# I'm not gonna choke her, cos I'm a NICE GUY **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 14, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540 "2003-04-14T02:33:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/1 "2003-04-14T02:33:05Z")
Okay, a sound out for all the other ‘nice guys’ in the world. We suck. An ex of mine, who became an ex because she cheated on me, was talking with me recently. The wounds are still fresh enough to be open, but we can at least be civil. The topic turns to mutual friends, and she mentions a couple we know who, we’re relatively certain, the guy is cheating on the girl. My ex starts talking about that couple’s infidelity, and she says, “Yeah, it’s pretty awful. No one deserves to be lied to like that.” There was a nice, icey thirty second pause. I wanted to reach across the table and choke her to death. But I didn’t. Cos I’m a nice guy. I forgive her, because I’m a nice guy. I’m considered ‘safe’, cos I’m a Nice Guy I’m looked at as a reliable one to talk to, maybe even cry at when things go wrong, but never to actually have a relationship with, because, (C’mon guys, sing the chorus with me) I’M A NICE GUY! YAY ME! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/2 "2003-04-14T02:39:33Z")
If you didn’t say anything about her blatant hypocrisy, that doesn’t make you a “nice guy”. Maybe girls don’t want to have a relationship with guys who will put up with shit like that without objecting. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/3 "2003-04-14T02:42:36Z")
Well you could have said something, you spineless pussy. Call her on her shit. Why cry yourself to sleep because “girls play games wah wah wah I pissed myself” yet not do anything about the whole game-playing scenario? Admittedly nobody in their right minds would want a girl who’d cheated on them back, but at least you could have gotten some respect. Although it seems like you don’t have too much for yourself, Captain Self-Pity McWhinerton von Sookyville. Seriously. Use some biting wit and cunning invective to scythe their tubby asses down to size. Or not, and continue crying about how unfair life is because no girls like you. Here’s a tip - be a fucking man and stand up for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/4 "2003-04-14T02:42:59Z")
You definitely should have said something. “Are you fucking kidding me?” leaps to mind… ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/5 "2003-04-14T02:49:16Z")
See? The first girl that came in here set you straight. Nobody will give you any respect if you just stand there and absorb shit like some turd Kleenex, least of all a cuddly sexy femme. So, go rent a couple of movies that will teach you how to fake confidence or something. None of that Swingers shit, try acting like James Bond. The key is confidence and self-assurance. Fake it till you make it. And remember - nobody loves a whiny ass submissive crybaby. As the male, you are supposed to be “in control” of the relationship. You choose whether or not you’re going to go out with her, you choose where you’re going for the first date, you choose whether to try and buy her affection with flowers and chocolates or whether you’re going to prove yourself by being a real person, not a portable wallet. You can also choose to keep crying about it and never improve. Your call. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/6 "2003-04-14T03:50:33Z")
C’mon. You can share with us. We’re all friends here, sort of. The real reason you didn’t choke her to death was because you were peeved you didn’t have a mouthful of hot coffee to spew all over her when she made the inane comment. Right? ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/7 "2003-04-14T03:58:39Z")
…or maybe you didn’t choke her because you thought you might just still have a chance of getting her into bed…? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/8 "2003-04-14T04:05:39Z")
There are times when someone says something so spectacularly stupid that the only appropriate response is to just leave it hanging there until they cannot help but see the stupidity. I suspect that this was one of those times. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/9 "2003-04-14T04:07:49Z")
Ah, the old “Nice guys never get the girl!” myth. I am so sick of this shit. ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/10 "2003-04-14T04:09:32Z")
Hmmmm…makes me wonder if you even told her _why_ she was now an _ex_… ---
**Author:** ![fishcrawford](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/85f322/32.png) [@fishcrawford](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishcrawford)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/11 "2003-04-14T04:12:30Z")
Listen to Adam Sandlers song “Medium Pace” and “Fuckin Wasted”; repeat. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/12 "2003-04-14T04:27:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Ah, the old “Nice guys never get the girl!” myth. > > I am so sick of this shit. \*\* No, he _had_ the girl. Girl fucked around. He and girl split. Pay attention! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/13 "2003-04-14T04:48:31Z")
GRRRRR, I’m with Guin!! Not another “poor nice guy” whine!!! I stated something to this effect in the other current “nice guys never get the girl (or variations thereof)” but once again, some “nice guy” is confused about what “being nice” means. Being nice is when you help your buddies move. Being nice is opening the door for a lady. etc etc etc. In other words, “being nice” is part of what it means to be a basic decent human being to your fellow human beings (hint, it’s NOT being a doormat in the hopes that you might get laid). It’s not really anything special, it’s what everyone “should” do, you know? The old Golden Rule? Obviously, in this world, not everyone does. And this is where “nice” guys come in and say “but I’m ‘nice’, why can’t _I_ get/keep the girl”? “Nice guys” are confusing “being nice” with being spineless doormats. You would have been well within your rights to call this girl upon the carpet, and STILL kept your “nice guy” standing. What you did wasn’t “being nice”. It was being non-confrontational. There is no reason on earth for you not to have called her on her hypocrisy. To just stand by and take it (without ‘choking her’) is not the definition of “nice guy”. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/14 "2003-04-14T04:52:07Z")
PS, My current boyfriend is one of those “nice guys-always the big brother/homework helper/buddy/shoulder to cry upon, never got the girls” geeks. I worship the ground upon which he walks!!! Many, many of the girls on my Romance Advice website also are girls who love geeks. So see? It’s not true. “Nice guys” DO get the girl. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/15 "2003-04-14T05:08:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by j\_kat\_251 \* > \*\*Here’s a tip - be a fucking man and stand up for yourself. \*\* I’m so glad you’re here to tell the rest of us exactly how a “real man” is supposed to behave. :rolleyes: To the OP: She’s a bitch. She’s not worth your time, not even the time it would take to choke her. I wish I could be more helpful than that. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/16 "2003-04-14T05:09:12Z")
Um. You were a nice guy in a relationship. She was a bad girl in the same relationship with a piece on the side. Y’all broke up due to this incompatability. Why you would waste a breath on her after this–with the exception perhaps of samarm’s theory–is anyone’s guess. She was hurtful to you when you were involved romantically. Why did you think she’s going to be different as a friend? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/17 "2003-04-14T05:15:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by samarm \* > \*\*…or maybe you didn’t choke her because you thought you might just still have a chance of getting her into bed…? 🙂 \*\* And **samarm** nails it. Be honest. The reason you were talking to her at all was that you have hope in the back of your mind that she will want you again. That she will see you for the sweetheart you really are deep down inside and realize the error of her ways… It won’t work. The moment she uttered those words, you should have walked away from her. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/18 "2003-04-14T05:16:51Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m so glad you’re here to tell the rest of us exactly how a “real man” is supposed to behave. No problem. You didn’t miss anything, did you? I can go over it again. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/19 "2003-04-14T05:28:07Z")
Jesus Christ, j\_kat, stop being such a fucking bitch and cut the guy some slack! Your making a whole bunch of assumptions about his situation, without really knowing jack shit about what the full story is. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540/20 "2003-04-14T05:58:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Ah, the old “Nice guys never get the girl!” myth. > > I am so sick of this shit. It’s the fucking truth though. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-choke-her-cos-im-a-nice-guy/168540.md?page=2)