# I'm heart broken- How do I get through this? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 2, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402 "2012-09-02T00:22:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/1 "2012-09-02T00:22:13Z")
Long story short- Four years ago I met a great girl. I dated her about 6 times and something happened (long story) and that was it- we never contacted each other again. I’ve literally thought about her every day for four years, fantasizing about how our lives would have been together. I never “made love” to anyone before her. I always though the concept was bullshit and it was just a term made up for those that felt dirty about fucking, but after her I understood. I’ve fucked plenty of girls, including one’s I’ve been in love with. With her it was unbelievably special. I emailed her last week expressing how I felt and she told me she thinks of me often too. She said she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 6 months a week ago and would like to go on a date with me (I asked her out on one in the email). We went out last Saturday night and had the most romantic dinner. I’ve dated lots of girls before, but I have never ever been so in love with someone and so fast. I’ve actually been in love with her over the years that I’ve been fantasizing about her. We started making plans about spending our lives together during the week via phone (we don’t live very close and she works and goes to school at night). Tonight was the night I was supposed to come over and we were supposed to hold each other all night, and like she said in an email to me, “melt in to each other.” I’ve never looked forward to an evening more in my life. With every woman I’ve been in love with, I mostly fantasized about sex. I wasn’t doing that this time. I couldn’t stop thinking about caressing her skin, looking into her eyes and holding her. She is the most feminine woman I have ever seen. Every part about her is so perfect. No one could understand how much the tonight that was supposed to be meant to me. I can’t stop kicking myself. There are more details, but I don’t want to make this so long that no one is interested in reading it. Anyway, I screwed up and wrote her an email expressing that she be honest with me about whether or not her ex contacts her. She was angry that I did that after we had discussed this at length on the phone the day before. That night, she broke it off with me and expressed that she needs to focus on her and work and school, blah blah, blah. I’m sure she’ll be doing all of that and still have a next boyfriend. I really believe that I’ll never find someone so meant for me and one that I think is so perfect. I don’t want to caress anyone else’s skin or hold them all night. I know I’ll be pining away for her four years from now just like I have been for the past four years. I have been crying almost non-stop (I’m crying right now). How do I get through this? Is there anything I can do to get her back? I already expressed how I feel through email, and she doesn’t want me to contact her anymore. I literally feel like my heart is breaking in half. It hurts so bad. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/2 "2012-09-02T00:31:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Long story short- Four years ago I met a great girl. I dated her about 6 times and something happened (long story) and that was it- we never contacted each other again. I’ve literally thought about her every day for four years, fantasizing about how our lives would have been together. I never “made love” to anyone before her. I always though the concept was bullshit and it was just a term made up for those that felt dirty about fucking, but after her I understood. I’ve fucked plenty of girls, including one’s I’ve been in love with. With her it was unbelievably special. you sound like you’re 15 years old and have an astounding lack of perspective. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/3 "2012-09-02T00:45:24Z")
Do you want honesty or more fantasy? You aren’t in love or anything close to it. You have a relationship that you have built up in your imagination, to the ideals that exist in your head, and not anything based in reality. Your expectations are never going to be met. You’ve had a four year daydream that you have poured all your time and energy into, and now you have a she’s the most perfect person and the only one for me loop playing in your mind that will become your sad reality if you don’t wise up quickly: She’s not perfect, she’s not the only one for you, and who the hell makes plans to spend their lives together after 7 dates over the course of 4 years? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you sound terribly young and not very realistic. You two break up over an email? What do you think is going to happen when the kid has an ear infection and is screaming for hours on end, she has PMS, you just lost your job and can’t pay the rent and all the rest of life’s pressures are on full blast? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/4 "2012-09-02T00:46:11Z")
Dear Penthouse: In September I joined this message board and pulled a great prank. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/5 "2012-09-02T00:52:27Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > … What do you think is going to happen when the kid has an ear infection and is screaming for hours on end, she has PMS, you just lost your job and can’t pay the rent and all the rest of life’s pressures are on full blast? I think that’s when you write a country & western song about it all. There should, perhaps, also be an old sick grandmother and a dead pet dog. ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/6 "2012-09-02T00:53:29Z")
It’s not a prank. I understand where you’re coming from LurkerInNJ, but I can’t help get past this. I’ve had a fiancee break up with me before and it didn’t hurt this bad. I just want to hold her. I want it so bad. I don’t want to cry over this anymore because of the pain, but at the same time I don’t want to stop thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking about her, anyway. I wish I can make this sadness go away. It’s incredibly painful. ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/7 "2012-09-02T00:55:09Z")
Can I ask one favor? Please stop the jokes. I’m really hurting. Maybe I came here looking for sympathy, and maybe that was dumb. I want to get over this. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/8 "2012-09-02T01:02:18Z")
