# I'm not looking for Prince Charming, I'm looking for Prince... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 31, 2018, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800 "2018-10-31T20:07:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/41 "2018-11-01T17:17:08Z")
I also clean our bathrooms, mostly because I don’t think it is that big a deal. I was a kennel boy for my dad the veterinarian, so poop doesn’t bother me, so scrubbing the toilet is just another chore. So maybe I am Prince Toilet Brush. The only hard line I draw is that my wife doesn’t get to be Queen Tell Me How to Do It. The tub, sink, toilet, floor and mirrors are clean, and there are fresh towels and your make-up and various magic beauty potions are put back neatly on the shelf where they belong. What I did with the towels before I threw them in the laundry is Not Your Concern. The mirror and the floor are clean, aren’t they? You’re welcome. Now drop it. I am also Prince Cook on the Weekends, Shovel the Snow, Rake the Leaves, Trim the Trees and Bushes, Earn Most of the Money, and Kill the Big Bugs. That’s our version of “happily ever after”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/42 "2018-11-01T17:22:36Z")
To give some context, I keep wanting to do a “Modern Cinderella” costume, but forget until the day before Halloween. The idea started with just dressing in ratty clothes and wearing only one shoe. Then I decided I needed a cheap kiddie tiara (which I have, if I can find it), a couple of stuffed mice and one of the mini pumpkins to carry around. But since I rant about how bad “Charming” is as an attribute for a potential spouse, I decided I also need a shirt that says “Forget Prince Charming, I want Prince …”, but I haven’t thought of a good way to end that. Nava is winning so far with “Forget Prince Charming, I want Prince Likes My Crazy”. I’m amused at the guys who are upset at the idea that I would want someone who does housework. What’s your problem? Do you think I should be doing all the housework? Or do you think that I want the guy to do all the housework? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/43 "2018-11-01T17:29:10Z")
The last; a lot of people split housework by whole tasks. I like the system I used to have with my brothers: any task was rotated among those who were qualified to do it. But that only works if the people doing it are capable of accepting the way the other people do it, and if when someone does make a mistake everybody has the maturity and serenity to solve the issue without turning a dropped glass into high drama. ---
**Author:** ![johnod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dc4da7/32.png) [@johnod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnod)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/44 "2018-11-01T18:07:22Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > To give some context, I keep wanting to do a “Modern Cinderella” costume, but forget until the day before Halloween. > > The idea started with just dressing in ratty clothes and wearing only one shoe. Then I decided I needed a cheap kiddie tiara (which I have, if I can find it), a couple of stuffed mice and one of the mini pumpkins to carry around. > > But since I rant about how bad “Charming” is as an attribute for a potential spouse, I decided I also need a shirt that says “Forget Prince Charming, I want Prince …”, but I haven’t thought of a good way to end that. > > Nava is winning so far with “Forget Prince Charming, I want Prince Likes My Crazy”. > > I’m amused at the guys who are upset at the idea that I would want someone who does housework. What’s your problem? Do you think I should be doing all the housework? Or do you think that I want the guy to do all the housework? I changed one word in your original post, Prince, to Princess. Care to guess at all the moral outrage, indignation, and ranting about what a horrible human I am , had I posted the below? I’m not looking for a Princess Charming, I’m looking for Princess … * * * Cleans the House … Washes the Dishes … Changes Diapers … What should we really be looking for in a Princess? ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/45 "2018-11-01T18:12:39Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Who’s cleaning the toilets at your house? It’s nice you do this or that, and it’s def a contribution to the cause. But, to my mind, if you’re not doing 50% of the toilet scrubbing, your ‘contribution’ is hardly ‘equitable’. My wife does the majority of the toilet scrubbing but I do 100% of the toilet/plumbing repairs. I’d be happy to take up more scrubbing if she’s willing to disassemble the pipes and work the electric rooter but I doubt she’ll bite at that deal after watching me last time. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/46 "2018-11-01T18:17:55Z")
I don’t mind but my family has a streak of ocd and im mr "good enough " for me … so I mostly leave it to them…… that and I have issues with housework as “chores” ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/47 "2018-11-01T18:42:18Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Fifteen beagles? Wow! Since they’re not pets, they’re obviously not kept in your home. Do you have a kennel building? > > Sorry. Off-topic but fascinating. > > On topic: Charming-schmarming. I’d go for kind. Yes,they are in a nice kennel that rivals some teenagers bedrooms. The indoor part is heated when necessary. Beagles have to sleep up off the ground for some mysterious reason so the sleeping thing is on a platform . It has timed automatic feeders and water trough. The only time I get involved is if there are puppies expected. I keep my eye on the expecting moms. The beagle I have in the house was orphaned and I hand reared her. She’s my 4th child. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/48 "2018-11-01T18:57:27Z")
