# I'm new **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 2, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405 "2000-02-02T19:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Y2Sandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/258eb7/32.png) [@Y2Sandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Y2Sandgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/1 "2000-02-03T06:12:00Z")
Hey guys. I’m fairly new here. My friend here at school told me about this and I really like it. Anybody have any advice for me? * * * The best things in life are Italian…that’s the thing, though…I’m not Italian. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/2 "2000-02-03T06:25:00Z")
Sure thing! I don’t know if you’ve been lurking at all (it doesn’t sound like it), but being fairly new myself here’s some pointers: - Don’t take things personally; if you do, and post your angst, it’ll be death by duck bites for sure, so just keep it light. - Watch spelling; if you consistently mispell it makes it hard to follow a post. - If you leave yourself open, a Doper _will_ take advantage of it; to wit, read Chief Scott’s post concerning a new sig line and hatred of smilies 🙂 - Just accept the give and take and go with the flow; if you don’t like the way a given thread is going, just slip away. -If you have an axe to grind, take it to the BBQ pit. - If you have a specific question, post in GQ, otherwise most everything belongs in MPSIMS. Welcome aboard! * * * VB The ways of cats and little girls are mysterious. ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/3 "2000-02-03T06:25:00Z")
Don’t make Kellibelli mad. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/4 "2000-02-03T06:27:00Z")
Be sure to learn about the smilies. 🙂 We don’t allow any posts that don’t include at least one smiley. Otherwise, as long as you read the FAQ and make sure to post the right question in the right forum, you should be OK. For example, this question could be in the “About This Message Board” forum. General Questions is for questions requiring a factual response. Comments on Cecil’s columns is for a comment on one of the Straight Dope columns. Include a link to the column on the internet if it’s on the web site. MPSIMS is for general chatting. Any “debate-type” questions, like “Does God exist” go in Great Debates. etc… You’ll soon get the hang of it. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/5 "2000-02-03T06:27:00Z")
Welcome. the only advice I can give you is to have fun. This forum is just as its titled, so sit back and enjoy the ride. And… I enjoy the occasional 🙂 * * * We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/6 "2000-02-03T06:28:00Z")
Be sure to use at least three words that end in the letters G-R-Y in your posts. * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) I’ve got a little black book with me poems in. I’ve got a bag, toothbrush, and a comb. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/7 "2000-02-03T06:29:00Z")
Always make sure to use enough boiling water when preparing pasta. See your dentist twice a year. Recycle. * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/8 "2000-02-03T06:30:00Z")
Uke reminds me of the essential. Don’t wear striped pants with a plaid shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/9 "2000-02-03T06:31:00Z")
\*Realize that Diane is our leader and we are all just her lackeys. \*On this board, Satan is viewed with high reverance. \*90% of what I type is an attempt at a joke or a smart-ass remark. Apply this rule to just about everyone else who hangs out in MPSIMs on a regular basis. Welcome aboard, have a lot of fun. And make sure someone explains the part about posting provocative photos of yourself within your first 100 posts. * * * Now, you too can become an Evil Ninja Assassin in the Self-Righteous Clique. Ask me how. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/10 "2000-02-03T06:41:00Z")
Never start a thread asking for advice. But seriously folks – Welcome aboard. You will find a community of intelligent, caring people with a great sense of humor and a scarcely concealed dark side. Mundane comments and questions are welcomed, especially if they are entertaining. Stupid or poorly thought out comments will be ruthlessly dismembered, usually with wit and sarcasm, occasionally with a direct assault. Not that this will ever happen to you, but if you find yourself attacked either defend yourself or apologize, depending on how sure you are of your information and how you’re feeling that day. Nobody challenges people on this board to drive them away. (Well, there are a few exceptions!) If you hold a defensible but unpopular opinion on an issue you can enjoy a thorough wringing-out of your ideas. That’s good for everyone who reads it and is a lot of the reason a lot of us are here. If you always hear what you’ve always heard you’ll never learn anything new. One last piece of advice, based on personal experience: Never suggest that a certain Elizabethan playwright (initials W.S.) didn’t actually write the plays ascribed to him. At least don’t do so casually, like I did. If you’re ready to defend the idea to the death in spite of _ad hominem_ attacks (and the occasional well-reasoned rebuttal) then “cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!” * * * “pluto … a seriously demented but oddly addictive presence here.” – TVeblen ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/11 "2000-02-03T06:43:00Z")