Why join this board to post this? There are literally millions of communities on the internet. Why would you come here? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/9 "2012-09-02T01:02:21Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > It’s not a prank. > > I understand where you’re coming from LurkerInNJ, but I can’t help get past this. I’ve had a fiancee break up with me before and it didn’t hurt this bad. I just want to hold her. I want it so bad. I don’t want to cry over this anymore because of the pain, but at the same time I don’t want to stop thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking about her, anyway. I wish I can make this sadness go away. It’s incredibly painful. To be really honest, whatever led you to pour 4 years of your life into daydreaming your way into this is going to need the help of a therapist to find your way out of. It’s not at all about the girl, it’s about you. You can get away from someone else, but you can’t get away from yourself. Find a good therapist. I feel for you. I really do. No joke. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/10 "2012-09-02T01:10:23Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > Can I ask one favor? Please stop the jokes. I’m really hurting. Maybe I came here looking for sympathy, and maybe that was dumb. I want to get over this. Sorry, not buying it. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/11 "2012-09-02T01:10:26Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > To be really honest, whatever led you to pour 4 years of your life into daydreaming your way into this is going to need the help of a therapist to find your way out of. It’s not at all about the girl, it’s about you. You can get away from someone else, but you can’t get away from yourself. Find a good therapist. I feel for you. I really do. No joke. Yep, I agree. Think of it this way: how could it be “true love” if **you** are the only one with feelings? Come on man, she doesn’t share your infatuation, so do some introspection and understand this is _all about you._ ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/12 "2012-09-02T01:12:45Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > …Anyway, I screwed up and wrote her an email expressing that she be honest with me about whether or not her ex contacts her. Methinks there’s more to this than you’re letting on. Why the hell is this any of your business at all at this point? ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/13 "2012-09-02T01:14:00Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > Why join this board to post this? There are literally millions of communities on the internet. Why would you come here? I know people are smart here and have a good perspective on things. Thought I might get some insight. > [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > To be really honest, whatever led you to pour 4 years of your life into daydreaming your way into this is going to need the help of a therapist to find your way out of. Maybe I din’t explain myself well. I didn’t stop living my life or anything and just occupy my time with fantasies. But like all people fantasize on a daily basis, I would fantasize about her and I doing various things together. > [@](#): > > It’s not at all about the girl, it’s about you. You can get away from someone else, but you can’t get away from yourself. Find a good therapist. I feel for you. I really do. No joke. Thank you. I don’t even know you and that means a lot. I have no insurance right now, but if I don’t get over this in a couple of weeks, I will take your advice. I have a feeling if some of you met her and talked to her for a while, you would understand. She really is special. ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/14 "2012-09-02T01:15:27Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Think of it this way: how could it be “true love” if **you** are the only one with feelings? She said she loved me. I could PM you some of the things she wrote me via email. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/15 "2012-09-02T01:15:50Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Sorry, not buying it. Knock it off; you’ve made your point. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/16 "2012-09-02T01:16:04Z")
Is her name Mary? ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_Sad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/96bed5/32.png) [@I\_m\_Sad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_Sad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/17 "2012-09-02T01:16:44Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Methinks there’s more to this than you’re letting on. Why the hell is this any of your business at all at this point? I guess I’m just a jealous guy. I always have been. That’s why I’m kicking myself. I should have kept my insecurities to myself and not ruined this. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/18 "2012-09-02T01:38:14Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > That night, \*\*she broke it off with me and expressed that she needs to focus on her and work and school, blah blah, blah. \*\* > I expressed how I feel through email, and \*\*she doesn’t want me to contact her anymore. \*\* > [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > She said she loved me. I could PM you some of the things she wrote me via email. No need. Her bolded words right here (my bold) show her feelings (or lack thereof) pretty clearly. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/19 "2012-09-02T01:40:42Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > I guess I’m just a jealous guy. Anyone else hearing John Lennon? Seriously, this is not an excuse. In fact, this is most likely the cause. (And DO NOT post her e-mails here, not without her permission) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402/20 "2012-09-02T01:43:03Z")
> [@I\_m\_Sad](#): > > I guess I’m just a jealous guy. I always have been. That’s why I’m kicking myself. I should have kept my insecurities to myself and not ruined this. Yeeeeeaaaah that’s it. If you had _just_ not sent that email inquiring about her ex, everything would simply _ **heavenly** _ with you two right now. And happily ever after, of course…:dubious: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-heart-broken-how-do-i-get-through-this/633402.md?page=2)