# I'm NOT a prisoner \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2012, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759 "2012-10-05T01:22:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/1 "2012-10-05T01:22:54Z")
…if I don’t reply to this within a week. Specifically, I will be in HMP Jurby. You can even write to me, I suppose. In those circumstances I will certainly have been in the local papers (they don’t put too much on the web so it can’t really be guaranteed that it’ll be there, but you never know . Wait until next Friday and then ask a Manx doper (suggestion: Lobsang although I note I have **not** got his permission for this) for my name. I do not mind people knowing it in those very specific circumstances. I would like to say that while I have only been here a short time, it has been one of my favourite message boards, for a simple reason: high standards. I am a member of many boards, all of whom eclipse this place for one reason or another. But despite the tiny size of this place, you can be pretty sure that at least half the posts are (at least when they need to be) well written, well reasoned, and well cited. I love that. It’s been made very clear to me that I cannot post here from within prison, so I won’t. However, I will be posting a diary in at least one other message board. I have a way to let you all know about where that will be, and I will activate it if it comes to this. Obviously I am not a doper fixture or anything like that. But I hope I will be able to give at least some of you some info. But please be aware, it’s not my plan to end up in prison. I really don’t want to end up there. It is by no means a certainty that I will be there, indeed my lawyer thinks it’s around a 40% chance. I’m crossing my fingers, obviously. One final note: if I am typing things in other threads in 24 hours time you can assume I am not in prison. In those circumstances remind me to come back to this thread! P.S. To be perfectly clear, this is unlikely to be my last post. I still have supper to cook, after all! But it is most likely my last thread, if I do end up in the clink. A post post scriptum as a scriptum: Thank you all for what you have done here on this board. Many of you are a brilliant laugh. I appreciate it, and I know others do. I cannot really list all my favourite posters, but a special mention to Stranger on a Train for astonishingly well reasoned stuff in what he know about, Vinyl Turnip for lulz, WhyNot for genius understanding of human relationships, Marley23 for listening to me as a mod, and Giraffe for getting to the point of things (even if it’s mostly in defunct threads) - well that special mention has to made. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/2 "2012-10-05T01:33:03Z")
How long will you be in if you did get a prison sentence? > [@](#): > > If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence.— > Charles Bukowski > [@](#): > > We’re rapidly approaching a world comprised entirely of jail and shopping.— > Doug Coupland > [@](#): > > On a planet that increasingly resembles one huge Maximum Security prison, the only intelligent choice is to plan a jail break.— > Robert Anton Wilson ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/3 "2012-10-05T02:48:14Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > How long will you be in if you did get a prison sentence? The max I can be sentenced to today is 12 months. In theory I could be referred to a higher court for a longer sentence\* but I recently (literally in the last few hours) had confirmation that that won’t be happening. \*Indeed I would have been sentenced at my most recent appearance but the judge equivilant (Deputy High Baliff is her title) was unsure if she could sentence me on this occasion so it got sent to legal argument, costing me in US terms roughly five grand. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/4 "2012-10-05T02:52:28Z")
So, did you do it? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/5 "2012-10-05T05:12:39Z")
Man, I thought you were supposed to be locked up already. It seems like you’ve been like a day away from going to prison for a long time now. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/6 "2012-10-05T12:56:25Z")
You been bad? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/7 "2012-10-05T13:13:02Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > It’s been made very clear to me that I cannot post here from within prison, so I won’t. Made clear from the people here or the people from prison? I hope you can find a way to post from prison. Maybe a friend could make an account here and they could post about you. People have done that here in the past when someone has been sick. If the poster was something like **Mr. Bickles** , the person would make an account like **Mr. Bickles friend** and then give us updates and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/8 "2012-10-05T13:29:36Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > So, did you do it? Apparently he did. > **[Got my laptop back from the police...](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=661703)** > > Fortunately they either ignored or didn’t notice the videos of me doing sketchy (driving related) things on it. Yet they did examine it thoroughly - I’m being prosecuted for drug importation (personal use mind and in fact I have already plead guilty,... ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/9 "2012-10-05T13:59:47Z")
Good luck, and I hope that by hook or crook you can keep posting. I’ve really enjoyed your stay here! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/10 "2012-10-05T14:00:33Z")
Now, where is he going to find a crook in a prison? Oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/11 "2012-10-05T14:27:25Z")
The prison at Jurby on the Isle of Man isn’t run by HMPS, it’s run by the [Isle of Man Prison Service.](http://www.gov.im/dha/prison/) It is not known as HMP Jurby either, but simply as “Isle of Man Prison”. Good luck, I hope your stay will be uneventful yet productive. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/12 "2012-10-05T15:52:48Z")
Look on the brightside, SL. The prison showers are roomier than [what you’re used to](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15428584&postcount=10). ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/13 "2012-10-05T17:48:44Z")
Good luck, **Simple Linctus**. I hope we hear from you personally next week. Keep your chin up. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/14 "2012-10-05T19:11:53Z")
I got ten months suspended for two years plus a grand fine, thanks for all your kind words. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/15 "2012-10-05T19:51:51Z")
Maybe I’m being dense but what does “ten months suspended for two years” mean? Two years with 10 months of it suspended? Ten months then 14 months probation? ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/16 "2012-10-05T19:57:00Z")
You may find this difficult to believe, but generally you have to put quite a bit of effort to get into prison in the UK. The vast majority of offenders have gone through the Asbo, Probation, Community Service route before eventually moving on to incarceration. You really need to be seen as a genuine threat to society to get inside. They don’t just let any Tom, Dick and Harry inside you know (usually they are Waynes, Kyles and Jamies) ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/17 "2012-10-05T19:57:23Z")
It means if I commit another crime in the next two years I will be put in prison for ten months plus whatever I get for that crime. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/18 "2012-10-05T19:58:24Z")
> [@casdave](#): > > You may find this difficult to believe, but generally you have to put quite a bit of effort to get into prison in the UK. > > The vast majority of offenders have gone through the Asbo, Probation, Community Service route before eventually moving on to incarceration. > > You really need to be seen as a genuine threat to society to get inside. They don’t just let any Tom, Dick and Harry inside you know (usually they are Waynes, Kyles and Jamies) True but it’s considerably easier in the Isle of Man. In the UK it would have been very unlikely I would have been investigated, and even if I had been I would probably have been looking at 50 hours community service tops. In fact if I had anything other than driving convictions there is no doubt I would have been in prison today. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/19 "2012-10-05T22:00:35Z")
Congrats on staying out of prison. Do you have probation terms to deal with for the next two years other than not getting into trouble, like reporting to a probation officer (do they have those over there?) or not leaving the country? ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759/20 "2012-10-05T22:13:00Z")
Rats. I was looking forward to your stories from the jailhouse. J/k. Congrats! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-prisoner-edited-title/636759.md?page=2)