# I'm moving to WV. Let the jokes commence. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839 "2009-08-18T12:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/1 "2009-08-18T12:47:04Z")
Back-story: several years ago, my hubby and I bought a couple of investment properties in rural WV. One is a 10-unit apartment building in a teeny, tiny town called West Union. I mean tiny. The town police force consists on one chief and three full-time officers. (I am not exaggerating). The other property is a six-unit trailer park in a more rural location (read: middle of freakin’ nowhere). If these properties are properly managed and we can manage to convert the apartment building to Section 8 (public housing) certified, the profit margin is excellent. Problem is, when we first bought the properties, one of the guys (young guy, young wife, two kids) signed on as building manager. He was great! Hard-working, on top of things, always thinking of better ways to do things, etc. Well, he was great until he crawled back into the bottle (we didn’t know when we appointed him that he had a history of getting into trouble by getting hammered). After he had an affair with another tenant, his wife left him. He got thrown in jail because he was already on probation, and one of the conditions of his probation was no drinking. So we found another manager. Hmph. IF other tenants bring said manager a money order to pay their rent, he _will_ mail it to us. Otherwise, he has done exactly _nothing_. We’ve put ads in local newspapers (local to West Union), ads on Craigslist, etc. looking for a semi-competent building manager. Nada. So we made the decision to move out there ourselves. For the first year, we are going to live in the “Owner’s Apartment”. When the building was converted to an apartment house, one of the ground-floor apartments was designed to be for the owners to live in. It has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, central air, jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom, separate entrance and covered patio. It’s pretty nice. Everyone who looks at the place wants _that_ apartment, but we’ve yet to put anyone in there who can afford the rent (it’s $100.00 more per month than our next most-expensive unit). This is a poor area. Almost everyone there is on unemployment, disability, public assistance, or work at barely-minimum-wage jobs. When we collect rent, it’s always, always, always cash or money orders, because none of them have checking accounts. I suspect that when we move in, we’ll be the only tenants with two cars and internet access. But if I work diligently, within a year, we should be able to take the whole building Section 8, and we’ll make enough profit on it to make the mortgage payment on the kind of house we really want. Since my announcement to friends that we’re moving to West Virginia, I’ve heard jokes galore. My favorite so far: How do you tell a ‘middle class’ family in WV? They have _two_ cars in the yard up on blocks! So, let’s hear your WV/redneck jokes! Let 'em roll. Oh, and if you have questions about anything, go ahead and ask. I’ll answer what I can. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/2 "2009-08-18T13:20:21Z")
Did you hear the one about West Virginianonians are so dumb they do’t know what message they are posting in? 😛 Thanks for the karma all. Wife is super psyched and prepared. The best thing is that we know she would be a good fit for the job, so se isn’t thrying to BS her way into a job she is not qualified for. That other lot is long gone, **StG**. Besides, we currently live about 20 miles west of Chicago along a commuter train line (for me). She is interviewing for a job about the same distance S of the city along another train line. So we would probably buy/build in that direction so as to give her the easiest commute possible. On of her first comments, tho, after she told me she had gotten this interview, was to say, _“If I get this job we’ll put our house on the market.”_ Somehow made it not _quite_ as annoying last night when the stupid skater punk next door was banging around in his driveway with his stupid skater punk friends at 10:30 at night. . . NO FAIR!!! Apparently them West Virginineers are wily enough to get their posts moved from thread to thread in the time it took me to type a snarky response and hit “Submit”! ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/3 "2009-08-18T13:53:51Z")
Dinsdale’s post is puzzling me. I have the feeling I missed something. Welcome to the neighborhood, norinew! I’ll be east and north of you, in Fairmont. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/4 "2009-08-18T14:06:53Z")
Ooh, you’re not too far from my current project’s test site! (Which is just outside Philippi.) When do you move, **norinew**? We’ll set up a coal-mining Dopefest of you, me, and **CandidGamera** , plus the usual crowd of “Ooh, a Dopefest!”. Inevitable WV joke: We’ll probably be the largest concentration of IT savvy in the state. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/5 "2009-08-18T14:15:10Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Dinsdale’s post is puzzling me. > > I have the feeling I missed something. Not sure if it was a glitch in the boards, or in **norine** and me. I’ve got another MPSIMS thread going on about my wife’s job interview. When I checked it this a.m., the last 2 replies were both by **norine** - the first was wishing my wife and me good luck, and the second was the OP here. So I replied with the snark, but when I submitted, it came up in this thread. So I edited my reply to cry NO FAIR. Clear as mud? Hell, I’m gonna stick with blaming the hamsters - either that or them loopy West Virginianites! ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/6 "2009-08-18T14:46:08Z")
