# I'm not gawking at you because you're unattractive, I'm cruising you 'cause you ARE! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 24, 2002, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642 "2002-07-24T21:44:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![WV\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@WV\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WV_Woman)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/41 "2002-07-25T22:41:11Z")
Esprix I hear ya. I knew this gay guy in college, Sean. The first time I saw him my jaw hit the floor: he was stunning. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. And a sweetheart to boot. I’m talking the epitome of male perfection here. Turns out he had just dumped like, over 100 pounds; he used to be REALLY fat. He laughed when I told him my reaction the first time I saw him. He just couldn’t get it through his head that he was a studmuffin of the highest degree. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2002, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/42 "2002-07-25T22:44:03Z")
Double-posts make baby Krishna cry. Sorry, all. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/43 "2002-07-25T23:09:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Space Vampire \* > > Actually, I was on my way out the door and didn’t have time to read the whole thread… Perhaps you might want to next time. > [@](#): > > … but they don’t seem the same to me. Please indicate to me precisely which posts in this thread were made by heterosexuals and which were made by homosexuals based solely on the content of their post. > [@](#): > > If anybody looked at me the way Esprix apparently does- and feels people should respond positively to- I would probably leave or relocate myself. Yes, smiling at someone is such a horrible thing. Why, I’m surprised no one’s sued me for harassment. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > If that’s a typical come-on among gay males I’m happy to not have to deal with it, that’s all. Yeah, straight guys are _so_ much more sophisticated and genteel in their approach towards women - typically, that is. :rolleyes: Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2002, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/44 "2002-07-25T23:20:32Z")
It’s very difficult for me to think of myself as attractive because deep down I’m still that fat, ugly 14-year-old who got tormented constantly at school. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/45 "2002-07-26T00:19:41Z")
I can relate. I was told all my minor-hood how ugly I was. It never really went away. Sometimes I think I look okay, when i’ve got my favorite clothes on, make up on, etc. But…I certainly wouldn’t second guess a smile; I can alwasy sense a come-on, its a sixth sense thing with me. If interested, i know what signals to send in return, if not, I freeze up and act stiffer than Al Gore.😉 ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/46 "2002-07-26T00:36:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > **stiffer than Al Gore.** “…On the cover of the Rooollin’ Stooooooone…” ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/47 "2002-07-26T00:38:30Z")
I knew someone would catch that…😛 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/48 "2002-07-26T00:50:43Z")
As far as I know, no one of either gender has ever flirted with me. However, I’m so generally oblivious that I’ve been known to walk into telephone poles, so it might happen all the time, and I just have no idea. ---
**Author:** ![Jules4love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@Jules4love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jules4love)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/49 "2002-07-26T00:58:35Z")
it doesn’t matter what you look like!!! if someone looks at you and smiles…GEEZ SMILE BACK!! if they are making fun of you then fuck them . keep looking and smiling back and kill 'em with kindness! where is the common courtesy ?? I hear it’s the worse here in California - living in San Diego - haven’t been much of anywhere else- is it like this other places??? 😕 I’m not a beach bunny, but not ugly either!!! ;j ---
**Author:** ![dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dreamer)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/50 "2002-07-26T01:49:37Z")
Wait a minute **Jules4love** , you _are_ a beach bunny. Just admit it now :D. Welcome to the boards 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/51 "2002-07-26T02:06:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jules4love \* > \*\*it doesn’t matter what you look like!!! > > if someone looks at you and smiles…GEEZ SMILE BACK!!\*\* Easier said than done, unfortunately. It’s like I (and several others) have noted…once you get into the mindset that you’re better off going unnoticed, it’s difficult to break that cycle. You can write that off as being a mark of craven, snivelling puppyhood, and you might even be right; but that doesn’t make it any simpler to just shrug off what, for lack of a better (e.g. less melodramatic) term, was a _survival tactic_. > [@](#): > > **where is the common courtesy ??** Speaking for myself, I’m certainly not intending any discourtesy, though I can see how it might be taken as such. Again, as others have said…I just can’t seriously bring myself to accept offhand that I’m actually an item of interest. I realize I’ve missed out on a lot that way, and if I could flip it off like a switch I’d be happy to. But it doesn’t work that way. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/52 "2002-07-26T02:44:41Z")
It could be Noah Wyle himself walking up to me and telling me I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his entire existance-and I’d be trying to find a place to hide. I don’t take compliments very well. I get VERY self-conscious. I like to THINK I’m reasonably attractive, but I don’t FEEL that way. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/53 "2002-07-26T04:05:27Z")
