# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 60
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1181 "2013-01-22T16:05:42Z")
Nooo, Mswhatsit!!! Don’t come back in here. I was trying so hard and being so [good](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OT4bOtf9yyU/TGUCnYzLLdI/AAAAAAAAEqU/gALXf8k0DGQ/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-08-13+at+9.30.14+AM.png). You are killing me the way you pick out the funniest shit and bring it back up in case we missed the absurdity. “If someone asked me a question in a movie theater I would simply refuse to answer.” HAHAAAAA! ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1182 "2013-01-22T16:18:21Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Well, when 95% of members have an IQ over 180… Yet at the same time, 80% are morbidly obese, yet have really good excuses for why they can never lose weight. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1183 "2013-01-22T16:20:25Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Yet at the same time, 80% are morbidly obese, yet have really good excuses for why they can never lose weight. My morbidly obese brother is sitting right next to me, and I’d like to see you say that to him. (Ok, actually both of my brothers look like they have tapeworms, but still! Brother! Sitting right here! Grrr!) ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1184 "2013-01-22T16:20:34Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Yet at the same time, 80% are morbidly obese, yet have really good excuses for why they can never lose weight. Any proof for that? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1185 "2013-01-22T16:21:09Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Well, when 95% of members have an IQ over 180… Maybe, but it’s the other 8% I’m worried about. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1186 "2013-01-22T16:24:15Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Yet at the same time, 80% are morbidly obese, yet have really good excuses for why they can never lose weight. I do have a really good excuse. Food is yummy and exercise is hard. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1187 "2013-01-22T16:26:50Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I do have a really good excuse. Food is yummy and exercise is hard. HA! I’m also cracking up laughing so hard at the mental image of you being Bart Simpson dressed up for church. With the little part in your hair and the shorts and everything! Edit: I am laughing my (figurative) dick off at MsWhatsit’s post too. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1188 "2013-01-22T16:31:36Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > HA! > > I’m also cracking up laughing so hard at the mental image of you being Bart Simpson dressed up for church. With the little part in your hair and the shorts and everything! Edit: I am laughing my (figurative) dick off at MsWhatsit’s post too. (she’s still not leaving…) ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1189 "2013-01-22T16:35:35Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > (she’s still not leaving…) But she entered into a binding verbal agreement never to post here again! If I were you I would refer her to the appropriate section of the roommate agreement. Alternatively, you could pretend that she is a latecomer to a movie and just ignore whatever she might be saying to you. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1190 "2013-01-22T16:36:00Z")
Call your brother, mademoiselle. I’m gettin’ tired of MOL’s shit. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1191 "2013-01-22T16:36:42Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > But she entered into a binding verbal agreement never to post here again! If I were you I would refer her to the appropriate section of the roommate agreement. > > Alternatively, you could pretend that she is a latecomer to a movie and just ignore whatever she might be saying to you. Ah, but according to my op, that’s not my MO. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1192 "2013-01-22T16:37:22Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Shayna, just to make sure you understand. She did not open a Pit thread; her IMHO thread was dragged into the Pit after people were acting like it was the Pit in IMHO and once within The Pit she was called a cunt and a liar. … > > True her op read a bit more like a weak Pitting. And phrasing it in who was right/wrong invited people to tell her she was wrong, wrong, wrong. But its vitriol level grew rapidly to the level you’ve entered at pretty damn fast. In other words, she opened a rant in the wrong forum. As for the cunt thing, that’s way over the top, but not what I called her, so I’m not going to answer for that. > [@DSeid](#): > > I can understand that many/most of us would have just scooted over. I can also understand that many of us find people coming in after the movie has started and asking other people to move around to be rude. I can understand that some have reasons for not wanting to move and that they have no obligation to share those reasons: you ask for a favor, someone says “no”, say “oh, well thank you anyway then” and move on. Even if the favor was small. I understand all that stuff, too. The issue here is, she _asked_ us to tell her if she was right or wrong and our ability to assess that is based in part on the reasons _she_ provided for her behavior. No one demanded that she explain herself, she did that all on her own in her OP, so don’t act like we thought she had an “obligation” to tell us. > [@DSeid](#): > > MHO is that asking people to move once a movie has started is rude. Already agreed with that. But it’s also _commonplace_ in movie theaters all across America. Anyone who goes to a movie should expect that to happen to them at any time, and society expects that those who wish to get along in it adapt their behavior in ways that are the most accommodating and the least disruptive