# I'm hiring staff...who wants a job? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2006, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029 "2006-01-02T02:23:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/61 "2006-01-04T14:52:39Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > …sarcasm a specialty. Encroacher! Bad wench! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/62 "2006-01-04T15:26:59Z")
To whom it may concern, My name is **Kythereia** and I would like to apply for the position of sex, chocolate and coffee wench… ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/63 "2006-01-04T20:35:19Z")
Could you use 2 snarky, arrogant techies? I am also excellent at home & Computer repairs, but I hate painting or wall papering. Plus on weekends I can keep Hal company with the Drinking beer and watching football. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/64 "2006-01-05T03:06:47Z")
Seems to me the place is getting overloaded with snarky, sarcastic techies. I can balance that. I am snarky, sarcastic _generalist._ Need a PowerPoint presentation? I can get it done, all the way complaining and mocking your choice of topics, number of slides and bullet points (sorry, mocking the typeface is not in my job description.) How about report writing? I’ll be happy to write a report while muttering under my breath that I’m doing nothing more than cutting and pasting entire sections from old reports. And by the way, your suit went out of fashion when Miami Vice was cancelled. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2006, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/65 "2006-01-05T03:12:44Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > Kitties? Oh, that’s fine! I have three of my own. Hmmm… the 11:00 Stampede…lessee…ah, got it! I got the kitty treats! You toss a handful of these wherever you want’em to herd, and when they pounce on 'em, you toss in the catnip/tranquilizer. Kitty sleepytime! Just don’t tell Pepper–she doesn’t like sharing her treats! ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2006, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/66 "2006-01-05T12:40:16Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Seems to me the place is getting overloaded with snarky, sarcastic techies. I can balance that. I am snarky, sarcastic _generalist._ Need a PowerPoint presentation? I can get it done, all the way complaining and mocking your choice of topics, number of slides and bullet points (sorry, mocking the typeface is not in my job description.) How about report writing? I’ll be happy to write a report while muttering under my breath that I’m doing nothing more than cutting and pasting entire sections from old reports. > > And by the way, your suit went out of fashion when Miami Vice was cancelled. Missing the point here. I want staff that adore me unconditionally. If sarcasm is employed, it must be directed at mine enemies (for examples, make an appointment with **Susie Derkins** at her convenience). ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029/67 "2006-01-05T18:25:34Z")
Can I be the terrorist? Every corporation needs a terrorist! Can’t let rival CEO’s steal the trade secrets and someone’s gotta keep potential whistleblowers in line. Plus, your secret policeman needs someone to keep him busy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-hiring-staff-who-wants-a-job/338029.md?page=3)