> [@johnod](#): > > I changed one word in your original post, Prince, to Princess. > > Care to guess at all the moral outrage, indignation, and ranting about what a horrible human I am , had I posted the below? > > I’m not looking for a Princess Charming, I’m looking for Princess … > > * * * > > Cleans the House > … > > Washes the Dishes > … > > Changes Diapers > … > What should we really be looking for in a Princess? Only the actual correspondence (one taking into account how the “stick prince” and “stick princess” in tales are named\*, and the stereotypical gender-splits of tasks) would have been more along the lines of: I’m not looking for a Princess… I’m looking for a wife who will Kill Spiders … Manage Our Finances … Move The Sofa … …what should we really look for in a wife? - When the Prince is not the central character but is the central female character’s rescuer and eventual spouse, in English he gets to be Prince Charming (in other languages they get different names, for example in Spanish he’s the Blue Prince). When the Princess is the prize given to the central male character, why, she’s just the Princess. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/49 "2018-11-01T19:09:09Z")
Fifteen Hunting Beagles. :eek: I thought I had it bad. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/50 "2018-11-01T19:14:05Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Fifteen beagles? Wow! Since they’re not pets, they’re obviously not kept in your home. Do you have a kennel building? > > Sorry. Off-topic but fascinating. > > On topic: Charming-schmarming. I’d go for kind. > [@Gatopescado](#): > > Fifteen Hunting Beagles. :eek: > > I thought I had it bad. Dude, you have the life of Riley. Weenie dogs and beer. Couldn’t get any better. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/51 "2018-11-01T20:39:29Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I am honestly and sincerely impressed. Not a lot of men do actual toilet scrubbing, just as few women do all the yardwork and shovelling. Just an example I know, but that’s how things got sorted with us. The Missus likes the lawn to be shorter than I do, so she cuts it before it strikes me as something to do. And the leaves trigger her OCD so she’s the one raking, sweeping, sorting, and stacking the things before folding them neatly and sliding them into labeled trash bags. Just kidding, she doesn’t label the bags. And between my mom and The Army I can’t abide a bearded toilet or grubby tub. I really don’t get the revulsion of cleaning the bathroom. Shit washes off, and if you know what you’re about it tends not to get on you in the first place. As chores go, it has one of the best satisfaction/effort ratios in the house. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/52 "2018-11-01T20:46:13Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Male, married 5 years, together 10ish. We have 2 girls - 3 month old and 3 years old. And two dogs. This topic is always the biggest point of contention between us. > > I do all the cooking. When we first started dating and eventually living together she helped more often but still it was 90% me. This year, in my wife’s annual “bucket list” that she makes for herself each new year she added an item to cook a meal for her family once a month. Yes, cooking one meal once a month is what she considers “bucket list”. Yes, it pisses me off that the best she could offer was one meal, once a month for a family of 3 (the newborn doesn’t count as she’d not eat it). This lasted until April. 4 meals in 4 months. Not once since. > > We own a 4500+ square foot home, 5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths. Keeping a house of this size clean isn’t a small task. I do nearly all the cleaning, outside of a token half-assed effort for a day or two that she may put in after a large argument over the inequity in work managing our household. Yes, that also includes cleaning the bathrooms - scrubbing toilets, scrubbing shower walls/grout, cleaning mirrors and sink basins. A couple years ago, her solution to this constant pain point between us was to hire a cleaning service to come in once a month without any discussion with me first. Great, sorta. From what I see, this now gives her even further excuse to do nothing at all the rest of the month because “we have cleaners”. Secondly, I had no problem with hiring cleaners IF between the two of us and with the kids we could not keep up with the housekeeping but that was never tried because she won’t do her share of the housework. She sees hiring monthly cleaners as solving a problem. I see it as her just