# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/241 "2013-01-17T17:24:24Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Were I the couple, I would have occupied each of the buffer and cut huge farts throughout the duration of the picture. I was going to say “talk to each other and pass popcorn back and forth,” but I think your plan is more elegant. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/242 "2013-01-17T17:30:22Z")
> [@tomcar](#): > > This is simple. The op should have moved. The late comers should have asked management to assist them. They were ultimately wrong for the confrontation. And management would’ve laughed their asses off at the request, what with all the first five rows being empty. > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I would have sat next to you and made your experience miserable. Little comments about the movie, leaning reeeeeeally close to you, hogging the armrest, eating the popcorn really loudly. Would you have had a problem with that? Last week, I think, there was an anecdote related in some thread about a Doper asking the two people in front of them to please refrain from talking during the movie. Instead of complying like adults, the two women proceeded to make snide and loud comments throughout to prove that no one was going to make them do anything they didn’t want to. Societal norms and the other patrons be damned, I suppose. So, you were one if them, aren’t you? What is up with this mentality that if I don’t get my way, it’s my right to make everyone else’s life hell? Sheesh. > [@even\_sven](#): > > So for the defenders…Let’s say I decide to go to the sold out midnight opening of the Harry Potter gritty reboot. I decide to go with my ice dancing team, and so me and 55 of my best friends show up early to get our preferred seats. And our preferred seats are…across the premium rows, spaced exactly one apart from each other. > > Totally cool, right? We got there early, so we get what we want, right? Considering that’s not at all what the OP did, I’m not sure how this relates. She’s already stated, several times, that the theatre wasn’t SRO and that shed have had no problem with anyone sitting in the buffer seats. Sometimes people don’t get what they want. The mature thing to do is to handle that like an adult I won’t even get into the bit about folks on this board always calling people out as lying. Not every poster is a stealth Umkay and not every related situation isn’t going to completely follow the rules of logic. Remember, truth is stranger than fiction. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/243 "2013-01-17T17:35:59Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > So for the defenders…Let’s say I decide to go to the sold out midnight opening of the Harry Potter gritty reboot. I decide to go with my ice dancing team, and so me and 55 of my best friends show up early to get our preferred seats. And our preferred seats are…across the premium rows, spaced exactly one apart from each other. > > Totally cool, right? We got there early, so we get what we want, right? No, and no one said otherwise. I think it’s very relevant that there were many other seats available. Had the OP said she would refuse to move no matter how crowded the theater, my opinion would be very different. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/244 "2013-01-17T17:47:55Z")
I find it telling that Bob has called me dishonest twice. Yet when I refute it, he does not respond. He says that the reason I did not want to move was not just because of a sick girl. I say that is correct. I said so in my OP. I even quoted where I said it. He says my SO disagreed with me, which why I created this thread. I point out a post from last night where SO says he did agree with me. So, what supposed “lie” are you going to come up with next, Bob? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/245 "2013-01-17T18:14:37Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > If I were late enough to a movie that it had already been running for 5 minutes, I simply wouldn’t go in; I’d wait for the next one or make other plans for the evening. Really? Around these parts, movies usually have tons of commercials and then tons of previews, so the “start time” is actually about 15-20 mins after the time printed on the ticket stub. I’ve been technically “late” to plenty of movies and walked in to a Pepsi commercial. Even if I was 5 minutes late for the actual, honest to God movie, I’d just slink in and hide in the first seat I saw. Which is an important note: while I think the OP was wrong, I think the other folks were wrong, too. There can be multiple cases of douchetitude in one interaction. Anyway, color me surprised that running 5 minutes late would make you cancel your movie plans for the time being. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby\_Slippers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/94ad74/32.png) [@Ruby\_Slippers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby_Slippers)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/246 "2013-01-17T18:18:59Z")
When I began reading this thread, one of my first thoughts was, “This is exactly why I don’t go to movies any more. I wait for them to come out on DVD and get them from Netflix so I don’t have to deal with crowded theaters.” As I continued to read, my next thought was, “This is why I rarely post much on this message board!” For the record, I think mademoiselle was entirely within her rights to decline to move. As she noted, the movie was already in progress. She also said, and I believe her. that she declined politely. As others have said, if I entered a darkened movie theater with the movie already playing, I’d have made every effort to be as unobtrusive as possible. If the very front row was my only choice, I’d sit there and get a sore neck rather than bothering others. Also for the record, I think some of you are way beyond rude in your characterizations of her actions. And I can be as much of a grammar nazi as the next person, but I wouldn’t mock and demean her for a relatively minor slip. It’s almost like watching a feeding frenzy! ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/247 "2013-01-17T18:27:56Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Sorry, I’m late to this thread (:D) but I have two big points to add: > > 1. When I get to a movie theater seat, I usually try to get the best one for me. Once the movie starts (not the previews or commercials, but the movie itself) I’m most likely not going to move. Why? Because it’s Minnesota and I’ve got my jacket, my popcorn, two drinks in the holders, napkins in their spots, and my shoes are slipped off. I’m comfy cozy and ready to get immersed into a movie. If it were any time before that, then I’d be willing to accomodate. You take your shoes off in a movie theater? Huh. I don’t get the outrage over the people texting during the movie. Texting is a silent activity, unlike if they had actually called someone. I have been known to text during a movie when I took my kids to a movie I wasn’t all that interested in. Besides, they were clealy texting each other to plan their next intimidation tactic. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/248 "2013-01-17T18:30:57Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > You take your shoes off in a movie theater? Huh. > > I don’t get the outrage over the people texting during the movie. Texting is a silent activity, unlike if they had actually called someone. I have been known to text during a movie when I took my kids to a movie I wasn’t all that interested in. > > Besides, they were clealy texting each other to plan their next intimidation tactic. It’s not the fact that the person chooses to do something with their time other than watch the movie. It’s that the light from a cell phone is VERY bright in contrast to the darkness of a theater, and therefore, it is immediately distracting (to most people, anyway) when someone nearby does it. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/249 "2013-01-17T18:37:36Z")
Great, now the thread is going to shift to those who claim texting is a god-given right and no one has ever complained about their considerate texting versus those who claim they have never even touched a cell phone. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/250 "2013-01-17T18:46:23Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Great, now the thread is going to shift to those who claim texting is a god-given right and no one has ever complained about their considerate texting versus those who claim they have never even touched a cell phone. Ah, good times, good times. Some things never change. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/251 "2013-01-17T19:30:51Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > Seriously not getting how anyone is defending the late-comers. They come in five minutes after the movie has started and expect people to move over? If I appear at any movie/play/musical/concert five minutes into it, I try to be quick and quiet as a mouse and slide into a seat and not bother anyone, let alone ask them to move. Good grief! And then these people texted throughout the movie? If I was against them before, that pretty much seals it. Exactly. My eyes crossed reading all the defense of the late-comers. While I’ll say that in most circumstances, making a **polite** request is not rude, when you arrive after the start of a movie, concert, or any event where there’s a distinct start time and the audience is expected to be unobtrusive and focus their attention on the movie/performance/whatever, the **only** polite thing to do is to get your ass in a seat as silently and unobtrusively as humanly possible. Yes, even if that means you don’t get the seats you want. There’s a reason that live theatres and concert venues have signs that say “Latecomers will be seated at the house’s discretion.” (It would be so nice if cinemas did this too. And just stop selling tickets for a showtime once the show starts.) Add to that the fact that saying no to a request is not rude. It may be generous, and nice, to accommodate a request, but it is not rude to say no. Even Miss Manners and [other etiquette writers](http://www.etiquettehell.com/?tag=a-polite-spine) sing the praises of a polite “no.” It is unconscionably rude to do anything other than accept a polite “no” with grace, however. I think we’d all get along better if we all got ourselves a remedial understanding of what boundaries are and how to respect them. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/252 "2013-01-17T19:34:25Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > The OP acted like an asshole, as did the late couple. Moving over a seat is no big deal at all. It would never even occur to me to say no to such a request as long as the seat I was moving to was just as good. This. > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I would have sat next to you and made your experience miserable. Little comments about the movie, leaning reeeeeeally close to you, hogging the armrest, eating the popcorn really loudly. Would you have had a problem with that? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/253 "2013-01-17T19:48:30Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > No, it isn’t. Everyone should know how to say no politely. Good gods, now we have to say yes to everything people ask us for? > . That’s not what I said. And I’m posting on my phone so I’m not going back to quote what I did say, but I’m sure it’s easy enough to scroll up and see. There is no way in a million years I would ever say that you’re obligated to say yes to everything people ask you for. Come on now. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/254 "2013-01-17T19:54:51Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > I find it telling that Bob has called me dishonest twice. Yet when I refute it, he does not respond. > > He says that the reason I did not want to move was not just because of a sick girl. > > I say that is correct. I said so in my OP. I even quoted where I said it. > > He says my SO disagreed with me, which why I created this thread. I point out a post from last night where SO says he did agree with me. > > So, what supposed “lie” are you going to come up with next, Bob? “Am Not” isn’t really proof of anything, is it? I’m flattered that you value my opinion so highly though. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/255 "2013-01-17T20:00:28Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > No, it isn’t. Everyone should know how to say no politely. Good gods, now we have to say yes to everything people ask us for? > > If there were no other seats I’d grudgingly tell the OP she has to go with it. There are other seats! The couple can bite my brown ass. Yeah, crap seats. You usually don’t consider those until every seat in the back is taken. Had those seats been taken, that would be the last resort thing to do. The problem is that the OP refused to optimize row usage. Therefore I completely understand the late comers’ pain and anger. This is just absurd. There were 4 seats meaning two couples could have sat there. But the OP refused to do a _tiny_ favor. All she (or he) had to do was get their ass up and move. But no; she had to be a jerk. It is called common courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/256 "2013-01-17T20:09:14Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > And just stop selling tickets for a showtime once the show starts. Oh hell no. That’s the only thing stopping them from making the formal ad/preview block more than a half hour long. Imagine how much crap they’d shove in if they had a captive audience! I like the flexibility I have to enter several minutes after the formal start time and miss a few of the formal ads/previews, although in practice I usually enter a couple minutes before because I build in flexibility into my travel time and so arrive a bit early in actuality. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/257 "2013-01-17T20:10:09Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Great, now the thread is going to shift to those who claim texting is a god-given right and no one has ever complained about their considerate texting versus those who claim they have never even touched a cell phone. So…now isn’t the time to mention that the brightness on a phone can be adjusted such that there’s no appreciable difference between the brightness coming from my phone’s screen and that coming from the movie screen? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/258 "2013-01-17T20:12:59Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > Yeah, crap seats. You usually don’t consider those until every seat in the back is taken. Had those seats been taken, that would be the last resort thing to do. So, just to be clear, if you went into a movie theater after the movie started and there are plenty of empty seats before you, you have no qualms about asking other people to move rather than just sitting in the obvious available seats? If so, this is where the disconnect lies. Asking other people to move is my last resort, not my first. I am late, I have no seat, I am in the position of supplicant. My late entry is a potential disruption. If anyone has to make a sacrifice, it should be me. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/259 "2013-01-17T20:19:01Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > So you are telling me, in the future I should sit in the 5th row so that if a random latecomer comes, they could have a seat in the back. Would you do that? My point was that, despite your claims about how comfortable the 5th row is, you and I both know that 5th row is not ideal. That is why the latecomers wanted to sit in your row, and that is why you chose a higher row when you had the entire theater to choose from. Now, is it your prerogative to refuse to move? Certainly. First-come, first-served. But it also wasn’t the NICEST thing to do. And you know it. All those extraneous factors that you threw in were just noise to try and detract from your main reason for staying put. And that is because you LIKED having the buffer seat. Here’s the thing: We ALL like having a buffer seat. It has nothing to do with hygiene, it’s just more comfortable to not be rubbing elbows with a stranger. But most of us realize that liking it doesn’t mean that we’re entitled to it. It’s a public theater, the latecomers paid the same amount for a seat, and they didn’t want to sit in the 5th row either. Meh. Most of us would have moved if politely asked, albeit begrudgingly…because we, too, LIKE having a buffer seat. To test my theory, ask yourself this: Let’s say the seat grabbers were 10 minutes EARLY. Let’s say your row mates were pink-faced with health. Let’s say that the seat grabbers didn’t even own a cell phone. Would you have still been annoyed had they come up and asked you to move? What if, instead of asking you to move, they would have just plopped down in the 2 seats that bookended you? Would that have annoyed you? ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/260 "2013-01-17T20:30:35Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > My point was that, despite your claims about how comfortable the 5th row is, you and I both know that 5th row is not ideal. That is why the latecomers wanted to sit in your row, and that is why you chose a higher row when you had the entire theater to choose from. > > Now, is it your prerogative to refuse to move? Certainly. First-come, first-served. But it also wasn’t the NICEST thing to do. And you know it. All those extraneous factors that you threw in were just noise to try and detract from your main reason for staying put. And that is because you LIKED having the buffer seat. > > Here’s the thing: We ALL like having a buffer seat. It has nothing to do with hygiene, it’s just more comfortable to not be rubbing elbows with a stranger. But most of us realize that liking it doesn’t mean that we’re entitled to it. It’s a public theater, the latecomers paid the same amount for a seat, and they didn’t want to sit in the 5th row either. Meh. Most of us would have moved if politely asked, albeit begrudgingly…because we, too, LIKE having a buffer seat. > > To test my theory, ask yourself this: Let’s say the seat grabbers were 10 minutes EARLY. Let’s say your row mates were pink-faced with health. Let’s say that the seat grabbers didn’t even own a cell phone. Would you have still been annoyed had they come up and asked you to move? What if, instead of asking you to move, they would have just plopped down in the 2 seats that bookended you? Would that have annoyed you? This. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=14)