# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/301 "2013-01-17T22:27:49Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The OP was acting like a giant dickhead, end of story. Anyone who disagrees either is a dickhead too, or doesn’t go outside enough to know what the rest of us all call well-adjusted social behaviors. “Oh, MOL, you’re the authority on what proper social behaviors are?” Yes. It’s common when there are two non-adjacent seats at any place, whether it’s fetching a seat at the theatre, stools at the bar, wherever, to ask someone to move over. I’ve asked people to do this, and every single time, they have happily done so. Now all of those smiles might have been phony, but I’ll reckon not considering whenever someone asks me to move, I gladly do the same. Number of times this kind of thing has come up: Too many to count. Number of times someone has actually said no: Zero. If someone refuses, that just means they’re a petulant little dickface. > > Yeah, I know. You were concerned about the girl with the cold. You’re the Germ Police. Got it. Anyone who disagrees with you is giant dickhead. And you are telling me that I am the one without well-adjusted social behaviors. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/302 "2013-01-17T22:32:58Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > Anyone who disagrees with you is giant dickhead. > > And you are telling me that I am the one without well-adjusted social behaviors. Glad you understand. Finding it kosher to refuse this tiny common courtesy to someone is unarguably and majorly dickish. I guess we can consider this wrapped up. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/303 "2013-01-17T22:35:32Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > This. I have stated so many times in this thead. I did nothing to block the seats, they were empty. If they had sat in them, I would not have cared. Hence why I said they were unoccupied, when the couple asked (both times, including after the woman got annoyed with me). > > Perhaps I should have entered Bob’s world where I am lying non stop, and said the chairs were taken. For being honest, I am getting the reward of…being called a liar. :smack: So, since you didn’t care that the seats were blocked, or whether they were or were not in the first place, why did you refuse to simply move over when asked? This seems very passive-aggressive, peeing-on-seats-behaviour, to me. They. Are. Not. Your. Seats. This. Is. A. Public. Space. You. Do. Not. Have. A. Special. Right. To. Seats. In. A. Public. Space. They. Are. Not. Your. Seats. I notice you are ignoring responses that you cannot refute. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/304 "2013-01-17T22:35:51Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > To test my theory, ask yourself this: Let’s say the seat grabbers were 10 minutes EARLY. Let’s say your row mates were pink-faced with health. Let’s say that the seat grabbers didn’t even own a cell phone. Would you have still been annoyed had they come up and asked you to move? What if, instead of asking you to move, they would have just plopped down in the 2 seats that bookended you? Would that have annoyed you? I would have been perfectly fine with either scenario. In scenario 1, I would have moved, and have done so in the past, as long as if they were polite. In scenario 2, I just would not care. I probably would have barely noticed. I don’t give any parts of damn about buffer seats. If they indivuallly took them, I would not have cared. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/305 "2013-01-17T22:38:14Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > So, since you didn’t care that the seats were blocked, or whether they were or were not in the first place, why did you refuse to simply move over when asked? This seems very passive-aggressive, peeing-on-seats-behaviour, to me. > > They. Are. Not. Your. Seats. > This. Is. A. Public. Space. > You. Do. Not. Have. A. Special. Right. To. Seats. In. A. Public. Space. > They. Are. Not. Your. Seats. > I notice you are ignoring responses that you cannot refute. 😕 I have limited time, and even if I did not, I am not going to respond every single post. As to your aurguments, please see my response to Pundit Lisa just now. I clearly outlined the 3 reasons (not 1, 3) for why I did not want to move in my OP. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/306 "2013-01-17T22:48:38Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Texting in movie theaters is rude and distracting. > > But here’s my take on the OP - the latecomers might well have been rude. But when you pay for a movie, you are paying for one seat. One. Seat. Not extra seats so you can have a buffer zone around you. One seat. You paid for the seat you are sitting in, and you do not get to control the seats around you just because you got there early. (Maybe the latecomers planned on getting there 30 minutes early too, but had a flat tire or something.) The way I see it, you want to control all the seats around you and keep them empty - pay for those seats. Then, they are yours. > > So, in a full movie theater with only the unpleasant front five rows available, if someone asked me to move over so he and his date could sit together, of course I would, in a heartbeat. I can’t imagine a situation where I would do otherwise. On top of that, I addressed this already, a few pages back. If not repeating myself again and again means ignoring aurguments that have already been argued…well, guilty as charged. