# I'm Not Gonna Run the War! YOU Run the War! I'm Not Gonna Do It! Let's Get Mikey!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 11, 2007, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671 "2007-04-11T17:46:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/1 "2007-04-11T17:46:52Z")
[Nobody wants to be in charge of the war for some reason.](http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/11/the_skinny/main2670807.shtml)
> [@](#):
>
> The Bush administration is seeking a “war czar” to oversee the U.S. efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan. But so far, the Washington Post reports, it’s having a hard time finding anyone willing to take the job.
>
> At least three retired four-star generals, the Post says, have been approached by the White House, but all declined to be considered for the high-powered position, highlighting the administration’s problems in convincing “top recruits to join the team after five years of warfare that have taxed the United States and its military.”
Hmm. I wonder why they’re asking retired generals? Have all the active duty generals turned the job down already?
> [@](#):
>
> One of those who spurned the job, retired Marine Gen. John J. “Jack” Sheehan, was outspoken about his reasons for turning it down.
>
> “The very fundamental issue is, they don’t know where the hell they’re going,” said Sheehan, a former top NATO commander. Sheehan said he believes that hawks like Vice President Cheney have more influence in the White House than those looking for a way out of Iraq. "So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, ‘No, thanks.’ "
Well, I’ve never heard of a Marine soldier who wasn’t direct in his speech, and it seems the same is true of Marine generals.
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### Author:  [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/2 "2007-04-11T17:54:24Z")
With the surge making fabulous progress and the Iraqis loving what we do , I’ll take the job. Perhaps if we waited the dreaded 6 months ,then we will get oodles of generals wanting the easy job and high retirement.
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### Author:  [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/3 "2007-04-11T18:08:01Z")
So, don’t we have a guy in charge of the Defense Department already? Perhaps we should create a special office for one man to be the commander of all military forces. We could call him the Commander in Chief, or something like that.
Tris
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### Author:  [@DustyButt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DustyButt)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/4 "2007-04-11T18:10:15Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan]
[Nobody wants to be in charge of the war for some reason.](http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/11/the_skinny/main2670807.shtml)Hmm. I wonder why they’re asking retired generals? Have all the active duty generals turned the job down already?
Well, I’ve never heard of a Marine soldier who wasn’t direct in his speech, and it seems the same is true of Marine generals.
[/QUOTE]
OH ALL RIGHT!!!
I’ll do it. But, there are several things I’ll need…
– several thousand troops at my hand. They’ll all wear white armour and helmets with black eye pieces.
– full access to all DARPA technologies.
– a suit… a black mechanized suit… oh yeah, with a black helmet.
I can see it now (background begins to swirl)…
The officer sneers back at DustyButt, mocking him: “Don’t try to frighten us with your ways, DustyButt. Your sad devotion to those ancient tactics has not helped you conjure up their WMD’s or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebel’s hidden fortress…”
Raising one black armored fist, DustyButt gives the skeptical officer a demonstration of his powers… he begins to strangle the hell out of the officer: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” President Bush commands DustyButt to release the choking grip: “Enough of this! D.B., Let his ass go!”
DustyButt complies and the officer collapses.
Wha!?.. Huh???
Oh sorry.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/5 "2007-04-11T18:25:03Z")
[QUOTE=Triskadecamus]
We could call him the Commander in Chief, or something like that.
[/QUOTE]
Would he be above or below the Decider? Because we’ve already got one of those. Turns out his job is to sit in his office and say No to people. Cuz Deciding stuff is Hard Work.
Seems to me a Commander in Chief would butt heads with the Decider. Maybe not such a good idea.
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### Author:  [@DustyButt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DustyButt)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/6 "2007-04-11T18:26:21Z")
So is there an ad in the Washington Post?
**"SCAPEGOAT NEEDED:"**
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### Author:  [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/7 "2007-04-11T18:44:28Z")
[It’s more than just the generals.](http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2007/04/11/west_point_grads_exit_service_at_high_rate/?page=full)
> [@](#):
>
> WASHINGTON – Recent graduates of the US Military Academy at West Point are choosing to leave active duty at the highest rate in more than three decades, a sign to many military specialists that repeated tours in Iraq are prematurely driving out some of the Army’s top young officers.
>
> According to statistics compiled by West Point, of the 903 Army officers commissioned upon graduation in 2001, nearly 46 percent left the service last year – 35 percent at the conclusion of their five years of required service, and another 11 percent over the next six months. And more than 54 percent of the 935 graduates in the class of 2000 had left active duty by this January, the statistics show.
