# i'm never going to have a girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837 "2003-08-13T04:58:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/101 "2003-08-15T01:29:58Z")
Sweetie, conversation and banter can be learned- you just need practice. While there are many people who meet their mates online, I’ll wager that the guys I have been harmlessly flirting with are in happy relationships. (As am I) This is just play. No risk involved in saying amusing complimentary things to members of the opposite sex. Flirting is just one of the many ways men and women make nice. And don’t wait until you find the right therapist to improve your outlook and confidence- go ahead and start making friends. You have had an entire network of men and women encouraging you and you haven’t come out of your shell yet. (At this point we are practically a committee. The Calculus Boosters Club. I nominate Hey You as president of the CBC, with Ben as officer. Though Hey You’s militant swift-kick-in-the-pants style of motivation startled me a little, I respect his experience and stand at attention each time he posts. I’ll work on our mission statement while waiting for a second for my nomination for Pres.) Now come out at once. You’ve been gently led, encouraged, chided, and lectured to. Or I am going to summon Hey You again. Consider yourself warned. You can start by telling me that I’m cute. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/102 "2003-08-15T01:57:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*Sweetie, conversation and banter can be learned- you just need practice. While there are many people who meet their mates online, I’ll wager that the guys I have been harmlessly flirting with are in happy relationships. (As am I) This is just play. No risk involved in saying amusing complimentary things to members of the opposite sex. Flirting is just one of the many ways men and women make nice. > > And don’t wait until you find the right therapist to improve your outlook and confidence- go ahead and start making friends. You have had an entire network of men and women encouraging you and you haven’t come out of your shell yet. > > (At this point we are practically a committee. The Calculus Boosters Club. I nominate Hey You as president of the CBC, with Ben as officer. Though Hey You’s militant swift-kick-in-the-pants style of motivation startled me a little, I respect his experience and stand at attention each time he posts. I’ll work on our mission statement while waiting for a second for my nomination for Pres.) > > Now come out at once. You’ve been gently led, encouraged, chided, and lectured to. Or I am going to summon Hey You again. Consider yourself warned. > > You can start by telling me that I’m cute. \*\* nah. no offense, i just don’t like internet flirting as gameplay. i’d rather have a legitimate discussion with a woman who was legitimately interested in me or something. I think for me its hard to understand that women actually want men. Maybe its just where/how i grew up, but its always been my understanding that men pursue women and women blow them off. perhaps this idea rubbed off on me and in the back of my mind i consider women to be this supercilious, celibate species. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_Heart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Angel\_Heart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_Heart)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/103 "2003-08-15T03:37:34Z")
I was 21 before I first went out on a date, had a boyfriend and kissed a guy. Ok, it didn’t end well, but I’m glad I took the chance. As a shy girl, I wish I could give you advice on being more confident, but everyone tells me I that I should be where the people are and get involved in clubs and events I’m interested in. So I pass this on to you. Colleges often have lectures which are popular student magnets as well. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/104 "2003-08-15T03:45:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Calculus of Logic \* > nah. no offense, i just don’t like internet flirting as gameplay. i’d rather have a legitimate discussion with a woman who was legitimately interested in me or something. This is practice for that. Here, watch. **Psalex**? MISTER TAMBOURINE MAN! Now, **Calculus** , I bet I got a giggle out of her. It’s not going to be a ‘legitimate discussion’ - just two people talking and laughing and making silly Shatner impressions at each other. Of course, knowing women, she’s going to leave me twisting in the wind. Ya takes yer chances. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/105 "2003-08-15T04:21:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*This is practice for that. Here, watch. > > **Psalex**? > > MISTER TAMBOURINE MAN! > > Now, **Calculus** , I bet I got a giggle out of her. It’s not going to be a ‘legitimate discussion’ - just two people talking and laughing and making silly Shatner impressions at each other. > > Of course, knowing women, she’s going to leave me twisting in the wind. Ya takes yer chances. \*\* i think i’m too aloof, frigid and serious-minded to flirt with women or something. Maybe in my next life. According to the religion i’ve chosen i’m coming back as a turtle next time, so that will be good. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/106 "2003-08-15T04:22:17Z")
get me some of that turtle lovin ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/107 "2003-08-15T04:42:08Z")
