# I'm not buying you a fucking house **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2003, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957 "2003-01-16T12:52:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/101 "2003-01-17T15:00:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > \*\*Ah! So that is why it is all her fault. Got it now. You makes lots of sense. \*\* I don’t know what **your** issue is here? You seem to have made up your mind despite not knowing any of the facts. In fact, several people in this thread seem to have taken especially hostile positions to the OP without much basis in fact. Wow- being mad at a spouse that **may** have spent the OP into a large hole. How fricken unreasonable is that. An over the top rant in the Pit- damn first time for that too. There are few explanations for some of the hostile assumptions made be a few posters, and the ones I can come up with are pretty damn uncomplementary. > [@](#): > > It is wrong to talk about the women you are married to the way he did. So, he cannot even anonomously blow off steam in the Pit-- fucking spare me. You know nothing about his home life or what the true situation yet you smugly post this drivel? It is perfectly acceptable to post that here-- ITS THE DAMN PIT! :mad: Sure **vunderbob** was harsh (there has been a exponentially harsher posts in the last 2 weeks though-- trust me), and he made some quite poor choices too, but how you come off is a joke. As far as people not being here to defend themselves-- that is true for 80% of the Pit topics. Why was that an issue here? What was different in this case? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/102 "2003-01-17T15:06:01Z")
It just struck me as much more than just being pissed about an incident (that didn’t even happen, incidentally). He sounds like he truly hates her. I never read Steph’s rant, but it’s wrong to over-react – I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman. I know a guy who talks about his wife much the way this guy did. I’ve known women who do the same thing. I just don’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![fatmac98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3ec8ea/32.png) [@fatmac98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatmac98)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/103 "2003-01-17T15:18:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kalhoun \* > \*\* > Look – she didn’t “take” the money and spend it on anything. She merely suggested they think about getting a new house. Besides, we weren’t informed of her knowledge of the promise until just recently. That is shitty on her part. But he is talking about her like she’s something he wants to scrape off his shoe, fercrissakes! This is your wife! Yes, you can be mad at her, and she probably has at least some of that anger coming to her. But to speak of her like she’s some sub-species who deserves no human respect is just wrong. \*\* It does not sound like the purchase of a house was a mere suggestion brought up in passing conversation. He clearly states that she was found looking through the estate paperwork. Once is a suggestion, anything more than that, up to and including looking, at home brochures at 6am is behavior worthy of a decent shoe scraping rant. IT’S HIS MONEY, NOT THEIRS! I sure wish I could have said something as intelligent and well thought out as **catsix**. Like I alluded to before, just because you put a ring on a chick’s finger does not mean that she is above reproach. Better Bob rants here than speaks these words to her face. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/104 "2003-01-17T15:36:11Z")
Just amazed at anyone wanting or being able to spend 250k on furniture (particularly if they wanted a bigger house, and could have used the nest egg for that) and just as amazed at anyone sitting by and watching them spend that, regardless of any insurance money coming in. Good luck to you guys with your marriage, here’s hoping it gets better from here. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/105 "2003-01-17T15:36:40Z")
Well, you have a point there, as far as ranting on the board vs. in person (although somehow I get the feeling he does this to her face as well). You’re right. It’s his money and he made a promise to his mother and it should be spent on his education. I’m not arguing that. I just think he came off as a mean sonuvabitch. He’s lucky he’s not married to my husband’s friend’s wife. She made out all the checks for the mortgage, utilities, car payment, etc., dropped the envelopes in the garbage and took the cash out of the bank to buy coke. Now that’s a rant of biblical proportion! ---
**Author:** ![djf750](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ea666f/32.png) [@djf750](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djf750)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/106 "2003-01-17T15:41:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fatmac98 \* > \*\* Better Bob rants here than speaks these words to her face. \*\* Exactly. The “hatred” and disrespect you think that you are hearing from this guy is probably frustration at having to deal with her immature bullshit. I would imagine he has tried to reason with her and he has learned that you cannot reason with unreasonable people. I’m watching Robert Blake as I’m typing this. Do you want Vunder to rant on an anonymous message board where none of us know his wife or should he “take her out to dinner” like Blake did? I could be wrong, but I’ll bet he has tried and tried with this woman and now is getting to the point where he says “fuck it.” And Ladies, because some of the men in here are defending his feelings about his wife, DOES NOT mean we are attacking ALL women. But lets face it, MANY women, just like MANY men, are selfish immature assholes. Hey, but what the hell, WW3 is coming soon…who cares? ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/107 "2003-01-17T15:51:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by In Conceivable \* > \*\*I didn’t see Stephi’s thread until you just pointed it out. Not very nice either, but it seems to lack the pure nasty hatred that Bob’s has. Stephi even said what a sweet man her husband was at home. Bob has not said anything nice about his wife. > > I am not saying that bob is evil or his wife is an angel. I don’t know either of them. There is a difference between venting and hatred. I got hatred from bob’s post. It seems that many other posters did too. \*\* Wow, how did I get dragged into this thread? 🙂 Just so you all know, I don’t **actually** want to kill my husband. It was hyperbole. He’s a great guy when we’re not a work. He cooks a mean barbecue chicken. He even cleans up after himself. (Sometimes.) 