finding a way absolve herself of any responsibility for the work needed to maintain the home. > > I also do all the laundry. All of it. > > I also pay all the household bills, with exception of the monthly house cleaning, from our joint account. A joint account where none of her money is located. I earn more than her so I don’t expect a 50/50 split in household expenses. She is also a college educated professional earning a 6-figure salary. She recently also took on daycare costs with the addition of our 2nd, which is not an insignificant amount, but there has been at least 7 years prior to kids where again i shouldered nearly all of the “shared expenses” of living together. > > Oh, and you know… we don’t have sex with any frequency at all. > > Do you hear the years of built up resentment? > > You want Prince Charming? I want a reasonably equitable relationship where I don’t feel like “the hired help”. What I have is “The Worst Roommate Ever”. If it wasn’t for our girls, I would probably have pulled the plug by now and I still worry that is exactly where we’ll end up anyway. I don’t want that, if no other reason at this point than for what it would do to our girls. I still love her, I want to be her husband. But I’m just so tired of this situation. The irony is that if any of my wife’s female friends went through these same complaints above about their husbands, every single one of them would sympathize and vilify the bastard of a boyfriend/husband. > > MeanJoe Can’t you sit down with her and iron out a mutual contract? What DOES she do now: get the kids fed, bathed, dressed, to bed, etc? Factor that in. Also factor in which one of you works longer hours at a job. And if you don’t have a joint account that’s truly joint, then don’t have one at all and work out who pays for what with an eye on who contributes most percentage-wise. And what’s the deal with having a cleaning service only once a month? She has a 6-figure salary and you earn more than she does, so why don’t you have a cleaning service that comes in weekly? If it’s because you believe two adults who work full time and have two tiny children should be able to keep an enormous house clean, you might want to let that go. If she’s paying for the cleaning service out of her account and doesn’t want to spend more, she needs to rethink that. Honestly, if you can swing having a lot of the work you’ve taken on solo done by professionals, wouldn’t it be worth it to reduce your resentment? It’d give you more time to spend with the kids and with each other, and it’s a whole lot better than divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/53 "2018-11-01T20:53:27Z")
> [@johnod](#): > > I changed one word in your original post, Prince, to Princess. > > Care to guess at all the moral outrage, indignation, and ranting about what a horrible human I am , had I posted the below? > > I’m not looking for a Princess Charming, I’m looking for Princess … > > * * * > > Cleans the House > … > > Washes the Dishes > … > > Changes Diapers > … > What should we really be looking for in a Princess? But those are the traditional female roles in most of the world. Looking for a woman who does those means you are looking for a woman who accepts the tradition female role. Looking for a man who does those, means you are looking for a man who is willing to do what is needed despite traditional roles. Change your post to something like “Mows the lawn… takes out the trash… etc.” and see how it changes again. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/54 "2018-11-01T20:54:53Z")
Mr.Wrekker is the best handy man a person could have. He can fix about anything. The problem is everyone knows he can do it and is willing to come help. And he’s cheap, like a sixpack will cover it. When he’s home he is inundated with requests. He just rarely says ‘no’. I tell him all the time he’s spreading himself thin. He gets some kinda positive feedback, so he keeps on. He’s a nice guy. OTOH, he has never cleaned a toilet or washed a dish. He can fix a washing machine but he doesn’t have a clue how to turn it on. We do yard work together, except mowing, that’s all him. I am not really safe with heavy equipment. Right now I have a peck basket full of tulip bulbs that need planting. He will come home from the deer camp sometime this weekend and he will run the tiller for my flower beds, then I will plant them. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/55 "2018-11-01T21:09:38Z")
[twisted bowel](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=864789). Hey, it’s right below this one! ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/56 "2018-11-02T02:47:27Z")
Page 2, and this is the first mention of back rubs? ---