All that said, **Guin** , uh, how _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/54 "2002-07-26T10:01:40Z")
I’m very demure in responding to compliments from new acquaintances. I usually look down and smile with a faint giggle and a murmured, “thank you,” like something out of Jane Austen. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/55 "2002-07-26T10:03:29Z")
Awwwww… matt so cute. ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/56 "2002-07-26T10:17:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\* > That’s abusrd. do what I do when an unattractive guy looks at me; I pay no attention. That usually gives the hint. If he comes up and talks to me, I talk back in a polite, but guarded, fashion. It costs nothing to be nice. If he gets a little forward, I just say that I’m not interested. > > Of course, following you into the john is just tacky. \*\* Yeah, and what even tackier is older guys offering you money to be their twink of the month or some crap. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/57 "2002-07-26T12:21:02Z")
This hijack probably deserves a thread of it’s own… but here we are. Being cruised by someone of the same sex might be illegal in Ohio. I was amazed to see a law like this still around in 2002, but R.C. 2907.07(B) provides that “…no person shall solicit a person of the same sex to engage in sexual activity with the offender, when the offender knows such solicitation is offensive to the other person, or is reckless in that regard.” Note that this law does not address sexual _activity_. It criminalizes the mere solicitation of sex - not sex for money, which is already illegal, of course - but just an offer of sex, if made to a person of the same sex. Late last year, a friend of mine was helping to write a brief that this law was unconstitutional; I haven’t heard yet if the case was heard by the Ohio supreme court, or how it turned out. But this discussion of welcome and unwelcome cruising made me remember the issue. How’d you like it if your unwelcome cruise was not only annoying, but illegal? - Rick ---
**Author:** ![tevya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tevya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tevya)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/58 "2002-07-26T13:24:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bricker \* > \*\*This hijack probably deserves a thread of it’s own… but here we are. > > Being cruised by someone of the same sex might be illegal in Ohio. I was amazed to see a law like this still around in 2002, but R.C. 2907.07(B) provides that “…no person shall solicit a person of the same sex to engage in sexual activity with the offender, when the offender knows such solicitation is offensive to the other person, or is reckless in that regard.” > > Note that this law does not address sexual _activity_. It criminalizes the mere solicitation of sex - not sex for money, which is already illegal, of course - but just an offer of sex, if made to a person of the same sex. > > Late last year, a friend of mine was helping to write a brief that this law was unconstitutional; I haven’t heard yet if the case was heard by the Ohio supreme court, or how it turned out. > > But this discussion of welcome and unwelcome cruising made me remember the issue. How’d you like it if your unwelcome cruise was not only annoying, but illegal? > > - Rick \*\* That sucks! I live in Ohio. I wonder if they will make a special law against behavior that annoys me but does me no real harm. Maybe my representatives can work to make it illegal to offer me fries with my order at any burger joint. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/59 "2002-07-26T14:11:52Z")
Same-sex cruising used to be illegal just about everywhere. I know I’ve heard numerous stories from the “Old Guard” about sting operations and the humiliation of ending up in jail for trying to get someone in bed. Police would sting gay cruising just like they sting for prostitution. Put a boyish looking younger cop in street clothes and send them out with a partner, who would stay out of sight. Send them to the known cruising spots (I don’t remember if they used to infiltrate the bars…they may just have raided those) and you have your bait. Disgusting. And some places still do it, I’m sure. jayjay ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2002, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642/60 "2002-07-28T05:45:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*But in a broader sense, this brings me to my second point - fuck the society that tells its people they are unattractive. Despite what society has told you about these things, _somebody_ finds you attractive Don’t give in to the bullshit the media and the public tell you - you’re a beautiful person and deserve to have people fauning all over you for your attention, dammit. > > \*\* **Esprix** , I just wanted to say that it’s very nice to hear a gay person say these words. I’m not trying to stereotype but I see so many “perfection” oriented gay people who are looking for someone that must be 6 foot with perfect hair, perfect teeth, a gym body, be incredibly endowed, and wear the right clothes and drive the right car. It’s sad that none of these people are ever looking for things like, honesty, commitment, compassion, intelligence, etc… I know that is not always the case but it’s easy to get that impression, especially online. There are some of us that see too many examples of these people and have a hard time remembering that everyone is not that way and that what some consider flaws, others consider beautiful. The message you posted is an important one. Thank you much for putting it out there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gawking-at-you-because-youre-unattractive-im-cruising-you-cause-you-are/120642.md?page=4)