Wait just a gosh darn minute- did everybody hear that? He is coming back as a _turtle_ according to his _religion_ . Please refer to my previous post - I did order him to come out of his _shell_ . Therefore… I missed my calling. I thought I was drawn to this thread to establish a dialogue with the boy and lead by example with a little light-hearted banter. Obviously I have a higher purpose. You may refer to me as “Sensei” now as I was just promoted to spiritual leader by default. I will now flex my guru muscles by pronouncing the forms my friends will take in thier next life. _Poof_ lno: you will become… an Owl. _Poof_ Snooooopy: you will become a panther. _Poof_ Random1: you will become Christopher Walken, first husband of Psalex. Man, this rules. Much more fun than flirtin’ ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/108 "2003-08-15T04:48:16Z")
psssstt… lno, can you hear me? You would have come back as Shatner, second and final husband of Psalex but I suspect you will be traveling through the next few lives with the fair one. Reincarnation… the final frontier ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/109 "2003-08-15T04:48:23Z")
An owl?!? Whoooooo do you think you are? [sub]Boo, hiss. Direct all complaints to the management.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/110 "2003-08-15T04:49:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > Reincarnation… the final frontier Great; now I’m saying to myself “What does … God … need … with reincarnation?” You’re on the list. ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/111 "2003-08-15T04:49:47Z")
Calculus quipped: > [@](#): > > get me some of that turtle lovin Calc? Did you just crack a joke? Have you been drinking? ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/112 "2003-08-15T04:58:11Z")
Wise owl? No? Okay, okay, bear with me, I am new at this job. _Poof_ you will be a bear. No? _Poof_ lno, you will enter your next life as a taller and better looking Mel Brooks. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/113 "2003-08-15T05:01:47Z")
It’s good to be the king. ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/114 "2003-08-15T05:13:25Z")
Sorry, Calc. Serious subject, shyness. I’ll quit pokin’ a stick at ya now. lno- catch!!! Psalex as Lili Von Schtup: “Here I stand, the goddess of desire. Set men on fire. I have this power. Morning, noon, and night, it’s dwink and dancing. Some quick womancing and then a shower. Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me. They always hound me, with one wequest. Who can satisfy their lustful habits? I’m not a wabbit!” Warning: subliminal message follows:watch blazing saddles, watch blazing saddles, watch blazing saddles ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/115 "2003-08-15T05:20:02Z")
I’m not a wabbit - I need some west. (It’s twelve freakin’ thirty and I’m still working on a software release and I’ve gotta be at work in eight and a half hours and … and … we’re _rolling back_? Yeah, we’re past the downtime window, but … but … stupid good-for-nothing jibber-jabber … ) How apropos, that comment about rest. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/116 "2003-08-15T05:38:53Z")
Alrighty, allow me to try this flirty talk How u doin? You ready for some luvin? After eliminating his political opponents in a silent pogrom, stalin seriously considered starting a nuclear holocaust with the US to obtain world domination. This was averted because his inner circle poisoned him and gave him a brain tumor. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/117 "2003-08-15T05:54:45Z")
i wuv u, do u wuv me 2? why would u not wuv mi? when trying to poison someone and not get caught by law enforcement, it is best to use poisons which are local & organic because those are harder to trace. this is fun. ---
**Author:** ![Psalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@Psalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psalex)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/118 "2003-08-15T06:09:18Z")
Alright, alright. Got your rather sharp point. However, I maintain that “The silliness of flirting is necessary to allow our massive brains to rest between bouts of political plotting, philosophical theorizing, equation solving, gene splicing, dna recombining, crime sleuthing, and other mind taxing -ing pursuits.” Now quit scaring the young ladies with tumours and poisons at once. Stick to music, fiction, food, drink, and kittens. Ladies loves them kittens. (Alternatively, I understand those Mensa chicks tend to go buck wild for perfect murder stuff- I suggest you find a meeting, slick back that hair and work on a devious plan to off somebody and dispose of the body using small kitchen appliances) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/119 "2003-08-15T06:16:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*Alright, alright. Got your rather sharp point. > > \*\* i wasn’t making a point i was just screwing around. its a spinoff of an old family guy joke i saw once where Brian was trying to teach peter to interact in a cultured environment and peter kept talking about Bob Crane’s murder instead of sherry & stock options. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837/120 "2003-08-15T07:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Psalex \* > \*\*I will now flex my guru muscles by pronouncing the forms my friends will take in thier next life. > > _Poof_ lno: you will become… an Owl. > _Poof_ Snooooopy: you will become a panther. > _Poof_ Random1: you will become Christopher Walken, first husband of Psalex. > > Man, this rules. Much more fun than flirtin’ \*\* Why don’t you pronounce that you’ll take the form of a pretty lady panther? I don’t want to be a lonely panther stalking the jungle! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-never-going-to-have-a-girlfriend/194837.md?page=7)