# I'm in love with a lesbian **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 17, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563 "2003-02-17T03:39:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/41 "2003-02-18T05:23:50Z")
And oddly enough, that’s actually a weekend that I’m off. (With the shift I’m on, I work two weekends out of every four.) I just might take you up on that offer. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/42 "2003-02-18T06:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mearlchan \* > **Well… it could just be me. But when a guy who knew I was a lesbian did those things to me, it just made me feel really uncomfortable and slightly annoyed.** Jesus, I was just about to post something smart aleck when I realized that you HADN’T said “a guy I knew who was a lesbian.” That’s a little different. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AvidReader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47774/32.png) [@AvidReader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AvidReader)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/43 "2003-02-18T06:07:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\*For what it’s worth, here’s my experience: > > My high school girlfriend left me for an older woman. > And soon, she’d broken up with her girlfriend (same one she’d dumped me for). Had a passionate affair with neighbor-boy. Moved to Mexico and met the man of her dreams. Last June, she got married, to a man. > > Some folks’ sexuality is more fluid than other folks’, I think. Maybe Jen’s one of those folks; maybe not. > > Daniel \*\* Her sexuality is more fluid? Fluid? Sounds more like a Seachange to me… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/44 "2003-02-18T06:17:20Z")
All guys are lesbians, **Snoooooooooooooooooooooopy**. Well, the straight ones like to sleep with girls, anyway. Watch “Chasing Amy”, **Hank**. It’s entertaining _as well_ as enlightening. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/45 "2003-02-18T12:16:38Z")
I was in the same situation. When I realised it was hopeless, I just kept being a good friend and tried not to fall too deeply in love. We developed a really lovely friendship. One day she invited herself over for dinner and the next morning she was my girlfriend. It can happen, but don’t count on it. Just be nice, warm and caring. If it happens, it happens. Don’t expect it to. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2003, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/46 "2003-02-18T12:31:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hank Fescue \* > \*\*Thanks for the advice everyone. I’ll see Jen again on 22nd next month. I’ll let you know how it turns out. **SCWolf** , come on out to the show. I’ll spot you a beer. \*\* **Important tip** : When confessing your feelings in awkward situations such as this, DO NOT imbibe alcohol first. Even mild inebriation can cause you to say things you really, REALLY will regret later. I mean it. _Afterwards_ you can drink yourself into a stupor. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/47 "2003-02-19T00:13:37Z")
Sometimes a lesbian will decide that she’s had enough of chasing women and will find a man to settle down with. I speak from personal exerpience. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/48 "2003-02-19T01:00:02Z")
What an uncomfortble situation. I really feel for you Hank. I guess the only things I can say are these: You really have to tell her. It sounds like it’s eating you up. If she’s an attractive girl, this has probably happened to her before. If you are really close, I’m sure she’ll be gentle with your feelings. If she is a lesbian, she’s a lesbian. All the love in the universe most likely will not change that. Then again, she may be bisexual, which she will probably tell you, if that is the case. You don’t know if you don’t ask. A little anecdote on my part- When I was in high school, I really liked this guy that I was friends with. We were very close. Finally, I let on that I had a crush on him. He didn’t feel the same. But he was very sweet about it. I was hurt at first, but a few days later, we were still friends. It took a little while for me to get over liking him, but we ended up being as close as we ever were. So- You will probably be friends no matter what. Who knows, you might end up being more. Basically, you have to tell her. I’d just flat out say it. Be honest. Her reaction- well, you have no control over that. GOOD LUCK!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mearl\_Dox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Mearl\_Dox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mearl_Dox)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/49 "2003-02-19T01:02:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jeff Olsen \* > \*\*Sometimes a lesbian will decide that she’s had enough of chasing women and will find a man to settle down with. I speak from personal exerpience. 