Oh, and people get a little irritated if your username doesn’t clearly reflect your gender. So you’re off to a good start in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/12 "2000-02-03T06:44:00Z")
Sure, we’ve all got advice, and it’s worth pretty much what you’ll pay for it; not a damn thing. Seriously though, evocative, eloquent, and electric posts are encouraged. Either that or endless expletives. It looks like you have grammar and spelling down pretty well; we seem to have a lot of pedants 'round these parts, so we place a high value on that. I should know; I’m one of 'em. If you don’t know something, just ask, we have lots of friendly helpful folks. If you wander into **Great Debates** or [General Questions\*\*, be prepared to defend your opinions, or statements of fact with a reliable source. Profanity and personal attacks in those forums are dealt with harshly by the moderators. And don’t take any food in **GD** , David B will kick you out. The **BBQ Pit** can get pretty intense; there’s a lot of profane namecalling in that forum. It’s set aside as a place to vent frustrations and anger when they get out of hand in the other fora. The fora dedicated to Cecil’s and the SD Staff coulumns are just that; for comments on those article which are available from the homepage. This forum, **MPSIMS** , is just what you see; it’s the rumpus room for everything that doesn’t fit anywhere else and general socializing. Be prepared to laugh, especially if you posess a sarcastic humor. Sarcasm is also valued highly on this board. Read the FAQ; there is a lot of good information in there. Read the little descriptions under the link to each of the specific forums; they provide a good syllabus of what you might find in each of them. Don’t post spam or links to sites which you may have a financial interest. That’s pretty standard for all MB’s though. The moderators are more than willing to address any specific questions you may have; all you need to do is drop them an e-mail. And never ask about _felching._ * * * “A bird in the hand is the Devil’s workshop; it is the goose that laid the bad apple.” - TennHippie ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/13 "2000-02-02T19:01:00Z")
Always drink UPSTREAM from the herd. Sit up straight! No TV til you finish your homework. Chew with your mouth closed. Clean up your room. Don’t hit your little sister/brother. Don’t roll your eyes at me. And have a good time here, m’kay? * * * **R** anger **J** eff \*The Idol of American Youth \* [Riders In The Sky](http://www.ridersinthesky.com) ---
**Author:** ![Frankie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Frankie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankie)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/14 "2000-02-02T19:05:00Z")
> [@](#): > > And never ask about felching. Whats Felching UncleBeer? 😛 Welcome aboard. We always love to have new posters. Just remember that most of what you read is in jest and you’ll be just fine! * * * -Frankie “Mother Mercy, can your loins bear fruit forever?/Is your fecundity a trammel or a treasure?” -Bad Religion ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/15 "2000-02-02T19:07:00Z")
Jeffery, how’s the cowpunchin’ bidness goin? Long time no see my old friend. I’ll be sendin’ ya an e-mail ‘bout anudder SDMB meetin’ soon; gonna try for Toledo this time. There’s some Michiganders and Cleveburgers interested. One more piece of advice for Sandy, you should click this link and [check in](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000394.html) * * * “A bird in the hand is the Devil’s workshop; it is the goose that laid the bad apple.” - TennHippie ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/16 "2000-02-02T19:21:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Mullinator: > > \*On this board, Satan is viewed with high reverance. Preach on, brother… Welcome, newbie! Please allow me to introduce myself… * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/17 "2000-02-02T19:25:00Z")
…you’re a man of wealth and taste? And wait a minute… > [@](#): > > Oh, and people get a little irritated if your username doesn’t clearly reflect your gender. So you’re off to a good start in that regard. PLUTO! I’m hurt! Is it _my_ fault I like this nick…_wandering off grumbling_ And FTR, Y2Sandgirl, I am a girl and AuraSeer is a guy. Just thoiught we’d get THAT cleared out of way. * * * “You are sweet, kind, and considerate… Like a grown up boy scout with tits!” - Brian, aka SDMB’s one and only Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/18 "2000-02-02T19:31:00Z")
Frankie said [quote] Whats Felching UncleBeer? [/quote} Shouldn’t that question start with Who’s? * * * Now, you too can become an Evil Ninja Assassin in the Self-Righteous Clique. Ask me how. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/19 "2000-02-02T19:40:00Z")
Welcome aboard. It’s best to just keep your posts short and to the point or you’ll lose the attention span of most of the SD posters. If you need any more advice just e-mail me…I may answer * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda - Intern to El Presidente Self-Righteous Clique \* ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2000, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405/20 "2000-02-02T19:41:00Z")
Dammit, mully. **No one** is gonna be felching UncleBeer. You’re gonna give Coldfire some bad ideas. This has been a shameless attempt to return the focus of all felching references to their rightful owner. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-new/13405.md?page=2)