# i'm never going to have a girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837 "2003-08-13T04:58:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/41 "2003-08-13T17:02:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*Aw, don’t feel bad **Calc** , I never had a girlfriend either and I don’t think I ever will. \*\* your situation doesn’t count otto :D. ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/42 "2003-08-13T17:26:40Z")
Thank you Pixelle, it’s nice to know someone cares … 🙂 And BTW, I’ve “been there done that” vis a vis friend’s brothers, my brothers friends, joined clubs, gone to night classes, personals … you name it, never gets me anywhere ---
**Author:** ![sirtonyh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@sirtonyh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirtonyh)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/43 "2003-08-13T17:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\ ***sirtonyh** , MPSIMS is flirt thread heaven (IMHO is second place, really)🙂 \*\* Hey **iampunha** , how you doin’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![random1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/47e85d/32.png) [@random1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/random1)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/44 "2003-08-13T17:55:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nocturne \* > \*\* > I know plenty of girls like me, who would rather date guys in their circle of friends rather than A. Random Guy. \*\* I am not sure if I should be offended here or not. Oh yeah, **Nocturne** _How you doing?_ Nothing really to add, other than you probably are not as bad at the making friends thing as you think you are. Just try to talk to girls, they are not nearly as scary as they seem up close.😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sirtonyh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@sirtonyh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirtonyh)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/45 "2003-08-13T18:17:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sirtonyh \* > \*\*Hey **iampunha** , how you doin’ 🙂 \*\* So, funny story. I was sitting here one evening reading the SMDB with a beer in my hand and more than several in my stomach. This is fairly normal behavious for me by the way. Anyhoo, I see a response to one of my posts. Not entirely unusual but not a daily occurance either. I read the response and think, “score”, Me 33/M/Single and I’m flirting in a thread about a guy who doesn’t believe he will ever get a girlfriend. Anyway, I reply with a mildly flirtatious, somewhat witty, comment of my own. Then off I go off to sit down and watch one of my new DVD’s, a 23 DVD bootleged collection of all 180 epsiodes of Seinfeld which I’m immensely proud of purchasing. Which one did I watch I hear you all asking? Well, the one where Jerry gets interviewed by the NYU journalist who winds up thinking that Jerry and George are gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). This gets me thinking, I hope iampunha is female. So, I log on and what do you think I discover, iampunha is a 19 year old male, who happens to be engaged! :wally :smack: :wally :smack: :wally :smack: I’ll be returning to my beer now and will scan through the DVD’s to find the Sienfeld episode with Teri Hatcher and the “are they real or not” question. ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/46 "2003-08-13T18:20:55Z")
umm… Random? Yes, we are that scary. Have you seen The View or Sex In the City? We are all stark raving mad. Neurotic, fickle, prissy, clannish, and really hard to hold onto. But, we wear skirts and lipstick, so we get away with it. 😛 Calc- come out come out wherever you are. I am ready for you, and I’ve brought reinforcements. Just name your favorite size and color, and I will put out the word on the network. They may not come to you on angels’ wings- but they will come, I promise. Ready? Set? Start grinning. We love that… ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/47 "2003-08-13T18:27:18Z")
I can’t offer much advice, my condition is pretty similar to yours. 26 years old, haven’t had a date in years (6 years), and arrived at the conclusion that I don’t WANT any relationships. I have always searched for that girl that had a physical attraction (and I am not entirely picky), but was my best friend. Open minded adventureous, intelligent and compassionate to name a few. I have reached that cynical point in which women seem nothing more than a piece of ass, and friends in life are all that matter.\* That and yourself. 😉 \*Not saying women as a sex are a worthless, but saying that the opposite sex, males in the case of women, are nothing romantically but a sexual release. RARELY do I ever see a relationship in which there are more than a handful of common interests, and most of the guys married the women that was the lesser of the evils. Or the women I know married the lesser of the hellish guys. There are many more things on this earth than sex. Worry about those. If sex comes, great, but don’t make it your existance. ---
