# I'm Not Gay, But...... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 22, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382 "2008-12-22T23:06:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/41 "2008-12-25T00:15:13Z")
I don’t think anyone is gay unless and until they either hit on me, (which hasn’t happened in years) or they tell me they are. What does that make me? ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/42 "2008-12-25T00:51:11Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Depeche Mode would’ve tipped the scale for me. I think there are angst-ridden gays who hear a DP song & say “Dude! Tone it down!” I installed a stereo system in David What’s-his-Name’s house. He didn’t seem straight or gay one way or the other. But I had a co-worker (actually, I hired her and trained her), who tried to convince a common friend (my ex-girlfriend!) that I was gay. It wasn’t until a going away party for me was held wherein four of my exes were present that she was convinced otherwise. I think a lot of women think you’re gay if you don’t come on to them or flirt. But that’s just so corny. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/43 "2008-12-25T02:55:03Z")
Confirmed old bachelor and likely to remain so. (That’s a line from a musical - _ulp_.) Never married at 42 and damn few serious relationships in that time. Dresses well, with a flair for retro styles and (_ulp_ again) leather jackets. (Brown ones. What kink must _that_ signify? Ugh.) Loves kitty cats. Highly verbal. Good with quips, repartée, and asides. Emotionally labile. Bitchy under stress. Favorite music: obscure, campy pre-WW2 pop, much of it featuring embarrassingly fey tenor vocals. Good singing voice, including spot-on renditions of aforementioned embarrassingly fey tenor vocals. I must be cursed by the gods, because despite all of the above, I am burdened with an intense physical and emotional need to have a woman in my life, despite having neither the current cut of fashionable masculinity nor the requisite playa-nature to get near one. ---
**Author:** ![Lyanthya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aca169/32.png) [@Lyanthya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyanthya)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/44 "2008-12-25T03:21:28Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Unfortunately? 😕 Unfortunate for my lesbian cover story. Fortunate for me. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/45 "2008-12-25T07:17:33Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Depeche Mode would’ve tipped the scale for me. I think there are angst-ridden gays who hear a DP song & say “Dude! Tone it down!” > > For me- > > Never been in a successful romantic relationship, > > Hangs with Mom AND often goes out with her & her friends to cafes’, plays, etc., > > Can tell a woman what jewelry she should pick to match her outfit AND explain why, > > Likes chick flicks and musicals, > > Music collection has a WHOLE lot of fem-pop (Tori, Sarah, Jewel, Enya, Kate B), and artsy male singers/groups (The Doors, Jethro Tull, Moody Blues). And yet you’re admittedly homophobic. Hmmmmm. I mean really, Hmmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/46 "2008-12-25T08:04:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And yet you’re admittedly homophobic. > > Hmmmmm. > > I mean really, Hmmmmm. Homophobic by SDMB standards, not by the standards of sensible people in the real world. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/47 "2008-12-25T10:46:33Z")
> [@Lyanthya](#): > > Unfortunate for my lesbian cover story. Fortunate for me. That’s what I thought you meant. Phew! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![greatshakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@greatshakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greatshakes)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/48 "2008-12-25T14:26:07Z")
> [@Standup\_Karmic](#): > > You guys are so gay. I suppose you now know why Santa didn’t bring you a **handmade quilted tea cozy, complete with an embroidered SK** , this year, don’t you? greatshakes _[putting away sewing machine]_ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/49 "2008-12-25T14:52:17Z")
A lot of people think I’m gay, for most of the same reasons as others have mentioned above: tastes in music (I’ve got the dance music, I’ve got the tATu, I’ve got the female singer/songwriters, I’ve got Xtina and Moulin Rouge soundtracks and Kylie Minogue and Prince…), I have an uncanny ability to work with women’s fashion/perfumes/accessories, I tend to dress “metrosexual,” haven’t been terribly successful in romance (divorced in 2000, one serious girlfriend since then, and single currently for three years), I happily dance at clubs by myself, I like romance movies and musicals, I own a cat, I’m narrow-shouldered and slightly built overall. I’ve also definitely picked up on the “he’s not flirting with me, therefore he must be gay” thing, at work, school, and at clubs. My last girlfriend’s coworkers ignored all of the above, but jumped on the fact that I was vegetarian to claim I was gay. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/50 "2008-12-25T16:05:31Z")
Personally I dont think that most Hetro people really care if an individual is Gay or not,its the person that counts. If you’re a good person it doesn’t matter if you’re Gay, Bi or straight. Likewise the opposite. Oh shit ! Now I’ve got to start speaking in an unnaturally gruff voice about football and cars and repeatedly drop my missus and eighteen kids into the conversation. Being serious,good luck mate and dont let the arseholes bring you down. ---