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/307 "2013-01-17T23:09:17Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Glad you understand. Finding it kosher to refuse this tiny common courtesy to someone is unarguably and majorly dickish. I guess we can consider this wrapped up. Come on and participate in the conversation a little bit if you’re going to join us. The continued existence of this thread means it isn’t “unarguably” anything. Is it that you don’t think the initial asking under the circumstances by the late-comers wasn’t rude, or are you saying that even if they were rude, it’s still rude to not accommodate them? Or something else entirely? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/308 "2013-01-17T23:14:57Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The OP was acting like a giant dickhead, end of story. Anyone who disagrees either is a dickhead too, or doesn’t go outside enough to know what the rest of us all call well-adjusted social behaviors. “Oh, MOL, you’re the authority on what proper social behaviors are?” Yes. I would think an expert on well adjusted social behaviors would understand the rules about calling people dickheads in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/309 "2013-01-17T23:17:23Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Come on and participate in the conversation a little bit if you’re going to join us. The continued existence of this thread means it isn’t “unarguably” anything. > > Is it that you don’t think the initial asking under the circumstances by the late-comers wasn’t rude, or are you saying that even if they were rude, it’s still rude to not accommodate them? Or something else entirely? The fact that people here are arguing about it means squat. People will argue for 100 pages about why it’s kosher to change your baby’s diaper on the table in the middle of the restaurant. It is not rude at all to ask someone to move over a seat so you can sit next to whoever you came with. This happens _all the time_ and I’ve never even heard of anyone refusing. Hell, I’m going to a movie tonight, but first we’re going to the bar. It’s entirely possible that my friend and I might be asked to scoot down at the bar or at the theatre, or we’ll ask someone to do so. If this happens, I’m unfailingly certain whoever is asked will gladly comply because that’s how it’s occurred, oh, 100% of the time this has come up in real life. Only on the SDMB will people defend their inalienable right to be an asshole. “Oh, but I don’t \*have \*to move.” No, you don’t. Congratulations. You’re an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/310 "2013-01-17T23:19:54Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The fact that people here are arguing about it means squat. People will argue for 100 pages about why it’s kosher to change your baby’s diaper on the table in the middle of the restaurant. > > It is not rude at all to ask someone to move over a seat so you can sit next to whoever you came with. This happens _all the time_ and I’ve never even heard of anyone refusing. Hell, I’m going to a movie tonight, but first we’re going to the bar. It’s entirely possible that my friend and I might be asked to scoot down at the bar or at the theatre, or we’ll ask someone to do so. If this happens, I’m unfailingly certain whoever is asked will gladly comply because that’s how it’s occurred, oh, 100% of the time this has come up in real life. Only on the SDMB will people defend their inalienable right to be an asshole. “Oh, but I don’t \*have \*to move.” No, you don’t. Congratulations. You’re a prick. Again, so the circumstances of their asking wasn’t rude, or you think it was rude, but you don’t find it germane to the OP’s actions? Because you keep mentioning examples where there doesn’t seem to be any question of rudeness by the person asking others to scoot. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/311 "2013-01-17T23:20:04Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > It’s common when there are two non-adjacent seats at any place, whether it’s fetching a seat at the theatre, stools at the bar, wherever, to ask someone to move over. Really? At a bar? I’m settled in with my drink and snacks and I have to get up and move? I thought folks who wanted to sit together would move the stools into their own group. Seriously, I’m not trying to be snarky. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/312 "2013-01-17T23:37:14Z")
