# I'm just a guy trying to get laid - Won't someone help? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438 "2003-03-22T22:42:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/1 "2003-03-22T22:42:39Z")
[I’m just a guy trying to get laid](http://www.zerosexlife.com/index.html) Can’t you spare a measly little dollar to help this poor soul get laid? He’s loseriffic! > [@](#): > > Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I am a complete and utter pathetic loser. I am twenty-four years old, short, pudgy, balding, poor and have nearly nothing to offer a member of the opposite sex. During my life I have met precious few women charitable enough to sleep with my ugly bloated carcass. Both the quality and the quantity of these women have been, shall I say, severely lacking. > > I am just a poor unattractive guy looking for a little help. A little cash to pay a cover or supersize a new ladies meal. As much as I love spending a Friday night with Taco Bell and Grand Theft Auto, I’d rather be having sex. > > This is where you come in. I’m looking for some donations to help revive my comatose sex life. Maybe if I had some nice new clothes and some cash to take a woman out to Sizzler I could achieve my life long goal, to actually have sex with someone attractive. I’m getting a little weepy. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/2 "2003-03-22T22:49:13Z")
You can’t play GTA and have sex? Am I going to have to get rid of my PS2? It hasn’t changed _my_ sex life…yet. ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/3 "2003-03-22T22:52:56Z")
Oh, for pity’s sake. Here’s a fun one from the guy’s journal: > [@](#): > > So far my donations are far less than my total cost in bandwidth this month and I still may end up having to take it down on the 31st if I don’t get enough money to keep it open, but enough about that, that’s not why you’re reading my site. The time and money this guy spends worrying about his problem could be better spent DOING something about his problem. And selling his copy of Grand Theft Auto on eBay might raise his revenue as well. Idiot. (I say that speaking as someone who, five years ago, would have been in this guy’s shoes. I also say that, speaking as someone who’s about a month away from proposing to his girlfriend. Booyah!) ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/4 "2003-03-22T22:57:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by astro \* > **[Can’t you spare a measly little dollar to help this poor soul get laid?** No. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/5 "2003-03-22T23:21:49Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by typhoon_ > **No.** I’ll second that. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/6 "2003-03-23T00:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ladyfoxfyre \* > \*\*I’ll second that. \*\* I’ll third that. How does this guy not understand that his whiny attitude is his biggest obstacle? (At first I thought the thread was going to be **astro** complaining he couldn’t get laid. I was all set for another round of personals ad-writing advice.) ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/7 "2003-03-23T00:17:04Z")
Paging Leslie Fish – we have a new line for her song, _These Are Not The Ways To Get Laid_. If he’s serious (a horrendous thought!), then I’d have to say that I figure he’s probably getting the same quality he’s giving. Sorry, lads, I ain’t that desparate! CJ ---
**Author:** ![dajah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@dajah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dajah)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/8 "2003-03-23T00:32:59Z")
if he sucks so bad at picking up women, maybe he should invest this money into a nice-looking hooker? at least his odds of “success” would be guareeed. i think. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/9 "2003-03-23T01:45:03Z")
He’d do better spending his hosting fees on going out. And it’s not hard to pick up women. You just toss em over your shoulder and run off yelling “Ook! Ook! Ook!” ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/10 "2003-03-23T02:06:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dajah \* > \*\*if he sucks so bad at picking up women, maybe he should invest this money into a nice-looking hooker? > \*\* That’s what I thought it was supposed to be for until later in the thread. ---
**Author:** ![peterW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bb73d2/32.png) [@peterW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peterW)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/11 "2003-03-23T02:18:32Z")
Reminds me of the woman asking for donations to pay off her credit cards. Different reason, same scam? ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/12 "2003-03-23T02:24:03Z")
Shucks, I thought I was finally getting my chance with **Astro**. ::snaps fingers:: ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/13 "2003-03-23T02:49:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mike, and I am a complete and utter pathetic loser. I am twenty-four years old, short, pudgy, balding, poor and have nearly nothing to offer a member of the opposite sex. During my life I have met precious few women charitable enough to sleep with my ugly bloated carcass. Both the quality and the quantity of these women have been, shall I say, severely lacking. Let me see…in 1976 this pretty much described me, except that I wasn’t balding and at that point had met **no** women charitable enough to sleep with my “ugly bloated carcass.” Oh, and I had enough self-esteem to not judge my worth based on my sex life. Or lack thereof. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/14 "2003-03-23T02:58:57Z")
I have found short, pudgy, balding, poor guys attractive before. Because they had these things called “personalities”. They were sweet or funny or intelligent or some combination thereof. Perhaps this Mike guy needs to invest in a personality transplant? ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/15 "2003-03-23T05:18:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BuckleberryFerry \* > \*\*Shucks, I thought I was finally getting my chance with **Astro**. ::snaps fingers:: \*\* Same here. What a drag. I already put on the satin sheets and poured us a bowl of Tostitos. Dang. Guess I’ll put the whipped cream back in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/16 "2003-03-23T05:23:32Z")
Damn! That guy stole my idea for a website! Bastard! (Don’t tell **Astrogirl** … she’d kill me!)😉 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/17 "2003-03-23T05:25:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beckwall \* > \*\*Same here. What a drag. I already put on the satin sheets and poured us a bowl of Tostitos. Dang. Guess I’ll put the whipped cream back in the fridge. \*\* NO! Don’t put the whipped cream away yet! Would I do? After all, I have all that **astro** has, AND a capitalization and a “boy14”!😃 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/18 "2003-03-23T05:36:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Astroboy14 \* > \*\*NO! > > Don’t put the whipped cream away yet! > > Would I do? After all, I have all that **astro** has, AND a capitalization and a “boy14”!😃 \*\* I… I feel so indequate in the face of your awesome tag team of a capital A and an 14 year old boy :eek:. Please tell me all he does is hold the towels. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/19 "2003-03-23T05:43:54Z")
He’s the cabana boy… ---
**Author:** ![Fang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@Fang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fang)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2003, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438/20 "2003-03-23T06:54:50Z")
Hmmm…short, pudgy, balding? Maybe Marisa Tomei would be interested. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-just-a-guy-trying-to-get-laid-wont-someone-help/163438.md?page=2)