# I'm in love with my gay male friend **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 8, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468 "2013-11-08T23:52:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/61 "2013-11-10T00:10:26Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Tante\_Dillie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Tante\_Dillie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tante_Dillie)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/62 "2013-11-10T00:36:56Z")
> [@TashaKitty](#): > > Well my friend actually finds the female body beautiful and sketches nude women in his free time. He also has a weird fascination with my breasts. Breasts, yes, but if he likes your cunny I’ll be amazed. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/63 "2013-11-10T00:44:16Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Fascinated. Right. That’s _just_ the adjective a girl wants to use when describing the state of her male partner when watching her pleasure herself. 😛 “Hmm, this is most interesting. Do you mind if I take notes?” ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/64 "2013-11-10T01:05:46Z")
> [@LC\_Strawhouse](#): > > My God. I already knew that I’m a barbarian Neanderthal by being a straight male, but I never realized I was so completely outclassed by the gay men along us. None of my straight male friends is a jerk either. I’m blessed with some really great friends. People around here have a tendency to interpret things in a pretty negative way. \ I’ll prolly never get used to it. ---
**Author:** ![yorick73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5a626/32.png) [@yorick73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yorick73)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/65 "2013-11-10T01:19:14Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Many man, including gay ones like breasts. They’re soft and comfortable. I appreciate a nice pair of them myself. I still have no interest in fucking a woman. Zero, zip, zilch, nada. But do you have any interest in fucking a pair of tits? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/66 "2013-11-10T01:41:41Z")
> [@yorick73](#): > > But do you have any interest in fucking a pair of tits? 😃 Eww. Just…eww. If I have nightmares tonight I blame you. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/67 "2013-11-10T01:54:39Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > None of my straight male friends is a jerk either. I’m blessed with some really great friends. People around here have a tendency to interpret things in a pretty negative way. \ I’ll prolly never get used to it. You might get a handle on it if you weren’t so oblivious to what you actually type. You said gay men are “so easy to be around, very caring, good listeners, tolerant of others’ differences and quirks, don’t usually have a lot to prove. They’re supportive, loving, funny, kind.” and “Every woman needs a gay male friend”. Now people call you on it and your reply is “Whaaaaa? I never set up gay men as the epitome of all that is good and decent in humanity. Where’d you get that idea???” ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/68 "2013-11-10T02:03:38Z")
> [@TashaKitty](#): > > Should I tell him or would that scare him off? Sure. I don’t know this guy but I don’t think that’ll scare him off. Judging from your posts he’s probably already figured out that you have romantic and sexual interest in him, unless he’s especially dense. He might actually agree to take your virginity, as I’ve seen flaming gay men sleep with women for the experience or out of curiosity. Even if that does happen, does that mean he’ll fall in love with you or sex with him will become a regularly event? Highly unlikely. Odds are he’s never going to reciprocate your affections for him. Whatever decision you decide to make towards him should be with this firmly in mind. If you continue to entertain the thought (or perhaps delusion) that you have a romantic future with him is only going to make it worse when something happens that makes it eminently clear that you’re not going to change his sexual orientation or be the magic exception. But if a one-time sexual encounter with this man is ALL that you’re after and I went ahead of myself in assuming you want more than that, I apologize. If not, get a fucking grip. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/69 "2013-11-10T02:14:51Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Sure. I don’t know this guy but I don’t think that’ll scare him off. Judging from your posts he’s probably already figured out that you have romantic and sexual interest in him, unless he’s especially dense. He very well may not know. Gay men in general don’t expect women to be into them, especially good friends. Hell, I found out as an adult that a girl I was good friends with as a teen thought we were dating. My sister said something about ‘when you were into girls’ and brought up this girl that told her we had dated. I was completely confused by that, since I have never (intentionally) dated a female. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/70 "2013-11-10T02:19:00Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > But if a one-time sexual encounter with this man is ALL that you’re after Another thing to keep in mind, in the unlikely event that the two of them _do_ have sex, is that the sex is going to be downright fucking awful. Not only because she is a virgin and has no experience whatsoever but also because he is having sex with a partner for whom he has zero sexual attraction. Would he be using some sort of ED drug to maintain erection? Otherwise, how would he stay hard the entire time? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/71 "2013-11-10T02:20:26Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > He very well may not know. Gay men in general don’t expect women to be into them, especially good friends. Masturbating in front of him _may_ have tipped him off. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/72 "2013-11-10T02:30:00Z")
All I can think is that… [ol] [li]losing your virginity to a gay man[/li][li]with whom you’re in love[/li][li]and then wanting to bring a child into the mix[/li][/ol] is just a clusterfuck of epic proportions. And am I the only one who thinks a woman masturbating in front of her gay male friend is just a bit messed up? The boundaries here seem kind of non-existent. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/73 "2013-11-10T02:33:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Masturbating in front of him _may_ have tipped him off. I certainly think the signals have been sent. If he’s chosen to not respond then it’s because he doesn’t want to respond. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/74 "2013-11-10T03:09:13Z")
> [@TashaKitty](#): > > He’s not repulsed by vaginas, either. I masturbated in front of him once and he seemed rather fascinated by it. You make him sound like Mr. Spock. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/75 "2013-11-10T03:42:48Z")
I’ll join the chorus of people saying, “Bottom line, you just gotta not do it.” Everyone deserves to have sex (especially their first time) with a loving partner. And with no disrespect to single mothers, I honestly question the rationale for _deliberately_ becoming one. He’s not going to start loving you just because you had sex. And if you _do_ later find “the right guy”, the fact that you already have a child would complicate the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Tante\_Dillie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Tante\_Dillie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tante_Dillie)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/76 "2013-11-10T03:45:15Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > You make him sound like Mr. Spock. But not during pon farr. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/77 "2013-11-10T04:04:33Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > And if you _do_ later find “the right guy”, the fact that you already have a child would complicate the relationship. Well then he wouldn’t _be_ “the right guy” then, would he? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Peaton\_of\_peat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecae2f/32.png) [@Peaton\_of\_peat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peaton_of_peat)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/78 "2013-11-10T04:33:36Z")
**TashaKitty** you should try watching the movie _Object of My Affection_, which is apparently about your exact situation. In it Jennifer Aniston learns a valuable life lesson! Trying to get a gay man into a relationship with you ain’t gonna work. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/79 "2013-11-10T05:00:52Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Because they are so easy to be around, very caring, good listeners, tolerant of others’ differences and quirks, don’t usually have a lot to prove. They’re supportive, loving, funny, kind. \ Every woman needs a gay male friend. Which television program do you live in? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2013, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468/80 "2013-11-10T05:19:17Z")
> [@TashaKitty](#): > > We’re close enough to be comfortable around each other naked I just want to clarify, this is a result of the unique relationship TK and her gay friend appear to have. It is not a recognized step on the gay friendship continuum in case anyone was worried. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-in-love-with-my-gay-male-friend/673468.md?page=5)