Once my husband and I were taking the train from Boston to New York. The train was fairly crowded when we got on at our stop, it wasn’t packed but we couldn’t find two seats together. However there was a woman seating in the MIDDLE of a three seat row. We asked her if she would please move (we would’ve given her window or aisle, whichever she wanted )and she said no…I think she was hoping to keep the whole row to herself. So we rolled our eyes and took the seats on either side of her. And my husband and I talked over her and shared food and passed papers to each other and pretty much acted like she wasn’t there and she tried really hard to ignore us, but she wasn’t about to give in and move over. She finally left, I’m not sure if we really hit her stop or if she just left and found a seat in another car. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/313 "2013-01-17T23:38:10Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Really? At a bar? I’m settled in with my drink and snacks and I have to get up and move? I thought folks who wanted to sit together would move the stools into their own group. Seriously, I’m not trying to be snarky. God, nobody is asking you to carry your plate to the other side of the room. We’re talking about scooting down one stinking stool because the only available seats aren’t adjacent to each other. People ask me to move down all the time, and I slide my drink over 10 inches without batting an eyelash. It’s never occurred to me to refuse such a tiny request that requires nearly zero effort. “Yeah, well you and your pal can sit down, and just have two people in between you. Feel free to shout around us.” No, that’s ridiculous. Just move and don’t be a prick. And at a crowded bar, you often can’t just take the stool and move it where you want because there’s not enough room to wedge it somewhere without asking someone to move their seat anyway. The simplest thing to do if you wanna to sit next to your pal is to just ask someone if they’d mind scooting down one. When this happens, in my experience people always, _always_ scoot down. I have spent a lot of time in bars, and have never heard this request refused, and have never refused the request when asked. Asi, I don’t find it rude to ask someone to scoot down one seat so they can sit next to their pal. At all. I don’t know how else I can say this. It happens so frequently and is such an innocuous request that I don’t even think twice about it. Edit: Ann, that’s awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/314 "2013-01-17T23:44:32Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Asi, I don’t find it rude to ask someone to scoot down one seat so they can sit next to their pal. At all. I don’t know how else I can say this. It happens so frequently and is such an innocuous request that I don’t even think twice about it. OK. I get it – a lot of other folks here feel the same way. I thought it was kind of rude to make the request when there were other available seats and the movie had already started, and I don’t tend to make concessions for people I think are being rude. If you don’t think they were being rude, then I agree there’s not really a reason to refuse. Thanks for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/315 "2013-01-17T23:56:13Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Again, so the circumstances of their asking wasn’t rude, or you think it was rude, but you don’t find it germane to the OP’s actions? Because you keep mentioning examples where there doesn’t seem to be any question of rudeness by the person asking others to scoot. RUDE OR NOT RUDE!!! Deliberately leaving a buffer seat between you and your cough cough sick friends. (Recall the OP: “A group of friends sat next to SO, leaving an empty buffer seat by his side. [ED NOTE: Why?!? Oh right, to hog extra seats.] Two friends sat next to me at the end of the row, and also left an empty buffer seat on my side.” As my [tweaked-out](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jodie_Sweetin#Personal_life) [archnemesis](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Full_House_characters#Stephanie_Tanner) would put it: [HOW RUDE!](http://singleblink.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/how-rude.gif) Asking someone “Hey, do you think you and your friends could consolidate, so other people can have good seats too?” NOT RUDE. Doing this even a full five minutes into Axe body spray and “Turn off your goddamn cell phone, you animal” ads? STILL NOT RUDE. Denying the request because you know most people aren’t going to challenge a brattish ballbuster and just choose lesser seats to avoid a confrontation (“Sorry that you would like good seats like I have, but I don’t feel like doing anything I don’t want to.”)? RUDE-ASS BITCH. Barraging the [dog in the manger](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_in_the_manger) with obscenities and/or flatuence. RUDE BUT HILARIOUS. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/316 "2013-01-18T00:02:02Z")
