# I'm Not Gonna Run the War! YOU Run the War! I'm Not Gonna Do It! Let's Get Mikey! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2007, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671 "2007-04-11T17:46:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/21 "2007-04-12T11:37:02Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] We’ll find those weapons of mass destruction any day now. [/QUOTE] Of course. It’s not a failure, it’s a success that hasn’t happened yet. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/22 "2007-04-12T15:07:48Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy] We need a “Czar Czar” whose mission it is to locate potential Czars. [/QUOTE] Are there any more Gabor sisters left? She could be “czar czar Gabor”. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/23 "2007-04-12T15:21:29Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy] We need a “Czar Czar” whose mission it is to locate potential Czars. [/QUOTE] Wouldn’t that make her/him the Czar of Czar Radar ? ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/24 "2007-04-12T18:21:31Z")
HELP WANTED: Multi-trillion dollar organization is seeking a War Czar on a temporary basis to implement a multi-billion dollar military operation and provide a buffer for those who are truly accountable. Willingness to be scapegoated and the unwavering ability to say “yes” to your civilian superiors a must. Military experience preferred, but we are desperate. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/25 "2007-04-12T20:24:23Z")
Rob Schneider was an animal. Then he was a woman. And now Rob Schneider is… a war czar! And he’s about to find out… that being a government scape goat… is harder than it looks. Rob Schneider is… The War Czar. Rated PG-13 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/26 "2007-04-12T21:47:40Z")
[QUOTE=Snooooopy] We need a “Czar Czar” whose mission it is to locate potential Czars. [/QUOTE] And to do it he’d have to go on a “Czar Trek.” ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/27 "2007-04-12T22:01:41Z")
I should have mentioned earlier that the Czar Czar would be given the latitude to also hunt for Tsars, Tzars, Csars and – if the Wikipedia entry is to be believed – Zars. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/28 "2007-04-12T22:17:58Z")
As usual, [The Onion is way ahead of the curve.](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41444) > [@](#): > > **Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country** > October 12, 2005 > WASHINGTON, DC—In response to increasing criticism of his handling of the war in Iraq and the disaster in the Gulf Coast, as well as other issues, such as Social Security reform, the national deficit, and rising gas prices, President Bush is expected to appoint someone to run the U.S. as soon as Friday. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/29 "2007-04-12T22:27:07Z")
Ed McMahon should be looking on **Czar Search**. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2007, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/30 "2007-04-12T23:05:01Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] With any luck, he’ll be named Ozzy, and we can build a statue to him. Complete with inscription, "My name is Ozzy, Czar of Czars. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair ! " [/QUOTE] At this point, I’d take Ozzy Osbourne. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/31 "2007-04-13T01:20:05Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] And to do it he’d have to go on a “Czar Trek.” [/QUOTE] With your member name, we expect no less. 😃 ( Where’s that Spock head emoticon when you need it?? ) ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/32 "2007-04-13T01:57:40Z")
[QUOTE=Cartooniverse] With your member name, we expect no less. 😃 ( Where’s that Spock head emoticon when you need it?? ) [/QUOTE] Could we get Spock’s Brain to get us out of Iraq? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/33 "2007-04-13T02:58:23Z")
Can’t the President just visit Oprah? “You get a czar! And you get a czar! And _you_ get a czar!” ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/34 "2007-04-13T03:09:15Z")
[QUOTE=Synthetically Organic] [“Mikey”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gilchrist_%28actor%29) seems to be under-qualified. But that hasn’t stopped the administration yet! [/QUOTE] Fwiw - John is actually a friend of mine. Seriously. I haven’t asked him who should run the war, but I will make it a point to next time I see him… ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/35 "2007-04-13T03:25:24Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem] Are there any more Gabor sisters left? She could be “czar czar Gabor”. [/QUOTE] Yes, **Zsa Zsa** Gabor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/36 "2007-04-13T03:58:52Z")
Now would be a good time for the President to make a grand gesture, to reach across the aisle and clasp hands with the opposition and appoint … John Kerry. Seriously. Didn’t he say he had a plan? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/37 "2007-04-13T04:44:15Z")
[QUOTE=Rufus Xavier] Now would be a good time for the President to make a grand gesture, to reach across the aisle and clasp hands with the opposition and appoint … John Kerry. Seriously. Didn’t he say he had a plan? [/QUOTE] IIRC, Kerry’s plan consisted of “When the Iraqis stand up, our forces will stand down.” :rolleyes: (If his plan consisted of more than that, then I apologize, but that’s all I seem to remember him saying during the campaign.) ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/38 "2007-04-13T07:16:21Z")
Is this one of those jobs that no American citizen wants? If you don’t mind an illegal inmmigrant I can take it. I am plenty qualified for doing nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/39 "2007-04-13T08:22:32Z")
[QUOTE=Synthetically Organic] [“Mikey”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gilchrist_%28actor%29) seems to be under-qualified. But that hasn’t stopped the administration yet! [/QUOTE] Well, if they got [Mikey](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Teutul) from OCC to run the show, both the iraqis and the occupying troops would have been so annoyed within the week that they had left the country. Aah, job well done 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671/40 "2007-04-13T09:44:14Z")
Dennis Hopper would be a GREAT warlord! I see this as very much a reprise of his role in _Waterworld_, commander of the cigarette tanker. He probably already has the leathers and eyepatch to make a really cool outfit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-gonna-run-the-war-you-run-the-war-im-not-gonna-do-it-lets-get-mikey/399671.md?page=3)