whenever possible. Otherwise you’re being a jerk, too. > [@DSeid](#): > > MHO is that moving anyway is usually not a big deal but if someone does not want to they don’t want to and they owe neither the moving or an explanation to anyone. No one here said anyone _owed_ anyone anything. But if you tell someone who asks you if a seat is being used that it is _not_, and then you refuse to let them sit in it without any explanation, that’s just obnoxious. The irony here is, if she didn’t want to scoot over and didn’t want to explain herself, and didn’t want to cause a scene, she actually _should_ have lied, shook her head “yes,” mouthed “sorry,” and let the people move on none-the-wiser. Instead, she _chose_ to be a jerk. “No, no one’s sitting here, but YOU can’t and I don’t have to tell you why!” That’s not only childish, it’s behavior that screams she’s just itching for a fight. > [@DSeid](#): > > It is not a mortal sin. Demanding that the person move however is extremely rude, IMHO. Causing a scene because someone refused to do you a small favor is disturbed. I quite agree. However, I wasn’t asked by those people if they were right or wrong, I was asked by this woman if _she_ was right or wrong. My opinion is that although she has a “right” to keep her ass planted there if she wants to, the _way_ she handled that situation was, in fact, the wrong way to handle it. She had other options and chose the one most likely to cause a scene. > [@DSeid](#): > > Getting upset that people yelled at you because you did not want to do a favor for them is understandable. Of course it is. Never said otherwise. > [@DSeid](#): > > You have different HOs. Also fine. You don’t get upset at people getting up in front of you while a movie is in progress. Fine, I do, but fine. Upset over a couple seconds of someone crossing in front of your field of vision as they take a seat? Sorry, I just can’t imagine feeling that way. > [@DSeid](#): > > What has been odd is how Pittish and trollish the “You are an asshole for not moving!” position posts had been in the IMHO stage and how they progressed to “Cunt” level in The Pit. Over not moving over a seat because she was scared of germs and annoyed with late people acting like she had no choice but to make room for them, like it was not a favor but an obligation. I’m not responsible for the inappropriate IMHO replies so I have no idea why you think that’s the least bit relevant to me. > [@DSeid](#): > > Again, just moving would have been a nice thing to do. And some here may believe that we are obligated to be nice to everyone at all times (except apparently others here) and that not being nice equals being rude. We can disagree about that. But what about this apparently minor area of disagreement evokes such levels of hostility? > [@Brynda](#): > > Exactly. The question about why this issue raised so much ire with those who disagreed with the OP is a mystery to me, too, and I would love to see someone address it. I contend you misunderstand what the “hostility” is directed towards. It isn’t because she didn’t _want_ to move over for a latecomer. It’s not even because she elected not to. It’s _how_ she went about it, and, frankly, her absurd justification for acting like a jerk in a social situation where acting like a jerk disturbs everyone for an extended period, and not acting like a jerk might disturb a couple of people for a matter of seconds as people take their seats. Look, you’ve been around here long enough to know that not only are we a judgmental bunch, but we don’t suffer people who try to make themselves look better to win approval from the group. We call people on their crap and question the veracity of their claims and motives all the time. It should be as expected as people coming into a movie theater late. And from my reading of her OP, she comes across like the “entitled” one she’s accusing the other couple of being. She didn’t intentionally select seats that separated her from a woman who was coughing — that happened quite by accident (recall the row was empty when they got there and it was the other people who left the seats between them as they sat down). But based on her description of who sat where, when she and her SO had their choice of any two seats in that row, they chose two that left _three_ empty seats between themselves and the aisle. “ **Two** friends sat next to me **at the end of the row** , and also **left an empty buffer seat** on my side.” Who does that? Who does that and doesn’t expect to have to scoot the hell over eventually? “I tell her I am happy with my seat, sorry.” … “I say I got to the theater 30 minutes early, I suggest you do the same next time.” … “Listen, I’m not doing anything wrong. What are you going to do, have me arrested?” That’s just obnoxious behavior. mademoiselle: “I don’t care for entitled people” Yeah, neither do I. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1193 "2013-01-22T16:40:01Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Call your brother, mademoiselle. I’m gettin’ tired of MOL’s shit. I know I’m asking a lot here, but could you actually read that post properly? It was a scenario where I was not there. You see, I was off saving orphans from burning busses, and far too busy to see a movie. The idea was ifthey were dealing with 6’7" guy in great shape, none of the big and bag on the Internet types would try any of the shit they are suggesting, or even think it. