# I'm not a bitch because you aren't listening. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2009, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089 "2009-07-24T05:39:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/41 "2009-07-24T18:47:58Z")
**Stoid** : Now that you’ve explained the details, it sounds very likely that the library employee doesn’t particularly agree with this policy, but has to enforce it. I’ll betcha that his boss was getting annoyed at people “abusing” the free computer access and reminded all the employees at the last staff meeting of their long-standing-but-little-enforced “Only 2 hours a day!!” rule. I’ve worked with a few bosses who have turned mini-despot over minor shit like this and then left we poor hourly slobs with the fun job of pissing off long-term clients. Sucks for you, but if you play along for a month or so, odds are the enforcement will start to relax again. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/42 "2009-07-24T18:48:17Z")
Well, they told you what the reason was - policy. What more did you expect from them? Production of the minutes of the staff meeting when the policy was implemented? A detailed analysis of why the decision was arrived at? Why did you want to know anyways? I can’t imagine it would have done you any good to know, and I expect that the reason they didn’t go into it further was because they suspected it would have entailed getting into a debate with you about the merits of the policy. I agree that the policy is dumb. There are lots of dumb policies. That doesn’t mean you get to argue with staff about them. They probably didn’t make the rules and can’t do anything to change them. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/43 "2009-07-24T19:06:56Z")
Also, as a side note regarding the whole “why?” question driving techs and similar types crazy…I am a big questioner - not to be a pain, but because it’s the only way I’ve ever learned anything. When I first was introduced to computers, back in the days of CP/M (is that how it was “spelled”? I seem to reall the three letters being broken up by a slash…it’s been so long, maybe not…) I had a job as a data entry clerk for a business management firm. My task was to basically enter checks in an ancient and insanely cumbersome precursor to Quickbooks. My supervisor was trying to teach me by saying “press this button, press that button, then type this and press that.” Well, ok. Why? What happens? What does it do? if I press this instead or do it in that order, what effect will that have? She was getting very frustrated with me. Largely because she didn’t know a lot of the answers. However, it is because I wanted to understand, because I always want to understand, that I went on to be very comfortable and competent with computers, and why I ultimately was able to step into my supervisor’s shoes and improve on the work she had been doing. (God, I remember how thrilling it was to learn about merge fields! And when the Mac came along and I could finally SEE the “sectors”, vs. having to know what to type to get to different areas and generate lists of files…heaven. That whole command prompt thing just bugged. Hence my deep dislike of Terminal…) ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/44 "2009-07-24T19:15:02Z")
In that case, it seems to me that the guy wasn’t able to offer a satisfactory answer to “Why?” Repeating the question leads back to the same unsatisfactory answer, and be annoying to the guy who obviously didn’t make the policy. I would think the appropriate next question wouldn’t be to repeat “Why?” again, but to ask, “Who is responsible for the policy? Can I speak to him?” ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/45 "2009-07-24T19:37:00Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > In that case, it seems to me that the guy wasn’t able to offer a satisfactory answer to “Why?” Repeating the question leads back to the same unsatisfactory answer, and be annoying to the guy who obviously didn’t make the policy. > > I would think the appropriate next question wouldn’t be to repeat “Why?” again, but to ask, “Who is responsible for the policy? Can I speak to him?” Yes, I did that. I have his name and I will be following up. But my librarian friend seemed to be setting up a “defense” of sorts by warning me that he had “inherited” the policy. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/46 "2009-07-24T19:38:06Z")
Gotta side with the dude behind the counter on this one. He doesn’t make policy. He’s not hiding something from you. He has no idea why the policy is in place. His job is to enforce the policy. The last thing that he needs is to get smacked by his supervisor because he let someone break the rules. ---
**Author:** ![Orr\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ee59a6/32.png) [@Orr\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orr_G)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/47 "2009-07-24T19:48:06Z")
Heh. That librarian needs to work at my gym. You could just sign up under a different name, right in front of him. When he objects, just shrug your shoulders and say, “It’s policy.” ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/48 "2009-07-24T20:44:21Z")
Haj: it’s not about “siding” - where did you see me say anything about breaking the rules? Check the OP again: All I want is not to get jacked. If you don’t know why, say you don’t know why. Don’t repeat the policy as though I didn’t hear you. That’s irritating and makes me think you didn’t hear ME. A simple “I do not know” is remarkably effective at shutting down the conversation, so I don’t know why people are so resistant to saying it. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/49 "2009-07-24T21:10:50Z")
Yeah, I get your point. He should have just said that he was sorry but he didn’t know. ---
**Author:** ![MrSquishy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9e5f3/32.png) [@MrSquishy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrSquishy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/50 "2009-07-24T23:05:35Z")
No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to understand the thread title. Is there something wrong with me? ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/51 "2009-07-24T23:06:14Z")
[quote=Lord Ashtar;11373199 **Them** : Why do we need to change this setting from 150 to 0? **Me** : Because this product doesn’t use Java, so you don’t have to allocate any memory to the java pool. **Them** : Why do we need to use partitioning? **Me** : Because it will only have to search through one partition to find the records that need to be updated, making it run a lot faster. **Them** : But, but…WHY? **Me** (in my head): Could you just SHUT THE FUCK UP and follow the recommendations you asked me for?[/quote] So in other words, you want blind obedience, and you don’t want your customers to learn or understand anything for themselves because that might require you to do a little bit more work. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/52 "2009-07-25T00:12:09Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > So in other words, you want blind obedience, and you don’t want your customers to learn or understand anything for themselves because that might require you to do a little bit more work. When the customer hires tech support, they’re hiring them to fix the problem. If they want to learn how computers work, try the community college. Teaching ain’t fer free. You want education, pay for it, don’t try to scam it off the tech-support workers. Getting an education through them actually hurts them, since they’re judged based on how many problems/hour they solve (being generous to the bosses with that interpretation), not on how many customers walk away with an increased understanding of computers. THe more time they spend educating you, the lower their rating on problems solved/hour will be. And, incidentally, the longer the wait time will be for the next customer in line. When I’m soliciting tech support, I’ll argue if I absolutely know the support person isn’t paying attention (“Don’t tell me to solve my Internet connectivity problems by restarting the computer, given that both computers in my house lost connectivity simultaneously but can connect to one another via the wireless router!”) Even then it doesn’t usually work, and I’ll go to plan B (“Fine. BING! Computer restarted. Still no connection. What now?”) If the issue is that I don’t know why they’re suggesting something, then I won’t argue. I’ll comply–and then, if there’s wait time, I may or may not ask for an explanation, depending on how intelligent the support provider seems to be. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/53 "2009-07-25T00:19:01Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > So in other words, you want blind obedience, and you don’t want your customers to learn or understand anything for themselves because that might require you to do a little bit more work. What I’d like would be for my clients who choose to run Oracle to hire an Oracle DBA.. If they choose not to do that and want me to use my helpdesk to get answers to these questions, then they need to recognize that I know what I’m talking about and not argue with me. ---
**Author:** ![Other\_Dreams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Other\_Dreams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Other_Dreams)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/54 "2009-07-25T00:37:43Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Some people have an allergy to saying the words “I don’t know”. Maybe that’s the problem here? > > I, on the other hand, find it one of the most useful phrases in my toolbox of phrases. “I don’t know” (subtext - go find someone who knows or cares). I don’t know… 😛 Responding appropriately now, I use the same phrase all the time. What I don’t particularly appreciate is how I can be treated dumb for not knowing something. As if they don’t have stuff that they don’t know. Does that happen to you, Isamu? ~S.P.I.~ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/55 "2009-07-25T00:54:49Z")
I don’t know of any library that lets you have unlimited time on their computers – most of the time, it’s no more than two hours. Maybe they’re getting overwhelmed, and too many people need to use them? I’m guessing that they’re starting to crack down on people who were being lax with policy – before, it wasn’t such a big deal, but now the higher ups are saying, “okay, you guys really have to start enforcing it.” ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/56 "2009-07-25T01:35:45Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > And I’m really tired of having to sound like one. > > When you inform me about some apparently pointless rule or regulation or policy and I ask you “Why?”, the correct answer might be any of the following: > > “Because if we don’t do it this way, thousands, perhaps millions of people will die a lingering painful death, probably involving boils.” > > “Because we have learned over the years that this is the most effective method of controlling your minds and your behavior and making you bend to our will so that we can breed you and eat you without you ever noticing.” > > “Because the President of our fine institution has a direct line to God Almighty, and He wants us to make you do it like this and given His Mighty Will and the whole smiting thing, we don’t argue.” > > Or even: > “I have no clue whatsoever. That’s what they tell me the rule is, they pay me $10 bucks an hour to tell YOU that’s what the rule is and if you want to know more you’re going to have to talk to someone making more money than I am.” > > However, the correct answer to the question “Why?” is NEVER to repeat exactly what you just said, to say the same thing in different words, or to in any other way respond in a manner that suggests that, rather than seeking a purpose or reason behind what you’ve told me, I have led you to believe I didn’t hear you correctly or didn’t understand all the words you used. > > Got it? > > Thanks. Do you realistically expect the person you’re talking to to know why? I don’t know what the situation is specifically but in my background of retail the average employee doesn’t know why all the policies are in place. I agree that " I really don’t know" is an appropriate answer but it often doesn’t end there. If you feel you really need to get to the why of company policies write a letter to the cooperate office that sets policy. The alternative is to just decide if the company is worth doing business with if you don’t like their policies. Perhaps it’s the tone of voice behind the “why” that trips their bitch alert. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/57 "2009-07-25T01:38:16Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > In my job I have to enforce a particular policy that I don’t like and don’t think is fair. If people don’t follow this policy to the letter it can cost them money, sometimes serious money, and I have absolutely no discretion in the matter or power to make exceptions. It’s imposed on our company by an inflexible third party (a very large and powerful company) for reasons that to me seem little more than “rules is rules.” > > So I’m not trying to be a jerk and I don’t think you’re a bitch, but all I’m really able to say is, “That’s the policy.” Sucks to be both of us at that point. It’s probably not “rules is rules” it’s probably " penalty profit is good profit" ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/58 "2009-07-25T01:52:08Z")
\*remembers **Stoid** ’s past threads on her demands for “information” from lawyers. Wonders if she approaches library clerks in the same manner. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/59 "2009-07-25T02:00:20Z")
Having worked in retail for far too many years, the simple truth is that some people will not be satisfied with _any_ explanation, or- and this is more common than the general public like to think- the person just isn’t smart enough (or willing to) understand the explanation. There are also a disturbing number of people who will, when informed the reason for Policy X is because _that’s what the law requires, and the penalties for non-compliance include fines that would bankrupt an Oil Sheikh_ respond with “I don’t care”, or something to that effect. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/60 "2009-07-25T02:09:18Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > There are also a disturbing number of people who will, when informed the reason for Policy X is because _that’s what the law requires, and the penalties for non-compliance include fines that would bankrupt an Oil Sheikh_ respond with “I don’t care”, or something to that effect. :eek: No kidding. When it gets to the point where I have to tell someone “I can’t do that because I would lose my license to sell insurance and the company I work for would be fined several hundred thousand dollars” I just want to reach through the phone and throttle them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089.md?page=4)