**Mean Old Lady,** I have seen that it is your MO to declare your experience universal. I don’t get the arrogance that allows you to do that. My experience, and maybe mine alone, is that I have been to hundreds of movies, and have been asked to move maybe 5 times. This doesn’t invalidate your experience at all, but it does mean your experience is not as universal as you seem to think. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/317 "2013-01-18T00:09:56Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > OK. I get it – a lot of other folks here feel the same way. I thought it was kind of rude to make the request when there were other available seats and the movie had already started, and I don’t tend to make concessions for people I think are being rude. Yeah, but the only seats available were the cross-eyed seats. If the theatre were wide open and they insisted on sitting next to us, my response would be no dice. In a case like this, the person was asking for a tiny favor. The decent thing to do is just move one lousy seat instead of refusing to extend the world’s smallest nicety. Edit: Uh, okay Brynda. I don’t really care how many times you’ve been asked to move, and neither said nor implied that every time I (or other people) go to the movies, people are asking me (or them) to move over. I mean, for one thing, there are usually other seats available so it doesn’t really come up. But yeah, it does happen, isn’t uncommon, and when someone asks me to move over I gladly do it. I’ve never seen anyone not do it, and think people who won’t are jerks. Feel free to work up a problem with that if you want. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/318 "2013-01-18T00:14:07Z")
You know, I still stand by my feelings about the people who came into the theater late and made the request. However, I am going to retract part of the commentary I’ve made in this thread. **Kimmy\_Gibler** ’s post brought to my attention something I’d managed to miss throughout this entire thread, which was the fact that the other people occupying the same row as the OP, on both sides, were friends of the OP and her boyfriend. So to all of you who have made arguments about and analogies to the idea that the two of them were intentionally creating a buffer zone, I apologize for misunderstanding. I take your point, now. Reading for comprehension is fundamental. ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/319 "2013-01-18T00:16:13Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > And at a crowded bar, you often can’t just take the stool and move it where you want because there’s not enough room to wedge it somewhere without asking someone to move their seat anyway. The simplest thing to do if you wanna to sit next to your pal is to just ask someone if they’d mind scooting down one. When this happens, in my experience people always, _always_ scoot down. I have spent a lot of time in bars, and have never heard this request refused, and have never refused the request when asked. > > Asi, I don’t find it rude to ask someone to scoot down one seat so they can sit next to their pal. At all. I don’t know how else I can say this. It happens so frequently and is such an innocuous request that I don’t even think twice about it. Your analogy is weak. The “bar” wasn’t crowded, in fact there were plenty of open groups of seats. A better example would be if a couple walked into a half empty bar and asked you and your SO to slide down because they didn’t want to sit at the end of the bar with the service entrance. > [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Deliberately leaving a buffer seat between you and your cough cough sick friends. (Recall the OP: “A group of friends sat next to SO, leaving an empty buffer seat by his side. [ED NOTE: Why?!? Oh right, to hog extra seats.] Two friends sat next to me at the end of the row, and also left an empty buffer seat on my side.” They weren’t her friends. They were friends with each other, but not the OP. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/320 "2013-01-18T00:16:17Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > You know, I still stand by my feelings about the people who came into the theater late and made the request. However, I am going to retract part of the commentary I’ve made in this thread. > > **Kimmy\_Gibler** ’s post brought to my attention something I’d managed to miss throughout this entire thread, which was the fact that the other people occupying the same row as the OP, on both sides, were friends of the OP and her boyfriend. So to all of you who have made arguments about and analogies to the idea that the two of them were intentionally creating a buffer zone, I apologize for misunderstanding. I take your point, now. > > Reading for comprehension is fundamental. Kimmy is wrong. Those people were strangers to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=17)