**Author:** ![johnod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dc4da7/32.png) [@johnod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnod)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/57 "2018-11-02T03:04:58Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Male, married 5 years, together 10ish. We have 2 girls - 3 month old and 3 years old. And two dogs. This topic is always the biggest point of contention between us. > > I do all the cooking. When we first started dating and eventually living together she helped more often but still it was 90% me. This year, in my wife’s annual “bucket list” that she makes for herself each new year she added an item to cook a meal for her family once a month. Yes, cooking one meal once a month is what she considers “bucket list”. Yes, it pisses me off that the best she could offer was one meal, once a month for a family of 3 (the newborn doesn’t count as she’d not eat it). This lasted until April. 4 meals in 4 months. Not once since. > > We own a 4500+ square foot home, 5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths. Keeping a house of this size clean isn’t a small task. I do nearly all the cleaning, outside of a token half-assed effort for a day or two that she may put in after a large argument over the inequity in work managing our household. Yes, that also includes cleaning the bathrooms - scrubbing toilets, scrubbing shower walls/grout, cleaning mirrors and sink basins. A couple years ago, her solution to this constant pain point between us was to hire a cleaning service to come in once a month without any discussion with me first. Great, sorta. From what I see, this now gives her even further excuse to do nothing at all the rest of the month because “we have cleaners”. Secondly, I had no problem with hiring cleaners IF between the two of us and with the kids we could not keep up with the housekeeping but that was never tried because she won’t do her share of the housework. She sees hiring monthly cleaners as solving a problem. I see it as her just finding a way absolve herself of any responsibility for the work needed to maintain the home. > > I also do all the laundry. All of it. > > I also pay all the household bills, with exception of the monthly house cleaning, from our joint account. A joint account where none of her money is located. I earn more than her so I don’t expect a 50/50 split in household expenses. She is also a college educated professional earning a 6-figure salary. She recently also took on daycare costs with the addition of our 2nd, which is not an insignificant amount, but there has been at least 7 years prior to kids where again i shouldered nearly all of the “shared expenses” of living together. > > Oh, and you know… we don’t have sex with any frequency at all. > > Do you hear the years of built up resentment? > > You want Prince Charming? I want a reasonably equitable relationship where I don’t feel like “the hired help”. What I have is “The Worst Roommate Ever”. If it wasn’t for our girls, I would probably have pulled the plug by now and I still worry that is exactly where we’ll end up anyway. I don’t want that, if no other reason at this point than for what it would do to our girls. I still love her, I want to be her husband. But I’m just so tired of this situation. The irony is that if any of my wife’s female friends went through these same complaints above about their husbands, every single one of them would sympathize and vilify the bastard of a boyfriend/husband. > > MeanJoe You couldn’t see this coming in the five years together, before you got married? That seems hard to believe. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/58 "2018-11-02T04:50:41Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Only the actual correspondence (one taking into account how the “stick prince” and “stick princess” in tales are named\*, and the stereotypical gender-splits of tasks) would have been more along the lines of: > > I’m not looking for a Princess… I’m looking for a wife who will > > Kill Spiders > … > > Manage Our Finances > … > > Move The Sofa > … > > …what should we really look for in a wife? I’m Princess Carries-Spiders-Gently-To-The-Backyard-Where-They-Can-Live-Happily-Eating-Flies, mother to Princess I-will-lift-the-HEAVY-end-of-the-sofa-and-if-you-try-to-stop-me-I-will-FIGHT-YOU! What do we win? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/59 "2018-11-02T05:43:13Z")
An invitation to a couple weeks in Spain helping me move the furniture so I can be Princess Paints The House. Whenever you’re not moving furniture you get to visit Barcelona, take the day trip bus to Montserrat and the Colonia Güell (really, best bus daytrip one can take from Barcelona), or a train to Castelldefells (great beach) or Sitges (beach, shops and modernisme). And I’ve been wanting to go back to Besalú for-ever but would love to share it with someone, wanna come? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rat\_avatar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rat_avatar/32/255_2.png) [@rat\_avatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rat_avatar)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800/60 "2018-11-02T06:02:46Z")
IMHO the title should be changed to “I’m looking for _Partner_” As I am a man it has been slightly challenging to explain this early in relationships. It did make me think of this song by Garfunkel and Oates - 50/50 by Garfunkel and Oates [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/YCKpJkplwoU/maxresdefault.jpg "50/50 by Garfunkel and Oates") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCKpJkplwoU) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-not-looking-for-prince-charming-im-looking-for-prince/823800.md?page=4)