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1194 "2013-01-22T16:41:18Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > In other words, she opened a rant in the wrong forum. > > As for the cunt thing, that’s way over the top, but not what I called her, so I’m not going to answer for that. I understand all that stuff, too. The issue here is, she _asked_ us to tell her if she was right or wrong and our ability to assess that is based in part on the reasons _she_ provided for her behavior. No one demanded that she explain herself, she did that all on her own in her OP, so don’t act like we thought she had an “obligation” to tell us. Already agreed with that. But it’s also _commonplace_ in movie theaters all across America. Anyone who goes to a movie should expect that to happen to them at any time, and society expects that those who wish to get along in it adapt their behavior in ways that are the most accommodating and the least disruptive whenever possible. Otherwise you’re being a jerk, too. No one here said anyone _owed_ anyone anything. But if you tell someone who asks you if a seat is being used that it is _not_, and then you refuse to let them sit in it without any explanation, that’s just obnoxious. The irony here is, if she didn’t want to scoot over and didn’t want to explain herself, and didn’t want to cause a scene, she actually _should_ have lied, shook her head “yes,” mouthed “sorry,” and let the people move on none-the-wiser. > > Instead, she _chose_ to be a jerk. “No, no one’s sitting here, but YOU can’t and I don’t have to tell you why!” > > That’s not only childish, it’s behavior that screams she’s just itching for a fight. I quite agree. However, I wasn’t asked by those people if they were right or wrong, I was asked by this woman if _she_ was right or wrong. My opinion is that although she has a “right” to keep her ass planted there if she wants to, the _way_ she handled that situation was, in fact, the wrong way to handle it. She had other options and chose the one most likely to cause a scene. Of course it is. Never said otherwise. Upset over a couple seconds of someone crossing in front of your field of vision as they take a seat? Sorry, I just can’t imagine feeling that way. I’m not responsible for the inappropriate IMHO replies so I have no idea why you think that’s the least bit relevant to me. I contend you misunderstand what the “hostility” is directed towards. It isn’t because she didn’t _want_ to move over for a latecomer. It’s not even because she elected not to. It’s _how_ she went about it, and, frankly, her absurd justification for acting like a jerk in a social situation where acting like a jerk disturbs everyone for an extended period, and not acting like a jerk might disturb a couple of people for a matter of seconds as people take their seats. > > Look, you’ve been around here long enough to know that not only are we a judgmental bunch, but we don’t suffer people who try to make themselves look better to win approval from the group. We call people on their crap and question the veracity of their claims and motives all the time. It should be as expected as people coming into a movie theater late. > > And from my reading of her OP, she comes across like the “entitled” one she’s accusing the other couple of being. She didn’t intentionally select seats that separated her from a woman who was coughing — that happened quite by accident (recall the row was empty when they got there and it was the other people who left the seats between them as they sat down). But based on her description of who sat where, when she and her SO had their choice of any two seats in that row, they chose two that left _three_ empty seats between themselves and the aisle. > > “ **Two** friends sat next to me **at the end of the row** , and also **left an empty buffer seat** on my side.” > > Who does that? Who does that and doesn’t expect to have to scoot the hell over eventually? > > “I tell her I am happy with my seat, sorry.” … “I say I got to the theater 30 minutes early, I suggest you do the same next time.” … “Listen, I’m not doing anything wrong. What are you going to do, have me arrested?” > > That’s just obnoxious behavior. > > mademoiselle: “I don’t care for entitled people” > > Yeah, neither do I. And I thought you were leaving? Just can’t help yourself, can you? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1195 "2013-01-22T16:41:59Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Call your brother, mademoiselle. I’m gettin’ tired of MOL’s shit. Oh god, [I’ll be good](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OT4bOtf9yyU/TGUCnYzLLdI/AAAAAAAAEqU/gALXf8k0DGQ/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-08-13+at+9.30.14+AM.png). ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1196 "2013-01-22T16:42:16Z")
I wish I had a thread go to 1,200+ posts. ☹ Why do y’all hate me so? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1197 "2013-01-22T16:44:10Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Oh god, I’ll be good. If I gotta go to church, so do you. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1198 "2013-01-22T16:49:16Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > The idea was ifthey were dealing with 6’7" guy in great shape You’re right, he does sound pretty dreamy. Kind of weird to hear it from his sister though. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1199 "2013-01-22T16:49:23Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > Instead, she _chose_ to be a jerk. “No, no one’s sitting here, but YOU can’t and I don’t have to tell you why!” :rolleyes: Shayna, please do yourself favor before you comment further. Read the thread. It kind of makes you look…clueless. Especially since this is the third time I have said this: The could have sat in the seats to our sides. I do not give any parts of a damn about buffer seats. I did not create them, other people did. I would have probably barely noticed if people sat in those, let alone cared. If I did, why the fuck would I have said they were free when asked? Remember, when I am asked the first time, it is by a lone woman. Mk, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/1200 "2013-01-22T16:49:23Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > I wish I had a thread go to 1,200+ posts. ☹ Are you a football coach who enjoys (or condones) horseplay and naked hugs with young boys in the shower, by any chance? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=59) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=61)