# I'm not a stalker **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 31, 2018, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231 "2018-05-31T23:54:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/41 "2018-06-01T18:24:13Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Really? As far as I know–at least here in California–you can’t get that information from a license plate, unless you’re a law enforcement officer. Pretty sure there are ways, l’ll ask my friend’s husband, a PI, how a regular citizen gets plate info. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/42 "2018-06-01T18:26:03Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Yes. > > “Lady Friend” is asking you about the occupations of random people walking into the gym? You might be a stalker, but she’s a _ **busy-body** _. Same thing, really. Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Would make a good TV show about amateur detectives: “Stalker & Busybody.” ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/43 "2018-06-01T18:31:43Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Really? As far as I know–at least here in California–you can’t get that information from a license plate, unless you’re a law enforcement officer. This found my car details and $19.95 will give my name and other details. I don’t know if you also get the address, but finding address info is a cinch online. It appears that the VIN check gives title details, which would include registration address. > **[SearchQuarry - Background Checks, License Plate Searches, & More](https://www.searchquarry.com)** > > Search by name, phone number, license plate number, or VIN. View background records, civil records, liens, contact info, & more. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/44 "2018-06-01T18:44:48Z")
Didn’t read the whole thread. I look people up ALL the time. Including on the appraisal district web site. This is PUBLIC information. Because of the internet, it’s easier to access than when you had to get in the car and go to the courthouse. I’ve never gone past this into the services where you pay for info that is not public. I The OP is definitely not a stalker. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/45 "2018-06-01T18:45:19Z")
No, not a “stalker” since you are not looking up info about the same person. A "busybody " or someone who prys into others lives might be better terms. But, no, not a stalker in any way shape or form. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/46 "2018-06-02T03:48:02Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I once got called a stalker because a woman I know posted stories on her facebook feed and then I brought them up to her. > > She’d post about how she burned her hand cooking on facebook, then the next day she’d say ‘guess what happened last night when I was cooking’ and I’d say ‘you burned your hand’. She’d give me this uncomfortable look… Awkward people can cross boundaries that some people find discomforting. Even if not exactly stalking, it is being oblivious to other people’s feelings. “Guess what happened to me!” means someone wants to engage in conversation, and they’re looking forward to telling you. And maybe even surprising you – they clearly want a reaction from you. And you let them down by short-circuiting the conversation. And creeping them out as a bonus. Example: I had a college student who was a genius. But not at interpersonal communication. When he met my wife, he immediately rattled off her address and license number. After we extricated ourselves (as quickly as possible), I explained to her that he’d seen the tag on her van when she’d picked me up once, and he’d worked for FedEx so had seen our address. And the way his brain works, he would remember it for life. Sensitive people won’t pry, and if they do see info about you, they’ll keep it to themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Covfefe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@Covfefe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covfefe)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/47 "2018-06-02T09:10:31Z")
“Monitoring” is a word that can sometimes be helpful. In many cases a person may not encounter offline situations equivalent to this, so it can take some getting used to. If you look at a profile of someone you don’t know, that can be an example of monitoring rather than a word with an unseemly connotation. It may not be such a good idea if you can’t maintain propriety. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/48 "2018-06-02T12:36:52Z")
