# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 24
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/461 "2013-01-18T18:40:35Z")
I don’t believe they texted through the entire movie either. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/462 "2013-01-18T18:41:14Z")
Nobody cares about discrediting you. This isn’t a trial. Again, accepting the story even as told, everyone in the story was a jerk. It started off fine when they asked if you could please accommodate their request to sit next to each other, then everything else that happened after that was pure assholery. If you’re really interested in playing the Germ Police in a public movie theatre, you’re both an asshole and delusional. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/463 "2013-01-18T18:43:10Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Honestly, if you’d just give up on the whole “I was worried about getting sick!” excuse, you’d have 95% of us on board with you. > > Seriously, do you really think that 18 inches of extra distance really made a difference? If so, I have bad news for you about your toothbrush. > > It’s a dumb excuse, and it’s an obviously dumb excuse. Bullshit excuses are obvious whether they’re made by me, by my children, by the President of the United States, or by you. Exactly. That is the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/464 "2013-01-18T18:43:26Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Really? Around these parts, movies usually have tons of commercials and then tons of previews, so the “start time” is actually about 15-20 mins after the time printed on the ticket stub. I’ve been technically “late” to plenty of movies and walked in to a Pepsi commercial. > > Even if I was 5 minutes late for the actual, honest to God movie, I’d just slink in and hide in the first seat I saw. Which is an important note: while I think the OP was wrong, I think the other folks were wrong, too. There can be multiple cases of douchetitude in one interaction. > > Anyway, color me surprised that running 5 minutes late would make you cancel your movie plans for the time being. Please read for comprehension. I was not talking about arriving 5 minutes after showtime, during all the commercials and crap; I was talking about 5 minutes after the actual movie started running. If I’m going to pay the $$$ they extract for theater admission these days, yes, I want to see the whole movie. So if the movie started 5 minutes ago, I’ll pass and go another time. BUT if for some reason I had to go in anyway (with a group and they still want to go), yes, I would slink in, siddown, and shaddup. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/465 "2013-01-18T18:43:43Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Maybe the most germane question is: If someone makes a rude request, are you rude for not doing it? > > To my mind, by its nature a rude request is one that you have no social obligation to do. You may choose to look beyond the rudeness, but that’s more than just standard politeness. > > If someone comes up and says, “How much money do you make?” answering “That’s none of your business” is not rude. You can choose to answer if you want, either because it doesn’t bother you or because you choose to rise above the bother, but it’s not rude not to answer. > > If someone comes up and says, “What time is it?” the same answer becomes rude. I agree. Just yesterday, I had a complete stranger ask me, as I wheeled past him (we were not engaged in conversation or interaction of any sort), why I was in a wheelchair. :dubious: I didn’t even slow my roll as I said, “because I can’t walk”. WTF. Rude asshole. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/466 "2013-01-18T18:44:47Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Honestly, if you’d just give up on the whole “I was worried about getting sick!” excuse, you’d have 95% of us on board with you. > > Seriously, do you really think that 18 inches of extra distance really made a difference? If so, I have bad news for you about your toothbrush. > > It’s a dumb excuse, and it’s an obviously dumb excuse. Bullshit excuses are obvious whether they’re made by me, by my children, by the President of the United States, or by you. This is the second time I am saying this to you. There were three reasons I did not want to move. All are outlined in my op. Not one, three. Also, at the moment I was not thinking logistics. I had heard the girl sniffling before the movie began, so I noticed her. By the time the couple came in, I am flabbergasted that someone just interrupted my movie, saying they want my seat. Again, three reasons, not one. All in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/467 "2013-01-18T18:47:17Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I don’t believe they texted through the entire movie either. You know what, I made up every damn detail. I was actually washing my hair that night. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/468 "2013-01-18T18:48:28Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Seriously, do you really think that 18 inches of extra distance really made a difference? If so, I have bad news for you about your toothbrush. That’s what SHE said! ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/469 "2013-01-18T18:49:24Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > Again, three reasons, not one. All in the OP. And I’m saying that if you eliminated one of those reasons, and admitted that it was a bullshit excuse you’re trying to use to bolster your argument, we’d be more apt to take your side. Just because a list is supposed to have 3 parts doesn’t mean you have to come up with a third one out of whole cloth. Just please don’t use “Hi Opal,” that is a whole other level of cringe. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/470 "2013-01-18T18:49:45Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > Well at least I don’t make the same mistake over and over again. And I am not pitting you for your poor writing skills anymore as you said that you have dyslexia. The pitting was based on… well maybe you could read it? You seriously think that was the basis of your pitting? Basis? No. Was it there, and in uncalled for? Yes. It makes it all the more interesting being that you were pitted for poor writing skills yourself. And you display them in this very thread. In that pitting, you were rude and standoffish. Project much? ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/471 "2013-01-18T18:58:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > No, dickhead, you don’t do it because you’re afraid they’re going to shout at you; you do it not to be a dickhead. I’ve never told anyone the time because I was afraid of what they’d do if I didn’t. I tell them because giving them the answer isn’t hard and is the nice thing to do. The people acting like clowns afterward is, of course, beyond rude, but refusing to move in the first place is a jerk move too. Count me as one of the people who believes everyone in this scenario acted poorly. As for their being five minutes late, who cares? Yes, their lateness makes it slightly worse than it would have been had they made this request before the movie had started, but not enough so for me to refuse to move. Even if the movie had begun and someone asked if I’d move scooting down to Jack and Jill could sit next to each other, I’d just do it. Again, not to keep the peace (I’m operating under the assumption that if I say no, they won’t do anything but be annoyed), but because I’m not a fuckface. Be courteous. Not hard. > > And for the record (is anybody keeping records here?), I don’t buy this horse shit about being oh so concerned about public health, and that’s why she didn’t move over. She didn’t want him to sit next to Suzy Sick, but she was far too polite to sully Suzy’s good name by pointing out her sniffling. Mountainous loads of bullshit, that. I also don’t buy them standing in front of everyone making a huge scene. But let’s just say I buy the story as told: The original act of requesting OP please scoot so that they may sit next to each other is not rude. Everything else that followed, from bitchily refusing to do so to the screaming and texting, is. Goodness. You sound like a rather discourteous person. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/472 "2013-01-18T19:05:13Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > And I’m saying that if you eliminated one of those reasons, and admitted that it was a bullshit excuse you’re trying to use to bolster your argument, we’d be more apt to take your side. Just because a list is supposed to have 3 parts doesn’t mean you have to come up with a third one out of whole cloth. Just please don’t use “Hi Opal,” that is a whole other level of cringe. How is it my fault that you are choosing to focus on one of the three reasons, rather than view them as a whole? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/473 "2013-01-18T19:06:08Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The original act of requesting OP please scoot so that they may sit next to each other is not rude. I guess it’s where each person comes from – I can’t imagine ever bothering someone like that and so it strikes me as rude when someone else does it. Like talking in the theater, or texting. It’s beyond the realm of what I would do. And truth be told, if they’re bold enough to do that, I’d be worried about what else they will do – and in this case, they texted and fulfilled that. Like your example of someone asking for the time – if almost every time, it was a pretext to follow up with something more or inappropriate, I would start ignoring it. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/474 "2013-01-18T19:10:15Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Goodness. You sound like a rather discourteous person. Yup. Happily doing someone a favor that requires something dangerously near zero effort on my part is horribly discourteous. God, where’s the putz smiley when you need him? ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/475 "2013-01-18T19:18:55Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Nobody cares about discrediting you. This isn’t a trial. Again, accepting the story even as told, everyone in the story was a jerk. It started off fine when they asked if you could please accommodate their request to sit next to each other, then everything else that happened after that was pure assholery. If you’re really interested in playing the Germ Police in a public movie theatre, you’re both an asshole and delusional. I am not the germ police. I gave three reasons. Three. Not one, three. You are focusing on the one you feel to be the least valid, while ignoring the other two completely. Sheesh. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/476 "2013-01-18T19:22:25Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > How is it my fault that you are choosing to focus on one of the three reasons, rather than view them as a whole? If one part of your story doesn’t pass the sniff test, it calls into question all of the rest of your story. You get that right? If you’re wondering why people keep questioning your truthfulness in describing the events of your OP, this is the reason. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/477 "2013-01-18T19:30:51Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > If one part of your story doesn’t pass the sniff test, it calls into question all of the rest of your story. You get that right? If you’re wondering why people keep questioning your truthfulness in describing the events of your OP, this is the reason. It’s how I felt at the time. I don’t know how we can measure that in an internet forum. I have thoughts of a nearby sick person in my head from before the movie began. Now, someone just interrupted my movie, and I acted without premeditation. How could I? They weren’t there yet. I am not lying, I don’t know how to prove that. I have said time and time again - we either sit closer to her, or move away from the view we prefer. On top of that, these people just interrupted my movie. And I don’t want to think about logistics or any of this after a movie has begun. So, I didn’t, and just gave a polite " sorry, no". Then they went ballistic. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/478 "2013-01-18T19:31:57Z")
On a side rant, anybody who willingly goes to a crowded moving heater during cold and flu season when they are contagious, or even have reason to believe they _may_ be contagious, is entitled trash. They need to be forcibly removed from their seats and fed to wolverines. Those who accompany them should be forced to watch the first time. The second time they accompany a potentially contagious person to the movies should be thrown to the wolverines as an appetizer. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/479 "2013-01-18T19:34:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > The reason why we cling to the buffer zone theory is that it’s the only thing that makes any sense. If this is not about the buffer zone, then I must conclude that the OP is either insane or a terrible person. > > Wanting a buffer zone is understandable. It’s a desire that makes sense. It actually is nice to have some space between you and your fellow movie patrols. I can completely sympathize with getting territorial about a buffer zone, even if in the end you have no right to. That’s a reasonable impulse, and higher order thinking doesn’t always win out. I get buffer zones. > > Vigorously objecting to the act of moving 18 inches? That’s nuts. That crazy. That makes no sense. That’s what I expect of a four year old who has just learned the word “no,” or someone with deep and abiding control issues. That’s not normal. That’s not sane. Moving over 18 inches is not a burden. That’s an objective fact. It’s not a big deal. It’s not even a deal. It’s a nothing, a blip on your existence, an absolutely mundane zero-impact event. To get at all heated up about that straight up banana crazy-folk business. > > The other explanation would be that the OP is a terrible person who is pretended to get heated up about moving over 18 inches in order to feed some kind of darkness in her heart. It implies getting joy out of denying people small courtesies that cost you next to nothing. > > I doubt the OP is a terrible person or batshit, so it’s in charity that I conclude she must have wanted some extra elbow room. This is an excellent post which perfectly described my own “buh?” at all the outrage over what I would consider such an obvious courtesy that it would literally never occur to me to refuse, but I think you’re discounting a fourth possibility that I believe explains many of the responses in this thread: the unsocialized dog in the dog park theory. Happy, socialized dogs go into a group setting tails-a-wagging, confident that they can roll with whatever happens. “Oh, you’re playing with my ball now? Fine, I’m going to chase you! Hey, let’s go eat that dead squirrel!” Unsocialized dogs are nervous and unsure of themselves, so normal interactions have a way of getting out of hand. They’re the dogs that stake out a corner under a bench and then bite any other dogs who come and sniff them. In people form, they don’t have a natural feel for when basic courtesy blurs into being taken advantage of, so they fall back on technicalities and rules. “I was here first”, “You should have brought your own watch if you wanted to know what time it is”, “I don’t have to give anyone CPR if I don’t want to”, etc. It’s a defense mechanism, borne out of insecurity and a history of having been a doormat and feeling bad about it. To someone who doesn’t fear others, it sounds like insane behavior, but you’re looking at the world through a very different lens. It also doesn’t help that people like this tend to be unreliable reporters, feeling the need to modify accounts to maximize the wickedness of those they interacted with. Hence the made-up details in the OP’s account of events and the probably-fake dyslexia claim. It’s not lying/trolling so much as telling the story from the standpoint of how it felt to them vs. how it actually happened. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/480 "2013-01-18T19:38:27Z")
10 pages of this in 2 days? WTF For the record, the OP did nothing wrong. No matter how nicely someone asks for something, anything, it is a request and should never imply action by existence. Once the request was made, those 2 assholes were morally, legally, spiritually, and philosophically-bound to acquiesce to any reply the OP made [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=23) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=25)