**Author:** ![random1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/47e85d/32.png) [@random1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/random1)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/48 "2003-08-13T18:43:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*umm… Random? Yes, we are that scary. Have you seen The View or Sex In the City? We are all stark raving mad. Neurotic, fickle, prissy, clannish, and really hard to hold onto. But, we wear skirts and lipstick, so we get away with it. 😛 > \*\* It’s amazing what that lipstick and skirts will do for you isn’t it? [ul] [li]stark raving mad = exciting and new[/li][li]Neurotic = charmingly insecure[/li][li]prissy = just waiting to open up to the right guy[/li][li]fickle = wanting to be sure[/li][li]clannish = someone who makes close friends[/li][li]really hard to hold onto = even more exciting[/li][/ul] And now just to prove how stupid guys are and **calc** this is for you, you could never look this bad in real life. **psalex** _how you doing?_😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/49 "2003-08-13T19:06:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*posted earlier by Snooopy > Well, then sprout wings and come get me, Snooop- cause I am on the other coast. 😉 > \*\* Drat! If only I could find a wormhole … ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/50 "2003-08-13T19:17:43Z")
Stop it! Stop this madness at once!!! Yes, it is true, my knees weaken at the thought of my sci-fi geek waiting out there somewhere- one how has read I, Robot and knows what “pulp” means. (I call him Ender in the privacy of my darkened bedroom) You distract me from my task- I was giving Calc an opening! Didn’t you notice the missing O’s?!?!?! I thought Calc the mathmetician might point out that I failed to count the o’s in Snooooopy and give me lesson in one of the three R’s. (and perhaps a spelling lesson as well? ya following me?) Hence, a lively flirtation would ensue. Calc? Can you hear me? Yooo hooo… But noooooo (how many was that? 7?) Instead you thwart me with your clever space-time references and lead me astray… Ender? Is that you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/51 "2003-08-13T19:21:59Z")
Well, I was in a similar situation as yours, a shy, introverted geek that has lots of trouble meeting women, though not as severe, but I did find one thing that helped out my shyness and difficulty in talking with women - alcohol. Seriously, a little booze makes the introvertedness go away, and girls seem less picky when they have had a little beer too. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/52 "2003-08-13T19:25:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Calculus of Logic \* > **after years of watching documentaries and reading books/articles about why people find each other attractive caring about looks loses its luster.** _Reading books and watching documentaries_? Dude, that’s like dissecting a puppy to find out why they’re so cute. The kind of attraction that leads to dating _starts_ with the kind of attraction that leads to friends. Be friends first; you don’t meet a woman and immediately say, “Woman, you is my girl now.” You hang out, you go to lunch, you find out that you both enjoy pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, and so on. You can’t force it, is what I’m trying to say. It’s like penmanship (sorry, best analogy I could come up with on short notice): If you try to jam the pen down on the paper as hard as you can, you’re going to have terrible handwriting and maybe break it. If you let it go easily across the page, you’ll get a smooth, flowing, attractive script. (And do not, under any cirumstances, _ever_ dot your i’s with little hearts. Just saying.) In the same vein, if you go on a date, do NOT act all formal and reserved and “gentlemanly.” You may think it’s classy, but women think it’s cold. Just relax and act like yourself. Accept your flaws (we’ve all got them) and be yourself. Laugh too loud and talk about math too much. Or whatever. The point is not to “trick” a woman into being your girlfriend. I was single for about four years, and recently discovered a mutual attraction to a gal with whom I’d been hanging out as “just friends” for a year or two. We are very happy. Oh yeah, and a couple of nitpicks from your posts: > [@](#): > > i decided to test a pick up trick i’ve learned from friends. I stared unflinchingly at her eyes for about 20 seconds while she was talking to her friends. Women may correct me, but I think I’d find that extremely creepy and off-putting. > [@](#): > > My personality requirements are… \ This was probably just poor phrasing on your part, but I’d avoid talking or thinking about “requirements” in these situations. You seem to have a very clinical approach to the entire subject; I have a mental picture of you bringing a clipboard on a date and making check marks in boxes. A suggestion: The next time you talk to a woman, tell a dirty joke. It may not go over well, and in fact it may turn her off completely, but it’s time for the pendulum to swing in the other direction a bit. You won’t find a happy medium without going overboard in both directions first. ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/53 "2003-08-13T19:26:06Z")
Et tu, DreadCthulhu? A Lovecraft fan? How _you_ doin’? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Marko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@El\_Marko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Marko)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/54 "2003-08-13T19:35:17Z")