Musing… sometimes people forget that the stuff you put on the internet, or the stuff that winds up there (like your address or the tax value of your house or your date of birth) is PUBLIC. Anyone can find it easily with a simple search. When you’re on your computer (or phone, I guess) at home alone, you have the illusion that you’re, well, _at home alone_. But if you’re online, you’re not alone. I’ve read that some parents feel funny reading their kids’ Facebook pages (or My Space, back in the day) because it feels like spying or eavesdropping. But if those pages are public and the user hasn’t set any of the privacy controls, then anyone can read them, including past, current and future employers, inmates in prison, homeless people using the public computers at the library, and ALL of your relatives. The kid doing the posting may or may not be acutely aware of this either–until a piece of shit hits the fan. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/49 "2018-06-02T13:07:51Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > No, not a “stalker” since you are not looking up info about the same person. > > A "busybody " or someone who prys into others lives might be better terms. > > But, no, not a stalker in any way shape or form. Yeah, “nosy sunovabitch” is more like it. “Stalker,” to me, implies repeated tracking and information gathering behavior on a particular person or persons, not just one-off info finding to satisfy one’s curiosity. The OP’s behavior is something I’d keep under wraps, though, for the most part. Even though it’s public info, if somebody I barely knew came up to me and told me they found out where I live, how much I paid for my house, who my neighbors are, I’d think it creepy as shit. Just because it’s public info doesn’t mean it won’t upset people who think you have no business looking that info up. So be quiet about it. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/50 "2018-06-02T13:14:55Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yeah, “nosy sunovabitch” is more like it. “Stalker,” to me, implies repeated tracking and information gathering behavior on a particular person or persons, not just one-off info finding to satisfy one’s curiosity. The OP’s behavior is something I’d keep under wraps, though, for the most part. Even though it’s public info, if somebody I barely knew came up to me and told me they found out where I live, how much I paid for my house, who my neighbors are, I’d think it creepy as shit. Just because it’s public info doesn’t mean it won’t upset people who think you have no business looking that info up. So be quiet about it. Yes. This. I’m definitely a nosy [del]sunova[/del]bitch. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/51 "2018-06-02T13:17:10Z")
I don’t think you are a stalker but I think every action you mentioned in the OP was totally unnecessary. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/52 "2018-06-02T14:40:28Z")
> [@Jennshark](#): > > This found my car details and $19.95 will give my name and other details. I don’t know if you also get the address, but finding address info is a cinch online. It appears that the VIN check gives title details, which would include registration address. > [https://www.searchquarry.com](https://www.searchquarry.com) Yes, that’s true–I was referring to California DMV, as a public agency . As to the $19.95, there are all kinds of private services hawking that, but I’ve never done it, and I wonder where _they_ get the information from. What database do they have (with a person’s address) that the public doesn’t have (free of charge)? I’m told that the $19.95–or whatever they advertise–is a bait-and-switch, if you’re looking for anything more than the information about the car itself. I’d be curious how a PI gets more than that–_ **from the license plate alone** _. ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/53 "2018-06-02T18:15:50Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Yes, that’s true–I was referring to California DMV, as a public agency . As to the $19.95, there are all kinds of private services hawking that, but I’ve never done it, and I wonder where _they_ get the information from. What database do they have (with a person’s address) that the public doesn’t have (free of charge)? I’m told that the $19.95–or whatever they advertise–is a bait-and-switch, if you’re looking for anything more than the information about the car itself. I’d be curious how a PI gets more than that–_ **from the license plate alone** _. It wasn’t that long ago, late 1990s, that in Ohio you could simply write to the DMV, enclose 5 bucks and they would either send you: 1) the address of the plate in question, or 2) the driving record of the person. 10 bucks for both. I don’t know when they dropped this service. They even had a phone hotline to do it. There are pay services that still do this, but only for expired plates. As for the OP, personally, I am impressed. As a historian I send a lot of time trying to find any details about people of interest. Of course, they all lived 50 or 100 years ago. Searching old newspapers, tax records, land owner plat maps, hunting down aerial photos, it’s what I do. I have solved several local mysteries as have other area researchers. Want to see if there are any aerial photos of grandpa’s farm from the 1960s? Give me an address and turn me loose. I’m absolutely delighted when I find anything substantial about someone. By the way, small town newspapers used to be gossipy as hell! Leaving town to see someone? It’s in the paper. Sick? In the paper. Injured in an accident? Freaking gory details. So channel your energy and ingenuity into something constructive as a history researcher! For example, here is how far I had to go to determine the location of an old photo. Parts 2 through 4 on the side bar: > **[A Farm Mystery Solved – Part 1](https://danielebrady.blogspot.com/2017/10/a-farm-mystery-solved-part-1.html)** > > One of the longtime mysteries here on the blog involves this vintage photo, which appeared in the Arcadia Images of America – Lorain book... Dennis ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/54 "2018-06-02T20:02:51Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Stalking is now a criminal offense in every state in the USA. Therefore, to state or even imply that a person is a stalker is equivalent to calling the person a murderer, thief, or any other form of criminal. The person so characterized, who has not been convicted through due process, would have legal recourse to recover damages for defamation of character. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > You’re killing me here. Is it to the point of depression? :rolleyes:\* To the OP: It strikes me that “creeper” (or “creep”) might be a more precise description of a person who engages in the behavior you describe. Does that sting a little less? I’m guessing probably not. Here’s a little unsolicited advice: Stop doing those things. If you find that you have a desire for “omniscience” that you cannot suppress, try working on suppressing any impulse to share your results with anyone else, particularly anyone else whose opinion and friendship you value. \*N.B.: That :rolleyes: is intended to convey the message of “_What? I didn’t say nothin’ objectionable, or cut that fart, or make a joke_ (even though I totally made a joke).” When I want to convey the message of “_What a dumb thing it is you just said,_” I use :dubious: I miss the old rolleyes. ☹ \*\* \*\*N. B.: That ☹ is intended to convey the subtext of nostalgia and regret. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/55 "2018-06-02T20:23:52Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > …Here’s a little unsolicited advice: Stop doing those things. If you’re referring to the searching, oh please. He’s just satisfying normal curiosity. > [@](#): > > If you find that you have a desire for “omniscience” that you cannot suppress, try working on suppressing any impulse to share your results with anyone else, particularly anyone else whose opinion and friendship you value. However, I completely agree with this. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/56 "2018-06-02T20:50:33Z")
Going by what’s posted in the OP, I don’t think OP is a stalker so much as a snoop. It’s \*possible \*OP is also a stalker. But if this kind of behavior is all you’ve done, no, you’re not a stalker so much as a snoop and would-be detective. I would consider getting a private investigator’s license and using your powers for good. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2018, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/57 "2018-06-02T23:57:14Z")
As I think about it more, I think “stalker” depends on the OP’s intent. If it was meant to further his friendship with his female friend, I’m prone to agree that it would be “stalkerish”. Not at the moment of their last conversation, but I’d be concerned as the female what other info (including looking up and appearing at MY address) the OP may gather. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2018, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/58 "2018-06-05T07:39:25Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > People post stuff on Facebook and Linkedin _because they want it to be publicly accessible_; that’s the whole point of such sites. Accessing it isn’t weird, unless you are accessing it for a weird purpose. > > Cross-matching a partial name gleaned from a vanity plate with tax assessor records, however . . . People also post stuff on Facebook because it’s private and not like talking to a real person. I might think that’s a bad idea, but it’s no use pretending it doesn’t happen. A good rule is “keep the facebook stuff on facebook. don’t bring it into real-life”. Let the person who posted it bring it into real-life if they want to: /then/ it’s ok to talk about it. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2018, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/59 "2018-06-05T17:51:06Z")
People who are uncomfortable with technology, are uncomfortable with other people using it well. You probably thought you were being helpful, maybe even impressing her with your mad skillz, but instead you have come to represent the lack of privacy in the online world. Welcome to the fear of the unknown. It turns intelligent, rational, humans into spooked horses. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2018, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231/60 "2018-06-12T23:26:25Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > People also post stuff on Facebook because it’s private and not like talking to a real person. > > I might think that’s a bad idea, but it’s no use pretending it doesn’t happen. A good rule is “keep the facebook stuff on facebook. don’t bring it into real-life”. Let the person who posted it bring it into real-life if they want to: /then/ it’s ok to talk about it. And co-incidentally, just read a paper about the use of WeChat for psychiatry in China. Because people are more willing to discuss their mental illness on WeChat than in person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-a-stalker/815231.md?page=4)