# I'm not a bitch because you aren't listening. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2009, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089 "2009-07-24T05:39:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/161 "2009-07-27T11:02:52Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I’ve always found the word twat just too goofy to be rude. But I take it as it’s meant, of course. > 🆒 You just don’t get it, do you? So many posters ridicule you because of your many stupid posts here. You’ve shown yourself to be a petty little person with too much time and not enough sense. Don’t be surprised when people point and laugh. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/162 "2009-07-27T11:03:10Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Because one man’s loophole is another man’s exception: “No one’s using the computers and I promise to leave if they get busy” and such. It sounds reasonable doesn’t it? The problem with exceptions is that once you extend them to one person then it’s even harder to refuse them to others. At my store we occasionally hedge specific policy in the name of customer relations. Once you’ve done that some customers react as if the policies don’t really count , or don’t really apply to me. I’m sorry sir but we have a 7 day cash back policy and you’ve had this for two weeks. I know but I was out of town But I just opened it Yes , but it doesn’t work. I didn’t know the policy or read the big sign posted by the register or what was written on my receipt. Besides , you know people don’t read those things. My mother, brother, sister, spouse, has been ill. Each customer seems to think their reason, sincere or otherwise, should be the exception. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/163 "2009-07-27T11:15:37Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > By the way…what is it you find so incredibly horrible about asking about the policy to begin with? Why are you reacting as though I’d berated the poor clerk for half an hour? I’m guessing you have a gig where people give you a hard time a lot. But really, there’s nothing inherently bad about wanting to know why things are the way they are, especially if you don’t, and I didn’t, get shitty and abusive with the people you are addressing. > > Calm down. I, for one, don’t find anything horrible about it at all. I would say it’s unrealistic to expect that person on the front lines to know the why that particular policy is in place but it’s possible so no harm in asking. It might depend on the wording. Why? isn’t as specific as “I understand it’s policy but do you happen to know why such a policy was put in place?” That seems like a pretty specific yes or no question. I basically agree with why you’re annoyed. I find too many people don’t really know how to communicate properly. However, knowing that, I compensate in my own communication. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/164 "2009-07-27T11:38:47Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > It sounds reasonable doesn’t it? The problem with exceptions is that once you extend them to one person then it’s even harder to refuse them to others. > > At my store we occasionally hedge specific policy in the name of customer relations. Once you’ve done that some customers react as if the policies don’t really count , or don’t really apply to me. > > I’m sorry sir but we have a 7 day cash back policy and you’ve had this for two weeks. > > I know but I was out of town > But I just opened it > Yes , but it doesn’t work. > I didn’t know the policy or read the big sign posted by the register or what was written on my receipt. Besides , you know people don’t read those things. > My mother, brother, sister, spouse, has been ill. > > Each customer seems to think their reason, sincere or otherwise, should be the exception. It’s horrid, isn’t it? Especially when they tell _their_ friends how you bent the rules, and then their friends get shitty at you for not doing the same for them, and then Head Office get shitty at you for either bending the rules or pissing the customers off. You can’t win. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/165 "2009-07-27T13:42:36Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > It’s horrid, isn’t it? Especially when they tell _their_ friends how you bent the rules, and then their friends get shitty at you for not doing the same for them, and then Head Office get shitty at you for either bending the rules or pissing the customers off. You can’t win. I sometimes want to ask, “Have you been shopping in the United States Long?” when someone makes a particularly absurd request. One pet peeve. Customers seem to think there’s some law that if something is mis priced or placed in a discount bin you have to discount it or honor the price that’s on it. There’s no such law. Reasonable mistakes happen and we try to accommodate for those mistakes but I’m not selling a 42 inch HDTV for the price of a 32 simply because this price was in front of it. That would leave us open to all kinds of shenanigans. Basically, customer service practices like “satisfaction guaranteed” and too liberal return policies have spoiled US customers rotten. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/166 "2009-07-27T14:56:37Z")
I just read a few pages of the advice vs information thread, and I have to ask: has the OP ever demanded to see the manager of the Lexington, Ky Cracker Barrel because the incompetent moron server handed her a bill with a food total on it when she didn’t have any _food_, all she had was a _cobbler_? Jesus wept. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/167 "2009-07-27T15:11:04Z")