😉 \*\* Gaaaaaah. Yes, it’s possible, and if that happens then I’m happy for you, but all I’m saying is don’t expect it. Some of us aren’t just chasing women for kicks–we REALLY AREN’T ATTRACTED TO MEN! Why is it that when people talk about gay guys, there’s almost an expectation for them to be repulsed by women, but when talking about lesbians, there’s some sort of idea that we’re all just playing around and eventually we’ll settle down with a man? In fact, I’d go so far to say that a woman who is attracted to both men and women shouldn’t be called a lesbian–isn’t that a bisexual? I have no problem with men, I’m not traumatized by men, I don’t hold any personal grudges against the penis. I’m not a lesbian to make a political statement. Speeches will not change the way my sexuality works. I’m sorry if I’m overreacting… it’s just that this is one of my pet peeves. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/50 "2003-02-19T11:50:58Z")
Yes, some women do go through a lesbian phase, which they later abandon. However, this is a _very small number_, relatively speaking. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/51 "2003-02-19T13:10:49Z")
“He who dares, wins.” ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/52 "2003-02-19T17:30:31Z")
Lesbians that I asked before, told me they would only tell a guy they were a lesbian if the situation called for it. Im sure ya all can imagine what the situation may be… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/53 "2003-02-19T19:05:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mearlchan \* > Why is it that when people talk about gay guys, there’s almost an expectation for them to be repulsed by women, but when talking about lesbians, there’s some sort of idea that we’re all just playing around and eventually we’ll settle down with a man? The “Lesbian Until Graduation” phenomenon, perhaps? **Hank** : as a straight guy who’s had a lesbian GF, I agree with what many others here have said: the odds are against it, but you never know. It’s time to tell her how you feel, regardless of her orientation. I don’t know if he who dares, wins (probably not, here), but the ones that bug you most in retrospect are the ones where you didn’t even try. If you get your feelings out in the open, maybe you’ll get lucky, and failing that, your friendship will have a good chance to get past this, after some short-term turbulence. Either way, you’re better off. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/54 "2003-02-19T19:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mearlchan \* > \*\*I’m sorry if I’m overreacting… it’s just that this is one of my pet peeves. ☹ \*\* Understandable. I just wanted to point out that it’s a remote possiblity. FTR, the woman I live with was a lesbian because of her upbringing but all - and I do mean all - her romantic relationships ended badly. She decided she had enough of that and moved in with me three years ago. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/55 "2003-05-09T15:49:57Z")
HANK! It’s almost been three months! So what happened?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/56 "2003-05-09T15:58:31Z")
Rivers? Weezer - Pink Triangle (iirc) I’m told she’s a lesbian, I thought I had found the one. We were good as married in my mind, but married in my mind’s not goood. Oh, pink triangle on the sleeve, let me know the truth, let me kno-oh-oh the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Hank\_Fescue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@Hank\_Fescue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hank_Fescue)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/57 "2003-06-11T05:09:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FriarTed \* > \*\*HANK! It’s almost been three months! > > So what happened?!?!? \*\* Haven’t been around lately **FriarTed** , sorry for the belated update. So the story ends. As I had hoped, Jen is / was bisexual. Unfortunately, she is pregnant. Not mine. So she says, she was drunk, he was drunk, both dumped by thier respective girlfriends and one thing led to another. Jen is still single and says she is looking for the right girl to make mommy and mommy. I call every so often and she seems to be in good spirits. Going back down the 21st to play at the Oyster Factory and I suppose she will be nice and plump by then. A friend of mine says I go out looking for these situations just for the songs that come. Maybe she is right. Couple of damn fine songs out of that one. Already involved in my next seriously srewed up affair… more to come. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/58 "2003-06-11T13:27:12Z")
Thanks Hank- sorry it didn’t work out but congrats for being able to salvage some songs from it. My latest heartbreaker put my Muse into a coma. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/59 "2003-06-11T13:27:12Z")
Thanks Hank- sorry it didn’t work out but congrats for being able to salvage some songs from it. My latest heartbreaker put my Muse into a coma. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563/60 "2003-06-11T13:27:12Z")
Thanks Hank- sorry it didn’t work out but congrats for being able to salvage some songs from it. My latest heartbreaker put my Muse into a coma. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-a-lesbian/155563.md?page=4)