If you’ve never had a GF and you don’t think you want one why are you complaining about it? (If I’ve misinterpreted the tone of the OP, my appologies) It sounds like you should be happy. Some of us, though are single and sick of it. Yeah, that’s me. I’ve managed to make it through 27 years of life without so much as a single date. Oh, there were a few outings that I thought were dates, but they just wanted to be friends. Most of the time it hasn’t been too bad, but right now there’s this really awesome girl that I hang out with regularly, but she’s not interested. What’s a guy to do? ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/55 "2003-08-13T19:45:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jackelope \* > \*\*_Reading books and watching documentaries_? Dude, that’s like dissecting a puppy to find out why they’re so cute. > > \ > In the same vein, if you go on a date, do NOT act all formal and reserved and “gentlemanly.” You may think it’s classy, but women think it’s cold. Just relax and act like yourself. Accept your flaws (we’ve all got them) and be yourself. Laugh too loud and talk about math too much. Or whatever. The point is not to “trick” a woman into being your girlfriend. > \*\* \ Don’t relax too much. Don’t feel so relaxed that you fart, belch, chew your food with your mouth hanging open or ogle other women while on your date. But do “act” normal. This will put the other person at ease as well.And the staring? Nope, not a good eye-dea. Creeps people out. “Gawd, he kept staring at me and wouldn’t say anything!” Making eye contact while conversing, however, is fine. But don’t stare. But do open doors and the like. And don’t think about having sex the whole time you are with them. We can pick up on that, y’know, and it is annoying. On the first date, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/56 "2003-08-13T19:46:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Well, I was in a similar situation as yours, a shy, introverted geek that has lots of trouble meeting women, though not as severe, but I did find one thing that helped out my shyness and difficulty in talking with women - alcohol. Seriously, a little booze makes the introvertedness go away, and girls seem less picky when they have had a little beer too. \*\* YMMV, mine sure does. I’ve found that for me, alcohol does not change my mood from “tense” to “relaxed” or vice versa, although it may emphasize it. Or sometimes booze changes my mood to “I really need to take a nap.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/57 "2003-08-13T19:53:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jackelope \* > \*\*[ > Oh yeah, and a couple of nitpicks from your posts: Women may correct me, but I think I’d find that extremely creepy and off-putting. \*\* perhaps, but people are different in their reactions. thats another reason i dont really want to meet people, something that is ok to one person makes another call the cops or run away. there is no predictability ---
**Author:** ![random1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/47e85d/32.png) [@random1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/random1)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/58 "2003-08-13T19:59:00Z")
My shot at flirting > [@](#): > > psalex how you doing? First response > [@](#): > > I thought Calc the mathmetician might point out that I failed to count the o’s in Snooooopy and give me lesson in one of the three R’s. (and perhaps a spelling lesson as well? ya following me?) Second response > [@](#): > > Et tu, DreadCthulhu? A Lovecraft fan? You see **calc** here is a perfect example of the worst thing that could happen from trying to flirt a little. I am being kind above when I call these responses, since neither one was directed my way. I will now hold my head high, say thank you to Psalex for showing me the error of my ways and move off with my dignity somewhat intact. (hopefully) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/59 "2003-08-13T20:03:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lyllyan \* > \*\*\ > > Don’t relax too much. Don’t feel so relaxed that you fart, belch, chew your food with your mouth hanging open or ogle other women while on your date. But do “act” normal. This will put the other person at ease as well.And the staring? Nope, not a good eye-dea. Creeps people out. “Gawd, he kept staring at me and wouldn’t say anything!” Making eye contact while conversing, however, is fine. But don’t stare. But do open doors and the like. > > And don’t think about having sex the whole time you are with them. We can pick up on that, y’know, and it is annoying. On the first date, anyway. \*\* yeah, this is partially why i dont want to interact with women. i am not a mind reader and people are individuals. What one person is ok with another will overreact too. i’m not willing to embarass myself. what if that girl in college had overreacted to my looking at her, then my college life may have been permanently altered and i would’ve been deeply humiliated. I am beginning to realize why i am trying to talk myself out of meeting women. ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/60 "2003-08-13T20:08:30Z")
But, but, but, _ **Calc** _, women are just female people. You act is if we were an alien species. Talk to us just like you would talk to a new male acquaintance. I almost started a virtual date thread a few minutes ago in order for you to hone and perfect your small talk chit chat date talk. I was afraid it was a bit much. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837.md?page=4)