**Author:** ![Gwyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/858c86/32.png) [@Gwyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gwyen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/51 "2008-12-25T21:30:27Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’m not straight, and I’m always correcting people who assume I am (if it matters to me what they think). > > I don’t enjoy anal sex. But? Wait… don’t you need that to be gay? I’m not being rude, I just live in a kind of rural backwoods area. I haven’t known more than 5 gay guys I was close enough to talk about it my entire life, and I know all of them liked it. Am I being whooshed. Seriously someone explain this to me. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/52 "2008-12-25T21:40:59Z")
> [@Gwyen](#): > > But? Wait… don’t you need that to be gay? I’m not being rude, I just live in a kind of rural backwoods area. I haven’t known more than 5 gay guys I was close enough to talk about it my entire life, and I know all of them liked it. Am I being whooshed. Seriously someone explain this to me. No, you don’t need it. Being gay is not about the poop chute, it’s being attracted to people of the same gender. If you’re a gay man you can quite happily have lots of sexual activity that doesn’t involve putting your penis in another man’s anus, or his in yours. I think it’s quite rare for guys not to like anal (in my experience anyway), but not unheard of. ---
**Author:** ![Gwyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/858c86/32.png) [@Gwyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gwyen)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/53 "2008-12-25T21:42:47Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > No, you don’t need it. Being gay is not about the poop chute, it’s being attracted to people of the same gender. If you’re a gay man you can quite happily have lots of sexual activity that doesn’t involve putting your penis in another man’s anus, or his in yours. I think it’s quite rare for guys not to like anal (in my experience anyway), but not unheard of. Ok, well I guess that makes sense. I thought maybe I was missing something. Ignorance fought. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/54 "2008-12-25T21:43:31Z")
Also, if you were to believe our detractors, gays never actually get anything done because all we do is have anal sex all day 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/55 "2008-12-25T23:58:38Z")
I too, have a cat, I like to dress and smell nice (ly), my best friend (male category) is gay, my best friend (female - NOT my erstwhile SO, BTW) is a woman - straight, I hate that Lands End has colors exclusively for women - some of their colors (white outer-garments for instance) would look good on me. And there’s a bunch of other stuff about me which makes people wonder. But like I said, at my age it just isn’t that important. Q ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2008, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/56 "2008-12-26T00:52:54Z")
I’m not gay…but I’ve never had a girlfriend. Maybe people think I’m Asexual? ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/57 "2008-12-26T00:56:47Z")
Argh! Two Quasis at once, nearly thought you were the same person. Truth be told I think asexuals have a harder time explaining themselves than us fags do - at least people have heard of teh gay. “I don’t want any genitalia, thanks” is not a position many are aware of as being a valid one. ---
**Author:** ![Gwyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/858c86/32.png) [@Gwyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gwyen)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2008, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/58 "2008-12-26T01:16:33Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Argh! Two Quasis at once, nearly thought you were the same person. > > Truth be told I think asexuals have a harder time explaining themselves than us fags do - at least people have heard of teh gay. “I don’t want any genitalia, thanks” is not a position many are aware of as being a valid one. For some reason I can wrap my head around this better than a gay man who doesn’t like anal sex. What do you, well do to please each other, if you don’t mind me asking. ---
**Author:** ![Malienation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Malienation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malienation)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2008, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/59 "2008-12-26T01:22:06Z")
> [@Gwyen](#): > > But? Wait… don’t you need that to be gay? I’m not being rude, I just live in a kind of rural backwoods area. I haven’t known more than 5 gay guys I was close enough to talk about it my entire life, and I know all of them liked it. Am I being whooshed. Seriously someone explain this to me. No, you don’t need that. I’m bisexual, but have never taken it in the ass and don’t want to, although I used to sodomize a girlfriend who was really into it. With men, I’m all about the cock worship…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lyanthya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aca169/32.png) [@Lyanthya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyanthya)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2008, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382/60 "2008-12-26T01:41:30Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > That’s what I thought you meant. Phew! 😛 Heh, yes. I love my husband. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gay-but/478382.md?page=4)