# I'm not giving up my seat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 16, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431 "2013-01-16T22:34:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/121 "2013-01-17T01:53:42Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > You can disagree with the convention in society, but that doesn’t negate the convention. > > 99.99999% of people follow the convention, which is to shift a seat to optimize row usage. You do math funny. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/122 "2013-01-17T01:57:34Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Your feelings are at best mixed, or you wouldn’t have started this thread asking whether you were in the right. My feelings are not mixed. I am curious by nature, however, and I was curious how others would of dealt with the situation. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/123 "2013-01-17T01:57:43Z")
OP … you did absolutely NOTHING wrong. It wasn’t wrong of them to ask but once you said no, any non-asshole would have gone on their merry way. They didn’t. They’re the assholes, not you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/124 "2013-01-17T01:58:20Z")
People just suck. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/125 "2013-01-17T02:01:06Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You do math funny. That too…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/126 "2013-01-17T02:06:12Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Here’s something I do: if I find I’m having to resort to an analogy or example that is barely relevant to the situation under discussion to be able to make my position sound reasonable, I conclude my position may not be overly viable. How about you? Someone mentioned that the abundance of alternate seating mitigated the rudeness of declining to move, but that it was still somewhat rude. I’m asking if the fact I go out of my way to get particular seats in an empty cinema would make a difference to the person I quoted. I’m curious if he/she would still think me rude to any degree for not moving. It’s not so much an argument as curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/127 "2013-01-17T02:14:39Z")
Wow, there must not be a lot of people with wide shoulders in this thread. Sitting between two people is a serious discomfort. I do everything I can to keep at least one side open so I can move an arm without bumping someone. So I always sit first in the group leaving a one seat opening to the inside, just so it is an undesirable seat. Unless the theater is packed I won’t move over. I don’t have an obligation to make my self real uncomfortable for 2 hours so somebody else can get the very minor comfort of sitting one row higher. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/128 "2013-01-17T02:15:55Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Can I get a declarative judgment on Operation Fart in the Face? If I could launch tactical SBDs, I would go out all the goddamned time For what it’s worth, I am a New Yorker, have gone to a shitload of movies in my life, and have heard the request to slide down a seat countless times. I have never, ever heard someone refuse. I also can’t imagine getting a seat a half hour early and then having to endure a half hour of trailers, commercials, and retarded reminders to turn off your cell phone. Is there really no more valuable way for you to spend your time? Time Out New York has all sorts of free event listings, even the most pretentious of which is still probably an improvement over sitting in a bedbug-infested AMC waiting for a mediocre movie. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/129 "2013-01-17T02:16:16Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > An admittedly fast visual scan gave me 16 posters (posters, not posts) who agreed with my stance, a 2 who seemed on the fence, give or take a few. > > That’s not a couple of people. By and large, dopers don’t tend to be very good at etiquette in real life. A few are, but there is a huge contingent of "why can’t I wear a t shirt and jeans to a wedding or funeral. There was enough rudeness in this situation to not have to worry about who was rude. But you did start the rudeness, and while that isn’t an excuse for rudeness in return, it doesn’t give you a firm foundation for your complaint. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/130 "2013-01-17T02:18:18Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > Someone mentioned that the abundance of alternate seating mitigated the rudeness of declining to move, but that it was still somewhat rude. I’m asking if the fact I go out of my way to get particular seats in an empty cinema would make a difference to the person I quoted. I’m curious if he/she would still think me rude to any degree for not moving. It’s not so much an argument as curiosity. Why do you think “going out of your way” somehow privileges your intended plans above the desires of everyone else? (And girrrrrl, life’s tough all over; we’ve _all_ gone out of our way. You ain’t special.) You said that you try to arrange it so that the theater is uncrowded when you attend. Suppose you misjudge and the theater is packed. The fact that you (ineffectively) deferred your movie trip does not entitle you to eject other patrons from the theater. You just have to live with the fact that your plans didn’t work out as expected. Tough shit: That’s life in the big city. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/131 "2013-01-17T02:18:29Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > People just suck. Preach it, brother. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/132 "2013-01-17T02:24:02Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Why do you think “going out of your way” somehow privileges your intended plans above the desires of everyone else? You said that you try to arrange it so that the theater is uncrowded when you attend. Suppose you misjudge and the theater is packed. The fact that you (ineffectively) deferred your movie trip does not entitle you to eject other patrons from the theater. You just have to live with the fact that your plans didn’t work out as expected. Tough shit: That’s life in the big city. No, of course it doesn’t entitle me to ask anyone to move or anything else. That’s not what I was asking at all, where the hell did you get that? What I was asking was, since the person I originally quoted conceded that the abundance of empty seats mitigated the rudeness of refusing to move, would the cinema being almost entirely empty make a difference, and would the fact that I’d shown up an hour early to get my seat make a difference? As in, would that person still consider ME rude for not moving in my situation, since they thought OP less rude in their situation by taking the empty seats into consideration. I don’t know how you got me demanding people move if it turns out the cinema’s full after all. Also note I was asking that one particular poster, and it was out of curiosity. Holy cunting shit, does everything need to be a fight with you people? ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/133 "2013-01-17T02:25:44Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > If I could launch tactical SBDs, I would go out all the goddamned time > > For what it’s worth, I am a New Yorker, have gone to a shitload of movies in my life, and have heard the request to slide down a seat countless times. I have never, ever heard someone refuse. > > I also can’t imagine getting a seat a half hour early and then having to endure a half hour of trailers, commercials, and retarded reminders to turn off your cell phone. Is there really no more valuable way for you to spend your time? Time Out New York has all sorts of free event listings, even the most pretentious of which is still probably an improvement over sitting in a bedbug-infested AMC waiting for a mediocre movie. If you are here in NYC, you know it was rainy and cold last night. On top of that, I had wanted to go to the movies for a few weeks, and this was the first time I could. If I had known I was not going to like the movie, I would not of gone… ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/134 "2013-01-17T02:32:52Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Preach it, brother. Indeed. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/135 "2013-01-17T02:33:50Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > Also note I was asking that one particular poster, and it was out of curiosity. Holy cunting shit, does everything need to be a fight with you people? Welcome to the SDMB. I hope you enjoy your stay here. To answer your original question: I don’t care, because that’s not the scenario we are discussing. If my comments seemed to you to indicate that I was talking about an empty-theater situation, I wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/136 "2013-01-17T02:34:15Z")
Let me start by saying that I would have found some way to accommodate the folks, if only so I wouldn’t disrupt others during the movie or to be thought rude myself. But that said, some of these responses are cray-cray… > [@gracer](#): > > Meh. Moving wouldn’t have killed you (terrible viruses notwithstanding). A little human compassion and decency was too much to ask from you? You deserved their loud complaints and insults. > > \< snip \> No, sorry. No one _deserves_ to be insulted for simply refusing a request. There were other options and those people and their preference were not entitled to a prime viewing spot. Period. > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > It’s not a battle. Scooching over a seat isn’t the end of the world and would have saved everyone the annoyance of the distracting couple, but no, you decided to be petty and ruin the experience of everyone else in the theater who got to listen to you argue with the latecomers. No, the people who decided to ruin the movie for everyone else. They continued to harass the OP after their request was denied. They are the ones who made their problem everyone else’s. > [@RaftPeople](#): > > What do you think that means? “Sorry that you…”? > > There are a few people I know that say this, and they all have certain personality traits. Is it really necessary to impugn her character too simply because she made a different social faux pas than you would have? > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > \< snip \> > > And how do you know those people weren’t killing themselves to try and get to the theater early but got stuck in traffic, or their babysitter was late, or the waiter wouldn’t bring them their check quickly enough, or any other number of reasons why they may have been late. You automatically assumed the worst, and labeled them as feeling “entitled” for asking the couple hogging 4 seats to give two of them up. All of this might have very well been true. However, they weren’t late for brain surgery. This was a movie. Sucking it up and dealing with what life dishes out to you is the sign of an adult. If I’d have been in that situation and was late, I wouldn’t have ever even asked. If I had a companion that did, I’d have politely thanked them and walked away if they’d then have said no. Geesh, I get that this is the way things are done in general and, I repeat, I would’ve moved somehow. But the OP did nothing wrong. Not to mention, if the offending party were late for the start by 5 minutes, how late would that make them from the advertised start time? Don’t those accommodate the previews and such. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/137 "2013-01-17T02:34:24Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > If you are here in NYC, you know it was rainy and cold last night. > > On top of that, I had wanted to go to the movies for a few weeks, and this was the first time I could. If I had known I was not going to like the movie, I would not of gone… It’s already been pointed out, so this is probably pointless but “I would not of gone” is not what you mean. “I would not have gone” is what you mean. Knowing dopers, that is probably enough to set some people against you with no reference to who did what in the theater. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/138 "2013-01-17T02:36:29Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > 2 seats. There were 5 rows for them to choose from. But they had to get what they wanted, right? :rolleyes: Were they the shitty first 5 rows in the theater? Because most people find sitting that close uncomfortible. I’m not sure what you expect here. AT BEST you were just being stubborn to stick it to another couple of rude douches. But more likely, you were exercising your “right” to not follow society’s convention of sliding over so that couples or small groups can sit together in the theater. Probably because you took it as a personal affront that they even dared to ask you. It’s not like you made some sort of grand stand for human rights or something. ---
**Author:** ![l1I235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@l1I235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l1I235)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/139 "2013-01-17T02:38:11Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It’s already been pointed out, so this is probably pointless but “I would not of gone” is not what you mean. “I would not have gone” is what you mean. Knowing dopers, that is probably enough to set some people against you with no reference to who did what in the theater. Thank you jsgoddess. I struggle a little, and I am honestly sorry for any writing errors. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431/140 "2013-01-17T02:39:10Z")
> [@l1I235](#): > > If you are here in NYC, you know it was rainy and cold last night. > > On top of that, I had wanted to go to the movies for a few weeks, and this was the first time I could. If I had known I was not going to like the movie, I would not of gone… Yes, the weather has been awful for the last 24 hours. But last night, my plans to have sex with supermodels on the top floor of the Conde Nast building were thwarted by the subway incident at 125th street. I was annoyed at the sheer entitlement of it all so I pissed on a homeless person on my way home. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-giving-up-my-seat/647431.md?page=8)