news of the “almost edible” laser spread rapidly and was published in 1971. It stimulated the production, at Bell Laboratories, of a two-laser interference pattern in a photographic gelatin film, which allowed the development of a new type of laser (distributed feedback) widely used in long distance optical fiber communication. …and here’s a final (and serious question) for you Fenris. In what way is Jell-O intimately connected with mass death and destruction? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/28 "2001-11-09T04:50:34Z")
Timing man. It’s all about the timing. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/29 "2001-11-09T05:16:57Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. The lawsuit, for the moment will have to be put on the back burner. After all this and you _still_ haven’t learned to stay away from the stove? ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/30 "2001-11-09T06:44:53Z")
Bwaaahahahaaaa ! I saw my Mum do the exploding thing with an egg fresh out of the microwave, so I’m sitting here, pissing myself laughing, picturing the scene again, but instead of gazillions of tiny bits of egg, I’m seeing gazillions of tiny bits of Black Cherry Jello[sup]TM[/sup] everywhere. 😃 Please, everyone, shove an egg in a microwave for two minutes, then get a spoon and go… [sub]tap[/sub] Believe me, you’ll have a joke to remember for years. You’ll also still be finding tiny bits of egg for years ! ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2001, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/31 "2001-11-09T13:01:50Z")
Reminds me of the time a friend brought over some microwave popcorn. Apparently, he’s always had those little cheap 2 minutes for coffee microwaves. Mine isn’t. Mine was a Christmas gift from my parents, who believe in real he - man appliances. We’re talking licensed by the AEC microwave here. He puts the little bag in for the amount of time he’s used to. A few minutes later, yellow - brown smoke is pouring out, the smoke detector is pointing out the obvious, and I’m pulling a burning bag of Redenbacher’s best out of the microwave from Hades and hurling it into the sink. Then quickly opening the windows so we don’t all die from these toxic fumes. Then saying “screw it,” turning the fans on and excaping to the great outdoors. There is now a yellow brown stain inside my microwave - it resisted all efforts to clean it out. Whatever Orville uses, it must be registered as a weapon of mass destruction - I’ve never seen _anything_ stick to the porcelin(?) lining. Needless to say, microwave popcorn is now and forever banned in the **galen** household. ---
**Author:** ![EvilGhandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@EvilGhandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilGhandi)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/32 "2001-11-10T11:28:31Z")
Here’s mine. I cooked up a good pot of soup. Like any great dish created by a great chef, the aroma must be appreciated. I decanted a bowl on the counter, bent over to inhale the luxurious aroma, and accidentially stuck my nose into the boiling cauldron of hell that was the soup. Of course, my immediate reaction was to pull my head back, and slam it into the bottom of the cabinettes. The pain of smashing my skull into the wooden cabinnettes forced a counter reaction. That is, move forcefully in the oposite direction. This, of course resulted in my splashing my entire face into the scalding bowl of soup. Which, of course forced an even more violent retraction, resulting in a smashing blow on the cabinette, forcing another counter reaction to, you guessed it, the now half filled bowl of soup. This cartoon like action continued until my knees buckled. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@The\_Great\_Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/33 "2001-11-12T19:10:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EvilGhandi \* > \*\*Here’s mine. > > I cooked up a good pot of soup. > > Like any great dish created by a great chef, the aroma must be appreciated. > > I decanted a bowl on the counter, bent over to inhale the luxurious aroma, and accidentially stuck my nose into the boiling cauldron of hell that was the soup. > > Of course, my immediate reaction was to pull my head back, and slam it into the bottom of the cabinettes. > > The pain of smashing my skull into the wooden cabinnettes forced a counter reaction. > > That is, move forcefully in the oposite direction. > > This, of course resulted in my splashing my entire face into the scalding bowl of soup. > > Which, of course forced an even more violent retraction, resulting in a smashing blow on the cabinette, forcing another counter reaction to, you guessed it, the now half filled bowl of soup. > > This cartoon like action continued until my knees buckled. \*\* Are you Lucy? or Jerry Lewis??? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/34 "2001-11-12T19:43:25Z")
My dear **EvilGhandi** , that was without a doubt the funniest thing I have ever read. Ever. I’m sorry for laughing at your pain. Hysterically. Oh, I can’t breathe… ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/35 "2001-11-12T20:11:30Z")
This was the very first thread I ever laughed so hard reading that I have tears running down my cheeks. **Fenris** and **EvilGhandi** , you are wonderful storytellers. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/36 "2001-11-12T20:43:17Z")
Keep in mind, Fenris, that it could have been worse… What if you had burned your manpackage upon exiting the Jello drive thru?" _Well, lookee what Ah’m a-makin’ heah, cat…_ heh heh heh, I say, I say cat, heh heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665/37 "2001-11-13T06:53:46Z")
I read this thread a few days ago and found it so amusing that I had to come back to re-read **Fenris’s** conversation with his cat. And I’m glad I did, 'cause **EvilGhandi** made me laugh so hard I almost peed. This is such a cool message board. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-gonna-sue-a-jello-rant/52665.md?page=1)