# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/401 "2013-01-18T14:45:37Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > :rolleyes: > > Courtesy is a candy-assed position? Wow, you must be a joy at parties. > > : pictures scenario with BigGirl talking to some poor schlep while blocking a hallway. Somebody needs to go to the bathroom and asks if they could move: > > “Excuse me, I’m trying to get to the bathroom.” > > “FUCK YOU! AND DON’T YOU DARE MOVE, SCHLEP, YOU CANDY-ASSED MO-FO!” > > Nzinga is right - this thread is comedy gold! How about this scenario: “Excuse me, can you move over a seat.” “No, I’m comfortable where I am.” “MOVE! I SAID MOVE NOW BECAUSE I WANT TO SIT WHERE YOU ARE SITTING!” “O.K.” When the fuck did I say it was candy-assed to let someone by to go to the bathroom? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/402 "2013-01-18T14:48:10Z")
> [@](#): > > What a bunch of candy-asses. I mean those of you who get up and move just to be polite. In many houses, there is more than one path to the guest bathroom. Why move when you can be all big and tough about your right to block one of the access routes? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/403 "2013-01-18T14:52:09Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > In many houses, there is more than one path to the bathroom. Why move when you can be all big and tough about your right to block one of the access routes? Where are you getting this bathroom thing from. The OP was asked to move her seat in the theater, not let someone pass to go to the bathroom. I’m not saying what you think I’m saying. Let’s do this again. Slowly. For clarity’s sake. You are in your seat in a movie theater that you came early enough to pick because you like it. Someone comes in much later and asks you to move. You don’t want to. You say yes anyway because, well, they ask me so I better jump right to it! You are a candy-ass. You are in your seat in a movie theater. Someone asks you to move your legs so they can get by. You move your legs. Not a candy-ass. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/404 "2013-01-18T14:53:14Z")
I’m making it up, dumbass. It is a scenario specifically created to highlight the ridiculousness and asshole-ery of your > [@](#): > > What a bunch of candy-asses. I mean those of you who get up and move just to be polite. position. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/405 "2013-01-18T14:54:53Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Where are you getting this bathroom thing from. The OP was asked to move her seat in the theater, not let someone pass to go to the bathroom. I’m not saying what you think I’m saying. > > Let’s do this again. Slowly. For clarity’s sake. > You are in your seat in a movie theater that you came early enough to pick because you like it. Someone comes in much later and asks you to move. You don’t want to. You say yes anyway because, well, they ask me so I better jump right to it! You are a candy-ass. > > You are in your seat in a movie theater. Someone asks you to move your legs so they can get by. You move your legs. Not a candy-ass. If I designed the seating arrangement to increase my chances of not having people sit next to me, and the seats are not assigned, and my plan “failed”, then yes, I would move because, again, _life is rarely so short that you can’t take the time to be polite_. ---
**Author:** ![resting](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@resting](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/resting)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/406 "2013-01-18T14:56:03Z")
Anyone who moves from their seat is a wimp. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/407 "2013-01-18T14:56:40Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > But there should not be any cause for Rosa Parks type-assertiveness in this situation. You were asked to move, you decline-- end of story. Unless you weren’t _asked_ to move. You were _told_ to move. Because asking implies ‘no’ may be one of the answers. > > Seriously, what am I missing here? You’re missing the fact that life is too short to let asshats get under your skin. Yeah, she didn’t have to do jack for anyone. Even if they hadn’t told her to move and they kept asking in meek little baby voices, she would still be within her rights to say no. But if she had said “yes”, everyone could have enjoyed the freakin’ movie. There would have been no nasty scene, no distractions for innocent bystanders just trying to enjoy the show, and no dramedy to post about on the interwebs. Maybe I’m a wuss, but I just don’t have a burning desire to be “right” all the time. Especially if it’s over a freakin’ seat in a movie theater. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/408 "2013-01-18T15:02:18Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Just because YOU are a candy-ass who is easily intimidated by perfect strangers telling you what to do, does not mean that everyone is. Candy-ass? It is called common courtesy. And it was a reasonable request for her to optimize the use of the four seats. I cannot imagine saying no. I would never do that. And if I did, it would probably be because I had a very good reason not to and I would specify that to the requesting people. I wouldn’t decline because I don’t want to give up a little elbow room. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/409 "2013-01-18T15:05:47Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > If I designed the seating arrangement to increase my chances of not having people sit next to me, and the seats are not assigned, and my plan “failed”, then yes, I would move because, again, _life is rarely so short that you can’t take the time to be polite_. How did you plan failed? What plan? What are you on about? If someone asks you to move and you feel like moving, then move that is your prerogative. The OP didn’t feel like moving. That was her prerogative. The candy-assness comes from the need to do what perfect strangers tell you to do because you don’t want no trouble. The stranger is asking you to do something. You can accommodate them if you wish. This doesn’t make you a candy-ass, if you don’t mind moving. But if you are happy in your seat and don’t want to move but you move anyway instead of politely saying, “No”, then you are a candy-ass. If you mean “no”, say “no”. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/410 "2013-01-18T15:06:55Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > What a bunch of candy-asses. I mean those of you who get up and move just to be polite. I cannot imagine being ordered around and doing it for the sake of keeping the peace. The OP did not start a fight. The only thing the OP did was go to a theater and pick out her seat. The other couple started the fight. > > How does **mademoiselle** end up being the bad guy in this situation? I don’t see it at all. Not even a little bit. But it is good to know how many people there are out there who are so easy to take advantage of, who will acquiescent to requests from perfect strangers in order not to appear rude. Who will let strangers yell at them in public without a peep because, hey, bullying does work! Completely agree. I’m amazed that people think that its rude for her stay where she was. The other couple could have moved to the front or sat on either side of the OP and her SO. If it was that important for them to sit together in the back of the theater, they needed to get there earlier. ---
**Author:** ![resting](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@resting](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/resting)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/411 "2013-01-18T15:07:39Z")
But why did she have to inconvenience herself when there were plenty of other seats in the theatre? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/412 "2013-01-18T15:12:48Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > You’re missing the fact that life is too short to let asshats get under your skin. > > Yeah, she didn’t have to do jack for anyone. Even if they hadn’t told her to move and they kept asking in meek little baby voices, she would still be within her rights to say no. > > But if she had said “yes”, everyone could have enjoyed the freakin’ movie. There would have been no nasty scene, no distractions for innocent bystanders just trying to enjoy the show, and no dramedy to post about on the interwebs. > > Maybe I’m a wuss, but I just don’t have a burning desire to be “right” all the time. Especially if it’s over a freakin’ seat in a movie theater. This is what is killing me. She didn’t want to say yes, so she didn’t. She didn’t ruin anyone’s night. How is any of this her fault? She was asked, she said no. Wow, what a bitch! She should have done exactly as she was told by some rude strangers and everyone would have been happier. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/413 "2013-01-18T15:15:25Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > How did you plan failed? What plan? What are you on about? If someone asks you to move and you feel like moving, then move that is your prerogative. The OP didn’t feel like moving. That was her prerogative. The candy-assness comes from the need to do what perfect strangers tell you to do because you don’t want no trouble. > > The stranger is asking you to do something. You can accommodate them if you wish. This doesn’t make you a candy-ass, if you don’t mind moving. But if you are happy in your seat and don’t want to move but you move anyway instead of politely saying, “No”, then you are a candy-ass. > > If you mean “no”, say “no”. It is not because I want no trouble. It is because it is the moral, right, and nice thing to do. I want them to enjoy their experience as they did pay for their tickets. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/414 "2013-01-18T15:16:08Z")