>
> The figures mark the lowest retention rate of graduates after the completion of their mandatory duty since at least 1977, with the exception of members of three classes in the late 1980s who were encouraged to leave as the military downsized following the end of the Cold War.
>
> …
>
> The rising exodus is blamed on a number of factors, including the economic lure of the private sector. But interviews with former West Point superintendents, graduates, and retired officers pointed to another reason: the wear and tear on officers and their families from multiple deployments.
>
> “Iraq is exerting very strong influence on the career intentions of junior officers,” said retired Lieutenant General Daniel Christman, a former superintendent of West Point, who recently outlined the war’s toll on young officers in a speech to West Point alumni in North Carolina.
>
> …
>
> But the Iraq War itself, with its repeated tours of duty and often-shifting military objectives, appears to have dissuaded more graduates than in recent history from continuing their military careers – even as the Army has stressed that West Point training has become more important in an era of high-tech warfare.
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### Author:  [@Sock\_of\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_of_Doom)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/8 "2007-04-11T18:57:39Z")
[“Mikey”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gilchrist_%28actor%29) seems to be under-qualified. But that hasn’t stopped the administration yet!
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/9 "2007-04-11T19:11:21Z")
[QUOTE=Synthetically Organic]
[“Mikey”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gilchrist_%28actor%29) seems to be under-qualified. But that hasn’t stopped the administration yet!
[/QUOTE]
Hey, if a former actor can be President and a horse judge can run FEMA. . .
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### Author:  [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/10 "2007-04-11T19:25:02Z")
The job doesn’t have enough challenge to be appealing, what with the insurgency in their death throes.
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### Author:  [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/11 "2007-04-11T21:48:21Z")
“War Czar”!!! We all know what happens to Czars… :dubious:
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### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/12 "2007-04-11T21:55:30Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan]
Well, I’ve never heard of a Marine soldier
[/QUOTE]
I haven’t, either.
Marines aren’t supposed to be called “soldiers”, and they will be swift to let you know that. They’re Marines. I found this out the hard way. 😛
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/13 "2007-04-11T22:25:19Z")
[QUOTE=NinetyWt]
I haven’t, either.
Marines aren’t supposed to be called “soldiers”, and they will be swift to let you know that. They’re Marines. I found this out the hard way. 😛
[/QUOTE]
If you _really_ want to have some “fun,” ask them if that’s because none of them know how to spell “bullet catcher.” (Make sure you have your escape route well planned out in advance before you do this, though. :eek: )
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### Author:  [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/14 "2007-04-12T01:00:32Z")
[QUOTE=ratatoskK]
“War Czar”!!! We all know what happens to Czars… :dubious:
[/QUOTE]
This is the 21st century! Shouldn’t we be looking for a “War Czar” or “War Czar_ina_”?
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/15 "2007-04-12T01:23:19Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem]
The job doesn’t have enough challenge to be appealing, what with the insurgency in their death throes.
[/QUOTE]
We’ll find those weapons of mass destruction any day now.
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### Author:  [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/16 "2007-04-12T03:14:33Z")
Note that the “Czar” would be in charge in name only. All the decisions would still be made by Cheney&Co as usual. It’s just like Tom Ridge wasn’t actually running Homeland Security.
All the blame and no ability to fix anything. And they are surprised people aren’t lining up for this dream job?
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### Author:  [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/17 "2007-04-12T03:44:10Z")
Funny about no military wanting to fall on swords these days, innit?
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/18 "2007-04-12T03:49:43Z")
[QUOTE=ftg]
Note that the “Czar” would be in charge in name only. All the decisions would still be made by Cheney&Co as usual. It’s just like Tom Ridge wasn’t actually running Homeland Security.
All the blame and no ability to fix anything. And they are surprised people aren’t lining up for this dream job?
[/QUOTE]
Well, shit. Give it to _me_ then. Hell, I ought to be able to parlay the job into the CEO position of some defense contractor or something. Then I can run that into the ground, bail with a golden parachute and retire to a tropical island filled with half-nekkid wimmins.
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### Author:  [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/19 "2007-04-12T04:52:34Z")
We need a “Czar Czar” whose mission it is to locate potential Czars.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2007, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/20 "2007-04-12T05:13:05Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy]
We need a “Czar Czar” whose mission it is to locate potential Czars.
[/QUOTE]
With any luck, he’ll be named Ozzy, and we can build a statue to him. Complete with inscription, "My name is Ozzy, Czar of Czars. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair ! "
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671.md?page=2)