As a West-by-God-Virginia ex-pat now living in Ohio, allow me to welcome you to my lovely home state, **norinew**. With all the crap you’ve gone through, I think the change in scenery will do you good. I’ve actually been to West Union! If a coal-mining Dopefest happens, I may just have to plan a visit. One of my favorite West Virginian jokes: Q. How many West Virginians does it take to eat possum? A. Two, because one has to watch for cars. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/7 "2009-08-18T14:48:23Z")
West Virginia? Well, say hello to your wife and sister for me. I hear she’s a fine woman. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/8 "2009-08-18T14:57:27Z")
From a fictional interview with the governor of West Virginia: Reporter: “Governor, how do you feel about your state’s public education system being ranked 49th in the nation?” Governor: “Thank god for Alabama!” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/9 "2009-08-18T15:01:36Z")
If you go to a wedding and they have Skoal Bandits instead of Jordan Almonds, they just might be rednecks. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/10 "2009-08-18T15:08:34Z")
How do you circumcise a guy from West Virginia? Kick his sister in the mouth. Why couldn’t Jesus have been born in West Virginia? Because they wouldn’t have been able to find three wise men, let alone a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/11 "2009-08-18T15:10:58Z")
West Virginia: Home of, ah, er, well, us! And… ah… us! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/12 "2009-08-18T15:14:03Z")
An oldie but a goodie … How do you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? Because if it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a _ **teeth** _brush. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/13 "2009-08-18T15:24:55Z")
The OP was originally posted [in this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=528471). I moved it after someone reported it because I figured **norinew** meant to post it as a separate thread. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/14 "2009-08-18T15:28:55Z")
Wishing you luck and joy in your new home! ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/15 "2009-08-18T15:30:59Z")
I’ve been to West Union once, and I was very impressed by the [county courthouse](http://www.flickr.com/photos/75905404@N00/533720444/) (though the rest of the town looked pretty run down). I doubt if Doddridge County could afford to build such a nice courthouse these days. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/16 "2009-08-18T15:39:26Z")
I love West Virginia. It is so beautiful and everyone I have ever met there is so very nice. The fact that WV is higher right now in state economics than Michigan says something for just how bad things are in Michigan and how grinding the poverty can be there in WV. I wish you loads of luck and I hope you enjoy your small town life. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/17 "2009-08-18T16:14:36Z")
From my Ohio boyhood, dimly remembered: Why wasn’t Jesus born in WV? Couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin. Who wears a turban and rides a pig? Lawrence of West Virginia Why can’t the WV cops identify a body? No dental records and everyone has the same DNA. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/18 "2009-08-18T16:17:30Z")
How do you spot an Amish community in West Virginia? Every house has a dead horse up on blocks. And if you ever get the Dopefest together, I’ll head down from Pennsyltucky for the day. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/19 "2009-08-18T16:19:17Z")
OK - one more. A lady walks into a bar in Morgantown with a pig under her arm. The bartender says “Where did you get that swine?” To which the pig replied “Her? Won her in a raffle.” ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839/20 "2009-08-18T16:56:37Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The OP was originally posted [in this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=528471). I moved it after someone reported it because I figured **norinew** meant to post it as a separate thread. Thanks, **Marley**. I haven’t even _moved_ yet and already I’m apparently losing brain cells! :eek: As for a DopeFest there, well, it’ll be good for the economy; I’ll bet the West Union 7-11 will sell more beer in a day than they normally sell in a week! Not to mention, think about the fact that it will temporarily spike the mean IQ of the state by about 10,000%! I’ve heard some of these jokes already. Some are new and funny. Love the Amish one! Hey, if we have a DopeFest there, and **ScubaBen** _and_ **JayJay** come, we can have a token Jew _and_ a token gay all in the same place! :eek:😃 We do, however, as I think I said, have a covered patio, and there’s a good-size ‘yard’ surrounding the building, so cooking out should be easy! However, I’m not sure imported beer is allowed across state lines! Thanks for the good wishes, all! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-moving-to-wv-let-the-jokes-commence/506839.md?page=2)