🙂 But the fact is, working with him is driving me crazy. Sometimes, you just need to vent a little. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![fatmac98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3ec8ea/32.png) [@fatmac98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatmac98)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/108 "2003-01-17T16:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kalhoun \* > \*\*She made out all the checks for the mortgage, utilities, car payment, etc., dropped the envelopes in the garbage and took the cash out of the bank to buy coke. \*\* HOLY SHIT! (. . . bobbing like Dustin Hoffman in _Rain Man_ repeating to self "It’s never OK to hit a woman. . . It’s never OK to hit a woman. . . It’s never OK to hit a woman. . . ) ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/109 "2003-01-17T16:42:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by catsix \* > \*\*Is it a double standard? \*\* Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/110 "2003-01-17T16:45:19Z")
Yeah. And they’re still together! She, however, has not touched the checkbook in years. I think she earned that…don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/111 "2003-01-17T17:08:04Z")
All of you people roasting **bob** for his “venom” need a reality check. 1. Would you rather him spew and vent his frustrations at his wife? I’m sure that would help the situation! This is the pit, thats what it’s for… Vent here, not at home. 2. He’s in councelling. So he’s working on the problem. I know i’ve personally gotten so pissed at an S/O that I could have strangled them 😉 you take a walk around the block, you have a smoke, you post on the boards, whatever. You definately don’t just blow up at them. ---
**Author:** ![Suspenderzzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Suspenderzzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suspenderzzz)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/112 "2003-01-17T18:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Waverly \* > \*\*So many questions… > If you are still married and not under a pre-nup, wouldn’t any money you come into belong to both of you? > > \*\* That’s a scary thought. If you’re married and you happen to come into a small inheritance (as I might someday), even if it is from _your_ parents, does your spouse have automatic claim to half of it??? I am aware that it works that way for some couples, but I never realized that it was automatic (the law); I thought it’s just something couples _choose_ to do if they want to. I, of course, am happily single and plan to remain so, but you never know what the future will bring. Is this the same everywhere, or does it vary from state to state? That’s so fucking unfair, I can’t believe it. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/113 "2003-01-17T18:38:06Z")
And here I was thinking that you were beginning to change your mind about marriage, **Suspenderzzz**! 😉 I’m not sure of the answer to your question, but my (married) sister is in the same situation, and her husband HAS signed a prenup to ensure that when our mom passes away, her husband won’t have legal claim (though I’m sure that my sister will choose to share the loot with him–SHE loves him, even if my mom doesn’t ;)) Also, I can tell you that my cousin had amassed a sizable IRA before he got married, and later, when he divorced, his ex got half of that money, despite the fact that most of it was money he had _before_ the marriage. So in light of that, yeah. I still don’t know the answer to your question, although **Dinsdale** seems to imply that you wouldn’t be required by law to share an inheritance . . . ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/114 "2003-01-17T18:57:21Z")
Just to restate a point made earlier- Trust and Estates law is based largely on the state in which you reside. There can be some marked difference from state to state. What is true for one state is not true in another. No safe assumptions can be made without proper legal research. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/115 "2003-01-17T19:08:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > \*\*Just to restate a point made earlier- Trust and Estates law is based largely on the state in which you reside. There can be some marked difference from state to state. What is true for one state is not true in another. No safe assumptions can be made without proper legal research. \*\* Under Indiana law, if I do not commingle the inheritance, it is mine alone. That is why there is a trust waiting for it, and it is set up in a county other than the one I reside in (to forestall any challenges on commingling). The trust also adds a few other layers of protection. This is perfectly legal, and was set up by a lawyer I know to not be crooked. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/116 "2003-01-17T19:16:01Z")
I’m just checking back in to say that it’s not only guys who are defending **vunderbob** and his right to rant in an extremely pissed off manner if he feels the need. I’m a chick and I’m sick of the ‘The man is always an asshole if he displays anger with regards to his wife/girlfriend, even if it’s not to her, and the wife/girlfriend is always a victim’ crap. Men are not always wrong, despite the fact that I seem to run into people every fucking day who think that in any argument between a man and a woman, it’s always the man who is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/117 "2003-01-17T19:54:22Z")
I don’t think that there is nothing wrong with displaying anger. It is only the way he did it and the language he used I had a problem with. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/118 "2003-01-17T20:04:56Z")
You’d prefer he expressed his anger without sounding…angry? Or you’d prefer that he expressed it more like a woman would? ---
**Author:** ![In\_Conceivable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@In\_Conceivable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Conceivable)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/119 "2003-01-17T20:35:09Z")
More like he didn’t hate her. It is really easy to express anger without calling someone lazy greedy etc. Even after people said it sound like he hates his wife he didn’t say “I really love her but…” I believe you should be respectful of the person you marry. Is that how a women expresses anger rather then a man? ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957/120 "2003-01-17T20:47:51Z")
I don’t know Vunderbob’s home situation nor do I know his wife’s side of the story, I just have an honest question for him. Do you hate her? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-buying-you-a-fucking-house/148957.md?page=7)