# I'm not buying you a fucking house **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957 "2003-01-16T12:52:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/81 "2003-01-16T22:22:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EasyPhil \* > \*\ ***swingchick** did you miss this: > > Doesn’t look like it was a mutual decision nor one that was agreed to by the OP. Oh, but wait, he did acquiesce on that, so it’s his fault. \*\* Damn straight it was my fault, but I won’t let it happen again. She had me buy all kinds of stuff like replacement furniture for stuff that wasn’t damaged and maxed out her credit cards on the assumption that we would get $250K, and when it came thru as $30k, I was left holding the bag on the insurance funds. :smack: Swingchick, she knows all about my education plans and my promise. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2003, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/82 "2003-01-16T22:31:43Z")
Now it’s time for me to tell you about Young Nastywife, archrival and nemesis of Vunderbob, with powers comparable to Vunderbob! What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of fights? That do anything for ya? That’s argumentation, holmes. How 'bout the power to scream and yak from 200 yards away… with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Cecil. How 'bout the power to pit you? History of Vunderbob and Young Nastywife, Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo. A house to be sold and marriage that is cold, He’s blasting forth with three-parts in OP, yeow! Vunderbob, what is the source of your hatred? Vunderbob, won’t you take yourself away from the mucky-muck man? ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/83 "2003-01-17T02:59:03Z")
**vunderbob** , I just wanted to say that it was very rude of me to not acknowledge the passing of your mother. I’m very sorry for your loss. Honey ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/84 "2003-01-17T04:26:56Z")
I wonder why it is that so many people here automatically are calling **vunderbob** an ass and how much venom he has and how he’s treating his wife like shit as if she’s just an innocent victim. Why the automatic defenses of his wife? From the beginning, did anybody consider that he could have a legitimate reason for saying the things he did and that maybe he’s not just some ignorant bastard of a man ranting about a perfect angel of a woman? The part about her spending $250K she was convinced she’d get from an insurance settlement that only amounted to $30K came later, so any of you who automatically assumed that he was in the wrong, have you changed your minds at all? I don’t understand why it is that when a guy is angry at a woman, people assume that he’s an asshole before thinking that maybe the woman did something to cause the anger. ---
**Author:** ![Number](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/number/32/242_2.png) [@Number](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Number)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/85 "2003-01-17T04:58:29Z")
I’ve never been inspired to sing an entire post before, **Enderw24**. Well done. ---
**Author:** ![djf750](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ea666f/32.png) [@djf750](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djf750)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/86 "2003-01-17T05:06:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*I > I don’t understand why it is that when a guy is angry at a woman, people assume that he’s an asshole before thinking that maybe the woman did something to cause the anger. \*\* I’m in total agreement with catsix. I recently watched a client’s wife (and friend) spend $40,000 on a car she doesn’t like (it is 3 years old and has less than 5,000 miles on it and sits in the garage while she drives her truck, new furniture which replaced her other new furniture, $7,000.00 for shutters throughout the house even though the window coverings they had were less than 5 years old and looked better, and acting and model lessons for her son after I told her it was a scam AFTER she asked my opinion. (It was a scam) She remodels and remodels their house and her husband , who is non confrontational and NEVER says a bad word about her, lets it build into a major resentment. And after manipulating him to get all this (he makes most of the money, and her money stays her money in another business account) she actually says with a straight face “he TOLD me to get the shutters” Yeah, to shut you the fuck up about them after you manipulated him to get them. Her behavior has now caused us to quit speaking and we are partners in another business so it has gotten tense at times. Oh did I mention that this woman also laughs at him behind his back and once said to me “he does anything I tell him” and laughed this sick mean little laugh? I pretended not to hear and changed the subject. This is the pit, let him rant about his wife and her behavior. Like I just did about that jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/87 "2003-01-17T05:15:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*I don’t understand why it is that when a guy is angry at a woman, people assume that he’s an asshole before thinking that maybe the woman did something to cause the anger. \*\* I fully admit to being guilty of this. My hackles were raised because she is not here to defend herself. There are always two sides to every disagreement. Being that we are prevented from hearing the other side, a few of us automatically took offense at the harsh words **vunderbob** directed at his wife. I, of course, don’t speak for all, but I usually take the side of the voiceless, when there is nothing else to go on. I hope **vunderbob** and his wife can again find those things that originally brought them together and ultimately find happiness. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/88 "2003-01-17T08:58:20Z")
mmm. i feel for you, vunder. i didn’t buy the house for her-she moved into it, and took it from me, although i couldn’t prove that she had done the nasty lambada with a co-worker. sometimes the laws just are patently unfair ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/89 "2003-01-17T09:20:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vunderbob \* > **Damn straight it was my fault, but I won’t let it happen again. She had me buy all kinds of stuff like replacement furniture for stuff that wasn’t damaged and maxed out her credit cards on the assumption that we would get $250K, and when it came thru as $30k, I was left holding the bag on the insurance funds. :smack:** She _had_ you buy thousands of dollars worth of stuff, even when YOU knew the incoming money would never be $250K? Or did you think it was going to be $250K as well? Because if you knew it was never going to be 250K, and you let her spend away anyway, then you were just as lazy as you accuse her of being. Why didn’t you intervene then? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/90 "2003-01-17T12:17:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*She _had_ you buy thousands of dollars worth of stuff, even when YOU knew the incoming money would never be $250K? Or did you think it was going to be $250K as well? Because if you knew it was never going to be 250K, and you let her spend away anyway, then you were just as lazy as you accuse her of being. Why didn’t you intervene then? \*\* Color me as naive, Cold, but I tend to take a statement at face value. After the trauma was over, both of us got $ in our eyes. My SWAG on a settlement was about $25K. She started in with a story about how her hip was partially dislocated, and kept raising the settlement. Did I mention her ability to lie to herself, and then believe her own lies? Yea, I was gullible and greedy, and went along with her. I depleted a nice nest egg because of my gullibility. I’ll be damned if I do it again. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/91 "2003-01-17T12:20:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*I wonder why it is that so many people here automatically are calling **vunderbob** an ass and how much venom he has and how he’s treating his wife like shit as if she’s just an innocent victim. > > Why the automatic defenses of his wife? From the beginning, did anybody consider that he could have a legitimate reason for saying the things he did and that maybe he’s not just some ignorant bastard of a man ranting about a perfect angel of a woman? > > The part about her spending $250K she was convinced she’d get from an insurance settlement that only amounted to $30K came later, so any of you who automatically assumed that he was in the wrong, have you changed your minds at all? > > I don’t understand why it is that when a guy is angry at a woman, people assume that he’s an asshole before thinking that maybe the woman did something to cause the anger. \*\* I don’t care what his wife did to cause his anger. It is wrong to talk about the women you are married to the way he did. I never even talked about my ex-husband the way he talks about his current wife. She had him spend $250k? On charge cards? How can she make him spend? Something just doesn’t compute. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/92 "2003-01-17T12:33:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Did I mention her ability to lie to herself, and then believe her own lies? I have known SO MANY people who do this! It is the scariest and freakiest of things! I can’t fathom how they manage to convince themselves that things that were never going to, and couldn’t ever, happen - have already happened!! It’s just bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/93 "2003-01-17T13:01:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > \*\* > > She had him spend $250k? On charge cards? How can she make him spend? Something just doesn’t compute. \*\* No. I let myself get talked into the idea that we would GET $250K as a settlement and be well off, so I burned a nest egg thinking I’d get it back. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/94 "2003-01-17T13:32:59Z")
Ah! So that is why it is all her fault. Got it now. You makes lots of sense. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/95 "2003-01-17T13:37:26Z")