Haven’t read the whole thread. Has anyone compared the OP to Hitler, a Serial Killer or The Worst Human On Earth yet? C’mon, it’s the Dope. You know someone will make that equivalence. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/415 "2013-01-18T15:20:46Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > It is not because I want no trouble. It is because it is the moral, right, and nice thing to do. I want them to enjoy their experience as they did pay for their tickets. Good for you. You move when they “ask”. The OP wanted to sit in the seat she chose. She didn’t move when “asked”. Good for her. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/416 "2013-01-18T15:46:27Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The OP was acting like a giant dickhead, end of story. Anyone who disagrees either is a dickhead too, or doesn’t go outside enough to know what the rest of us all call well-adjusted social behaviors. “Oh, MOL, you’re the authority on what proper social behaviors are?” Yes. It’s common when there are two non-adjacent seats at any place, whether it’s fetching a seat at the theatre, stools at the bar, wherever, to ask someone to move over. I’ve asked people to do this, and every single time, they have happily done so. Now all of those smiles might have been phony, but I’ll reckon not considering whenever someone asks me to move, I gladly do the same. Number of times this kind of thing has come up: Too many to count. Number of times someone has actually said no: Zero. If someone refuses, that just means they’re a petulant little dickface. > > Yeah, I know. You were concerned about the girl with the cold. You’re the Germ Police. Got it. This times 10. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/417 "2013-01-18T15:57:45Z")
The reason why we cling to the buffer zone theory is that it’s the only thing that makes any sense. If this is not about the buffer zone, then I must conclude that the OP is either insane or a terrible person. Wanting a buffer zone is understandable. It’s a desire that makes sense. It actually is nice to have some space between you and your fellow movie patrols. I can completely sympathize with getting territorial about a buffer zone, even if in the end you have no right to. That’s a reasonable impulse, and higher order thinking doesn’t always win out. I get buffer zones. Vigorously objecting to the act of moving 18 inches? That’s nuts. That crazy. That makes no sense. That’s what I expect of a four year old who has just learned the word “no,” or someone with deep and abiding control issues. That’s not normal. That’s not sane. Moving over 18 inches is not a burden. That’s an objective fact. It’s not a big deal. It’s not even a deal. It’s a nothing, a blip on your existence, an absolutely mundane zero-impact event. To get at all heated up about that straight up banana crazy-folk business. The other explanation would be that the OP is a terrible person who is pretended to get heated up about moving over 18 inches in order to feed some kind of darkness in her heart. It implies getting joy out of denying people small courtesies that cost you next to nothing. I doubt the OP is a terrible person or batshit, so it’s in charity that I conclude she must have wanted some extra elbow room. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/418 "2013-01-18T15:59:35Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Haven’t read the whole thread. Has anyone compared the OP to Hitler, a Serial Killer or The Worst Human On Earth yet? C’mon, it’s the Dope. You know someone will make that equivalence. Not yet but we’re getting there. She’s now a terrible person who is either batshit or has some sort of blackness in the pit of her heart. For not moving 18 inches. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/419 "2013-01-18T16:00:31Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The OP was acting like a giant dickhead, end of story. Anyone who disagrees either is a dickhead too, or doesn’t go outside enough to know what the rest of us all call well-adjusted social behaviors. “Oh, MOL, you’re the authority on what proper social behaviors are?” Yes. It’s common when there are two non-adjacent seats at any place, whether it’s fetching a seat at the theatre, stools at the bar, wherever, to ask someone to move over. I’ve asked people to do this, and every single time, they have happily done so. Now all of those smiles might have been phony, but I’ll reckon not considering whenever someone asks me to move, I gladly do the same. Number of times this kind of thing has come up: Too many to count. Number of times someone has actually said no: Zero. If someone refuses, that just means they’re a petulant little dickface. > > Yeah, I know. You were concerned about the girl with the cold. You’re the Germ Police. Got it. MOL, please stop posting on the Dope. It’s a simple request that most polite, upstanding, considerate people would do. And if you do not want to do this thing that you have no obligation to do then you are a giant dickhead and a petulant little dickface. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/420 "2013-01-18T16:00:40Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > This times 10. How are you **always wrong**. How does that happen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=22)