> [@leander](#): > > You just don’t get it, do you? It is because I get it that 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/168 "2009-07-27T15:31:37Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > Why? isn’t as specific as “I understand it’s policy but do you happen to know why such a policy was put in place?” That seems like a pretty specific yes or no question. > > I basically agree with why you’re annoyed. I find too many people don’t really know how to communicate properly. However, knowing that, I compensate in my own communication. Thank you. And actually, I am very specific in my wording, especially on the second try. I wanted to know what the actual goal/problem was, because rather than seeking to be an exception, I thought, and still think, that I can think of a way to accomplish the goal that is just as effective without being so restrictive. For everyone. I’m going to follow up when I get the chance, I’m just a little up to the eyeballs at the moment. (Although I fear this is one of those “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it” situations, since Librarian #2 told me that the guy who oversees that area “inherited” the policy, which could be a bad sign. Could be a good sign. Since it often seems that the most frequent visitors to the library are homeless people who come in from out of the cold or heat, it’s possible that the only discussion about the issue has been in the context of trying to manage that.) As for compensating…yeah. Well. My best friend and I talk about this all the time, we agree that most people communicate very badly, but she’s more willing, and far more skilled, than I could ever hope to be at compensating. Even when I try to read between people’s lines the message tends to come through like a bad cell phone call, or like trying to decipher a language I don’t speak, so instead I work on trying to get everyone to speak English. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/169 "2009-07-27T15:35:29Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > One pet peeve. Customers seem to think there’s some law that if something is mis priced or placed in a discount bin you have to discount it or honor the price that’s on it. There’s no such law. Reasonable mistakes happen and we try to accommodate for those mistakes but I’m not selling a 42 inch HDTV for the price of a 32 simply because this price was in front of it. That would leave us open to all kinds of shenanigans. > > Basically, customer service practices like “satisfaction guaranteed” and too liberal return policies have spoiled US customers rotten. This is evidently something that a lot of places do automatically…I had no familiarity or expectation. I was at a crafts store looking at a stickermaker thingie, and the shelf had two tags for the same item with different prices. I just wanted to know which one was accurate, and bing bam boom, they’re telling me the higher price is accurate but because they blew it and I noticed they’ll give me the lower price. Well…golly gee whiz, thanks! Save me almost $4 on a $12 item! Neato beans! I’d never ask, though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/170 "2009-07-27T15:55:26Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > I, for one, don’t find anything horrible about it at all. I would say it’s unrealistic to expect that person on the front lines to know the why that particular policy is in place but it’s possible so no harm in asking. It might depend on the wording. > > Why? isn’t as specific as “I understand it’s policy but do you happen to know why such a policy was put in place?” That seems like a pretty specific yes or no question. > > I basically agree with why you’re annoyed. I find too many people don’t really know how to communicate properly. However, knowing that, I compensate in my own communication. Nothing wrong with asking. Asking _once_, that is. The OP said she asked _three times_. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/171 "2009-07-27T15:57:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > \ > > The OP said she asked _three times_. :eek: THREE? God lord, I had no idea! That tears it. I need to be put down like a dog. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/172 "2009-07-27T17:25:23Z")
Well, okay. Your ears are too long and you have fleas. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/173 "2009-07-27T18:04:57Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Well, okay. Your ears are too long and you have fleas. Bwa. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/174 "2009-07-27T18:07:11Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > … asking to speak to the manager about a clear and reasonable policy… What is reasonable about it? There were empty computers not being used and a **customer** who wanted to use them. If that person wanted to camp there all day and by doing so didn’t interfere with anyone else getting their chance at other working computers then what is the harm? I’ll answer that myself: There isn’t any. Thus the policy isn’t reasonable. If they are using the policy to curtail other behaviours, like stinky homeless types sitting there all day making random loud hooting noises, then they should make policies that address that directly instead of penalizing people who are actually using the library for what it is intended for. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/175 "2009-07-27T20:18:13Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Well, okay. Your ears are too long and you have fleas. nyuk nyuk nyuk!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/176 "2009-07-27T22:17:48Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > :eek: > > THREE? God lord, I had no idea! > > That tears it. I need to be put down like a dog. And you don’t find that rude or obnoxious? > [@Stoid](#): > > No, I don’t admit it was “clear”. I “admit” that several repetitions was sufficiently irritating that it was probable that he didn’t know. > > No one has explained how irritating repetition is _less likely to piss people off_, and since the issue that most people in this thread have is pissed off people…I’m still pretty unclear about why robotic repetitions and reconfigurations of the same information is a “good” choice for _dealing_ with potentially angry people, versus _creating_ angry people. Please refer to Fenris’ clear description of how repetitive non-answers will cause the customer’s head to explode. I suppose if that’s the agreed-upon goal among those who promote the practice as a better practice than direct and clear and specific communication, then I readily agree that repetitive non-answers is an ideal choice. > > No. As I’ve explained, I don’t think that people restating what they’ve just said when I ask a question calling for a different kind of answer clearly communicates anything, and I assume nothing except that perhaps they didn’t hear or understand my question. **I generally give it three tries before moving on,** and I moved on to exactly what you suggest. Bolding is mine. If you did NOT do so in this case, I appologize, however: > [@Stoid](#): > > While I am decidedly hostile to dishonesty overall, I would much prefer a dishonest “I don’t know” to restating the policy three different ways. One is a bummer, the other is absolutely infuriating (and does the opposite of placating me.) > > Example: > > “It’s the library’s policy that you can only use the computer for two hours.” > “Why is that the policy?” > “Because you’re only allowed to use it for two hours.” > “Yes, I understand what the policy is. I’m asking what is the reason for the policy?” > “Well, to keep anyone from using the computers for more than two hours.” > “really, I fully understand WHAT the policy is, I’m trying to understand why it is that way, what it’s designed to accomplish..” > “It’s designed to stop people from using the computers for more than two hours. That’s the policy.” > “Oh. Would it be okay if I slap you really hard a couple of times right now? That’s my policy.” > > Vs. > > “It’s the library’s policy that you can only use the computer for two hours.” > “Why is that the policy?” > “I really don’t know. I’ve wondered myself.” > “Oh. Well, do you know who I should ask?” > “You might try Joe Shmoe.” > “thanks, I will.” > > My blood pressure remains stable throughout exchange #2, and I have no way of knowing whether I’m being lied to or not, so it doesn’t faze me. I’m getting the impression that that’s EXACTLY what you did. If you don’t find that rude, well, no comment. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/177 "2009-07-27T22:56:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And you don’t find that rude or obnoxious? Not a bit, especially when my question isn’t answered in a way that makes sense. My asking the purpose of the the two hour limit and getting a response that the purpose of the two hour limit is to limit it to two hours is incredibly obnoxious and irritating. Kinda the point of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/178 "2009-07-28T02:22:27Z")
It’s not outside the realms of possibility that the two hour limit is in place because Someone Important doesn’t want you (or other people of means) in the library using their computers all day when they figure you can afford to get your own. That doesn’t make such a policy “right”, or “fair”, but in all seriousness- never underestimate the petty megalomania of people in customer service. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/179 "2009-07-28T02:42:08Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > Not a bit, especially when my question isn’t answered in a way that makes sense. My asking the purpose of the the two hour limit and getting a response that the purpose of the two hour limit is to limit it to two hours is incredibly obnoxious and irritating. Kinda the point of the thread. I have a hard time believing you have the type of free and relaxed spirit that has you dancing to your car to put money in the meter. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089/180 "2009-07-28T04:06:12Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I have a hard time believing you have the type of free and relaxed spirit that has you dancing to your car to put money in the meter. > :dubious: And yet I do…ain’t that a kick? Just goes to show you how narrow the picture you get from a message board really is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-bitch-because-you-arent-listening/504089.md?page=10)