FatMac said, "IMHO passive aggressive behavior towards spending large amounts of Bob’s money is pretty horrific. I am going to come to Bob’s defense. looking around for cover! Assuming his wife knows the promise that he maide to his mother, she’s being a real ass in trying to spend it according to her priorities. " Look – she didn’t “take” the money and spend it on anything. She merely suggested they think about getting a new house. Besides, we weren’t informed of her knowledge of the promise until just recently. That is shitty on her part. But he is talking about her like she’s something he wants to scrape off his shoe, fercrissakes! This is your wife! Yes, you can be mad at her, and she probably has at least some of that anger coming to her. But to speak of her like she’s some sub-species who deserves no human respect is just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/96 "2003-01-17T13:58:44Z")
My mother keeps a separate account from her husband’s so that she can do things like buy him presents without his immediately knowing how much she spent and where – he’s obsessive about keeping track of their joint account online. According to her and several of her friends, having a separate slush fund is a huge help to any married woman. I’m guessing the same would apply to men, so as not to sound sexist, but said friends are all women. As for the inheritance situation, eek! What a mess. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/97 "2003-01-17T14:31:49Z")
You gotta love when people believe what works for them should work for everyone. So, married couples should own everything jointly and have 2.45 kids, and have sex 1.75 times / week, of which 40% should be oral. yeah. I know plenty of people who have legally separate property and it works fine for them. In fact, most couples I know like that have _better_ marriages. Not to mention that women have way more independence this way than they did before. I have never been married but if and when I marry I would definitely want my wife to have her own financial independence from me. And I know this guy who has been driven to the edge of bankruptcy because the wife just cannot get used to the idea that her husband has not had a paying job in a long time. She just feels entitled to a certain level of living and cannot consider the possibility that they may have to cut back on the expenses. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/98 "2003-01-17T14:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > **In Concievable** said: > I don’t care what his wife did to cause his anger. It is wrong to talk about the women you are married to the way he did. > [@](#): > > **Kalhoun** said: > But to speak of her like she’s some sub-species who deserves no human respect is just wrong. Actually, I think that’s exactly what people are supposed to do here. This being the Pit, the place where Dopers who are angry or upset for whatever reason come to vent in a manner that is theraputic to them. **vunderbob** ranted about his wife and got jumped on, being called an ass and saying he’s treating her like shit and he’s all venomous, as if he’s evil and she’s an angel. It couldn’t just be because **vunderbob** is a guy and people are rushing to come to the defense of the helpless female victim, could it? Nobody told [**Stephi**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=156888) that she was being an ass for referring to her husband in terms no more complimentary than the ones **vunderbob** used. She even went so far as to include a reference to 911 in the title of the thread and, although it seems doubtful she would go through with this, a line that said: > [@](#): > > **Stephi** said: > Dear husband, > > I’m going to kill you. I wonder then, why nobody jumped in her shit for that, or called her an ass, or accused her of treating someone as if they’re a ‘sub-species’. Is it a double standard? ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/99 "2003-01-17T14:45:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\*Now it’s time for me to tell you about Young Nastywife, > archrival and nemesis of Vunderbob, with powers comparable to Vunderbob! > What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of fights? > That do anything for ya? That’s argumentation, holmes. > How 'bout the power to scream and yak from 200 yards away… > with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Cecil. > How 'bout the power to pit you? > > History of Vunderbob and Young Nastywife, > Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo. > A house to be sold > and marriage that is cold, > He’s blasting forth with three-parts in OP, yeow! > Vunderbob, what is the source of your hatred? > Vunderbob, won’t you take yourself away from the mucky-muck man? \*\* That was my laugh of the day **Ender** , thanks! ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/100 "2003-01-17T14:55:26Z")
I didn’t see Stephi’s thread until you just pointed it out. Not very nice either, but it seems to lack the pure nasty hatred that Bob’s has. Stephi even said what a sweet man her husband was at home. Bob has not said anything nice about his wife. I am not saying that bob is evil or his wife is an angel. I don’t know either of them. There is a difference between venting and hatred. I got hatred from bob’s post. It seems that many other posters did too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957.md?page=6)