That’s a pretty funny post.
OP, I get what you are saying. It does seem paradoxical.
I might make a candid comment to my wife in private about another’s lack of fashion but I think it’s important to realize that not everyone has the means to dress to impress or do makeup well and public ridicule isn’t going to help them get through their day.
I used to have a coworker who always seemed to go out of his way to mention how ugly rando women (and it was always a woman) looked. Like, he’d tell me about the ugly barista at Starbucks that morning. Or the ugly woman who scowled at him in the elevator.
I was friendly enough with him, but I hated this aspect of his personality–this need of his to express every negative opinion about a woman’s looks, whether solicited or not. Only jerks do shit like this.
But simply having a negative opinion is not jerkish. Sometimes I see “interesting looking” people and negative thoughts cross my mind. But I keep these thoughts to myself because I don’t want to be a jerk.
The first issue that comes to my mind is that talking about a trans person’s appearance and calling them ugly is very often about whether or not they “pass.” And I don’t just mean intentionally: a lot of what we perceive as ugly or not is gender conforming. We call women “ugly” if they look “mannish.” And I cannot think of any example of a trans woman called ugly that wasn’t because she still looked somewhat masculine.
I also don’t agree that it’s normal to comment about how ugly people are. How pretty or sexy they are? Sure. Maybe something specific like how fat they are, or how trashy they look. But ugly? The only people I know who do that very often are jerks.
People do comment on how people are dressed more (which includes the “trashy” label I mentioned earlier). But, even then, if you’re constantly shitting on people’s outfits, you start to come off as a jerk, too.
Thinking is a different matter. You can think all those things. The only thing I’d be concerned about with my thoughts is my first paragraph.
Sadly, the first three replies pretty much summed how I feel. Beyond those, I don’t consider myself a Liberal within the usual political spectrum. I’m a pure liberal, or as some call a libertarian. I feel a person should be allowed to live as stupidly as he/she/it wants. But anything concerning me (what I feel, think, say, or do; or what I like or hate) is my business and if anyone has any problems with it, he/she/it should take it up directly with me.
What does this mean? Like, if you want to assert that you have the right to describe the barista at Starbucks as a “fat ugly cow of a girl”, then I guess you have that right. But if I think that makes you an asshole, what do you mean I have to “take it up directly with [you]”? Do you mean I shouldn’t talk about what an asshole you are “behind your back”? Because you sure made fun of that person’s appearance behind their back. Do you mean something else? Because I honestly can’t see how anyone’s right to be an asshole is being infringed in the world today.
Talk behind my back shouldn’t affect me. Block my way on the sidewalk for whatever reason and you risk a gunshot wound. Outside of those two, we’re friends.
People – it’s called a joke. 
(Although unless you’re Jaromir Jagr, JUST SAY NO to the mullet!)
I was trying to keep things light.
This seems to me like kind of a strawman. I haven’t encountered any trans people demanding to control what other people privately think about them. All that trans people want is for other people to behave to them, and about them, in a way that doesn’t disrespect their gender identity.
And like it or not, it is all too common for non-trans people to use criticism of a trans person’s appearance as denial or denigration of their gender identity. Most of the time, when someone says “Wow that transwoman is ugly” or something of the sort (and it very often is trans women who get this treatment, for obvious reasons), what they mean is “That person isn’t really a woman and is doing a shit job of passing for a woman”.
So you need to be aware that when you think something like “Wow that transwoman is ugly”, even if you happen to mean it in a totally non-transphobic way, you are reinforcing a discourse that mostly exists as a vehicle for transphobia.
Of course, if you’re just thinking that privately to yourself, it’s none of anybody else’s business, but then, you’ve gone out of your way to make it our business by starting this thread, haven’t you?
Everybody already knew that this had to be a joke (or hypothetical) because you haven’t left mom and dads house in any meaningful way in a decade.
Who is the bigger doucheface? Someone who harmlessly jokes about being a fashionista? Or someone who bullies a person for being disabled?
Inquiring minds want to know.
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No we aren’t.
I think “Civil Rights” and “Personal Taste” are two different things. I believe firmly in the former. I also, however, believe that you can’t dictate to people how they feel about those things as long as their behavior is “proper” in regards to the Civil Rights aspect of it.
Just because you have the right to plant, grow, harvest, and sell beets doesn’t mean that I am obligated to like beets. It just means that I must respect your right to plant, grow, harvest, and sell them.
I totally respect and support gay rights. There are no qualifications. However, I don’t like watching men kiss. If I surf to a movie channel and that’s what is viewing, I immediately surf away. I don’t feel guilty about that. I don’t believe that liking something is a requirement for supporting something.
Ok, but if you see two guys on a clearly romantic date at a nice restaurant, do you comment on how gross and unsettling you find it to your table mates? If you do, and they say “that’s an asshole thing to say”, do you feel like the wrong they have done you by sharing their opinion your being an asshole is greater than the wrong you did the couple?
Moderator Note
I don’t know if you intended this as a joke of some sort, but if that was the intent, it did not come across. As-is, it looks like an attack on the poster, which is not permissible outside of the Pit.
Attack the post, not the poster.
I find the Original Post jerkish but unclear.
I’ve never known a trans person who wanted to control how I perceived them. They did all make (quite reasonable) demands on how I treated them. Things like ‘treat me as you would any other woman’ that kind of thing.
Wow, that’s a horrible thing to say, very elitist.
Yeah, and many fashions are pretty extremely silly- and sometimes unhealthy- Super tight jeans, really high heels, and so forth.
I just think everyone will be happier if one could request how they want to be perceived, and other people honored that request. So that’s how I choose to act. I can’t force others to do the same.
I believe if you stopped vocalizing your criticisms of people unless specifically asked by that person, you’d find life easier to live. Similarly, if you treat everyone the same, it won’t matter what gender they are, unless you are having a close relationship with that person.