# I'm Not Gay, But If I Were... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 28, 2006, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670 "2006-04-28T23:40:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/21 "2006-04-29T15:36:59Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > S P O C K ! ! The other day I was watching ST:TOS [The Menagerie](http://www.ericweisstein.com/fun/startrek/TheMenageriePartOne.html) and at the outset Kirk complained about a backache, Spock and some female redshirt crewman were standing behind him, and she started to give him a back massage, for which he was very appreciative – until he realized it was her _not_ Spock and he was pissed, I kid you not. I’m still laughing. Friend (usually) with benefits I say! ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/22 "2006-04-29T18:51:39Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > Salma Hayek. _Damn_ that woman is fine. If I looked like her I’d just stare at myself in the mirror all day long. I’m right there with you. Salma Hayek in Dogma… my word. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/23 "2006-04-29T19:04:38Z")
I think Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. ---
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/24 "2006-04-29T20:57:52Z")
[Freddie Ljungberg](http://www.freddieljungbergsite.com/), the Arsenal midfielder (although I think he looked better before he shaved his head). And, mark my words: if Arsenal win the Champions League, I’d be more than willing to give some lovin’ to Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas, and Jens Lehmann (who already deserves special favors for saving Riquelme’s penalty in the CL semifinal). ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/25 "2006-04-29T21:08:32Z")
I’ve always thought that Lily Tomlin and I would make great “friends with benefits.” ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/26 "2006-04-30T09:58:09Z")
Queer here too, but I swear this guy dropped my Kinsey score a whole point: [Aamir Khan](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0451148/) ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/27 "2006-04-30T12:08:27Z")
Sheesh, I can’t even pretend I’m gay. My first thoughts on reading the OP were “those guys from Brokeback Mountain!” Then I remembered… _they_ were gay. Being female, I would not be gay if I got it on with one of them. Then I read a little more, and went “Oh! Oh! The Firefly captain guy!” Once again, he’s male. And I’m female. And he neither plays a gay character on TV, nor (do I think) is he gay in real life. I’m a loser when it comes to trying to be gay in my head. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/28 "2006-04-30T12:21:25Z")
Ashley Judd… smart, sexy, and mmm mmm mmm Catherine Zeta Jones… curvy and mmm mmm mmm Angelina Jolie… weird but mmm mmm mmm ---
**Author:** ![Marconi\_Schmeese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@Marconi\_Schmeese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_Schmeese)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/29 "2006-04-30T16:23:05Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > Angelina Jolie… weird but mmm mmm mmm I’m with you. I’d flip for Angelina Jolie in a nanosecond. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ea\_calendula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Ea\_calendula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ea_calendula)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/30 "2006-04-30T17:55:02Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > Ashley Judd… smart, sexy, and mmm mmm mmm > > Catherine Zeta Jones… curvy and mmm mmm mmm > > Angelina Jolie… weird but mmm mmm mmm Absolutely. AND Salma Hayek too… We need a drool icon, and I’m not gay, uh-un, nope… What? ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/31 "2006-04-30T18:13:43Z")
Jessica Alba. ---
**Author:** ![M.Meursault](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@M.Meursault](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/M.Meursault)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/32 "2006-04-30T20:00:27Z")
I used to have a written out “If I were gay…” list, but I can only remember Ewan MacGregor. So yeah…Ewan MacGregor. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/33 "2006-04-30T21:50:14Z")
> [@Operation Ripper](#): > > The other day I was watching ST:TOS [The Menagerie](http://www.ericweisstein.com/fun/startrek/TheMenageriePartOne.html) and at the outset Kirk complained about a backache, Spock and some female redshirt crewman were standing behind him, and she started to give him a back massage, for which he was very appreciative – until he realized it was her _not_ Spock and he was pissed, I kid you not. I’m still laughing. Friend (usually) with benefits I say! That wasn’t The Menagerie, it was [Shore Leave](http://www.thyla.com/shoreleave/). ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/34 "2006-05-01T00:12:39Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > That wasn’t The Menagerie, it was [Shore Leave](http://www.thyla.com/shoreleave/). D’oh! :smack: I stand corrected. Was still pretty damn funny. Was watching a bunch I TiVo’d and got 'em mixed up. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/35 "2006-05-01T01:48:01Z")
[Scarlett Johannson](http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/1984/scarlett1wk4sw.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Corporate\_Hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/65b543/32.png) [@Corporate\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corporate_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/36 "2006-05-01T02:05:55Z")
I’ve often remarked that young Clint Eastwood (circa the Man With No Name trilogy) would be very high on my if-I-were-gay list. Something about those steely, squinty eyes, his chiseled features, and his gravely delivery of lines like “dyin’ ain’t no kind of livin’, boy” makes me want to ride his horse into the sunset. 😃 Another contender would be Paul Newman when he was younger (circa Cool Hand Luke) for similar reasons, although substituting the grit and gravel with more charm and dashing. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/37 "2006-05-01T02:07:38Z")
> [@Marconi & Schmeese](#): > > I’m with you. I’d flip for Angelina Jolie in a nanosecond. 😃 Make it a third. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/38 "2006-05-01T04:00:42Z")
Originally Posted by Marconi & Schmeese I’m with you. I’d flip for Angelina Jolie in a nanosecond. > [@Kythereia](#): > > Make it a third. 😉 And a 4th. Although Halle Berry would be my first choice. Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, she seems like a genuinely nice person. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670/39 "2006-05-01T13:38:47Z")
We seem to see a lot of Angelina Jolie in these threads. I think she’s the one free ticket for 95% of women. But yeah, I’d hit that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but-if-i-were/354670.md?page=1)