# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/81 "2013-01-17T00:41:30Z")
OP the answer to your question: “So, who do you think was in the wrong?” is you and them. But you knew that really. If you actually believed the after the fact crap rationalisation you’ve given in your OP to justify your initial snotty unhelpful refusal, you wouldn’t have started this thread. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/82 "2013-01-17T00:41:52Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > What do you think that means? “Sorry that you…”? > > There are a few people I know that say this, and they all have certain personality traits. If it’s that they are dyslexic and have a slight speech impediment issues, then well… I am not mentioning either for sympathy, but to say I am trying my best, and I think that a misplaced comma is not relevant to the issue being discussed. ---
**Author:** ![Mavis\_Topholese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@Mavis\_Topholese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mavis_Topholese)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/83 "2013-01-17T00:42:26Z")
I’ve been in the OP’s situation and sometimes I’ll shift, and sometimes I won’t. If it’s a movie I showed up early for, and that adjoining seats are still available for, I can easily see not putting myself out for the benefit of latecomers. As it turns out, the latecomers in question were total assholes. Looks to me like the OP made the right call. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/84 "2013-01-17T00:43:32Z")
Wow. I can’t imagine that there were rows of empty seats and they _still_ asked someone to move, and even more that so many people are taking their side. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/85 "2013-01-17T00:43:33Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > If it’s that they are dyslexic and have a slight speech impediment issues, then thank you. > > I am not mentioning either for sympathy, but to say I am trying my best, and I think that a misplaced comma is not relevant to the issue being discussed. Raftpeople isn’t commenting on your comma placement or your dyslexia, but the attitude that often accompanies the type of person to say “Sorry that you…” at the front of a sentence. It’s extremely passive aggressive. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/86 "2013-01-17T00:44:54Z")
I’m still not getting how people are finding the act of saying no to be wrong. Not the nicest choice? Sure, I can agree with that. She could have chosen to be nicer when they asked. But wrong? I don’t understand that. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/87 "2013-01-17T00:45:09Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > There’s no way to ask politely for someone to move. WTF? People do it all the time. This is a daily occurrence. I’ve shifted over for people multiple times and I’ve asked also. Theater seat optimization just assumes that will happen as the rows are not filled sequentially by group. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/88 "2013-01-17T00:49:14Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I’m still not getting how people are finding the act of saying no to be wrong. Not the nicest choice? Sure, I can agree with that. She could have chosen to be nicer when they asked. But wrong? I don’t understand that. I don’t think it’s _wrong_\*, per se, but it’s not what I would have done if I were in her shoes. Why? I try to do unto others and all that. \*It wasn’t an evil or immoral act or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/89 "2013-01-17T00:49:16Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > So, last night, my SO and I decided to do dinner and a movie. I had been sick for a while, so I was excited to get out and have some fun. > > We had dinner, and arrived at the theater about 30 minutes early. As you can imagine, the theater was pretty empty at the time. We sat in an empty row, towards the middle right of the the row second to the last. Time went by, and the theater filled up, except the first 5 rows which remained mostly empty. Were these normal rows at the front, or those desperation floor rows where you have to slouch back and crane your neck to see the screen? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/90 "2013-01-17T00:49:31Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I’m still not getting how people are finding the act of saying no to be wrong. Not the nicest choice? Sure, I can agree with that. She could have chosen to be nicer when they asked. But wrong? I don’t understand that. These are questions of judgment and degree but in my book the extent to which I am nice is a measure of the extent to which I am doing right, and vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/91 "2013-01-17T00:50:58Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > Were these normal rows at the front, or those desperation floor rows where you have to slouch back and crane your neck to see the screen? No craning. I have sat in the 5th row in this very theater, and my neck was at a normal position. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/92 "2013-01-17T00:51:55Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > No craning. I have sat in the 5th row in this very theater, and my neck was at a normal position. Then the seat right next to yours couldn’t have been \*that \*sub-optimal. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/93 "2013-01-17T00:52:53Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I don’t think it’s _wrong_\*, per se, but it’s not what I would have done if I were in her shoes. Why? I try to do unto others and all that. What I find interesting, is that I was thinking with the same logic, which is why I said: > [@](#): > > I have been in their shoes. I have gone to the movies, and walked into a packed theater, or one with all of the prime seats gone. And I sucked it up. I have sat in the very front row (we are talking bend your head all the way back seats), or I have even been separated from my companion by several rows. I have never demanded that someone move, and never will. That’s my “do unto others”… ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/94 "2013-01-17T00:54:21Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Then the seat right next to yours couldn’t have been \*that \*sub-optimal. Bob, I said in the first post this: > [@](#): > > On top of that, I don’t care for entitled people, and I a had an inkling they would not be the best movie goers. And what did they do? Text during the whole 3 hour long movie. Who would of thunk. > > But to me, I don’t need a reason. If I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to. It’s as simple as that. As the old adage goes…“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/95 "2013-01-17T00:55:05Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I don’t think it’s _wrong_\*, per se, but it’s not what I would have done if I were in her shoes. Why? I try to do unto others and all that. I probably would have moved, too, but more because I’m not into confrontation than anything else. > [@Princhester](#): > > These are questions of judgment and degree but in my book the extent to which I am nice is a measure of the extent to which I am doing right, and vice versa. Fair enough, but I think where I dffer with you (and the majority of folks in this thread, I realize) is that I feel that their asking to begin with was rude, and that would have ended any desire for me to be nice to them. Had the question come before the movie had started, I’d have been much more inclined to want to move. So I’m having a hard time finding any fault with someone who, in my view, chose not to encourage someone else’s rudeness (or, at best, lack of consideration). ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/96 "2013-01-17T00:55:56Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Then the seat right next to yours couldn’t have been \*that \*sub-optimal. So why couldn’t they just go for the 5th row? Why do they deserve a better seat than someone who paid for that seat with their time? ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/97 "2013-01-17T00:57:40Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > WTF? > > People do it all the time. This is a daily occurrence. Asking someone to move because you need to get past them is one thing. Asking them to move because you want their better seats is rude and incredibly arrogant. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/98 "2013-01-17T00:59:45Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > These are questions of judgment and degree but in my book the extent to which I am nice is a measure of the extent to which I am doing right, and vice versa. So, if you are ever not being very nice, you are doing wrong? Because in my opinion calling someone “snotty” isn’t nice. It may be warranted and true (I don’t think it is in this thread, but opinions differ), but it’s not nice. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/99 "2013-01-17T01:04:37Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > So why couldn’t they just go for the 5th row? Why do they deserve a better seat than someone who paid for that seat with their time? Deserve’s got nothing to do with it. Getting there 30 minutes early doesn’t entitle you to a buffer seat on each side of you and your SO. How was the movie? Were you able to relax and enjoy it or were you too wound up from the confrontation to do so? If you’d have just shifted seats, would you have still been annoyed - probably, right? - but I doubt it would have gotten you too worked up. I think you did yourself and your SO (as well as everyone around you) a huge disservice by being so obstinate about showing the late couple the courtesy of moving. I’m not saying you had to move, or that they were entitled to those seats, or that they weren’t jerks after you told them no, but don’t you think you might have had a better time at the movies if you’d just let them have the seats? ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/100 "2013-01-17T01:08:20Z")
SO and I were the first in the row to arrive. The other people arrived later (not the couple). They sat down adding buffer seats, not us. We had already been there for some time. I was perfectly comfortable. But you bring up another point. They tried to make us uncomfortable taking the seats, so they could “teach us a lesson”. They just would not give up, which probably made the other people around them uncomfortable. Then they rewarded the people who did move by texting through out the film. The movie was mediocre, but that would be true either way. I was not wound up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=6)